


Blind Hindsight

by Miajah



Series: Seer [2]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Adamant Fortress, Ancient Elves (Dragon Age), Angst and Fluff and Smut, Arlathan, Battle, Drama & Romance, Established Relationship, F/M, Modern Girl in Thedas, Spirits, Time Travel, Young Solas, slight AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2018-08-15
Packaged: 2018-10-30 04:53:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 134,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10869510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miajah/pseuds/Miajah
Summary: The siege of Adamant wasn't meant to be simple or straight forward, it wasn't meant to be pleasant. This was war. Bloody and harrowing. But whatever it was supposed to be, Ivy didn't foresee this at all.She lost everyone.How the hell are you supposed to come back from that?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This work is a part of a series, I strongly suggest you read Sight and Silence first (part one).

Perched on a rock in the middle of the desert Captain Ivy Volkev, Advisor and Seer to the Inquisition, swore profusely and swatted at the lingering insects that buzzed around her hood, setting a great example for the team of scouts she was leading.

The Western Approach was mostly heat and sand broken up by a few natural caves and remnants of old empires, edging a vast desert that was uninhabitable and the Abyssal Rift which was believed to reach the Deep Roads. Few people came this way; bandits, scattered Venatori troops.

The one thing that made the Western Approach important was Adamant Fortress.

Adamant was a symbol of the Grey Wardens courage and victory long ago, the Wardens of the second blight fought the darkspawn that poured out of the Abyssal Rift, holding back the blight from Orlais. However that was in the distant past and Adamant was abandoned, fell into ruin until the Wardens took it up again in recent times.

That damned fortress was the reason Ivy was staring at footprints in the middle of the desert while the heat forced sweat to collect on her brow. Why the majority of the Inquisition’s forces were encamped to the east while Ivy and other scouts tried to discover just how many Wardens were holed up in Adamant and allied to Corypheus.

Ivy couldn’t help but feel pity for them, the fear the Wardens must be feeling to make such a terrible deal with the Venatori, but it was short lived each time Ivy had to defend herself from their scouts. She wondered if any of them were questioning to orders to bind themselves to demons, or if their lives spent fighting the darker things in the world blinded them to the danger, maybe they thought the risk worth it, maybe they just couldn’t see what was really happening. But Ivy could.

It was, of course, her job to see those things. The _gift_ she was bestowed with the day she awoke in Thedas; visions of the future and the past, had given her an advantage to survive in a vastly different world for so long. Nearly nine years she had been here, her visions allowing her to fall under the protection of powerful people – a surprisingly useful bargaining chip when used right.

A heavy sigh escaped her as she brought her focus to examine the footprints before her, the rock she was perched on giving her a good view of their direction. The tracks were sloppy, deep in the sand but still regimented enough to tell her the makers were military. They must have been walking for hours if not days, there was nowhere close that could be considered any kind of settlement Adamant was that isolated.  
  
“Two walkers, one man and one woman.” Ivy said as she sighed and looked at the footprints they had come across. They had been lucky enough that the wind had been still for most of the morning and they were able to follow the tracks but the wind was beginning to grow, sending grains of sand skittering along the dunes.  
  
“Could be an elf.” Tilles, a fresh new recruit that was assigned to her mission, spoke up. Out of all the rookies she could have had she managed to snag this one, he was impetuous and brash and reminded Ivy of herself far too much. She liked him immediately.  
  
“The size of the foot would be bigger, the stride longer. This person is having to take two steps for one of their companions.” Ivy stood, brushing small grains of grit from her hands. “More likely a woman.”  
  
“The trail is fresh still.” Scout Harding piped up from the back of the pack, she _wasn’t_ assigned to Ivy’s mission but insisted on accompanying her anyway, untrusting of Ivy’s judgement ever since she went rogue a few months ago and willingly left the Inquisition with a mad Qunari. It was probably a good sign of their friendship, that the dwarf woman had stuck so close to her since she returned to Skyhold battered, bruised and victorious.  
  
“It won’t be for long if this wind keeps going.” Ivy said and hopped off the rock and strode to her horse, swinging herself up into the saddle as the others followed suit on their own mounts.  
  
“The winds settle in during afternoon here, we have a few hours left.” Harding informed her as she mounted her pony efficiently. Ivy gave the order to move out and they headed west, following the tracks while they still had light and a trail to follow.

 

The trail went cold as they came upon the equally cold corpses of their quarry, half eaten and in the process of being claimed by the shifting desert sands. The insects were worse here, swarming over the dead meat of the humans and flying up in shifting clouds as Ivy approached and disturbed them.  
  
“Hyenas?” Tilles asked and Ivy used the end of her staff to roll over the male corpse, the insignia of the Grey Wardens shining bright in the afternoon sun and displayed proudly in the centre of his chest piece.  
  
“Or quillbacks, varghest, phoenix.” Ivy surmised as she knelt down to touch at the satchel still slung across the dead man’s chest, carefully avoiding the congealed blood that was splattered _everywhere_. “Shit, even darkspawn have been known to chew on their victims every now and then and if history is accurate there should be more than a few darkspawn here at any given time.”  
  
“Find anything?” Harding asked a little impatient, she always was when they had to take rookies out on their first run around, she didn’t mean to be rude at all – her nerves just ran into irritation.  
“Nothing here.” Ivy said and stepped over the man and looked at his friend, a woman with short blonde hair and a crowning braid stared lifelessly back at her, her brown eyes cloudy and half her chest missing. This one also had a satchel and luckily enough still contained a letter destined for Adamant.  
  
“A woman.” Tilles said and Ivy hummed acknowledgement.  
  
“I _did_ say a woman.” Ivy said in a sing song _I told you so_ voice before cracking the seal on the letter and reading it carefully. She scraped the edge of the bloodstained parchment with her leather gloves before folding the letter up again, sighing and tucking it into her satchel.  
  
“You did, but still.” Tilles said quietly, his voice dropping low as he swallowed thickly and stared at the open chest cavity of the woman.  
  
“Even, steady breaths.” Ivy reassured him before patting down both of the corpses one more time in case she missed something. “Just not through your nose.” The heat and lack of wind didn’t bode well for the rotting stench of guts and meat, the insects did help the decomposing process but the corpses were still fresh enough to leave a feeling of thick odour at the back of your throat. If you can taste it in the air you _certainly_ want to try and avoid smelling it. The sound of retching dragged her attention back to Tilles, he was bending over and throwing up onto the sand.  
  
“Fucking rookies.” Harding swore and shook her head Ivy couldn’t help but laugh, the time when Harding was brand new to being a scout still clear in her mind. “Can we get back to camp now?” She asked and Ivy nodded.  
  
“Yes, and quickly.” Ivy said and they dragged the pale man back to the mounts. “I don’t like the look of the horizon, think a dust storm is coming?” Harding paused and looked to the horizon then flicked her gaze between Ivy and Tilles.  
  
“We need to double-time back.” Harding said in a calm-but-concerned tone. With the dust approaching they rode fast back to the east and the Inquisition camp.

 

They arrived with little fanfare before the dust storm reached the camp, stopping directly outside of the Inquisitors large and resplendent tent, a Private running up to take the reins of her horse as she dismounted and was waved in by the guards posted at the tent entrance.

Adaar’s tent was also the mobile war room, a table set up with a map of the Western Approach was in the centre flanked by her advisors and companions. They didn’t look up when she entered, but when she didn’t wait politely a distance away and surged forward they glanced her way, small smiles playing on their faces in greeting.

“Volkev, you look like you’ve been wading through a battlefield.”Adaar said with amusement and Ivy looked down, noticing the flakes of dried blood on her armour for the first time. She frowned and huffed a curse, unhappy with adding the chore of cleaning her armour onto her routine for the night.  
  
“Were you attacked?” Cullen asked and Ivy reached into her satchel and produced the letter found on the Grey Warden, handing it over to her Commander.  
  
“No, our quarry were killed by the local beasts, it was… messy.” Ivy said and pushed her hood off of her head, her auburn curls tied up high to prevent the dust and sand from getting too ingrained but when you’re riding fast through the desert it does little to help. “A storm is approaching, we had to rush back to beat it.” Cullen groaned in annoyance before striding to the entrance of the tent, barking orders to the nearest guard to batten down for the coming storm.  
  
“That’s what we need right now.” Dorian mused from his seat. “More sand.”

Ivy ignored the remark along with everyone else and continued her report as Cullen walked back into the tent.

“Tilles almost emptied his stomach on the bodies, I would suggest he gains a bit more experience before we place him among Nightingale’s agents.” Leliana pouted for a moment before nodding once, she was in dire need of more and more agents as the Inquisition grew.  
  
“And when are _you_ going to give in and become an agent?” Leliana asked with a teasing smile and Ivy let out a short huff of laughter.  
  
“When I get my shit together.” Ivy retorted, meaning _never_.

Cullen read the letter carefully, his gloved finger tapping on his lower lip as he processed the information within. Ivy could see his mind working and altering scenarios instantly as he handed the letter off to Adaar who just frowned and rubbed at her forehead.  
  
“More troops arriving at Adamant?” Adaar said in exasperation and Cullen hummed.  
  
“It would seem that they sent out a call-to-arms.” Cullen replied and added more markers to the map. “We should act before any more arrive.”  
  
“It’s the _calling_.” Ivy said and the group of people in the tent looked to her. She tapped her head as if the gesture would help them understand her better. “The feeling of impending death that has hit them all at once, that was the reason behind the call-to-arms.”  
  
“Stroud spoke of it.” Adaar agreed and sighed heavily, moving away from the table and moving her head from side to side, working out the tightness in her muscles. She passed Blackwall who gave her a half smile, hand reaching out to graze at her wrist subtly. Ivy caught Varric’s eyes after witnessing Blackwall’s move on Adaar, the dwarf simply winked knowingly and suppressed a smile.  
  
“It’s not real.” Ivy said and pulled off her gloves, the warm leather the main cause for the sheen of sweat on her skin, it was refreshing to have the air touch her skin after so long.  
  
“What do you mean?” Adaar asked and picked up a goblet, pouring wine into it before walking back over to Ivy and offering the drink.

Ivy took it with thanks, her relationship with the Inquisitor had improved greatly over the last few months, Ivy’s decision to put herself in danger over Iron Bull when Beresaad tried to arrest him put Ivy firmly in Adaar’s good books and they had been enjoying a mutual friendship ever since. It wasn’t anything on the level of Adaar and Dorian’s friendship but they were beyond trying to hurt each other’s feelings and that was enough for Ivy.  
  
“It’s a false calling, created by the Venatori on the behest of Corypheus.” Ivy said before drinking the sweet wine, Adaar always drank wine that was overly sweetened, it wasn’t bad but others who were much more accomplished in the art of wine tasting made sure that Adaar was adequately teased for it. Dorian and Iron Bull in particular considered themselves connoisseurs.  
  
“So they’re being used.” Solas said from his side of the tent, stepping forward and wandering over with his hands clasped behind his back. “I cannot decide if it is unfortunate that they are being deceived or not.”  
  
“Either way they have made a foolish decision.” Dorian countered from where he relaxed comfortably, his deep red robes looking regal as always.  
  
“They’re frightened.” Ivy said sympathetically, she always had a soft spot for the Grey Wardens, it was a hell of a job and one she wasn’t willing to do. Shortened life span, infertility, nightmares and fighting for the rest of their lives - anyone who took that path deserved respect.  
  
“Fear pushes people to make bad decisions.” Cullen said with determination. “We should move camp tomorrow, lay siege to Adamant before they can do anything else.”  
  
“I agree.” Adaar spoke with finality. “Ensure it is done Commander.” Cullen nodded to her before both of their gazes landed on Ivy. “Volkev, can you give any insight?”

Ivy glowered into her wine and swirled it in the goblet, rivulets of red washing around the inside edge as she considered everything before her. Yes, she could give insight, far too much insight, and yet not _enough._ She bit her lower lip in thought, she knew what was coming, that they would fall into the Fade and someone would be left behind and as much as she liked Stroud – the few times they had met endeared him to her – she couldn’t give up Hawke. But it wasn’t her choice and it was out of her hands.

That uncertainty made her cringe, she knew that no-one could live forever, that it was war time and everything was fleeting but she wouldn’t be able to withstand the guilt if she could prevent his death. She couldn’t put Varric through losing his friend.

Cullen stepped forward, taking the wine from her and passing it off to Blackwall who took it without question. They knew she wouldn’t tell them everything, hell she couldn’t even remember everything anymore, but Adamant stuck in her mind. It had been haunting her for weeks.  
  
“You’ve got that look.” Cullen said quietly, the others would have struggled to overhear him. “The one you wore the night before Haven.”  
  
“That bad?” Ivy half joked and he gave her a knowing smile.  
  
“I want you to accompany me as we take Adamant.” Adaar said and Ivy had to lean to the side to see if Adaar was still talking to her, unfortunately she was. “So, if you want to tell me anything-”  
  
“When you have a private moment, Inquisitor.” Ivy said quickly which earned her a few curious looks, she glanced around and then down to her filthy armour. “And when I don’t smell awful.”  
  
“Very well.” Adaar said, picking up the marker that represented Adamant from the map and slowly walking over. “Do you want to meditate on this?” She offered the marker, a small black stone carved into the shape of a tower and Ivy considered it for a moment.

There had been times in the recent past where she could focus on an object and bring forth specific visions, one of those times the item she used was a map marker and although the visions weren’t as clear as the ones which were triggered by touching a person it was still proving to be an advantageous exercise.

Ivy shrugged and gave a half smile, holding her hand out as Adaar dropped the marker into her hand. The stone was warm from the desert air and heavy in her palm, she fiddled with it, her fingers exploring the intricate details of the carved stone as she turned and began to walk out of the tent.

She passed Solas who gave her a small farewell bow and stopped in her tracks, facing the busy camp outside her brain didn’t even recognise the scene as her mind fought against a fog that blanketed over it, the ambient noise of the camp that should have been clear was muffled as if trying to listen underwater and her head tilted automatically from the discomfort of it.  
  
Solas moved closer with a concerned expression on his face, hand raised as if to touch her arm, he was speaking in muted tones, Ivy unable to understand him.

“What?” She asked in confusion and the world around her snapped back into focus suddenly as if her own words had triggered the change.  
  
“I asked if you were well.” He said slowly as Ivy brought her hand to rub at her forehead, he glanced to the others behind her before gently touching her arm. Ivy stepped out of his reach quickly, her hand pulled away from his touch.  
  
“I am fine.” She said before straightening her shoulders and nodding to him.  
  
“Did you see something?” He asked curiously, Solas had been more and more interested in her visions lately, previously he wasn’t overly concerned but the closer they got to Corypheus the more he was trying to engage her.

Ivy knew why, of course, knew about his role in Corypheus’ sudden rise to power and the orb he carried, but she still had avoided him. She didn’t report his actions to Adaar either, knowing that without evidence Solas could easily refute her claims and that he had a strong relationship with the Inquisitor. And as long as he was helping them Ivy didn’t want to create a disturbance, their position right now was far too precarious.

“It was just an echo.” Ivy said offhandedly. “Sometimes events are large enough to sap my concentration before I see them.” She wasn’t lying, it had happed a few times over the lead up to Adamant, a feeling that she was standing on the precipice of something big and trying to chase a vision of it took far too much energy.  
  
“And it has been happening more lately?” Solas asked and Ivy noticed the others inching ever closer, the idea of something being large enough to create a troublesome vision was disturbing and with little information given it was putting them on edge.  
  
“Solas?” Adaar said his name in a demand for information, Solas looked from Ivy to Adaar and stepped further into the tent, Ivy’s gaze following him.  
  
“I do not claim to understand the power in which the good Captain has her visions, but I have some theories.” Solas said and Cullen and Blackwall made sighing sounds and found chairs to sit on, one looking bored and the other resigned to the elf’s long winded explanations. Ivy shuffled on her feet and rubbed at her temple tiredly, a headache had begun as soon as her concentration faded and she wanted nothing more than to wash and lie down for a few hours.

Iron Bull walked forward from the back of the tent and put his arm around her gently, smiling down in almost pity as she leaned against him. They had a silent agreement not to flaunt their relationship in general, not that they would be crass enough when so much more needed their attention, but whenever Ivy began to feel uncomfortable, for instance when Solas began spouting his theories about her, Bull would make sure to be by her side for emotional support.  
  
“We can, in general, source almost all magic from the Fade.” Solas begun and Ivy leaned her head against Iron Bull’s chest, his hand reaching up to stroke gently along her hairline. “It is not so much of a stretch that Ivy’s visions are also linked to the fade. As we have seen, events have an impact of the fabric of the Fade, creating echoes in which we can visit, if we believe this then we can believe that you-” Solas turned to look at Ivy again. “-are affected by large events that essentially send shockwaves through the Fade – like an echo, as you put it – and sap your concentration.”  
  
“She has visions of the future, not the past.” Vivienne said in her scholarly tone, ready for an academic debate.  
  
“Actually,” Ivy interrupted before Solas could ignite the debate, “I see both.”  
  
“But if it hasn’t happened yet then how can she see it through the Fade?” Dorian said and Solas gave him an incredulous look.  
  
“Your old mentor was experimenting with time magic, surely you do not consider time to be linear.” Solas said and Ivy broke away from Bull to sit on a chair next to Cullen, if they were going to get into a debate about _time_ of all things she was at least going to be comfortable.  
  
“What is the point you are trying to make?” Adaar said exasperatedly.  
  
“That an echo that is effecting our Seer is not something to be brushed aside, if merely holding a representative marker of Adamant is sapping her concentration, something near catastrophic must be approaching.” Solas sounded frustrated that no one else was seeing the warning signs and Adaar sighed and nodded.  
  
“If Volkev says that she wants to talk in private about this then I trust her.” Adaar said flatly and Ivy felt a pang of pride.  
  
“With respect to the both of you, we are here to give you counsel.” Solas said cautiously, his tone pressing the urgency for the information. “We may be able to understand or notice things that the two of you cannot.”  
  
“You forget that I am also a mage.” Adaar’s voice was warning, her patience running short. “I have also spent many years studying, walking through the Fade.”  
  
“He does have a point.” Leliana said cautiously, reluctant to agree with Solas. “With something this big we could use all the information we need.”  
Adaar looked to Ivy for input and she leaned forward, hand on her mouth and brow furrowed in concentration. Even if she meditated here she could still pick and choose what information to pass on, it would feel odd, like she was a performance act, but if it made them feel better…  
  
“I can try now, if you wish, Inquisitor.” Ivy said and looked at the map marker in her hand, then down to the blood on her armour. “If you can stand how I smell for a while longer.”  
  
“We will just have to endure it.” Adaar said with an amused smile and Ivy slid off the chair, sitting comfortably on the floor with her legs crossed.

 

Ivy took a moment to remove the metal chest plate and set it aside, the others taking up spots on the floor and chairs to watch comfortably, knowing that it may not happen instantly. Solas sat directly in front of her, his calculating eyes trying to absorb as much information about the process as possible.  
  
“Give her some space huh?” Iron Bull came to the rescue as he tapped Solas’ shoulder, urging him to slide back a metre.  
  
“I apologise.” Solas said, giving Ivy a tight smile. “I have not seen you do this before.”  
  
“It’s unnerving.” Cullen said offhandedly before being shushed by Cassandra, she wanted to have this over and done with so she could leave.

Ivy took a deep breath and held the marker loosely in her hand, breathing in for seven counts, holding for four and breathing out for seven counts. She had learned to meditate a long time ago, back when her visions first manifested in Par Vollen. It took a long time but she gradually grew better at making her mind silent instead of the normal rush of thoughts and experiences.

She could feel the vision at the edges of her mind, lingering and skittering away. Usually she would try to reach it, to open her mind and let it fill her but this was different. It was like a chasm below a ledge, waiting for her to fall in instead. She breathed out and it was ragged, the tent suddenly warm as her heartbeat picked up and the marker felt like it was humming in her hand, trembling as she tightened her grip on it.

Opening her eyes she saw the expanse of the desert from atop the battlements of a fortress and she glanced around in surprise. The vision hadn’t started in its usual way, in pain and shock, she had simply slipped in.

She stood and looked around her, the building was familiar and matched the maps she had seen of Adamant but it was empty of any soldiers or battle. In fact she couldn’t see or hear any sign of occupation at all.

She took two steps and looked over the wall, her hands scraping against the warmth of the stone that made up the defensive walls and she swore under her breath. Below her a rift was swirling, large and calm despite the cracks of lightning and green splashes of almost liquid light.

This wasn’t right. At all. If she was having a _vision_ of Adamant there would be chaos, people everywhere fighting as they tried to take the Keep from the Wardens but instead there was nothing but the landscape and fortress.  
  
“Something isn’t right.” She said out loud, knowing that they could hear her in the tent. “This isn’t a vision, it’s…” her words died as she heard a high pitched sound, a humming that began just out of her range of hearing and steadily grew louder. She felt the marker of Adamant fall out of her hands as she raised them to reach for her ears, the noise was growing louder and she spun and twisted to find the source of it.

“ _Maker’s fucking balls_.” She swore and grunted as the sound pierced her, her hands pressing to her ears hard as she squinted and tried to pull herself from the vision. Her eyes were watering as her nose began to bleed, her sight wavering as she began to lose track of her movements.  
  
_Breathe_.  
  
The command was clear as it skirted through her mind and she sucked in a gasping breath before the feeling of something colliding with her chest sent her stumbling backwards to fall. She hit the ground hard and the vision shattered, leaving her to stare at the canvas roof of the tent.

The groan that escaped her throat was enough to bring her focus back, everyone was on their feet watching her as Iron Bull surged past them to kneel beside her.  
  
“Who pushed me?” Ivy asked through the headache that felt like it was crushing her skull and accepted Bull’s help with standing back up.  
  
“No one touched you.” He said flatly as his arm slipped around her waist to support her. “You were in a trance for nearly half an hour before you stood up.”  
  
“What?” Ivy shook her head and regretted it instantly, groaning as the world spun around her. “No it was minutes.”  
  
“White eyes and everything.” Varric said cautiously from the far side of the tent. “You okay Buttercup?”  
  
“I’m-” she was about to say she was fine but a stab of pain in her head insisted otherwise. “No.” She said with a sigh and looked up to Iron Bull. “Help me to our tent?” She asked and he nodded once, escorting her out of the tent while the others watched on silently, they didn’t protest the lack of information, just let her go.

 

Slipping onto the thick furs of their tent was a blessing, the black and brown taking on an orange hue in the filtered dusk light. Iron Bull ducked in behind her and grabbed the waterskin that was by their packs and made Ivy sit up before taking a drink.  
  
“That wasn’t a vision.” He said in a quiet voice so he wouldn’t worsen her headache, she grunted in agreement before she lay back again, closing her eyes against the light.  
  
“I don’t know what it was.” Ivy admitted and turned her head to the side, bringing an arm up to help make herself comfortable. The fur shifted from Bull’s movement and a moment later she felt his lips press against her stretched neck, she hummed happily from the attention. “You can keep doing that.” She said and he chuckled quietly, the vibrations skimming along her skin.  
  
“You said someone pushed you in the vision?” He asked with a rasp of words along her skin, it was enough to send a pleasant shiver across her neck.  
  
“I thought someone did in the tent, but if no one touched me then it must have been in the vision itself. Although I was alone.” Ivy sighed and bit her lip in thought. There had been a voice just before it, a woman’s that was in her head and at the time it was more than comforting. If the voice had told her to jump off the battlement she would have without question and that sent an uneasy shiver along her skin.  
  
“I need to go back to the group, no doubt they are trying to deconstruct what happened.” He said with a sigh. “When you get your armour off place it outside the tent and I’ll have someone clean it. I think we can pull rank just this once.”  
  
“Don’t let Cullen find out.” She warned and he promised he wouldn’t, Ivy was falling asleep quickly and barely even noticed him leave the tent.

 

When she awoke it was just past sunset, the last slivers of sunlight disappearing as the temperature dropped rapidly and the soldiers went about making small campfires and the mages imbued objects with mage-light which made them glow softly to cast a green-blue light throughout the camp.

Ivy stretched and grabbed a wolf fur she kept and threw it around her shoulders, her armour had been taken away to be cleaned and so she had to make do with her tunic and leggings, the fur adding that much needed warmth since the desert climate became terribly cold overnight.

The wind had grown strong as she padded her way across the camp barefoot, the sand still holding some heat as she walked to the Inquisitor’s tent which glowed brightly from the inside, she could see some shadows of people flickering on the canvas but it was not as full as it had been when she left.

The guard announced Ivy’s entrance and she looked up to see Blackwall standing awkwardly, a blush playing on his cheeks as Adaar stepped away from him and paced towards the side of the tent. Ivy took in the scene for a moment before turning back to leave.  
  
“I apologise.” Ivy said a bit embarrassed. “I will come back later.”  
  
“No,” Adaar said quickly, holding her hand up to stop her. “No, there is no need. Warden Blackwall was just giving me some advice on the Grey Wardens, uh-”  
  
“Defences.” Blackwall supplied for her and Ivy couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow. Ivy nodded once and Blackwall looked between the two women, excusing himself and pushing past Ivy to leave.

Adaar cleared her throat and straightened her stance, looking to Ivy with a new focus.  
  
“Are you well?” Adaar asked and Ivy nodded again.  
  
“I’m not sure what went wrong, perhaps Solas was right in his theory.” Ivy said and Adaar huffed a laugh.  
  
“Don’t tell him that for Maker’s sake. I can’t handle it if his ego gets any bigger.” Adaar walked across the tent and offered Ivy a drink of wine which she declined, she already felt her nerves building from the conversation she wanted to have with Adaar and wanted to get the conversation finished quickly, adding wine into that would just lengthen the process.  
  
“I wanted to speak to you about Adamant.” Ivy began and Adaar glanced at her curiously.  
  
“I thought your vision was something else?”  
  
“Yes, but I have some… _prior_ knowledge that I wanted to discuss with you.” Ivy said and Adaar gestured for her to continue speaking. “Hawke will be joining us for the siege yes?”  
  
“He arrived this morning.” Adaar replied after taking a sip of her wine. “He’s a good soldier, I can see why they made him Champion of Kirkwall.”  
  
“He became champion after defeating the Qunari.” Ivy said with a half- smile. “It was quite a fight.” She remembered it well, and not for any positive reasons.  
  
“Technically that means he defeated you.” Adaar teased and Ivy huffed a laugh, not completely happy with being reminded of her former Qunari allegiances.  
  
“That is true enough, though I’ll thank you not to mention it too loudly.” Ivy teased in return. “But he is more than that, he’s a good friend, very loyal.”  
  
“It sounds like you’re building up to something.”  
  
“Because I am.” Ivy swallowed thickly, and looked to the ground. “You don’t know him like I do, like Varric and Cullen does. Hawke holds a special place in the hearts of a lot of people here.”  
  
“I don’t doubt it.” Adaar said slowly and walked over to Ivy, pausing in front of her but not too close that Ivy had to crane her neck to look up at the tall woman. “You are scared for him.”  
  
“There is going to be a moment when you decide if he should live or die.” Ivy said bluntly, quietly, she didn’t want anyone else to overhear. “No one else will make that decision for you, I just want you to know the impact his death would cause.”  
  
“You have seen this?” Adaar asked just as quietly and Ivy cast her eyes to the ground.  
  
“I had a vision of the pain that Varric felt when he discovered that Hawke was lost to him.” Ivy said and shivered from the memory of it. “It’s been haunting me for months and I would do anything to prevent him from experiencing that.”  
  
“And who should die in his place?” Adaar asked carefully, her voice becoming wary. “If I am to make a choice like that, surely someone else would have to step into his place.”  
  
“I can’t make that decision – I can only ask that you judge a man not only by his deeds but by the love that his friends feel for him, by how much lesser the world would be without them.”  
  
“I’m going to be honest here, you’re scaring me.” Adaar said in an attempt to lighten the conversation. "What are we walking into?”  
  
“I won’t tell you more.” Ivy said as she shook her head. “But if it comes down to it, I-” she closed her eyes and straightened her spine, meeting the woman’s gaze with determination. “To save Hawke I would die in his place.” Adaar’s eyebrows raised and she shook her head, turning her back to Ivy.  
  
“I hope it doesn’t come to that.” The Inquisitor said quietly and Ivy nodded.  
  
“So do I.” Ivy turned to leave but Adaar held her hand up asking Ivy to wait, she paused and looked the human woman over in thought, her brow furrowed as she calculated.  
  
“These difficulties you are having with your visions,” Adaar spoke softly, carefully, “Solas said it may be something catastrophic, but he also said something else.”  
  
“Which is what?” Ivy asked as Adaar paused.  
  
“He said that there is always a possibility that the event is, well, your death.” Ivy felt her skin shiver as Adaar looked to her, almost pleadingly.  
  
“It’s possible.” Ivy said finally. “Whatever is there feels almost endless. Like a chasm.”  
  
“You ask me to save Hawke and tell me it’s only _possible_?” Adaar asked exasperatedly. “Volkev, I will not allow you to simply lay down and die.”  
  
“We don’t know anything for certain.” Ivy tried to reassure her.  
  
“Seems pretty certain to me.” Adaar bit back. Ivy shook her head and gave Adaar a cheeky smile, it probably didn’t make her feel any better.  
  
“Whatever it is, I have no intention of giving up. If I do die, it will be fighting.”  
  
“I will hold you to that promise.” Adaar stared Ivy down as if she was seeing her for the first time. “And I’m clearing your duties until Adamant.” Adaar said suddenly and Ivy frowned in confusion. “I’m clearing Iron Bull’s as well. Get your armour fixed and weapons upgraded.” Adaar signed a parchment and handed it to Ivy roughly, she was determined as she did so. Ivy took the paper tentatively and nodded her head, she wasn’t going to argue with her superior.  
  
“Yes Inquisitor.” Ivy said and Adaar waved her hand in dismissal, letting out a long sigh as she watched Ivy leave.

 

Her tent was glowing softly in the night, a dim lantern was lit within it casting Iron Bull’s silhouette against the canvas. Smiling to herself Ivy pushed the wind swept curls away from her face and trudged to the tent entrance, unhooking the flap that protected them from the oncoming dust storm and sliding inside.

Bull’s smile at seeing her made her chest tight, it was warm, welcoming and comfort. He held a well-read book with one hand as he propped himself up on his side, trying to be mindful of the spread of his horns in the confined space. He was wearing nothing but pants, a striped pair that Ivy had suggested he throw out more than once.

The tent itself was the standard military canvas that was given to the soldiers, long enough to barely fit a Kossith and wide enough to fit their armour and not really designed to consider companions or people bunking together. As it was Bull’s armour and weapons lined the right of the tent, Ivy’s lined the left, the head had their packs and essentials – which Bull had recently begun to use as a pillow – and the rest of it was padded with their furs.

They had managed to find a way to make themselves fit and one in it was fine, but the process of sliding in was still awkward despite being on the march for a month now. Ivy ducked to avoid the lantern and slid her wolf fur off, it was designed to tie onto her onyx breastplate and was a gift from Cullen who was more than amused when she pointed out he was dressing her to look like him. He had argued that the pelt would help him spot her better on the battlefield and she argued that he just didn’t like having his own fur mantle stolen when she got cold.

Bull raised his arm to give Ivy space so slide in and lay beside him, pressing her back to his front as he leaned down and kissed her cheek, thumbing the page of his book before returning half his attention to reading.

“We are to begin preparing for the siege after we arrive tomorrow afternoon and we begin at dawn the next morning.” Bull said. “The Commander plans to break the walls before midday.”  
  
“Isn’t that ambitious?” Ivy asked, she had no idea but breaking the defences of Adamant in a few hours seemed unlikely.

“Yes, but Adamant isn’t what it used to be, its walls are patched together and the main gate is _old_. Well applied pressure on it should bring it down without too much fuss.” Bull flashed her a smile, his eye wrinkling at the corner. “The Chargers have been given their orders already, they’re impatient to get to work.”  
  
“Krem will keep them in line.” Ivy reassured him and he huffed.  
  
“You seem to think Krem has more control than the others, honestly he’s the worst one.” Bull couldn’t help but smile just a little. “I hear he’s convinced Sera to hand over a bunch of Antivan fire and a jar of bees. I asked why he needed the damn bees and he just grinned.”

“Sounds like we won’t need to siege at all, just give Krem free reign to cause havoc and the Wardens will be running out.”  
  
“Running out on fire with a swarm of bees chasing after them.” Bull groaned and shook his head. “I told him to put the bees back, he straight out lied and agreed to placate me.”

“When you think about it, it might be better for Krem to have them than Sera.” Ivy pointed out and he hummed.

“True. I’ll sort him out tomorrow after looking over the plans of the fortress Adaar has put aside for me.”  He said and turned another page, Ivy yawned and wriggled back to chase his warmth.

“Our duties have been cleared until Adamant.” Ivy said and that made Bull pause and look down at her. He waited a moment before he sighed and closed his book, dropping it behind him with a thud. A large hand on her upper arm coaxed her to shift and lay on her back, giving him eye contact as he looked at her carefully and wrapped his arm around her waist.

“What happened?” He asked but didn’t give her the chance to answer. “You spoke to Adaar, this is about the vision. Or the lack of them.”

“Bull.” Ivy tried to interrupt him and he shook his head.

“I know what Solas said and he’s full of shit. You’ve had visions of things beyond Adamant.” He said firmly, recalling the one vision she’d had months ago. That was the pitfall of having a former Ben-Hassrath as a lover, he remembered everything and it was nearly impossible to keep information from him.

“Adaar is just being careful.” Ivy reassured him. “The last year has been an absolute pain in the ass for us, I think she wants to make sure that we are clear-headed before the attack.”

“Bullshit.” Bull said flatly and Ivy rolled her eyes with a huff. “You said something to make her worry.” Ivy saw the concern on his face, unmasked and bare. She sat up quickly, pushing him back and wrapping her arms around him, straddling him awkwardly.

“Kadan,” Ivy said as she looked down at him and received a suspicious glare in return. “You are overthinking again.”

“And you are hiding things from me again.” He said softly. “It’s not going to be a standard siege is it?” Ivy paused and bit her lip, looking away from him. It was enough that he knew the answer without needing to hear it and he let out a long, rattling breath.

“Just remember to watch your flanks and keep close to Adaar.” Ivy said and gave him a smile. “Just like any other day.”

“I’ll keep close to you if you don’t mind.” He said stubbornly. “Adaar can watch out for herself.”

“And so can I.” Ivy insisted. “I won’t be happy if you get yourself killed because you’re too worried about me to watch yourself. You’re already half blind, don’t disadvantage yourself further.” He opened his mouth to protest but the steadfast glare he received as enough to stop his protest and replace it with a smile.

“Yes ma’am.” He said with a crooked grin, his hands sliding down along her back to rest on the curve of her behind. “I haven’t forgotten you can kick my ass.”

“Good.” She purred, leaning down to place a kiss on his jaw. He swallowed reflexively and flexed his fingers to skirt them under her tunic. “Don’t forget it.”

Bull sat up, pulling her close to him as her arms slid over his shoulders and she traced her fingers along the back of his head.  
  
“I need reminding sometimes.” He purred and tugged at the tie of her tunic, leaning in to kiss her deeply as the cloth was pulled and coerced from her shoulders. She felt the blush play across her cheeks, still a common occurrence despite their relationship and intimacy. Leaning forward she trailed her lips along his throat, feeling the low content growl escape from him.

“Kadan.” His rough voice murmured into her hair before he pulled back. His smile was fixed, unshakable as he glanced to the lantern and reached up to extinguish the light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure if I was going to do more of this character, but as soon as Sight and Silence finished this one just began to happen. If you're reading on from the previous part then welcome back, I hope I didn't make you wait too long and that this will live up to your expectations.
> 
> Without giving too much away I want to point out the Slight AU tag on this one. I've decided to change things around a bit, deriving from the main lore of the game and before anyone gets a bit confused or miffed I want to point out; I know! I know where you're coming from! I understand that when using a world the lore should be sound but hey, lets have a bit of fun. :D
> 
> Bookmark, Subscribe and comment! As I said in S&S the comments made all the difference, this is all unbeta'd and hearing your thoughts go a long way. <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Bull.” Ivy screamed as she gripped him quickly, his sheer weight too much as she fell onto her knees and then her side, holding onto his arm with both hands. He looked down with a wide eye and then back to her, his pulse racing under her grip as she struggled to hold onto him, her body sliding down the slanted and crumbling platform as she shouted raggedly from the effort.

The storm had barely passed when Ivy bolted upright in the tent that she shared with Iron Bull, her breath was ragged and heart pounding as she searched the dark blindly with her hand automatically gripping the hilt of her dagger. The air about them was still, no movement aside from her shallow breaths, no shadows along the tent canvas or the tell-tale ozone smell of magic in the air. Something in her dreams had woken her and left behind an urgent feeling of fear but Ivy couldn’t recall the reason for it or any details of the dream itself.

Bull was still breathing evenly, the only thing giving away his sleep and Ivy let out a long sigh. The last thing she wanted to do now was interrupt his rest, they had to push on in the morning and didn’t want to be the cause of fatigue. Carefully she sat up and detangled the fur blanket from her body, she needed fresh air even if it was cold.

The desert sky was brilliant, a tapestry of stars suspended in black as the waning crescent moon watched over them. The air was chilled and Ivy breathed fog in the air, huffing to exaggerate the effect. She wandered along the rows of tents, mostly silent and nodded to the few guards who patrolled. They gave her strange and curious looks, being out in simple clothing and unarmed probably wasn’t wise, but they left her alone for the most part.

She walked past the larger tents of the council and Inquisitor, all silent and still except for Cullen’s which was glowing dimly, one or two lanterns were lit inside and the Commander was standing just outside the entrance looking up to the sky.

He saw her approach and smiled tiredly, recognising her own state of exhaustion and brought his arm up to place a hand at the small of her back, guiding her into his tent silently.

“I was just thinking of you.” Cullen said as he walked over to his desk and poured some brandy into a couple of tankards, the rich liquid could be scented from the other side of the tent.

“Nothing too scandalous I hope.” Ivy teased and he chuckled, bringing over the drink and passing it to her.

“I’m afraid it was to do with the siege, I’ll try to be less boring next time.” He smiled at her. “I asked Adaar if you could assist me in determining troop movement during the battle. You’re one of the few people that can confidently get high enough on the battlements to see everything, and with a mage stone you can relay the enemy movements to me. It would give us a decided advantage.” Cullen said with a smile as she sipped the brandy, it was perfect for the cold air.

“Adaar was reluctant to agree but said the decision was up to you, I hope you don’t mind missing out on the main battle. To be honest-” Cullen winced and looked away guiltily, “- I was probably a bit more vocal about getting you out of the fight than I should have been.”

“Why?” Ivy asked, genuinely confused. Cullen took a sip of his drink and possibly attempted to avoid answering her question.

“It’s the whole vision mess.” He admitted. “What Solas said-”

“Solas is full of it.” Ivy interrupted him with a huff. “He needs to keep his crackpot theories to himself, at least until after the damned siege.” Cullen flashed a half-smile before looking away.

“The suggestion _did_ put a dent in our morale.” He admitted and Ivy stepped up and lightly punched him in the shoulder in an expression of friendship.

“I appreciate it, I really do, but don’t you think it’s time I stood on my own two feet?” Ivy said comfortingly and his smile faltered. “I’ve at least earned that.”

“I know. I’ve been… overbearing of late.” He said quietly. “The whole business with Beresaad, it just knocked me back a bit.” Ivy leaned against the desk beside him, bumping his shoulder with hers. “I had never hated being in command as much as I did the day he took you. Fucking _politics_.” Ivy raised her brow at hearing him swear, it was rare and glorious.

“I came back.” Ivy said and he laughed sardonically.

“You did. You also came back before that, after Haven, after Kirkwall. I shouldn’t freak out every time something happens to you but I do.” She wouldn’t say to his face that he had been overprotective since she escaped the Wilds, but it was noticeable by everyone in the Inquisition that he was beginning to give her preferential treatment. It had to stop for the sake of keeping their soldiers together.

The soldiers weren’t the only ones who noticed either. Ivy had caught Bull keeping a closer than normal watch on Cullen a few times, either with the Chargers or by himself Bull was certainly keeping his Ben-Hassrath skills fresh.

“You’ll probably find it impossible to do, but I want you focus on yourself now.” She tried a sideways approach. “I know the lyrium is still giving you trouble. You don’t sleep, _still_ don’t eat nearly enough.”

“I will. I promise.” He huffed a laugh. “I’m sorry I’ve been suffocating you.”

“It’s not that Cullen,” Ivy shook her head, “I would never turn away your company. You know that.”

“But… you don’t want to give people the wrong idea.” Cullen surmised and Ivy nodded once, looking at him apologetically as the realisation dawned on him and a tinge of pink coloured his cheeks. “Oh Maker. I’ve been overstepping my bounds haven’t I?” he said nervously and rubbed at the back of his neck.  
  
“ _No._ ” Ivy interjected and stepped around to face him, hands up to reassure. “I didn’t mean that. It’s just – well-”

“I’m such an ass.” He lamented and rubbed his hands over his face. “Maker, Iron Bull must think I’m trying to monopolise you. Why hasn’t he killed me yet?”

The sound of a throat clearing near the entrance of the tent got their attention, just past the opening Iron Bull stood with a queer smile, halfway between mirth and control.  
  
“The logistics of arranging your assassination is beyond me.” Bull said in amusement. “It would have to be an all-out duel to the death and I’m not confident I’d win.” Cullen watched the Kossith block the only exit from the tent and rubbed the back of his neck. Letting out a sharp sigh he dropped his hands to his sides and straightened his shoulders.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Cullen said awkwardly as he cleared his throat and took on his Commander persona again. “And- I apologise if I stepped on your toes.” Iron Bull shrugged and walked to them, putting an arm around Ivy’s shoulders.

“The thing about Ivy is that if you did step on toes she’d stomp on yours.” Bull said and looked down at her with a smile. “And I take comfort in knowing that if I’m not near she can find friendship in you. But I _would_ like to be the first port of call.” He gave her a pointed look and Ivy sighed.

“I thought you were asleep.” She said and closed her eyes with a sigh, he squeezed her shoulders.

“I wasn’t.” He corrected her while Cullen looked on with confusion. “And even if I was the way you woke up would have snapped me out of it.”

“A vision?” Cullen asked and Ivy could feel Bull relax at the knowledge that Cullen was unaware of Ivy’s nightmare, it meant that she _hadn’t_ gone to someone else straight away.

“No idea.” Ivy admitted. “I can’t remember. Most likely just a dream.”

“That can’t be good.” Cullen began, his frown giving away his concern. Bull held up a hand to stop his thoughts from getting any darker.

“We don’t know what it was.” Bull reiterated. “People have nightmares all the time, even Ivy. Very rarely they will mean something.”

“You’re right.” Cullen admitted and smiled to Ivy. “I should take your advice and try to sleep, think about what I said. Let me know tomorrow.”

“I will.” Ivy nodded and let Iron Bull gently push her around to start walking out of the tent and back to their own.

 

Dawn came with brilliant light and biting cold to greet the already mobilised army as they trudged to the west.

Towards the front of the procession it was easier to travel, although on horseback Ivy wasn’t having much trouble at all, but the further back you went the worse it was. Each step from each soldier kicked up dust and loosened the sand, sending dust clouds billowing behind them. People were wrapping their nose and mouths with fabric to protect themselves from it.

From her vantage point on the eastern dunes she could see the effect the desert was having on the large force, those at the rear were beginning to struggle, nearly completely lost in the dust while the soldiers at the front were faring better. Thankfully it was only a half day march before they reached their destination, a rocky outcrop of flat land that was well concealed from the view of Adamant.

Ivy, Bull and the Chargers ensured that the Grey Warden lookouts in the area were disabled, captured alive at the insistence of the Inquisitor, and their own scouts took up the advantageous positions before the bulk of the force moved in.

They made camp close to Adamant, instructed not to have large fires in case they were spotted by the Wardens from afar, the tents were erected with precision and efficiency and would remain there until Adamant was in the possession of the Inquisition. Ivy had no doubt that the Grey Wardens knew of their presence and Cullen unhappily agreed with her but that wouldn’t change their tactics at all, it would still be a siege and be _hopefully_ quick, they didn’t want to give the Grey Wardens any more time to summon demons, to be corrupted by the Venatori.

  
Cullen placed markers on the map in Adaar’s tent, listing each unit and their commands in the final review of the battle.  
  
“The gates will fall by midday, but we will get troops onto the walls beforehand.” He said and shifted a marker. They were all crammed into the tent which was warm from the desert heat but they weren’t complaining or uncomfortable, they were too focused, too nervous.

“You are certain that the gates will fall that soon?” Adaar asked with doubt written all over her features.

“The mages will force the ground to shake and the trebuchets will assault the walls before we march.” Cullen said confidently. “Adamant is ancient, as I said before, it will not stand up to modern day siege equipment.”

“If it does then we will be easy pickings for their archers and mages.” Dorian said with glib finality and a shrug.

“Have faith, Dorian.” Ivy spoke up. “The Commander will get us past those walls.” Dorian gave her a smug smile and a short nod.

“Your faith in your Commander is unshakable, Seer. Has anyone told you that?” Dorian teased and Ivy showed her eloquence by raising her middle finger at him.

“Now, children.” Varric scolded them. “We can posture _after_ we barely escape with our lives.”

“Can we get back to the plan?” Cassandra interrupted them before they got too far off track. “What will be Hawke and Stroud’s position?”

“Stroud has volunteered to go ahead of Adaar’s party and help push back the ground forces.” Cullen replied without pause. “Hawke will be on the walls initially and join Adaar once we have a foothold.”

“I will go through as soon as the gates are breached,” Adaar said, “I’ll have Solas, Blackwall and Bull with me.” Adaar and Cullen looked up from the map and directly to Ivy as if waiting for an answer.

“I will accompany Adaar.” Ivy said and they nodded. “There are a few scouts able to do your task Commander.”

“Of course.” Cullen said. “I will have them briefed as soon as we are done here.” He gave her a half smile and looked about the tent.

“So that’s it then?” Sera piped up. “Storm the fort, stop the demons and save the day?”  Adaar huffed a laugh and agreed.

“That’s the plan.” Adaar said with trepidation and Sera nodded once.

“Good plan.”

  
  
Dusk fell over the camp and Ivy found herself wandering its outskirts with Iron Bull under the guise of checking the perimeters. It wasn’t a necessary task given that Cullen had already delegated the security to one of his other officers, but it was a chance to escape the bustle of the centre of the camp.

They reached a small crop of rocks, tucked away on a ledge and far enough away from the lookouts. Sitting down they leaned against a boulder, watching and waiting for the sun to set silently.

“Kadan.” Bull spoke softly as he pressed his forehead to the top of her shoulder, his horns jutting out and giving Ivy the opportunity to run her fingertips along them. He sighed appreciatively and she shifted to lean her head on top of his.  
  
“I love you.” Ivy said quietly, her voice rasping as she held him close to her. “You know that don’t you?”  
  
“Of course I do.” He said simply, lifting his head and pulling her close to him, leaning her against his chest as they looked out along the desert horizon and up at the endless stars. “You’re worried about tomorrow.” He broached the subject carefully.  
  
“I am.” Ivy admitted then wrapped his arms around her, grateful for his warmth. “It’s been a long time since we met, a lot of training, but this will be the first siege I’ve ever been in.”  
  
“You fought in Kirkwall.” Iron Bull pointed out and she huffed a laugh and shook her head.  
  
“I _reluctantly_ fought in Kirkwall, besides, the Qunari were already in the city then, we didn’t exactly lay siege to it, breach the walls and face off with the Grey Wardens.”  
  
“Just remember your training and stick with us, you have plenty of fighting experience.” He kissed near the corner of her eye and smiled. “Who knows, you may grow to like battles.”  
  
“I just wish I could _see_ it.” She huffed and he let out a chuckle.  
  
“Now you know what it’s like for the rest of us to have an uncertain future.” He teased and she flicked his arm as punishment for his teasing. He pressed against her leg and back, prompting her to move and face him, she took the hint and pushed the request a step further, straddling his legs before settling back down.   
  
“I love you, Kadan.” He said with a more solemn tone. “And when we have finally cut Corypheus down we’re going to retire somewhere warm, have plenty of half-breed children and teach them to fight.” Ivy laughed and he smiled at that, his eye shining with amusement as Ivy shook her head at him. “Start up a family mercenary company.”  
  
“Given the rarity of Kossith half-breeds, I think it may end up being just the two of us and a variety of dogs.” Ivy said and Bull hummed with a laugh. “If we get Mabari we might still be able to form a company.”  
  
“We can just adopt all the casteless dwarves we find.” He suggested. “But I insist on living away from snow. And desert for that matter.”   
  
“Perhaps we should give up on the merc idea, just run a tavern in Antiva and sell secrets we glean from drunk nobles.”   
  
“Blackmail. Perfect.” He said and pulled her down for a kiss, it was chaste for him, as if to seal the agreement. “I’m going to hold you to that, so you had better make sure you walk out of that fortress with me.” He said huskily, the amusement in his expression shifting to something foreboding. Ivy placed a hand on either side of his face, his stubble rough against the palms of her hands as she leaned forward and kissed him slowly, showing him the love she felt for him.

He let her kiss him exactly the way she wanted to, soft and yielding until she grew comfortable enough and bit at his lower lip, making him grin widely. His hands traced along the leather of her armour, finding the joins and gaps to slide his fingers into and touch at the skin underneath.

“Perhaps I should take you back to my place.” Ivy teased and he chuckled lowly, his fingers sliding to touch at her belt and subtly work it loose.  
  
“And who would see us in the pitch black desert?” He purred, the metal buckle of her belt clinking softly before he began on the ties of her greaves. She pouted at him before leaning down to kiss at his neck, teeth working gently along his skin.  
  
“Its cold.” She complained and his laugh was rich and deep, leisurely as he took his time.   
  
“I promise to keep you warm Kadan.” He said and slipped his hand into her greaves, past her leggings and smalls and taking no preamble to reach what he wanted. Ivy let out a shuddering breath and held his jaw in her hands, kissing him deeply as his finger traced the outline of her sex.  
  
Sliding back she pulled her hips away from the reach of his hand and he growled against her lips, she chuckled, quickly kissing him on the lips before letting her mouth explore lower, licking and biting her way down his neck and already bare chest to a chorus of sighs and growls.

Her hand slid lower still and found the outline of his erection beginning to strain the thick fabric of his pants, palming him rewarded her with a twitch and a nasal groan, his smile heated despite the rapidly growing cold and darkness.

“Come back up here Kadan.” He cajoled as she worked open the ties of the pants and freed his erection to the night air.  
  
“No.” She said playfully before stroking him experimentally, the hitch in his breath giving away the sensations he was feeling.  
  
“I’m not done with you yet.” He insisted and she leaned down to kiss the tip of his cock, a drop of moisture lingering on her lips as she smiled.  
  
“You’ll just have to wait.” She teased before laving her tongue up his shaft, his hand automatically reaching to thread his fingers into her hair as she worked him.

Relishing the feel of smooth skin and hard muscle she gave herself over to the sensation, humming appreciatively each time he groaned or uttered her name. She loved this, loved being the one to make him come so undone, the cause for the tremors in his leg and the involuntary thrusts of his hips, the slight pricking of claws when his fingers twinged and flexed.

On a slow, upwards draw of her lips he seized her arms and eased his cock out of her mouth, hurriedly pulling her up his body to crush his lips against hers. Rough, insistent hands pushed her grieves from her hips and down her legs, searching for her centre. A ragged groan escaped his lips when he found her wet and her own followed shortly after as he eased his fingers into her, his free hand encouraging her to rock against him and fuck the digits inside of her.

Her moan was loud enough to make him shush her, his tongue pushing into her mouth doing the trick nicely and a moment later he was replacing his fingers with his cock, guiding her down onto him slowly and carefully.

It was almost a mission each time, working himself into her, and this time was no different in their hurried state with no oil on hand but Ivy trusted him to take control, to set the pace and listen to him when he urged her to slow down. Soon enough he was completely sheathed and drawing out slowly, Ivy breathing heavily from the pleasurable fullness.

She rode him, slowly at first as it was all he allowed but she soon got her own way, her knees digging into the sand as each downwards flex of her hips was met by an upwards thrust, breath and moans tumbling from their lips even as they kissed.

The wet slide of tongue along he collarbone preceded the sharp bite of teeth on her shoulder and she came undone, her body tensing and falling out of rhythm as he took control and continued until the waves of pleasure abated and he followed suit, grunting into the bite on her shoulder and releasing in her with jerks of his hips.

Ivy lay back on his chest and watched the sky for shooting stars as he dozed against the rock with his nose nestled in her curls. A long, lazy streak of light dashed across the black sky outshining the other stars for a moment and she closed her eyes and made a wish.

 

Her leather armour donned and fastened Ivy lifted her onyx chestplate and shrugged it on, feeling the weight of it shift as Iron Bull assisted her from the back. He had checked over her buckles and fastenings several times now, growling to himself and adjusting anything he deemed less than perfect. He was oddly nervous and those nerves were spilling out into fussing over her armour.

The wolf pelt he placed over her shoulders gently, large grey fingers deftly finding the ties and loops in her armour.  
  
“It’s just going to get covered in blood.” Ivy said but made no move to stop him.  
  
“It will make you more visible to us and for once I agree with Cullen.” Bull said as he adjusted it again so the Inquisition symbol on her chestplate was still visible, his hands smoothing over her ponytail and the mass of curls that cascaded down. “There’s something else too.”

Bull turned from her and ducked into the tent, the sound of rummaging emanating from it until he re-emerged, a soft smile on his face. He reached down and picked up her wrist with the flat of his palm and gently slid a bracelet onto it.   
  
“This is a promise.” He said and kissed her knuckles before giving her the opportunity to look at it. Strips of silver woven around blue stones, like water around boulders. “When all this business is over and the Inquisition no longer needs us we can do whatever you wish, in the meantime this can serve as a reminder.”  
  
“Reminder?” Ivy asked, meeting his eye.  
  
“That I’m your Kadan, and will be even if we get separated.” He gave her a wide grin and pulled her to him, his arms wrapping around her. “I thought it better than a dragon’s tooth.” He chuckled.  
  
“I love it.” Ivy said and went onto her tiptoes to kiss him, she still had to pull him down by his shoulders to do so. “I love you, you great big old cow.”  
  
“I love you, tiny hornless thing.” He straightened his shoulders and felt the weight of his broadsword as his Chargers approached and gathered beside him. “Well then, horns up.” He grinned as they made their way to the battlefront.

 

If Haven was an example of what Corypheus could do with his armies then Adamant was a show of the Inquisitions might. A taste of the revenge that was long overdue.

Trebuchets had been loaned to the Inquisition by an Orlesian noble and constructed in the camp before being dragged across the dunes to pepper the fortress with boulders and ceramic orbs that held acids and antivan fire. And if that wasn’t enough the mages were forcing the ground beneath them to shake, raining lightning from above and hurling fireballs over the walls.

Ivy and the Inner Circle watched the bombardment from a vantage point to the south-east. Fires had begun within the fortress already and smoke was billowing out to darken the sky. Beside her Solas was also watching, his hands behind his back as Ivy crossed her arms over her chestplate and chewed idly on the thumb of her leather gloves.

“It never ceases to amaze me.” Solas said quietly. “The ferocity of battles even from afar.”

“You have witnessed many then.” Ivy said and he looked to her curiously.

“In the Fade, of course.” He said.

“Of course.” She replied automatically before turning to look at him. To her surprise he had actually donned leather armour, a simple chest piece of wide layered strips that he wore underneath an open forest-green robe that had been belted to secure it. A sword was sheathed at his hip and she could see glimpses of leather greaves and boots as he shifted and the wind blew the hem of the robe. He held his staff in his hand proudly, the bladed base of it sharpened for battle.

“You are foregoing your staff today?” He asked curiously and Ivy nodded.

“It feels odd, but given the number of enemies I would much prefer a sword and shield.” Ivy rolled her shoulder blades, missing the heavy presence of her staff, and absently reached up to rub the top of her shoulders. The movement pulled her glove high along her wrist, allowing the sunlight to catch on the silver bracelet.

“That is not something you would usually wear into battle.” Solas said carefully and Ivy glanced to see him watching her guardedly. She followed his line of sight to her bracelet, touching it absently as if to protect it from his gaze.

“No, Bull gave it to me this morning.” Ivy said and he gave her a half smile, the guarded expression melting into a pleasantly stoic one.

“It is good to see the both of you happy.” He said before turning back to the scene of the battle. “Now if Adaar and Blackwall stopped dancing around each other-” he stopped short as Adaar approached, her white and gold armour and robes shining in the morning light.

“Its time.” Adaar said and they both bowed to her, Solas extending his hand to let Ivy walk in front of him to where their mounts waited.

  
The brute force of the Inquisition, its soldiers, were pushing hard against the fortress as arrows and stones rained down on them, raising ladders and serving as a distraction as the battering ram was brought to the main gate. It took mere minutes and the brittle, aged gate was broken and the soldiers were clashing with the Grey Wardens. The Inquisitor and party striding through to search for the Warden Commander, behind Adaar Ivy stood with Bull, Blackwall and Solas. Above them Hawke was running along the battlements wreaking havoc.

“We will try to hold them off for as long as we can.” Cullen informed Adaar as he cut down an approaching Warden. “There are many more than I had hoped.”  
  
“I can _see_ that.” Adaar said before one of their soldiers was thrown off the wall above, hitting the ground beside them with a sickening crack. Ivy knelt beside the soldier and felt for a pulse, nothing.  
  
“We need to clear the walls,” Ivy said, “so the troops can get a foothold.” Cullen nodded in agreement.  
  
“I will tell my scouts up there to relay your movements to us, send reinforcements where they are needed.” Her Commander said. “I suggest you hurry.”

What followed could only be described as chaos, their small group wading through the clashing soldiers to get to the ramparts, but the time they reached the first set of stairs Ivy had cut down several Wardens at the rear, Bull and Blackwall even more at the front as the two mages controlled the descent of enemies from the protective centre of the triangle.

Ivy had always thought of these kind of battles to be cohesive but from her vantage point it was anything but. She knew the Commander was controlling the movement of the troops but from her position the view was narrowed down to the Wardens who charged her, to the swing of an individual sword. She almost regretted not choosing to climb the towers to give Cullen information just so she could see the entire battle in action, but when one of the towers was hit by a bolt of energy and crumpled Ivy thought better of her decision.

When they found Hawke facing off with a massive pride demon on the upper battlements they didn’t stop to think, simply rushed forward to engage the monstrosity. As it was cut down Hawke pulled Ivy into a quick and brotherly hug as he jeered at the fallen demon.  
  
“Thanks for that.” Hawke grinned at the group and yelled over the sounds of battle below them. “A lot more demons than we had anticipated.”  
  
“We’re deep in the fortress now.” Adaar replied with a stoic expression. “They can’t hold off for long, they’ve already fallen back to the central courtyard.”  
  
“And that’s where Warden Commander Clarel will be.” Blackwall added. “We had better push on.” Adaar nodded and Blackwall and Bull took point again leaving Hawke to bring up the rear with Ivy. Adaar looked back at the two, an odd look on her face before she ran to catch up with Solas.

Stroud had already made it to the inner walls of the courtyard and jogged up to them as they approached. They were tired, covered in blood and thicker things as they took the chance to catch their breath.

“Are you ready Inquisitor?” Stroud asked in his thick accent and Adaar nodded, listening to Stroud’s report of what he assumed was on the other side. Ivy wasn’t listening, a few steps too far away to hear them. Instead she was fighting to concentrate, the sounds around her becoming muffled as she glanced between the party trying to focus on their voices.

She could hear the noise again, high pitched and invasive, but couldn’t pinpoint where it was coming from. She looked over her shoulder and cringed, the louder it got the worse her concentration became, she couldn’t even hear the battle now.

A heavy hand on her shoulder jolted her back to the present, her startled gasp loud in her own ears as she turned to see Bull’s worried expression examining her.  
  
“Volkev,” Adaar spoke warily, “what is it?” Ivy took a deep breath and shook her head, shaking off the odd feeling.  
  
“Nothing, we need to push on.” Ivy said and patted Bull’s hand in reassurance. “We are running out of time.” Adaar didn’t question it, just nodded and spun on her heels to breach the central courtyard.  


Warden Commander Clarel was an older woman, head shaved short and a tired but determined look in her eyes as she addressed her Wardens. Her inspired expression turned to steel as she spied the Inquisitor and her party warily approaching, it grew even darker as she looked upon Stroud.

They had opened a rift, the sickly green light flickering in the courtyard brightly as the smoke in the sky obscured the sunlight. Through the rift itself Ivy could see it, a massive insect like demon waiting patiently to be pulled through.  
  
“Nightmare.” Ivy spoke lowly to herself, feeling Iron Bull’s reassuring hand at the small of her back.

The Inquisitor was trying to bargain with the wardens, to convince them that they were doing the wrong thing but was being talked over by Magister Erimond, the slimy magister in service to Corypheus. Clarel was looking between the two of them undecided as were her Wardens. It seemed that for a moment Adaar had gotten through to Clarel, a flicker of hope.

Three taps of the Magister’s staff on the stone preceded a harrowing screech that was far too familiar to them and Adaar turned to Ivy with wide eyes.  
“Dragon?” She asked in astonishment and quickly looked to the sky for confirmation. Ivy hummed and nodded her head.  
  
“The one from Haven.” She said, looking to Bull who had a feral grin on his face, he seemed more than ready to get his piece of revenge.

It flew down and perched on a rampart, screeching at the people below them, and it was barely a second later that Clarel was attacking Erimond with her magic; a wave of energy that sent him stumbling forward.  

Before they could react Clarel had attracted the dragon’s attention and was running after Erimond and they had little choice but to chase after her.

 

They found Warden Commander Clarel on the remains of a bridge that reached over the Abyssal Rift, her back to the descent and Erimond on the ground between them spitting up blood and laughing. Ivy surged forward, pushing past the party despite Adaar’s shouts, yelling at Clarel to move but she was too late as the dragon landed and plucked Clarel from the stone. It’s sharp teeth thrusting through the woman easily as she screamed.

Clarel was thrown to the ground and the dragon had its sight on Ivy as the nearest target, a screech and bolt of arcane energy had Ivy diving to the side to avoid the dragon’s attack as it slowly walked over Clarel to get closer to Adaar.

Clarel’s magic was strong, strong enough to make Ivy’s teeth rattle as she cast into the stomach of the dragon, the creature rearing up to fly but failing, falling to crash onto the stone.

As the dragon fell and hit the remains of the bridge the stone beneath their feet shook, a deafening crack echoing around them as the bridge crumbled at the end and sent rubble to the ground far below.

Ivy sheathed her sword and steadied herself as the cracks began to echo around them and the stone began to split.  
  
“ _Run_.” Adaar shouted as the bridge gave way beneath them and they all turned to sprint for the solid foundations of the fortress walls, the stone falling away from their footsteps. Blackwall stumbled as he stepped on air and Adaar gripped him to haul him towards the wall, bringing him up and away from the descent into the chasm.

Iron Bull had a firm grip on Ivy’s upper arm as they ran but it did nothing when the stonework cracked between them and it gave way beneath him.   
  
“ _Bull_.” Ivy screamed as she gripped him quickly, his sheer weight too much as she fell onto her knees and then her side, holding onto his arm with both hands. He looked down with a wide eye and then back to her, his pulse racing under her grip as she struggled to hold onto him, her body sliding down the slanted and crumbling platform as she shouted raggedly from the effort.

Strong, slender arms wrapped around her midsection and she felt, rather than saw, Solas holding onto her, anchoring her to the stone.   
  
“ _Hold on_.” He ordered her and Ivy felt the panic rising as the sweat of her palms made her grip begin to slip.  
  
“Kadan-” Bull began to say but was cut off by another loud crack, shouts from Hawke, Blackwall and Adaar as they began to fall, Ivy had a terrified moment to watch them descend before their cries were echoed by Ivy and Solas as the stone broke apart beneath them and they slipped and free-fell.

The wind rushed past them as the ground began to approach rapidly, her heart in her throat as her stomach lurched. Bull was below her, falling faster with the stone and she could see Adaar, Hawke and Blackwall just below him, Adaar was holding her hand out, green flashing and sparking from her hand.

Her wrist was grabbed and she saw Solas holding onto her, he pulled her closer as they tumbled in the air, her hand gripping onto his shoulder. Stroud flailing metres above them.  
  
“ _Don’t look down.”_ He shouted and pulled her closer, his eyes wide with fear as he looked at their impending death. “ _Look at me.”_ Ivy held onto him and kept her eyes locked with his, their clothes flapping violently in the air as they struggled to keep their grip on each other.   
  
“Solas-” Ivy was going to tell them that they would be okay, that Adaar would open a rift and they would be fine but something in his gaze stopped her.  
  
“Forgive me.” He said and it was barely heard over the rush of air, the dreadful hum of power as a rift split open below them. Soon her vision was soaked in green, her hands slipping from his robes as they fell into the Fade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you love it when life gets in the way of writing?


	3. Chapter 3

Green washed around her, light that poured over her arms, her legs, her body. She was falling but didn’t feel the air, her hair flicking and floating around her face as if it had a life of its own. She could hear a humming, vibrating pulse, as if the air around her was thrumming.   
  
The sound was boring into her mind, steadily growing louder and louder as she pressed her hands against her ears to block the noise. It was deafening, her eardrums throbbing in pain as Ivy curled in on herself in an attempt to writhe away from the sound.  
  
_Breathe.  
_  
The humming stopped abruptly, snapping into silence as the thought pressed sudden against her mind, a voice whispering against her ear and she sucked in a gasping lungful of air. The panicked sound a skittering echo around her as a shift in the gravity of this place twisted her body. She didn’t know if she was facing up or down. If she was falling or rising.  
  
“Wh- where am I?” Ivy said to no one in particular and a calming voice answered back.  
  
_Fade._   
  
“I fell through the rift Adaar opened up.” Ivy whispered. “Where are they? This isn’t Nightmare’s realm.”  
  
_We can’t go there.  
  
_ “We? Who are you?”  
  
_You.  
_  
“What?”  
  
_We are each other.  
  
_ “I don’t-”  
  
_We are each other, and we are falling.  
  
_ “We need to get to the others, to Bull.” Ivy insisted and twisted around again. It was like she was swimming, floating without the water as the green light pulsated warmly around her.  
  
_We can’t go there._   
  
The voice repeated and Ivy sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration.  
  
“We have to go there or we won’t be able to get back.” The voice didn’t answer. “Do you understand? We _have_ to get through the rift in the centre of Adamant.” The light flickered around her and her skin prickled unpleasantly, a shiver running down her spine. “What was that?”  
  
_I am in pain.  
_  
“What? Why?”  
  
_You must be carried, it hurts to move through the veil, if you are not carried you will die.  
  
_ Ivy paused and breathed deeply as the light began to flicker and fade, streaks breaking and reforming as a sense of panic began to settle in.  
  
“Where are you carrying me to?”  
  
_Past the fade, you will be safe, Nightmare will not eat us._  
  
“What is past the Fade?” Silence was her answer a moment before a screeching erupted around her, Ivy’s hands flew to block her ears as she curled up around herself again, the noise painfully drilling into her mind and threatening to burst her eardrums before she passed out.

 

The first thing she noticed was the warmth of the sand as it poured through her curling fingers, the arid heat that hung in the air unpleasantly and the way her dry throat hurt with each breath.

Her eyes cracked open with a tremble to be blinded by the bright light of the sun, a blurry sea of sand and sky the only things she could recognise. She blinked slowly and realised that she was breathing, shallow gasping breaths but it was air in her lungs.

With more effort than it should have taken she rolled onto her side, her arms dragging patterns along the sand as she did. Her limbs were numb and chest felt like she had gone too many training rounds with Cassandra, each ragged gasp sending pain throughout her torso.

“Bull.” Ivy tried to call but it sounded like a hollow mewl. Something had gone wrong, this place didn’t feel like the Fade, even though she couldn’t claim that she had ever wandered through the Fade the land around her now seemed too _normal_. Nothing like what she expected.

With a groan of effort she got one arm underneath herself and then another, pushing up onto her knees and then painfully onto her feet. Stumbling she looked around but only saw an expanse of sand and rock and a clear blue sky. No signs of any others, not even tracks in the sand. In fact there were no tracks at all, not even her own.

She still had her armour, her sword, everything she had been carrying at Adamant. But no water, no means of communication. She needed to find the Inquisition or Adaar’s party before they made it back through the rift, she was sure as hell not intending to get stuck in the Fade.

With a sigh she headed in what she thought was east. There was no point in waiting around without water, help may or may not come, if she stayed they may not realise she was missing until she passed out from dehydration. That’s if they try to look for her at all, with so many dead from the battle her disappearance could easily be written off, after all, she _was_ falling into the Abyssal Rift the last anyone saw.  
  
  
Trudging through the sand for hours she noted the movement of the sun and corrected her course due east, so far she hadn’t found anyone or any tracks but there was a ridge nearby that she could get a vantage point from. She focused on each step, forced her breathing to be steady as she made her way to the ridge and began to scramble up the rocky surface.

The wind was refreshing as she crested the ridge and leaned heavily against a boulder. Swallowing against the dryness in her throat she panted and looked at the landscape before her.

There was nothing.

The desert stretched before her in sandy dunes that gave way to rockier terrain, no signs of roads or the Inquisition Camp. Ivy spun and looked behind her, searching for the Adamant Fortress and found nothing but the dunes.   
  
“No.” Ivy spoke to herself in confusion, searching in all directions. “I should be able to see Adamant from here. Am I really in the Fade?” She sat on the boulder and rubbed at the grit that had collected on her forehead. What the hell was happening? She _did_ fall through the rift that Adaar created, she should have come through the other side with them. She had fallen through _with_ Solas, inches away from him. But he wasn’t with her when she awoke.

An uneasy feeling unfurled in her stomach, he had said something just before falling through, she almost didn’t hear it from the wind; _forgive me_.

“Mother _fucker_!” Ivy yelled and picked up a stone, hurling it off the ridge and into the dunes. He had done something, _Solas had done something_.

He must have cast at the last moment and sent her somewhere else in the Fade, or into the Abyssal Rift itself. Anger was broiling in her chest, she should have known better, should have arrested him the moment he appeared, should have straight out killed him.

But Solas had made a mistake, the manipulative bastard, he should have killed her.

“You think this is going to stop me?” Ivy shouted to the sky with arms wide. “You should have killed me you _coward_.” She stepped forward, unaware of the loose rocks under her feet that gave way and sent her tumbling down the steep incline. With a cry she tucked her arms into herself and let the momentum carry her, now was not the time for broken bones.

She slid to a halt halfway down the hill and groaned. If that elvhen bastard was watching her he would be feeling pretty damn smug at her clumsiness. With a sigh she sat up, her hands steadying herself against the flat stones. Fist closed she hit it against the ground, grumbling when her gloved knuckles met the stone harshly.

The stone beneath her was different and it took longer than Ivy would like to admit to realise it. Brushing her hand along it she noticed just how incredibly flat it was. As if it were cut.

On her knees she scrambled to the edge of the cut stone, the drop beyond it was barely a few metres onto sand but the stone; _the stone_. It wasn’t natural, it was constructed into an archway.

A renewed hope skipping in her chest Ivy carefully lowered herself from the top of the archway and landed solidly on the sand below, mouth agape she took in the sight of the archway built into the side of the ridge and the old ornate doors it protected, one side intact and the other off its hinges to lean on an angle into the space beyond.

It didn’t _look_ dwarven, at least it was unlike any of the dwarven ruins Ivy had seen so far. The doors were carved to show an old tree, intricate in the way the image was burned into the wood, if she had to choose she would have said the structure was elvhen.

Carefully she approached the door, cautious not to touch it or lean on it in any way. It looked old, the wooden doors worn and cracking with the desert sand encroaching on the space beyond the threshold. She stepped past the threshold and stopped, letting her vision adjust to the darkness of the enclosure. It was a corridor, barely bigger than her arm-span that went on beyond her eyesight.  
  
Ivy placed her left hand on the wall just in case there was no light source further on. By keeping her hand on it she could lead herself out if she needed to or got lost. With a shaking breath she began to slowly make her way into the structure.  
  


The corridor wasn’t as long as she had feared, making one left turn and then opening up into a larger chamber. The chamber was illuminated softly by a crack in the ceiling which allowed light to stream in, creating light beams that caught dust motes as they floated past. The room itself held nothing of interest except for one thing.

An Eluvian.

An _intact_ Eluvian.

Ivy stumbled forward guided by the dappled sunlight reflecting off the Eluvian’s surface. Like the floor it had gathered dust and her hand carved a streak of it away to show the mirror beneath it. Pulling off a glove with her teeth she pressed the palm of her hand against the glass, it fogged beneath her heated and sweaty skin but remained still, gave no signs of activating.

“Shit.” Ivy said and cleared more dust away, wishing she had listened to that bastard Solas when he was droning on about Eluvians months ago. It needed something, a key, magic? Her heart twisted in panic, she wasn’t a mage, how could she activate it?

Minutes turned to hours as she explored the empty room and thought on the Eluvian. She wasn’t keen to go back out into the desert wasteland – especially at night. But she also didn’t want to become that token corpse adventurers stumbled upon in hidden ruins. The ones that always had a cryptic note on them and two coins.

Staying meant shelter, protection from the elements, but without being able to activate the elvhen mirror she was likely to die of dehydration before long and much sooner than starvation. Leaving meant the possibility of finding others, but also the possibility of a quicker death in the heat of the day and the bitter cold of the night.   
  
Eventually the daylight that seeped into the room turned to moonlight and Ivy was lying at the base of the Eluvian, arms wrapped around herself as she shivered in the moonbeam. Exhaustion eventually winning as her eyes closed and she fell asleep.

 

_Wake up._

Ivy opened her eyes and tightened her arms around herself, the cold had seeped into her bones and her whole body ached from sleeping in full armour on the stone floor. Blue light was dancing in the room and it took a moment for her to realise the light was coming from behind her. With a gasp Ivy turned to see the Eluvian glowing, its glassy surface shining with blue light. She scrabbled up and stood, heart in her throat as she watched the shimmering surface with her mouth open in astonishment.

“How-” Ivy began and the surface flickered as if it would deactivate, without hesitation she held her hand up and tested the mirror. Her hand passed through, her skin tingling as it did, the light reaching up along her forearm in tendrils. She took a deep breath and held it as she stepped through.  
  
Beyond the Eluvian it was swirls of mist surrounding her and crushed white stones beneath her feet. Ivy stood in wonder of the clearly magical place, hues of blue radiating from something that was not the sky but similar as the mist settled around her feet again. The air smelt of ozone and spring flowers and felt different to the air outside of the elvhen mirror – although if you asked for the difference Ivy could not tell you what it was exactly.

She looked around her, seeing only the path beneath her and the mirror behind that held the image of the darkened stone room. If she searched the area perhaps she would be able to find a mirror close to Skyhold, there probably weren’t many that were still intact but if it lead to civilisation then she could at least find water and food.

As if on cue her stomach rumbled and without any other clue of direction she turned to her right and took a step.

_Left._

The voice in her mind was as clear as someone speaking next to her, out of instinct she spun to search for someone, wincing against the throbbing pain in her head. She raised her hands to her forehead as if it would stop the pain but it did nothing. She knew that voice, she had heard it just after falling through the rift and thought it had been a dream or a delusion.

“Who are you?” Ivy demanded to know through gritted teeth.

 _Knowledge._ The voice answered. _I carried you through the veil, I activated the Eluvian and I will guide you._

“A demon.” Ivy spat, searching the mist for evidence of the demon.

 _Spirit._ The voice corrected. _Knowledge._

“Show yourself.” Ivy drew her sword and could _feel_ the thing watching her curiously.

 _I cannot._ It said simply. _We nearly perished, I am currently too weak to exist outside of you._

Ivy huffed and felt at odds about something living inside of her, but after a moment of silence and the pain in her head receding she sheathed the sword.

“Why must I go left?” Ivy asked indignantly, untrusting of the self-proclaimed spirit.

_You are at the edge of the Eluvian network. The mirrors here are rarely used or lead to nothing. The centre of the network is to the left but to your right is simply space and untended Eluvians._

“How do you know this?”

_I am Knowledge._

“Madness.” Ivy said with a sigh and felt irritation in the back of her mind, as if it were the spirit.

_Knowledge._

Ivy growled beneath her breath and glanced to the left, there was nothing to show that it was a better choice. With reluctant resignation she turned to the left and began to walk.

 

She followed the white stone path for what felt like hours. Each step heavy as dehydration settled over her. Her vision swam every few steps and she had to fight against the urge to lay down, to close her eyes and rest in the middle of nowhere.

_Stop._

The word pierced her head painfully and she scowled. Looking to her left she saw a mirror that opened to a forest bathed in morning light. Without prompting Ivy wrapped her arms around her stomach to support herself and stepped through the new mirror.

The place beyond the mirror was eerily silent but as soon as she stepped into this forest she was greeted with the songs of birds and the sounds of rushing water. She glanced around, looking for what must have been a stream but saw no obvious signs of one. The Eluvian had led her to a thick forest with a small clearing, a circle of stones marking the space as important.

Ivy stepped forward and nearly jumped in fright as she met the eyes of a statue, life size and watching from the cover of trees. She then spotted another and another, each statue well-crafted and unaffected by weathering. Some were dressed as hunters and others mages but they were all elvhen with their graceful features and pointed ears.

_The tree._

Ivy looked ahead of her to the largest tree, its branches twisted and swept like a tornado. In the middle of its thick trunk a receptacle protruded, gathering water which was running out of the tree itself. On the stone lip of the receptacle sat a stone goblet, polished to shine like marble.

It was probably poisoned, probably a bad idea to drink. If anything the fact that it seemed to be the centre of a ritualistic area should have been warning enough but Ivy was dying of thirst, and not figuratively. She stumbled over to the tree and picked the cup up carefully, pushing it into the collected water and filling it.

She drank without heed and it was cold, near freezing, but still tasted of water and her body thanked her for it. She forced herself to slow down and breathe as she filled the cup again, she didn’t want to retch and throw up the contents of her stomach. The water again quenching her thirst as she drank.

Her skin tingled and she moaned, it felt wonderful. She felt rejuvenated.

“What is this?” Ivy asked as she wiped a drop from her chin. “It’s not just water is it?”

 _Uth Adhal._ The voice said. _The Eternal Tree, it is said that much of the elvhen immortality is granted by these waters._

“Elves aren’t immortal.” Ivy said wistfully as the tingling sensation travelled down her legs. “Not anymore.” Ivy looked around the clearing, at the statues that should have been worn and the forest that hadn’t overgrown. An uneasy feeling began to settle over her, the place looked suspiciously well cared for considering it must have been ancient, especially if the spirit was telling the truth.

And if it was telling the truth and the area was still well cared for, surely it would have been well guarded.

Ivy put the cup back down and rested her hand on the hilt of her sword, looking from statue to statue and beyond the growth of the forest. Nerves suddenly on edge.  
  
“We should go.” Ivy said in a low whisper, trying to look casual as she walked carefully back towards the Eluvian.

 _No, you should drink more._ The spirit urged and Ivy continued to back away.

A cracking sound brought her attention to the branches above and she drew her sword quickly as figures descended from the trees, surrounding her as she brought her sword up defensively. They watched her with varying levels of anger and Ivy swallowed thickly, taking in their tall forms and intricate leather armour.

“How did she get here?” One demanded to know, another behind her responded.

“Through the Eluvian, ser.”

“All passage through the mirrors have been suspended, she should not have been able to come through.” The first said angrily and Ivy knew a superior officer when she heard it.

“I’m sorry.” Ivy said carefully and they looked at her curiously. “I didn’t mean to intrude on your sacred place, I’m a captain of the Inquisition.” Ivy moved her left hand carefully to point at the Inquisition logo on her onyx chestplate. “I came from Adamant Fortress.”

“What language is that?” A third voice asked and Ivy dared a glance around her. Their weapons were drawn; two swordsmen and an archer.

“None I’ve ever heard.” The officer said in disdain. “It’s not the same as the stone children, rougher. If that were even possible.”

“We’re speaking the same language!” Ivy said, her confusion clear. “I’m not a dwarf I’m a _human_. I need to get back to my friends!”

“Ser, this woman is wild.” The archer said warily. “But she still stole in here and drank from the Eternal Tree.”

“We should bring her in, interrogate her.” The swordsman said and Ivy renewed her grip on her sword, making her capturers even more cautious of her.

“I will return through the Eluvian.” Ivy said slowly, carefully. “I don’t want to fight you.”

 _They can’t understand you._ The voice echoed through her mind again and her hand flew to her temple as it throbbed in pain. _I am helping you understand, but I can’t help them._

“What are you talking about-” Ivy’s breath hitched as the officer thrust his hand at her, a bolt of orange light flying from his hand and paralysing her. Her sword clattered to the ground as she slumped onto her knees, her vision whiting out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure Ivy passed out minimum twice in this chapter. Poor thing.  
> Thanks for sticking with us so far! I'm loving the theories in your comments already!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ivy awoke with the dawn and whimpered at the pain and cold. She had believed for the briefest of moments that the ordeal she had experienced was nothing more than a dream, a terrible hallucination brought on by eating something unusual or from being injured at Adamant.

There were many times in her life that Ivy had woken up in a bad situation. Most often it was simply that she had overslept and Cullen had stormed into her quarters to yell at her for being lazy. Sometimes it was waking up in the freezing cold as she scouted along the Frostback Mountains. A few rare times she had woken up with her hands bound and in bad company but this one had to be the worst ways to wake up.

She was hanging by her wrists in an almost cliché dungeon. It was dank, sounds of other prisoners lamenting and coughing echoing along the stone corridor. Massive iron bars lining one wall of her cell as guards in that same intricate armour wandered past.

With a stifled moan of pain she shifted in an attempt to relieve the pressure on her wrists but she was barely touching the ground with her bare toes as it was. Her vision was blurry, hair hanging down past her face as she tried to move, to get a bearing on her situation. The sword was gone, as was most of her clothing aside from her smalls and breastband. In the corner was her clothing and chestplate with the wolf pelt still attached. But she couldn’t see the rest of her armour.

“Fuck.” Ivy coughed and blinked her vision clear. The cell was cold and her hands were numb from being raised for so long, her skin chafed and bleeding beneath the manacles. The sound of metal locks opening behind her caught her attention and she stilled, heavy footsteps circling around her until an older elf was standing in front, his face stern and cold as he looked her over with disgust.

“She came through the Eluvian?” The elf said and a woman from behind her replied.  
  
“That is the report. I have sent a patrol to monitor the pathways, if there are any others in there we will find them.” Ivy tried to glance behind her at the woman but couldn’t get enough traction on the ground to do so. The gloved hand of the man shot out and gripped Ivy’s chin, holding her head still as he turned it and examined her.

“It would stand that those resistance fighters are low enough to recruit lesser creatures.” He scrunched his nose distastefully, looking down at her as he pushed back a long silver strand of hair from his face. “How many were you travelling with?” He demanded to know.

“None.” Ivy said to him and shook her head as much as she could in his grip. “I’m from the Inquisition, I came alone.” He frowned at her and glanced behind her to the woman.

“We don’t know what language she speaks.” The woman said flatly.

“It’s disgusting to listen to.” The man sneered and let go on her chin with an angry shove. “She will tell us one way or the other. I will leave this to you.”

“Of course, ser.” The woman replied as the man left out of the door he entered in. Ivy could hear the woman behind her, the light footsteps and quiet humming of a song.

“Look, I know you don’t understand me,” Ivy said in a calm voice, “but I’m sure we can figure something out. I just need to get back to Adamant, figure out a way to get back-” The crack of the whip against her back sounded a split second before the pain lanced through her, an involuntary shriek escaping her throat as the woman chuckled.

“Ah, you bleed the same colour as us.” The woman said in confirmation before flogging Ivy again and again.

 

Ivy had lost track of time under the unforgiving attentions of the interrogator, lost count of the number of floggings as her legs gave way and she slumped, hanging from the manacles like meat on a butchers hook.

 _Wake up._ The voice prompted and willed her to come to herself again. Ivy was alone in the room, something she noticed through the agony of her back and arms.

“What-” Ivy began but couldn’t make any more words forms at that moment.

 _We must be silent._ Knowledge said. _Can you do this?_

Ivy nodded once before she felt a pang of success emanate from the spirit. She could be silent, there wasn’t much more she could do right now. Ivy felt something moving within her, an odd sensation that was barely there, before a translucent green arm began to push out of her chest. Heart pounding Ivy watched in horror as the arm continued out, it was ethereal but still _felt_ real as it reached up and brushed at the manacles that bound her wrists. With a click the manacles unlocked, dropping Ivy and the arm to the ground.

 _Hush!_ Knowledge scolded her as she whimpered on impact with the stone ground.

“Then maybe warn me what you’re going to do next time!” Ivy hissed in a whisper, sitting up and resisting the urge to make a pained sound with each movement. She could move more than she expected at least and had the feeling that the spirit was helping more than just through words and ethereal limbs. Painfully Ivy shuffled and crawled to the small pile of clothing in the corner of her cell as the arm snaked back into her chest.

 _We must hurry._ Knowledge urged her as she slipped the leggings on, followed by tunic and chestplate. It was all that was there – her leather armour and boots gone along with the sword. A small jingling sound echoed through the cell as the bracelet that Bull had given her fell to the floor, she picked it up, thankful that it hadn’t been taken away and tentatively slipped it over her raw skin. Quietly and with even, steady breaths to hold the pain at bay Ivy sneaked over to the cell door and tentatively pushed at it to confirm that it was definitely locked.

_Get closer, I will unlock it._

“You couldn’t have done this _before_ I got flogged?” Ivy asked incredulously and felt a pang of annoyance from the spirit.

 _No._ The spirit simply said as the arm snaked out from Ivy’s chest again and she groaned in discomfort. The green hand brushed the lock and Ivy heard the tumblers within it shift, unlocking the cell.

 _You must go to the left until you reach a small alcove on the right, it will have a wooden cover that leads into the tunnels beneath the city._ Knowledge said as Ivy eased out into the corridor that was lit with torches that glowed with a white light.

“How do you know that will lead us out?” Ivy asked as she began to creep forward, the cells she could see were filled with elves, all skinny and beaten as if they had been locked up for some time.

 _I don’t._ Knowledge said reluctantly. _I watched as they bought you here, tried to hide as much as possible, but that seems our best chance._

Ivy ducked into a small, shadowed corner of the masonry as she spied movement ahead, a guard was pacing along the corridor, his cape bouncing with his bored movements.

_We cannot linger._

“We can’t let him raise the alarm either.” Ivy said and glanced around, a few other prisoners had noted her movement but said nothing. “We need to occupy him and any other patrols, can you do that creepy hand thing again?”

 _I can, even though you just insulted my form._ Knowledge sounded indignant as Ivy crept close to a cell door, the hand pushing out roughly to unlock it as Ivy gritted her teeth against the odd sensation. Her hand was gripping the iron bars tightly as the hand disappeared again and the cell door swung open, giving four rough looking prisoners momentary freedom. Without a word Ivy moved to the next cell and the hand did its trick again, adding another three to the group to be followed by as many cells as Knowledge and Ivy could open before the spirit warned her against opening any more.

 _My energy is being used on keeping you mobile and free of the debilitating pain of your wounds,_ Knowledge warned her, _the more locks we open the less I can focus on you._

The prisoners milled for a moment, confused at the sudden release as Ivy began to creep down the corridor again. Seconds later the elves rushed past, swarming over the guard and his partner who had been out of sight and giving Ivy the chance to slip into the trapdoor of the alcove unnoticed.

 

Landing in ankle deep water with a splash Ivy had to quickly cover her nose with the sleeve of her tunic as she was surrounded by the smell of stagnant, fetid water and something rotting. It was thick at the back of her throat and didn’t take long to find the source of the stench as her eyes adjusted to the dark and she saw the shape of a corpse and then another and another.

“They must throw their dead down here.” Ivy said as she forced herself to move through what must have been a sewer, one hand along the wall and the other still up at her nose. Rats skittered away from her sloshing footsteps as she continued, the sewer tunnel intersecting with others and eventually slanting downwards.

 _Here,_ Knowledge said after being silent for some time, _this entrance should be far enough away from the prison._ Ivy looked up to see a change in the stone above her, a square outlined and barely close enough to reach if she stood on the raised lip of the trench she was standing in.

With an audible complaint Ivy pushed the stone cover above her head and slid it across the ground. Gripping on the side of the manhole she pulled herself up, crawling onto the white stone road and keeping low as she covered the manhole again.

The first glance of her surroundings nearly took her breath away. Spires of white and gold rose above the city as people bustled along the street near her. She had thankfully emerged in an alleyway and had only a couple of curious elvhen children watching her.

“Where are we?” she whispered and carefully peered around the corner. She seemed to be on the edge of the city which rose up a hill in magnificent splendour, tall forests peered over the buildings that dotted the lower part of the city.

_Arlathan._

Ivy blinked and considered the word for a moment. She knew the name.

“Arlathan.” Ivy said slowly, rolling the syllables around her tongue. “Ar-la-than. It’s elvhen? I thought the Dalish had no cities.” Silence was her response. “They wouldn’t have something this large certainly. And it’s nothing I’ve seen in Ferelden or Orlais. Even Val Royeux isn’t this pretty. Are we in Tevinter?” Ivy ducked into the shadow of the alleyway again as a group of elves walked past and laughed between themselves.

She tried to remember the moment in which she had heard the name. An academic argument between Dorian, Vivienne and Solas about the history of Tevinter and the Exalted March. Ivy could feel the confusion giving way to disbelief and fear. It couldn’t be _that_ Arlathan.

“Arlathan is a city of the ancient elves.” Ivy said carefully.

_The Elvhenan. Yes._

“This cannot be the same city.” Ivy denied the idea of it.

 _I am sorry._ The spirit said simply. _I did not mean for this to happen._

“What-” Ivy’s voice broke and she swallowed thickly, despite the pleasantly cool air she felt a sweat break across her skin. “What year is it?”

 _I do not know._ Knowledge sounded uncertain. _I only know that the Veil has not yet been created which is why we can speak now._

“You couldn’t speak to me before?” Ivy asked, aware that this may not be the best place for such a conversation.

_I could not. I could only show you images, try to guide you and give advice through what you called ‘visions’._

“Great.” Ivy said, suddenly irritated. “Not only am I cursed with the whole vision bullshit, but they’re not actually visions. It’s a spirit of so called _knowledge_ that decided that going into the past was preferable to sticking with our friends and entering Nightmare’s realm.”

_You would have chosen to stay in that realm to save Hawke. I couldn’t let you do that._

“And this is so much better?” Ivy growled and ducked into the shadows again when the vendor of a nearby market stall turned around curiously. She kept silent and still until he turned back. Breathing out unsteadily she looked to the ground and shook her head.

 _This is not the time for this discussion._ Knowledge cajoled. _Arlathan is dangerous for you, we must get to the forest._

“I need something to hide with, surely the streets are patrolled.” Ivy said and spotted a woolen shawl on a small stool behind the vendor. Carefully she inched forward, keeping low as she reached out for the item.

Fingers on the scratchy material she picked it up carefully and ducked back into the alleyway before the man noticed. Quickly she placed it over her hair, throwing the ends over her shoulders to help cover the chestplate. Head down she walked out of the alleyway avoiding the gaze of the vendor and headed for the forest.

 

The roads of the city were changing from white stone and mosaics to simple stone and then eventually crushed limestone that gave way to well travelled dirt paths. Ivy noticed that as the roads changed so did the building around them, the signs of wealth lessening as they descended the hill until they were near the outskirts and the tall city walls cut off the moderately poor from the poverty stricken who were camped outside the protection of the walls.

Ivy held her stolen shawl over her mouth as she tried to look insignificant to the guards who were scanning the people entering and leaving the city. Ivy hoped that with the shawl and clearly dirty clothing and no shoes she would just look like another pauper leaving the city.

“The riot in the prison is being contained.” One guard gossiped to another as Ivy idled past, her gaze fixed onto the ground.

“Any of them get out?” The second one asked and received an affirmative grunt from the first.

“A few of the resistance rebels. We need to shut the gate in case they try to get out of the city.” The guard stepped out behind Ivy with the second and they held their hands up to stop the trickle of people who complained loudly. Ivy continued without looking back to the commotion, slipping unnoticed to beyond the walls.

 

The road that led from the city forked and Ivy stood before the two choices uncertain of which way to choose. It likely didn’t matter either way but it seemed to stump her none the less. Knowledge had been quiet for the better part of an hour letting Ivy trudge along the road and avoid other travellers who walked or rode past.

With a spike of rebellious anger Ivy turned from the road itself and into the wooded forest which drew Knowledge’s curiosity.

_Where are you going?_

“Into the forest.” Ivy said with a huff.

_I am aware of that. Why did you make this decision?_

“The roads are being used solely by elves so it stands to reason that either choice would just lead to more elvhen towns that we will need to stay away from.” She clambered over a log and winced when the wounds on her back pulled and twinged in pain. “I need to rest soon and it’s getting dark, its better not to sleep in the open of the road. Besides, there are mountains on the horizon, perhaps we will find some dwarves there who are more willing to talk to us than the elves.”

_You think they can assist us?_

“I think if we establish ourselves to them as enemies of the Elvhenan then we may at least find somewhere to recover if only for a short while.”

_You may find yourself in their prison instead._

“There is that, yes.” Ivy agreed and sat down onto a boulder to catch her breath. “Either way I will need to make a shelter soon, I don’t know what the climate is like here but I’m willing to bet that it gets cold.”

 _From what I’ve seen I believe it is springtime, the weather could be unpredictable._ Knowledge informed her and Ivy swallowed thickly.

“If it rains at least I can collect water,” Ivy said with a sigh, “before I freeze to death.”

 

Soon evening fell over the forest and Ivy had found a small cluster of thick trees to use as an impromptu shelter with the help of some large fern fronds and rope made from woven grass plants.

“Maker bless Cullen Rutherford and his obsession with survival training.” Ivy said as she layered the ground with more fronds, the forest undergrowth here seemed to consist of mostly ferns which Ivy had cleared a fair swathe in her mission to create a shelter that held a bit of warmth at least. If someone was trying to track her she made an obvious sign that she was here, but then if someone was trying to track her they would have found her on the road long before she veered off into the woods.

When the last light of the day disappeared Ivy was already on her stomach, eyes closing against her will and several giant palm fronds covering the lower half of her body and the woolen shawl wrapped around her shoulders.

“You should rest.” Ivy half slurred and she could feel Knowledge’s curiosity at Ivy’s statement like a puppy tilting its head at a strange sound.

 _I do not require it,_ Knowledge said softly, _as you rest and heal I will regain energy. As long as I remain within you we are at no risk of exhaustion, our life forces will sustain each other._

“And if you weren’t _within_ me?” Ivy asked as her eyes closed.

 _Then we would have only ourselves to rely on in the wilderness, it would take much longer to heal._ Knowledge sent calming thoughts to Ivy, prompting her muscles to relax despite the hard ground. _Sleep, human, I will wake you should danger come near._

 

Ivy awoke with the dawn and whimpered at the pain and cold. She had believed for the briefest of moments that the ordeal she had experienced was nothing more than a dream, a terrible hallucination brought on by eating something unusual or from being injured at Adamant. But waking up she recognised the shelter she had created in a foreign forest and the lack of a warm and inviting Kossith at her side.

Sitting up she couldn’t hold back the painful groan or the sudden tears of frustration and panic that welled in her eyes. Ivy felt the weight of the unfairness of the situation, she wasn’t supposed to be here – wherever _here_ was.

It had been at least twenty four hours since falling through the rift, there was every chance that Adaar and the others had made it out of the Fade by now. The rift back would be closed and they would all be safe celebrating their win in the Inquisition camp, all of this without her. Ivy thought of Iron Bull, of what he would be thinking. He probably thought she was dead.

 _We will find a way._ Knowledge’s voice skirted through her mind in an attempt to comfort. _I promise we will get home._

“I’ll hold you to that.” Ivy said as she got to her feet slowly and began her long day of slow walking and foraging for food.

 

Days passed in the forest as Ivy headed for the mountains, foraging and streams of water sustained her for a while, a few clusters of Elfroot helped with the pain and healing but she saw no sign of more civilisation, elvhen or otherwise.

Her clothes were filthy and she smelled just as bad, a few days into the walk they had come across a pond big enough to bathe in but Ivy was unsure about the cleanliness of the water, Knowledge was already fighting against infections that were beginning in the wounds of her back so they avoided it and continued on.

“So tell me.” Ivy said as she washed her face in a stream that seemed a bit purer than the pond. “Can you see everything I see? Like through my eyes?”

 _Nothing so simple._ Knowledge said, happy to share the information. _I see the events around you and feel what you feel. It is so much stronger here than after the Veil._

“You must be happy to be able to speak to me now.” Ivy pointed out and Knowledge gave a mental shrug.

_I spoke to you through visions, I could warn you of possibilities and show you the knowledge locked inside of others - it was enough for me._

“So the visions I had of the past and future when I touched people-”

 _I transferred their own knowledge to you and extrapolated the most likely series of events based on that. I’m proud to say I was accurate in many of the predictions._ Ivy hummed in agreement. _I do, however, regret the pain it caused you. I hope that without the veil to interfere I will be able to strengthen our bond and avoid such pain in the future – you may have noticed that it is not as painful for us to talk now?_

“You’re right.” Ivy said as she washed her arms with the water. “I can barely feel it now.” Knowledge brimmed with pride and Ivy couldn’t help but chuckle at the spirit. “So when you said you could see everything-”

 _I watched only when appropriate._ Knowledge said with amusement. _There were times when I pulled away completely and could barely feel the presence of your life force._

“Ah.” Ivy said, feeling somewhat uncomfortable. “That’s – I appreciate that.”

 _As a Ben-Hassrath I doubt Iron Bull would have appreciated being observed while being intimate._ Ivy laughed and nodded. _However, his personality made me doubt that conclusion at times._ Ivy laughed again, louder as she pulled the chest armour free from her torso for the first time in days.

“He does have peculiar interests at times.” Ivy admitted. “But I’m not one to judge, after all I’m the one who enables-” a whirring sound broke her train of thought and Ivy had barely a moment to register anything out of the ordinary before a strap was wrapping around her throat, a rock at either end of the strap hit her in the head as she slipped forwards and into the stream of water, the blunt force of the rocks and sudden lack of oxygen sending her into a panic.

She writhed in the stream attempting to remove the leather from her neck despite the pain of her wounds and the water around her turning into a red haze. Carefully a man stepped up to her, looking down with the sun behind his head, his pointed ears prominent as he knelt down and grasped her forehead with one hand.

Ivy came to her senses enough to kick out at the man who simply dodged out of the way before hitting her head on the rock of the stream, Ivy grunted, the blow not enough to send her unconscious and she swung her fist, colliding with his lower jaw enough to send him stumbling to the side. She scrabbled to get her footing beneath her as she moved backwards, lurching up with a wave of nausea and vertigo to turn and run into the path of a tall and broad dark-skinned elf.

The broad man simply planted himself in her way and Ivy fell to the ground again, her collision with the man barely making him move. He reached down and grabbed her upper arm, lifting her to her feet unsteadily as he held her in place to his side.

“You are getting better with that thing.” The muscled man said casually to the first. “You actually got her.”

“I was aiming for her legs.” The first shrugged and hopped over the stream gracefully to pull the leather cord from Ivy’s neck allowing her to breathe easier. “What will we do with her?”  
  
“She has wandered too close. Orders are to wipe the memory and take them back to the roads.” The muscled one said with a shake of his head and Knowledge writhed in Ivy with panic which in turn made her heart beat too fast.

“Best get on with it then.” The smaller one said and reached for her forehead, a spark dancing between his fingers. Knowledge reached out of Ivy’s chest, clawing at the elf who jumped back with a yip and wide eyes.

“What the fuck was that?” The bigger one yelled and the smaller simply stared at Ivy with astonishment.

“I think we had better take her to him.” He said. “Tie her hands, we’ll go back now.”

“Be better off with amnesia.” The second said beneath his breath before pulling a leather strap from his pocket and tying Ivy’s wrists together in front of her. He was efficient, the binding strong enough that Ivy couldn’t wriggle out of it and she received a shove into the back of her shoulder as a reward for her effort. “She’s a wild looking thing.”

“Don’t get too close.” The first said rubbing at his jaw. “Hell of a punch.” The muscled man grabbed a handful of her hair and raised it, the tangled mess of auburn curls fascinating him for a moment.

“You ever seen hair like this?” he asked and the first one sighed.

“No. I haven’t. I’ve also haven’t seen ears like that on someone who isn’t a stone child.” He drawled and brought attention to her ears which were pinched out of curiosity. “Are you done poking the wildling Athrand?”

“Yes ser, Senrith ser.” Athrand mocked and received a glare in return before shoving Ivy again to start walking deeper into the forest.

 

The two elves led her through undergrowth and paths she would not have found on her own, the faint smell of magic was present but nothing that would have been suspicious if she had simply been walking by. So when Senrith pressed a hand to the sheer stone of a cliff face Ivy was genuinely surprised to see it shimmer and become ethereal, allowing them to pass through into a natural cave.

Ivy was hesitant to enter the strange cave but was given no choice but to walk forward, her capturers watching her closely as they continued. The cave had little natural light inside it but instead had paintings of elves that shone and glowed with a magical light. The painting began simply enough, worshippers and celebrations, but soon grew more grotesque as they began to depict enslavement and executions. The red paint of blood becoming a strong theme by the time they reached the end of the cave and spilled out into a vast valley.

The valley was enormous. Shielded either side by crags and mountains a silvery stream ran through the centre of it flanked by fields of green and purple. High up where Ivy stood trees of gold and red adorned the subtle paths and she could see other similar clusters of trees in the distance. It was beautiful and she would have stayed longer to gape at the view if it wasn’t for another shove to keep her moving.

The path led to a simple circle of trees in which the three of them stopped, leaves whirling around them haphazardly. Athrand and Senrith stood either side of Ivy, their faces serious as they each gripped onto her upper arms securely.

“We seek passage to sanctuary.” Senrith said flatly and the leaves before them swirled higher, a form of a man taking shape from the leaves. A spirit.

“What do you bring there?” The spirit hissed uncertainly as it lunged forward to peer at Ivy inches from her face. “It is tainted.”

“A prisoner for him to judge.” Athrand replied. “And _only_ him.” The spirit hissed and backed away unhappily.

“So be it.” It said before lunging at them, the leaves of its form blinding Ivy momentarily as they were blown all around her. A second later the wind had stilled and Ivy looked around to see that they had moved to a stone bridge in the centre of the valley.

“I hate that guy.” Athrand said bitterly as he dusted leaves from his armour but Ivy wasn’t listening to him. She was staring at the structure before her.

A castle of stone and shimmering white stood before her, ramparts and spires striking the sky as the valley slopes flanked its sides. Around it gardens and gazebos carved from stone fit perfectly into the meandering river giving a space for spirits and elves to wander freely. Ivy’s mouth fell open as she took in its magnificence and she heard Senrith laugh at her reaction.

“Welcome to Sanctuary.” He said with a smirk before shoving her forwards along the stone bridge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: The weapon used at the end of this chapter is called a Bolas.  
> Sorry for the late update, I've been terribly sick lately. :(


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Without waiting or caution Ivy kicked out, hitting her foot squarely in his stomach to wind him.

The stone beneath her feet was warm despite the cooler weather and the sun glistened off its well-polished surface, vines of dark green leaves and blue flowers grew over columns and up the base of walls intertwined with roses so deeply red they were almost black in the shadows.

Ivy was still being guided by Athrand and Senrith, both securing their prisoner and making sure she didn’t linger as she gaped and wondered at the castle before her as elves and spirits moved closer to see what strange creature the two men had brought from the forests.

“Should we clean her up?” Athrand asked as they walked up wide steps into the castle. “He wouldn’t like the state she is in. Or how she smells.”

“He wouldn’t like us wasting time either.” Senrith rolled his eyes at his friend. “Don’t wash her, we might not be keeping her.”

The hall they walked into was resplendent with massive columns lining either side and supporting a painted ceiling far above them. Large archways acted as windows metres above and spilled light into the chamber along with the occasional golden leaf that floated down above a wide marble throne draped with furs.

The guards in the chamber were minimal but heavily armoured and armed with spears and swords. Their plated armour was intricately carved to resemble the twists and curves of the forest and tinted in deep green to compliment the flashes of tan leather beneath the metal. The helmets covered their cheekbones and temples before sweeping up and back in short twisted wings that framed their pointed ears.

Ivy was stopped in front of one such guard who simply looked her up and down before giving the two elves an incredulous look.

“Must you bring back every wild creature you find in the forest?” The guard drawled and shook his head. “Wait here.”

They waited for hours. Senrith sitting on a bench and Athrand leaning against a column, neither one particularly worried about their charge attempting to escape from where she sat on the floor. Ivy noticed that despite this chamber being the main entrance and throne room no one really entered it unless they were rushing through to somewhere else. Nothing like the crowded hall of Skyhold.

Light sounds of footsteps echoed through the chamber and Athrand hauled Ivy to her feet. Two men approached the throne in an unhurried fashion; the first stood to the side of it and rested his forearm on the head of the throne casually, his second hand tucked behind his back. A tunic of royal blue fitted the man tightly and he wore it with ease over leather greaves, his long brown hair immaculately tied back.

The second man sat on the throne gracefully, long dark hair swept down his shoulder and patterns shaved into the sides of his head. This man’s armour was dark, intricate patterns burned onto the leather and traced with metal that seemed to glow with the daylight. He raised his hand and beckoned the group forward to him, allowing them to approach closer.

They stopped an appropriate distance away and Athrand and Senrith bowed their heads to the men before them, surprising Ivy that they would not bow fully to someone who sat on a throne like a king.

“Ser,” Senrith spoke, “We found this woman by the northern mountain springs-”

“Your orders are to wipe the memory of any encroachers.” The standing elf in blue spoke with disdain. “What did you not understand?”

“She’s not the usual wanderer, Ser Threlavin. This one-”

“Is wild. Filthy. And you still sought to bring her here.” Threlavin said with a growl and Senrith’s shoulders tensed and squared with held back frustration. “Be done with it and send her on her way.”

Senrith bit back what whatever he felt like saying and nodded his head once, turning to Ivy with a blank look.

“Sorry wildling.” He said before Athrand gripped her shoulders tight, Ivy’s heart sped up as he raised his hand and the sparks jumped between his fingertips.

Without waiting or caution Ivy kicked out, hitting her foot squarely in his stomach to wind him. Senrith doubled over, giving Ivy the chance to bring her leg up high and knee him in the face. Blood splattered onto the ground and her leg as she felt Athrand move behind her and she slammed her head backwards, hitting the man squarely in his nose.

Ivy spun around and moved to put them in front of her, her bound hands up to defend herself as she noted the guards moving closer to her.

“Any ideas?” Ivy asked Knowledge as she became surrounded, the spearheads pointed at her with purpose.

 _Run?_ Knowledge tried to help through the adrenalin and panic, reaching out of Ivy’s back to claw at a guard who had come too close.

“Stop.” The command was loud as it echoed through the chamber, the voice sending a crawl down Ivy’s spine. The guards hesitated and then lowered their weapons, stepping back but not providing a path of escape. Ivy looked to the throne where the man stood and walked down the step, approaching carefully as he studied her.

 _Run Ivy._ Knowledge insisted as she stared at the man, his familiar face tilting slightly as he regarded her, hands clasped behind his back as he walked.

“No-” Ivy began, unable to look away as he became more and more familiar. “He can’t be here.”

 _It is his time._ Knowledge said flatly, unhappily.

Ivy’s anger was barely contained as he stood in front of her, smirk on his face as he scrunched his nose at her filthy clothes, eyes lingering on the Inquisition logo of her armour. Eventually he looked to meet her eyes and they were filled with amusement.

Solas.

With a hiss Ivy stepped forward to attack him, her fists ready and raised but the spirit’s slender green arm shot out and grabbed her wrist before she could move, preventing her from throwing the punch he deserved.

“You have a spirit bound to you.” He said with curiosity. “One that is smarter than you it seems.” A guard stepped forwards and grabbed Ivy’s shoulders, kicking at the back on her knees to make her kneel before Solas.

“Maker damn it.” Ivy hissed at him and he raised an eyebrow. “Of all the people it _had_ to be you didn’t it. You egg-headed _jerk_.”

“A curious language,” Solas said and glanced back at Threlavin, “have you come across it before?” Threlavin simply shook his head. “She is quite wild.”

“Yeah?” Ivy spat back at him. “Well you go bald.”

“Ser, if I may.” Athrand said and Solas nodded once, allowing the elf to step forward and pull on Ivy’s hair roughly, showing her rounded ears to the room. “The wildling is not a stone child, we thought that given a spirit inhabits her we should bring her to you.”

Solas reached forward and touched at the rounded edge of Ivy’s ear, she tried to pull back in revulsion but was held fast by Athrand’s grip in her hair.

“You made the right decision.” Solas said. “We do not know what an amnesia spell could do to a bound spirit. Can you understand me wildling?” He asked and Ivy glared up at him, unsure of what else to do Ivy nodded once.

“Do you know who I am?” Solas asked with a raised eyebrow and Ivy gritted her teeth.

“Fen’Harel.” Ivy said with a growl and received a smirk for her effort. He waved his hand and Athrand released her, leaving her to kneel.

“We have never seen something like you before.” Solas said as he slowly circled and looked her over. “I assume you have been in the forest for some time given the state of you, from where do you come?” Ivy refused to answer but followed him with her eyes, trying to contain the seething anger.

“We believe she came from the direction of Arlathan.” Senrith spoke, his voice nasal from the blow she had given him. “She’s injured, looks like a flogging. It was hell getting her armour back on her.”

“Who flogged you wildling?” Solas asked, his face serious with the question. Ivy swallowed and huffed, glancing at the guards around her before meeting his stern look with one of her own.

“Elvhenan.” Ivy said and Solas turned to look at Threlavin who stood up straighter and took the slightest of steps forward. Solas frowned, crouching before her and Ivy automatically leaned back away from him.

“Evanuris?” he asked and Ivy shrugged. She didn’t know.

“They found me.” Ivy pointed to herself, hoping Solas would make sense of her words and gestures, before making a walking motion with her fingers. “In the Eluvian paths.”

“Eluvian?” Solas raised his eyebrows. “You were in the Eluvian crossroads?” Ivy nodded and Threlavin let out a huff of laughter.

“The crossroads have been closed to outsiders for weeks now.” Threlavin disdainfully spoke as he crossed his arms over his chest. “Even if this creature could access an Eluvian it would be guarded-”

“Maybe, maybe not.” Solas said and stood. “If she found an abandoned one, or came from the furthest point of the network. The spirit within her could open it.”

“Which is another concern.” Threlavin strode to Solas and stood beside him, he was slightly taller and had just as much commanding presence. “Are we really willing to let this thing live when it has enslaved a spirit?” Solas sighed and shifted away from the other man slightly, turning his back to him.

“It is rare for a spirit to bind itself to anyone, especially someone not of the People.” Solas said as he looked over her with disdain and a somewhat cunning and calculating look. “It is against the law and I completely agree with it, enslavement in all its forms is disgusting so I am going to ask you only once. Did you _force_ this spirit into a bond?” Ivy shook her head, eyes widening at the thought.

“Perhaps the spirit should speak for itself?” Threlavin suggested and Solas nodded, holding his hand up in a beckoning motion.

“Come forward, please.” He said and Ivy felt a moment of hesitation before tugging in her chest as the spirit pulled away from her, wisps of green tendrils leaving her skin until the vaguely human form was floating beside her.

Ivy gasped and leaned an inch away before being warned by the guard through a growl. The spirit was the same translucent green colour, very similar to the wraiths that she had fought as they spilled out of the rifts. The difference being that this spirit had more of a distinct human form, long, flowing dark hair and clothing in the shape of a simple robe. Its feet seemed to disappear into a fog as it floated there and Ivy felt slightly faint.

“Who are you?” Solas asked gently but still demanded as the spirit floated back to Ivy and placed a hand on her shoulder almost possessively. Knowledge spent a moment floating about Ivy, touching at her in places as if to ensure she was not harmed before acknowledging that there was anyone else in the room.

“I am Knowledge.” The spirit replied, a perfect match to the voice that had been invading Ivy’s mind lately.

“Did this creature force you to bind?” Threlavin asked, sneering when he referred to Ivy as a _creature_.

“No, I forced it on her.” The spirit replied and Solas and Threlavin looked to each other uncertainly.

“It is not like _any_ spirit to do so, let alone one of Knowledge.” Solas spoke carefully as if there were a sudden danger in the room. “Why would you do such a thing?”

“We were at the end of our existence.” The spirit said, a trace of panic in her voice. “I found her beyond my reach, dying as the light of her own knowledge flickered and faded. It was new, I couldn’t let it be lost.”

“So you bound yourself to her to save her life?” Solas asked.

“I had to carry her through, I bound her to protect her.”

“Carry her through what?” Solas asked and the spirit looked away slowly, as if her thoughts were elsewhere. Without answering she floated around Ivy’s back, arms and head resting on her like an oversized cat although she weighed nothing on Ivy’s shoulders.

“It hurt too much.” The spirit whined and Ivy had the sudden desire to comfort it, raising her hand touch at the limp green arm around her neck. “We couldn’t speak.”

“But this bond ties your essence to hers.” Threlavin said with anger. “Should one die the other will too.”

“It is also the only way the both of you lived.” Solas said calmly, nodding once as he considered the prisoner and spirit before him.

“Ivy has such a short life. I asked her to drink from the _Uth Adhal_ but we were found by guards of the Evanuris and they took us.” The spirit floated around Ivy again, letting wisps of green dance along her skin. “It took much of our energy to escape from their prison. They should have been kind but they were cruel!” The spirit yelled and Ivy held her hand out to touch the spirit, calming it with a shake of her head.

“Ivy – that is you?” Solas asked and Ivy nodded her head. “You escaped the Arlathan dungeons?” Ivy nodded again, but slower this time.

“The riot.” Threlavin said quietly to Solas. “Three of our agents escaped in the chaos.”

“They were going to kill us.” The spirit said.

“That is the punishment for drinking from their Eternal Tree.” Threlavin replied flatly. “Only the Evanuris are permitted to do so.”

“What does it do _?”_ Ivy asked and the two elves looked at her with curiosity and contempt from hearing her foreign language. The spirit turned to her and tilted her head.

“It keeps you young, I wanted you to be immortal but we didn’t have enough time, you simply grew younger by a decade.” The spirit said and Ivy huffed a laugh.

“That’s more than enough _._ ”

“No! It isn’t!” The spirit said with exasperation.

“What is she saying?” Solas demanded to know.

“She does not wish to be immortal.” The spirit said indignantly.

“Perhaps a poor choice in your binding then.” Solas drawled as if he were getting bored.

“I do not regret my choice.” Knowledge almost hissed and took the elves by surprise. “I would not break this bond.”

“For a spirit you are quite… emotional.” Threlavin said. “How long have the two of you been together?”

“Years.” Knowledge said, turning its back to the men and floating aimlessly. “Human emotions are strong, I have had much time to become accustomed to them.”

“Human.” Solas said and looked down at Ivy, his jaw tensing as he considered the information. “This is all quite unusual.”

“There has never _been_ a human here before. Do you think this one is preceding a larger group?” Threlavin kept his voice low and his suggestion made Solas frown.

“It is possible.” Solas said. “But I am inclined to think otherwise. The spirit, the prison, it does not fit something of an invasion.”

“I am reluctant to say this, but without that riot our agents would have been executed – if not dead by the hands of the interrogators. This _human_ has served us well.” Solas considered Threlavin’s words in silence, his gaze not leaving Ivy’s.

“We are exhausted.” Knowledge said softly, floating towards Solas. “We were in a battle before arriving here and have spent days lost in your forests after being at the mercy of the Elvhenan. Ivy needs healing and rest or we will both perish.”

“A battle? Where?” Solas asked.

“ _Knowledge._ ” Ivy snapped at the spirit who seemed to almost flinch. “Don’t tell him _anything_.”

“It was far away.” Knowledge said. “Magic was the cause of our displacement. If you will allow us to leave peacefully we will leave your lands.”

“I will do better than that.” Solas said, his countenance changing to be pleasant. “You will recover here at Sanctuary and if you wish to leave when you are healed you may do so.” He waved his hand and a guard stepped forwards, slicing through the binding rope with a dagger and freeing Ivy.

“Are you certain?” Threlavin asked cautiously.

“Think, Threlavin.” Solas said flatly as he turned and began to walk away. “The first human to visit these lands. Perhaps the first of many.”

“As you command, Fen’Harel.” Threlavin said with a guarded tone. “Athrand, Senrith, you will be _accompanying_ the human for her stay here. I will have others cover your patrols of the forest in the meantime.” Athrand and Senrith bowed to him and watched him leave after Solas.

“Stand up wildling.” Senrith said and helped Ivy stand with a hand on her elbow, he seemed unfazed that Ivy was the cause of the blood all over his face. Ivy stood warily, glancing at Knowledge who also seemed uncertain.

“We need to get you fixed up.” Athrand said. “Follow us.”

 

They led Ivy and Knowledge to a private bathroom, a marble bath sunken into the floor and already warm and ready for use. A single archway showed a glimpse of the purple fields beyond the vines that climbed the walls as the sun began to set.

Without preamble Ivy began to undress, pulling the armour from herself before carefully pulling the tunic over her head with the spirit’s help. Athrand seemed to realise what she was doing and turned his back immediately.

“Humans are unabashed then.” Athrand spoke and cleared his throat looking to Senrith who was still facing Ivy.

“I can see that.” Senrith said with a grin before Athrand gripped his shoulder roughly and spun the man to give Ivy some privacy. Ivy simply huffed a laugh at the display before shedding the remainder of her clothing and stepping carefully into the bath.

Knowledge fussed, much more hands on now that it was existing outside of Ivy and flitted about her, gently padding at her wounds and ensuring Ivy was comfortable as she sunk into the heat of the water and let her muscles relax in what felt like months.

The water stung the marks on her back and she hissed against it, crossing her arms on the stone surface of the edge of the bath she dropped her head to her folded arms and let out a shaking breath. A cool hand touched her back followed by another and she knew that Knowledge was attempting to wash her back as gently as possible.

“Are you well?” Knowledge asked softly before bringing a cloth to dab at her skin.

“I’m living.” Ivy said and her voice cracked. “I’m stranded who knows how far back in the past with no known way of returning home but I’m alive.”

“At least you have Solas.” Knowledge said and Ivy bristled before raising her head to look at the spirit.

“Was that a joke?” Ivy asked uncertainly and Knowledge wiggled, a broad smile breaking out on its face.

“Yes. It was my first.” It said proudly and Ivy couldn’t help but smile which made Knowledge posture proudly.

A knock on the door echoed in the small room and Senrith moved to open it, allowing a petite woman to slip inside.

“Your healer.” Senrith said simply and the woman stepped closer, her expression letting them know she was not happy to be sent on this particular errand.

“No.” Knowledge said suddenly, rising up to block the woman from moving any further. “Leave.”

“She only means to heal your human.” Athrand said cautiously as Knowledge became frustrated.

“The last elves hurt us.” Knowledge spat. “You will _not_ lay magic on her. I won’t allow it!”

“Enough.” Ivy said firmly and Knowledge backed down only slightly, still adamant that the woman would not come near Ivy. “Why are you so concerned?”

“Would _you_ trust the Dread Wolf?” Knowledge asked Ivy and she glanced to see if the elves had understood the spirit. Apparently not.

Knowledge ushered the woman away determined to help Ivy heal instead of allowing magic to intervene, the elves watching curiously the whole time. A while later Ivy emerged from the bath, clean from head to toe and was given fresh clothes. She had barely pulled the clothing on when Athrand opened the door and was waiting for her to follow again.

Down curving hallways they walked, stopping at an unremarkable door and opening it to reveal a small room with a bed tucked away in the corner. Ivy walked in and without a word the door was shut behind her, the surface of it shimmering in a red light which warned her against trying to leave the room.

The sun had set and Ivy sat on the bed, taking a deep breath as she tried to see anything of interest in the room. The high and small windows gave little light but Knowledge dimly lit the room up with its glow.

“You should rest while you can.” Knowledge said as it curled up on the foot of the bed and watched Ivy numbly crawl under the soft covers, much better than fern fronds on the hard ground. “I will keep watch.” Knowledge reassured her and Ivy couldn’t stifle the yawn that followed, her exhaustion overwhelming her quickly as she slipped off to sleep.

 

The first week in the strange new land had been stressful enough that the following month was calm in comparison.

Ivy was given free reign of moving around the castle so long as she didn’t try to lose Athrand and Senrith, her ever present shadows, but it didn’t stop her from trying a couple of times with varying success.

Knowledge came and went when it pleased, spending most of its time with Ivy to serve as a protective translating companion but every now and then it wandered away to speak to other spirits and no one stopped it. Apparently the elves trusted an emotional spirit much more than the human.

Soon enough it came time that Ivy’s wounds had healed and they had to decide whether to stay or go.

“What do you think?” Knowledge asked Ivy as she dressed herself for the day. “Will we find a better place to search for a way home?”

“It was magic that brought us here.” Ivy surmised as she left the room and was immediately followed by the two men. “Is it even possible to get back without it?”

“No.” Knowledge said. “Barring some strange artefact I believe our only chance is creating a ritual.”

“Arlathan is out of the question and with that majority of the Elvhenan.” Ivy said quietly. “The dwarves are a possibility but we don’t know _where_ they are.”

“Or if they will even assist us.” Knowledge added. “But here-”

“Has the Dread Wolf.” Ivy said flatly. “Maker if I ever get back I’m going to slap him silly.”

“I think I know something that will aid us.” Knowledge said curiously. “Follow.”

Ivy followed the spirit higher into the castle, past winding staircases and large ornate doors. The higher the floor the more populated the areas seemed and soon they came across a floor that was busy, but quiet.

Knowledge turned a corner and Ivy followed to see a massive archway that led into a beautifully open room, with rows upon rows of bookshelves.

The library was larger than the one at Skyhold and quite a sight to behold, white stone gleaming as archways let in the daylight and a soft breeze cascaded gently through, carrying the smell of grass and herbs through the chamber. A set of carved stone stairs floated in the middle of the room, giving access to an upper level and Ivy had to take a moment to comprehend that the stairs _were_ floating, bobbing side to side as if it were moored in water, like a boat that had been tied to a pier.

Knowledge urged her in gently, visibly excited by having a repository of knowledge before it and as soon as Ivy gathered her courage and stepped forward the spirit began to flit from one bookcase to another, touching at the leather bound books and rattling off the titles one by one.

Ivy picked up a book close to her that was displayed on a small wooden pedestal and opened the cover carefully. The words inside were foreign, written in a language she couldn’t understand.

“Is this in Elvhen?” Ivy asked and the spirit floated back over to her, pressing close out of habit.

“Yes.” Knowledge said and touched the book in reverence. “I can help you understand if you wish.” Meaning that the spirit could simply translate the words as it did with speech.

“No,” Ivy said thoughtfully. “I want to know the language. It’s hard when you’re not near to speak to anyone, they don’t understand me.”

“If I could give them the knowledge I would.” The spirit said with a hint of disappointment and Ivy flashed it a reassuring smile.

“I know, but I _should_ learn it anyway. I want to be able to speak for myself.” Ivy said and the spirit smiled, her colour glowing ever so slightly brighter.

“Then you will need a different book.” The spirit said before dashing away and up to the second floor. Ivy walked further in and stopped just short of the stairs, uncertain of its ambient movement, before carefully placing one foot on the stone step. Cautiously Ivy stepped up and realised that the movement was not as disorienting as she had feared and continued to make her way up, hearing Knowledge talk to itself as it flitted through the bookcases.

Knowledge picked up several books and dropped them on a desk that looked out of one of the large archways to the fields beyond, the sound was loud and it prompted a nearby man to shush them sharply.

“What is this?” Ivy asked and the spirit floated back down to her level.

“These ones are simple to read. Will make a good basis to learn the language.” The spirit replied and Ivy sat on the bench in front of the desk, picking up the first small, purple book.

Ivy opened the book and stared at the gibberish on the pages and balked, her hand coming up to cover her mouth in a nervous gesture that made Knowledge float closer in concern. Stranded in a land where she didn’t understand the language, staring at pages of writing she couldn’t understand as she desperately tried to comprehend them – this wasn’t new.

“It won’t be the same as last time.” Knowledge said softly, an ethereal hand coming up to touch Ivy’s arm. Ivy nodded and tried to steel herself, placing both hands on the book firmly while swallowing down the lump that had formed in her throat.

“I know.” She rasped, the image of dust, jungle and heat playing in her mind as she remembered the island she found herself trapped on years ago. The redeeming feature of it was Iron Bull, he had been there the entire time, but not anymore.

“You miss him.” Knowledge pointed out and Ivy questioned again if the spirit could read her mind.

“Yes.” Ivy said flatly, she missed all of her friends, but none more than Bull. His absence was like someone had carved him from her soul.

“You just realised something, I felt it.” The spirit pushed and Ivy nodded, Knowledge wasn’t accusing her but instead gently eking out the motive of its bonded human.

“If there is any information on travelling through time we will find it here.” Ivy said flatly. “We will need it if we’re going to get back home.”

“It will take more than that.” Knowledge said. “It will need magic, _strong_ magic.”

“Like the anchor that Adaar used to open the Adamant rift?” Ivy asked and the spirit moved around her as if it were pacing.

“Yes, and more.” The spirit nodded. “I nearly destroyed us both coming here, but it was still preferable to being eaten by the Nightmare. I am unable to control the magic to bend time _and_ carry you through the veil.”

“We will find a way.” Ivy said with determination and focussed on the book in her hand again.

“Does that mean we are staying? Should I go inform Fen’Harel? If we offer to join his resistance we should be able to move freely here without raising suspicion.” Knowledge asked uncertainly and Ivy closed her eyes for a moment, taking a long breath before nodding once.

“Yes. You can tell him.” Ivy said almost unhappily, but she couldn’t see how leaving this place would benefit them. They almost never saw Solas anyway, if they were careful they could avoid him and his agents in the space of this castle.

“But for now, help me learn this?” Ivy asked and the spirit fluttered closer, excited to share its own wisdom with another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *throws chapter in the air*  
> *runs away*


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Why I should not simply remove a possible threat from my midst and kill you where you stand?” Her heart skipped several beats as her mind raced, mouth going dry as she struggled to speak.

Fen’Harel was unsurprised when Knowledge requested that they stay and assist his resistance and allowed them to remain without any strong feelings one way or another. He agreed with their decision, pointing out that if they were found by any Elvhenan it was likely that they would be captured or executed on the spot. He was also glad that it meant that Senrith and Athrand were allowed to return to their duties of patrolling the forest between their stays in Sanctuary to assist the garrison stationed there. The resistance needed every possible person and their decision apparently relieved pressure on the logistics of maintaining it.

Ivy was moved from the small room that was locked every night and placed among the barracks with the garrison, a freedom which Ivy was grateful for the moment she stepped outside during the night and saw the castle lit up in moonlight and starlight. The white spires shining beautifully under the darkened sky and the pathways that decorated the grounds glowing softly in hues of blue. She could imagine that the view from the mountains above them would be breathtaking.

The elves under Fen’Harel’s command begrudgingly accepted Ivy’s presence once they realised she knew how to look after herself and stay out of their way. Knowledge would approach them every now and then with questions, any questions, and sometimes they were in a kind enough mood to placate the spirit. Other times they would simply turn their backs and Knowledge would swear at them in an array of languages.

Ivy noticed as the weeks passed that Knowledge was gaining its own unique personality, one not too different from her own, and wondered if the bond was affecting the spirit more than they first thought. When Ivy asked Knowledge directly the spirit tilted its head and thought on it for a moment, answering with a simple _perhaps._

Soon enough Ivy had settled herself into a simple routine, wake at dawn – because she could never shake that habit – and jog around the outlying woods, spend the morning studying in the library and if she could bear it she would continue into the afternoon. By mid-afternoon the small amount of soldiers would leave the training area and she would occupy it, pushing herself to exhaustion before bathing and returning to the library and somehow in all of that she would find time to eat and sleep.

The barracks she slept in were makeshift, a long and empty room that had cots lined up, but it was just a place to sleep. The elves didn’t pay her any heed and she did the same to them. It was enough, for now, to distract her from dwelling on the loss she felt each time her mind wandered back to Skyhold.

The division between herself and the elves felt real enough, Ivy didn’t need a reminder that they saw her as something _less_ as they barely tolerated her presence, but soon enough a couple of the soldiers decided to act on it. It began simple enough, long stares and sneers as Ivy walked by and the limited tolerance devolved quickly into derivative remarks.

“You need to take care of that or they will not listen to us when the time comes.” Knowledge said after Ivy passed a soldier who spat at her, a quick step on her behalf narrowly avoiding the glob from hitting her leg.

“I will not be the first to get physical.” Ivy said simply. “Their game is not new, soon one will step out of line and I will put them back quickly.”

“But-” the spirit began to protest and Ivy shook her head at it.

“If I lash out it will give them a reason to _cast_ me out. We need to befriend these people if we’re going to get home.” Ivy said and Knowledge trailed her silently but Ivy could still feel the concern radiating off the spirit.

As it turned out Ivy didn’t have to wait long. A soldier walked by her in the training yard, reaching out to flick at her ear as she was making her way to the library, his face sneering with disgust. Without thinking Ivy dropped the books she held, simply grabbed his wrist and twisted him, forcefully guiding it up and back until he howled in pain at which she kicked his legs out from underneath him, sending him to his knees in a cloud of dust.

A stern, commanding voice echoed over the area ordering them to stop and Ivy glanced over her shoulder to see Solas approaching in a leisurely pace. They had gathered a small audience who watched on with smirks, obviously entertained and waiting for their commander to punish the outlandish woman. Solas approached in light leather armour, staff in hand as he glowered at the both of them, his long strip of hair tied back casually to sway as he walked.

“Release him.” He commanded and Ivy did so, putting a little more effort into shoving the offending man away than was strictly necessary. She looked back to Solas and bowed slightly, her hair falling as she did.

“Forgive me.” Ivy said to him in elvhen which earned her a raised eyebrow and she felt a surge of smug pride that she managed to surprise him even a little.

“You are learning our language.” He said, apparently not concerned with the soldier who was backing away as he clutched at his pained arm. “Have you learned much?” Ivy scrunched her nose as she considered it, she had been here a few months but still hadn’t learned enough in her opinion.

“Little.” She said, her tongue fumbling over the word. Bending down she picked up the books she had dropped and dusted the dirt from their covers, holding them to her chest.

“You took down my man quickly, you have had training before?” He asked curiously.

“Yes.” Ivy said, not confident enough to elaborate in a foreign language without Knowledge nearby to correct her.

“You were a soldier weren’t you? I believe your spirit said you were in a battle before you arrived here.” He remembered and Ivy nodded, holding her hand up for a moment to beg for patience as she thought.

“Soldier, healer.” Ivy kept her words simple and bit her lip trying to remember the proper pronunciations, the words were almost melodic and she struggled to string together sentences that made sense to the listeners. “Scout.”

“Then perhaps there are some things you could show my people, especially the new recruits.” Solas suggested in a way that meant it was what he expected her to do and Ivy nodded, bowing to him politely. He half smiled and turned to walk away. “I look forward to it.” He said offhandedly and left her to her routine.

After that Ivy ensured she was present during the morning training, helping out and showing the begrudging soldiers a thing or two. Eventually they got used to her being there and even started to talk to her like she was an actual person, the sneering and judgemental looks stopping when they figured out she could kick their asses. 

Eventually she was assigned to a squad to help patrol the borders with Athrand and Senrith. Athrand seemed happy to have her join but Senrith was sceptical as usual. He soon grew accustomed to her however and they spent two weeks of each month in the forests protecting Sanctuary, the perfect opportunity for Ivy to learn to use elvhen in conversation.

 

There were thirty small squads that patrolled the outer borders of the valley which protected several hidden paths to the valley itself. The mountains that surrounded Sanctuary were difficult to climb due to the thick forests and jagged rocks that acted as a natural defence, bolstered by non-lethal traps that would capture unwary trespassers.

The squad Ivy was assigned to consisted of just herself, Athrand and Senrith, their mission to circle the entire valley over two weeks before returning to the castle for some downtime and to restock supplies, train and report anything unusual. It wasn’t a terrible duty, Ivy had certainly experienced more boredom staring out over the Frostback Mountains when she was assigned to the Watch in Skyhold.

It was good, peaceful majority of the time and it gave her something more to focus on instead of being dragged down by thoughts of what she left behind. The only downside was that Ivy felt like a third wheel as the two men bickered like a married couple. It was always fine for the first few days and then as they became more and more tired the bickering started, starting off with Senrith in a foul mood and Athrand needling him with smart remarks for amusement until someone was punched or tackled to the ground – usually twelve days into the patrol.

“I really wish the two on you would just get on with it.” Ivy said to them while watching the two of them bicker over lighting the campfire. She knew they couldn’t understand her still, but it felt good to snark at them and get away with it.

“Speak properly, Wildling.” Senrith huffed as he sat back and tossed a small twig onto the pitiful fire. “Or at least communicate in grunts like Athrand.”

“Grunts are better than foul looks and sneers.” Athrand bit back and poked at the fire with a large stick which was snatched away by Senrith in anger. Athrand wasn’t allowed to touch the damned campfire tonight.

“I mean, really.” Ivy continued. “I don’t mind staying here on my own if you two need to blow of some steam privately. Hell we’ve all been there. Sneaking off away from the garrison is part of the job.”

“What is she saying?” Athrand asked and got an eye roll in response.

“Seriously, you two just need to hook up.” Ivy drawled.

“She says you need to shut up.” Senrith said and Athrand gave him a rude gesture from behind his back.

“How long have you been pining for each other? I’m guessing years.” Ivy yawned and leaned back on a tree trunk.

“I think she’s doing it to vex us.” Athrand said a tossed a small pebble at her in annoyance.

“Be. Quiet.” Senrith growled.

“Hey, Senrith.” Ivy said and he looked up at her with a glare, his short hair fluffy from his hands raking through it in frustration. She pointed at him and then to Athrand before making a fucking gesture which made Senrith turn bright red and Athrand burst into laughter.

Senrith told her in no uncertain terms to fuck off before effortlessly climbing the nearest tree to escape the two laughing soldiers, the annoyance radiating off of him palpable as he pouted in the canopy.

Barely a month after that Ivy was descending a steep slope after climbing to the top to confirm their position when she came across her companions pressed hard against a tree, Athrand kissing the smaller man heatedly as Senrith gave little effort into resisting before pulling him closer. Ivy smiled to herself and snuck away and out of sight, she figured she’d give them an hour or so of privacy before disturbing them.

That night Ivy was sitting across from the two, the campfire between them as the silence stretched. They weren’t fighting anymore, a welcome change from that morning.

“Wildling,” Senrith said and Ivy looked up tiredly, her wolf fur wrapped tight around her shoulders, blocking the light of the campfire from bouncing off her Inquisition armour. “Thank you.” He said simply and Ivy smiled, she hadn’t done anything.

“Tell us about your home.” Athrand said now that the silence was broken, leaning forward to throw a stick onto the fire.

“Different.” Ivy said, her exhaustion making her fumble the word. “Cold.”

“Do you have anyone back there? A lover?” He asked with a grin and Senrith elbowed him in a gesture to mind his own business.

“Yes.” Ivy’s hand idly touched at the bracelet and her chest tightened. It had been some time since she thought of Bull, her plan to keep herself occupied working better than she intended. With a sigh she gave the two half a smile and brushed away any uncomfortable debris beside her. “Sleep.” She said before curling onto her side, her back to the fire.

“I told you not to pry.” Senrith hissed in a low voice. “Look at what you’ve done.”

“Sorry.” Athrand sighed.

“Idiot.”

 

Ivy managed to avoid Solas for the most part, sometimes he would pass in the hallway or come to the training yards to inspect the garrison. He was seen so little and talked of so often that he became something of an enigma, the famed Fen’Harel. The Dread Wolf.

Of course, she didn’t pay much attention to the wild stories that the soldiers told. Rank and file gossip that did little but inspire them to stay loyal, it happened in every army she had experienced. The Qun, Ferelden, Inquisition. The soldiers here were almost fanatical in their loyalty, but they had to be, the choice to leave the Elvhenan and have their vallaslin marks removed to essentially make them an outcast could not be done lightly.

It was near the end of the cold winter season and the beginnings of spring when Knowledge sought Ivy out, finding her among the furthest bookshelves and reading a journal written by a mage some three hundred years ago who dabbled in stopping time or mass paralysis, Ivy wasn’t sure which. They had come to the conclusion that the only way back to their own time would be magical but without any magical abilities or experience being a mage whatsoever Ivy was drowning in incomprehensible information, the books she was reading could have been integral or useless and Ivy wouldn’t have known.

“Ivy.” Knowledge said to her in greeting, it had been exploring the castle as Ivy read, most likely asking questions and learning information about anything it could from the inhabitants.

“You’re back.” Ivy said with a tired smile, it was growing late in the night and she would have to retire to the barracks soon. She didn’t look forward to trying to sneak past the other soldiers as they snored in the dark. “Did you learn anything interesting?”

Knowledge smiled and flittered in its light, always happy to be asked about the new pieces of memory and information it discovered. At times it reminded Ivy of a child who had found a unique pebble or something that seemed ordinary to others but simply astounding to them.

“Crystals.” Knowledge said confidently. “I believe I have figured out a way to overcome the problem of insufficient magical energy for our ritual.”

“We don’t even _have_ a ritual yet.” Ivy pointed out but it didn’t change Knowledge’s excitement.

“I am aware, but consider this – only one of us has the ability to manipulate energy and so we cannot combine or supplement each other during our hypothetical ritual.” The spirit paused and Ivy hummed in agreement to urge the conversation on. “I believe that if we use crystals to _store_ energy taken from myself in small amounts over the next year then we will be able to reach the power requirement.”

“Like a battery.” Ivy said and Knowledge tilted it’s head in curiosity, unsure of what Ivy was referring to. Ivy took a moment to think hard on the concept of a battery and Knowledge made a happy sound of discovery before nodding.

“Yes, the concept is the same.” It confirmed.

“I gather it won’t be just any sort of crystal we can use.” Ivy said, it was never that simple in her experience. “Can we use ones similar to the crystals in a mage staff?”

“No, those particular ones are used for focusing and channelling energy rather than holding it.” Knowledge shook its head. “We will need to begin researching the kinds of crystals available, if you do this I will begin searching for them.”

“Well,” Ivy said with a sigh and placed the book back on the shelf, “It is a place to start. And it’s better than anything I can think of.” Knowledge floated forward happily and draped itself on Ivy’s shoulders, humming with the comfort of touch.

“Let’s go to sleep.” Knowledge said, despite the fact that it never slept, just curled around Ivy and basked in the familiar presence the bond created. “We can begin when you return from your patrol.”

 

Ivy pulled another book from the shelves of the library, looking over the worn embellished cover before stepping away from the small floating ladder and back to her desk. It was essentially _her_ desk now, a year of sitting at it meant that it almost had grooves in the wood from where her elbows rested when she read and nothing staked a claim like elbow grooves.

Now she could read the elvhen language almost fluently aside from a few technical words that would only appear in obscure magic compendiums. When those words appeared she just waited for Knowledge to float by to assist her, but for the most part Ivy was fine enough to sort through the tomes and tomes of information. Speaking it came to her fairly easily once she asked Knowledge to stop translating the elves for her, immersing herself in the words was the moment of realisation and it all seemed to click, the past year of study falling into place much to her relief.

Ivy sighed at how she had spent the last year. Learning, reading, researching. Confiding only in Knowledge and only on things that concerned it or how to get back to the Inquisition. She hadn’t spoken to someone on more than a superficial level since Adamant, no more than cursory greetings and instructions.

The people here _listened_ differently too and Ivy just couldn’t figure out how to bridge that gap between them. Perhaps it was still too much of a physiological difference between these elves and herself or maybe they were still wary of her. Either way it was almost like talking to plants.

A year of talking to plants, of making elbow grooves in her desk. Ivy put the book she held down and wandered to the large archway looking over the fields. She was _lonely_.

The realisation felt peculiar, the knowledge that she really was alone. Yes she had been on her own before but never long enough for the loneliness to settle in. As a child she had her family, in Par Vollen she had the Qunari. In Kirkwall she had, well, bad luck and bad decisions but those decisions never left her longing for conversation. And the Inquisition had made her feel welcome for the most part, a good mission and good company.

The people she loved now hadn’t even been born yet. Their countries not yet formed.

Her hand slipped to the bracelet on her forearm, the sparkling blue and silver gift that Iron Bull gave her before Adamant and Ivy squeezed her eyes closed to stop them from watering. It had been a year. What did Iron Bull think? Did he presume she had died when she didn’t appear in nightmare’s realm beside him? Did he think she was lost and wondering the Fade?

 _I’m coming back._ Ivy thought as she let out a ragged breath, willing the thought to somehow travel through time to him. _I swear to you I’m coming back._

“It must be quite a thought for you to focus so hard on it.” Ivy jerked to look over her shoulder and see Fen’Harel standing there, his hands clasped behind his back as he looked her over curiously. He was clad in deep greens and dark brown leather, the simple clothing for his day to day duties, no armour required. His dark hair braided to his scalp made the shaven patterns on either side of his head more prominent, he seemed almost war-like. More intimidating dressed like this than in the armour she saw him wear for more formal events.

“Fen.” Ivy said with a polite nod, she never called him Solas, didn't dare. At one point she started to refer to him as ‘Fen’ when talking to the soldiers and it stuck. If he was insulted by the shortened name he didn’t let it show.

“Care to share it?” He prompted and Ivy gave him a half smile, turning back to look out over the fields as he moved to stand beside her and join her in admiring the view.

“I was thinking on the passage of time.” Ivy said and he gave her a curious sideways glance.

“Then I assume that today marks the first year of your arrival.” He guessed and Ivy shrugged.

“It would be around this time.” Ivy said. “I remember the fields were dotted with purple flowers like they are now.”

“You were a feral and unintelligible thing.” Fen said and let himself bear a smirk for a second when Ivy raised an eyebrow. “This past year has been fruitful for you. Even though some wildness still remains.” Ivy huffed a laugh and looked down at the vines that weaved along the archway and Fen cleared his throat almost awkwardly.

“Not that it is a bad thing, I meant no insult.” He said completely unapologetically before taking another moment to consider the view in front of them.

“Do you have orders for me?” Ivy asked, certain he would not have considered speaking to her without having a reason. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes and then to the desk covered in books, his countenance exuding authority.

“No, a question.” He said before turning to face her, his hands clasped behind his back. “What are you doing here?” Ivy paused, frowning for a moment and was about to answer when he interrupted her before she could begin.

“I know you have been learning our language.” He said, staring her down in a way that made her feel small and awkward. “But these books are hardly suited such an endeavour. _Construction and Variance of the Infinity, Enchantment Resonance and Crystal Despondence, Empires of Titans-”_ He listed the titles and shot her a hard look. “From what my people have gathered of you, you are unable to wield magic. And I do not believe for a moment that you can fully comprehend the contents of these books.”

“I can’t.” Ivy admitted and he glared, scrutinising her as he sought her motives. “Knowledge can.”

“Your spirit.” He said lowly, a growl to his voice that put her on edge. Ivy glanced around to see no one else in the library, the entire room unusually empty. “Each day I receive a report of every question that your spirit asks my people. It is _extremely_ inquisitive.” His tone was gradually becoming more and more sceptical, a sliver of doubt crawled through Ivy’s gut.

“I gather then, that your spirit of capable of absorbing the information you gain from these tomes regardless of your comprehension.” He said flatly and Ivy nodded once. He stepped closer and leaned in, his voice dangerously low as Ivy focused her gaze on his jawbone necklace, her whole body tense.

“Tell me, _Ivy_.” He was so close his breath skittered along her cheek. “Why I should not simply remove a possible threat from my midst and kill you where you stand?” Her heart skipped several beats as her mind raced, mouth going dry as she struggled to speak.

“Because you would not benefit from what we find.” Ivy gambled, betting on his desire to further his cause regardless of the dangers. “If you kill us we can’t help you defeat the Evanuris.”

“What could you _possibly_ offer me?” He asked, a hint of curiosity in his voice.

“We’re looking for a way to cross a massive distance, a way to get home.” Ivy bargained, refraining from mentioning anything to do with travelling through time. “The Evanuris closed down the entire Eluvian network, your people can’t get through, can’t approach them without giving away your position long before your destination.”

“And you think you can find another way?” He asked incredulously.

“I come from beyond the network.” Ivy lied with conviction. “If I can arrive by magic I can return by magic, is that valuable to you Fen’Harel? The chance to move your army into the heart of, say Arlathan? In the blink of an eye?”

Solas smiled, a mixture of cruelty and interest before straightening and looking out the archway again. Ivy’s palms were sweating as she struggled to control the rhythm of her breath.

“Such magic you will be unable to do on your own, even with a spirit bound to you.” He said flatly. “But I am curious to see if you find a solution to your situation. _Should_ one be found, you will come to me instantly.” He turned and stepped to leave, stopping only for a moment to consider her before leaning in.

“Should I find you wanting, or the hint of betrayal, I will not hesitate in my action.” He almost growled the threat was so heavy in his tone.

“Yes, Fen’Harel.” Ivy said and bowed her head, watching his feet as he walked away, leaving her alone in the library with weak knees and a pounding heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So for some reason my brain has decided it's fun to write Skyrim every time I intend to write Skyhold. No brain, we're not doing a crossover.  
> ...although...  
> No brain! No crossover!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She stepped up and got a closer look at the people, clear signs of starvation, torture and abuse evident on their skin

Despite the looming threat of execution life in Sanctuary continued as normal. Ivy did what she was ordered within her role and spent her free time researching in the library, it was tedious at times, frustrating at others and more than anything else; exactly where she didn’t want to be.

Days dragged along much in this manner and Ivy began to struggle to challenge herself in training, struggle in finding new information for Knowledge to absorb and ultimately struggle with the idea that there _was_ a distinct possibility that this place would be the final stop for her. A rebel encampment hidden in the forest, a rare safe haven for someone who seemed too strange to exist in such a young world.

It was tempting to leave and try to find other humans but she had no idea where to begin. Ivy had a theory, one put together from scattered memories of ignored conversations, in which humans came to this area from Tevinter. But if that were true or not she didn’t know and the point seemed moot when she realised she had no idea where Tevinter was in relation to Sanctuary or even if the humans there were capable of magic.

With reluctance and a growing amount of listlessness Ivy continued her routine. The rebels had eventually accepted her to the point of only mild hatred which meant she was left in relative peace, she had been shocked at first at how xenophobic they were but it soon made sense. The only other people they had met were Dwarves and from what she gathered they weren’t peaceful from the beginning. One lone strange human was beneath them, a mighty empire of magical and immortal elves – even if these particular elves had been ostracised.

The only relief in this matter were her squad mates, having gotten used to her from sheer exposure and conversations, Ivy wouldn’t claim as much as they were respectful of her but they were at least friendly and unwilling to be goaded into treating her poorly by other elves.

After the encounter with Solas in the library Ivy had tried her best to avoid him, which also meant trying to avoid the few agents who watched her every now and then, sometimes it was impossible and other times it was simple but either way Ivy was on edge from moment to moment. But they had to run into each other eventually, he was their Commander after all, and when they did cross paths he would look at her curiously for a breath before moving on and she would fight to look calm and unconcerned.

 

One and a half years after arriving Ivy finally got the opportunity to fight alongside the elves instead of against them, the garrison marching from Sanctuary to the east to track and intercept a large group of slavers who were terrorising the farming villages there. Sanctuary itself was left with a skeleton guard and half the patrols but it was deemed worth the risk, a viewpoint Ivy agreed on wholeheartedly when they intercepted an offshoot of the main slave group on the fringes of the forest and she saw for the first time exactly what the resistance were fighting for.

They had formed ranks among the trees of the forest, hiding high above in the branches as the soldiers silently watched the paths below with adrenalin coursing through them. They were excited, not because of the hunt but because Fen’Harel himself decided to join them, leading the large group in a hands on manner. Ivy had honestly been surprised when she saw him scale the massive trees with them, when the report came through that he would be accompanying the garrison she thought it would have been from a safe distance away so he could avoid being caught but she was wrong. And she let her surprise show with raised eyebrows as he deftly climbed which earned her a playful whack on the back of her head from Athrand.

Stopping the caravan of slaves was easy enough and the ambush they set worked perfectly, the rebels dropping down to surround the wagon and draw their bows on them or threaten with steel or magic or both. The slavers were reluctant to give up their quarry however and a skirmish broke out, magic and arrows whirring through the air as the rebels held the line and advanced.

It was unlike anything Ivy had been in before, every fighter in that moment wielded magic so effortlessly it was beautiful in its chaos. The air shimmered with barriers and burned with fire and lightning, weapons coated in arcane energy dealt deadly blows where it would have been a simple wound otherwise. And in the middle of it all Ivy had only her staff, her sword and her armour, fighting in the brilliant energies of the magic that showered and sparked like fireworks. The Inquisition logo shining as she twisted and dodged a dark burst of some terrible magic before sinking her sword into the curve of a man’s neck.

It was a quick battle all things considered, majority of the slavers were dead aside from a few who groaned piteously on the ground and only one or two injuries sustained by the rebels. Ivy was lucky in her injury, a long gash to her upper arm caused by a dagger as she pushed the driver of the wagon from his seat to secure it. But it was after that chaos, after she handed off the reigns to Athrand and went to the rear of the wagon that she really knew why these men and women gave up any hope of returning to the Elvhenan and opted to fight instead.

The wagon was simply a cage on wheels, canvas thrown over the top to conceal the cargo of women and children who clung to each other, filthy with dirt, blood and things less pleasant as they tried to move further from the open door, to get away from the new soldiers.

“Please don’t hurt us!” A woman cried as she covered the heads of two infants with her arms, pressing them to her breast as they clung to her and cowered. Solas stepped up and lifted the ornate wolf helmet from his head, letting his sweat dampened hair loose in the breeze.

“I have no intention to,” he said gently and held a hand out, “will you come out from there? We are here to help.” The woman shook her head, trembling with fear as a young boy shifted to move forward. Another prisoner grabbed his arm and dragged him back, hissing to him a warning about Fen’Harel.

Ivy counted the people quickly, there were nearly twenty crammed into the small space and the majority were young. Only three that she would consider adults and no men at all.

“Where are the men?” Ivy asked absently and Senrith glanced at her bitterly.

“Dead most likely.” He said as they continued to watch Solas try to reason the people from the wagon. “Slavers will take the young and the more… mouldable women. Out here there are no garrisons so usually they will just kill the men and women who fight back and take the young. Easier to raise them as slaves than to try to break them. Won’t know _how_ to fight back that way.”

“But there are so few women.” Ivy said and Athrand shook his head when Senrith stayed silent.

“They’ve been prisoners for a couple of weeks by the look of them.” Athrand said quietly. “I’m willing to bet there were more to begin with but this company is known for their tendencies towards rape and violence.” Ivy felt sick to her stomach, anger and horror curling in her chest.

“Why the hell don’t the Evanuris do something about them?” Ivy hissed, her anger making her voice carry a bit further.

“Who do you think is paying the slavers?” Solas replied to her, his sharp look showing how unhappy he was finding the entire situation. “The Evanuris’ demand is growing and beneath them the wealthy echo it to show their status. Meanwhile the vulnerable and poor are snatched from their homes and raised in chains to worship these false gods.” Solas gestured her forward in frustration and Ivy complied hesitantly, she didn’t want to receive a frustrated lecture in front of the entire garrison.

She stepped up and got a closer look at the people, clear signs of starvation, torture and abuse evident on their skin. The woman was watching her from the corner of her eyes, staring at Ivy but refusing to meet Solas’ gaze when he spoke.

“This is only a glimpse of what is happening more and more.” Solas said quietly to her, willing her to understand. “And these people are the _lucky_ ones to be found so early.” He tried to beckon them out again to no avail and when he took a single step forward a child shrieked in fear.

Ivy glanced around the garrison, mostly men who were well armed and either disposing of bodies or staring at the people inside the wagon and Ivy felt a moment of fear for the prisoners, that basic, primal fear of one’s safety when surrounded by people bigger and stronger than you. Without another thought her hands flew to her staff and she unclipped it, dropping it to the ground in an obvious manner and she did the same with her sword, drawing it out of its scabbard to throw onto the ground.

Solas looked to her in a mixture of annoyance and curiosity but said nothing, Ivy took his silence as permission and worked the straps of her armour loose.

“What are you doing?” Solas asked finally as she lifted the metal from herself.

“I’m not a threat.” Ivy said to both him and the people in the wagon, holding her hands up to show them clearly. “I’m not armed. Will you speak with me?” She asked, trying to sound as calm and gentle as possible. The woman simply watched her while the others glanced to the woman. She seemed to consider it a moment before glancing at the garrison and shaking her head.

“The men will move back.” Ivy promised and she saw the long stare Solas gave her from the corner of her eyes before he gave a gesture, the squad moving to distance themselves from the wagon silently. “My name is Ivy.” She said and gave a slight bow before noticing Solas had remained beside her.

“Nerimah.” The woman said with a trembling voice.

“Nerimah,” Ivy said and smiled, happy with the progress. “You’ve been looking after these people? How long?” Nerimah swallowed and looked over the others who watched with wide, tired eyes.

“Weeks.” She said, swallowing thickly. “There were more of us but-” she cut herself off and buried her nose to the scalp of one of the children she held.

“You don’t have to tell me.” Ivy said softly. “But I would like to help you, make sure you’re all okay before we go somewhere safe.”

“We’re not going with _him_.” She said defiantly and Ivy glanced to see Solas’ frown as he tried to look comforting and failed. “We know of Fen’Harel, the stories-”

“Are ridiculous, aren’t they?” Ivy said with a hint of amusement to calm the woman and Solas raised an eyebrow at Ivy who took it a step further and placed a hand on his upper arm in an overly friendly manner. “The Dread Wolf is certainly frightening when you listen to the stories at night, but the ones they don’t tell are when he comes to save you.” Ivy looked to him and gave a half smile, urging him to play along as he returned a tight smile.

“He helped me.” Ivy said softly, gently. “When no one else was willing, but if it will make you feel better I can ask him to be with the others.” The woman paused and considered it for a moment, shaking her head gently. “You need water, food and healing.”

“There is a river nearby.” Solas said. “If you wish I can have the women of my warriors take you there and protect you while you take a moment to recover.”

“The slavers?” Nerimah asked with a bit more confidence.

“Are dead or in custody.” Ivy said flatly and noticed Solas had ordered the female rebels close to show he was worth his promise. Nerimah reluctantly shifted, moving the children away from her as she crawled forward, her body obviously weak as she struggled to step down from the wagon. Once free of the cage the others followed silently, Ivy lifting down the children as they stared at Solas with wide eyes.

The group was escorted north by Ivy and several rebels, the river a welcoming place for the prisoners as they took the chance to bathe and breathe. Her armour and weapons in the safe care of Senrith Ivy took to doing a triage of the rescued group, joining them in the water to tend to whip marks and fractured bones.

It took longer than expected in the thigh deep water, the group unwilling to trust magic to heal yet and Ivy had her hands full as Solas and the rest of the garrison arrived to wait patiently near the trees. She disliked the move, not only because the people were still skittish but because they had become comfortable enough to actually _bathe_.

“They just want to make sure the area is safe.” Ivy reassured as she peeled the soaked tunic from her skin and draped it on a large, sun baked rock. When she had to put her armour back on she didn’t want to do it over wet clothing, the irritation would be unbearable as they marched. When she turned back to tend to one of the children with cuts on their feet she saw Nerimah watching her closely.

“You are scarred.” The woman said carefully and Ivy resisted touching the medley of scars that littered her back. She hadn’t seen them yet, she didn’t really want to.

“I am.” Ivy said and gave the woman a reassuring smile. “My first taste of Evanuris hospitality.”

“It wasn’t always like this.” Nerimah said quietly, looking down into the water sadly. “The Elvhenan were once something to be proud of, now we enslave our own people and think nothing of it.” She touched her vallaslin absently.

“Whose mark do you wear?” Ivy asked.

“Sylaise.” Nerimah said with a tight smile. “The Hearthkeeper. Although I guess don’t have much of a home to go back to now.”

“Sanctuary can shelter you.” Solas said and Ivy glanced over her shoulder to see him standing on a rock, his hands clasped behind his back. “But only if you are willing to help our cause.” Nerimah considered this without replying, simply bowed to him before going to attend to another.

“They will be ready to move soon, although I do not believe they will be able to travel far.” Ivy said and he nodded, glancing down to her tunic laid out by his feet.

“We will camp close by. Feed and watch over them for a day before giving them the choice to leave or join us.” Solas said as he watched Ivy finish cleaning the child’s feet and pick her up, carrying her over to the older children on the bank of the river. “As much as I would like to assist these people further there are many more slavers in the area and we are running out of time.”

Solas stepped away as Ivy picked up her tunic and tried to squeeze any remaining dampness out of it. He paused and turned to regard her, his expression closed.

“You did well today.” He said simply, the compliment taking Ivy by surprise before he strode away.

 

After seven weeks of hunting the slavers they finally returned to Sanctuary, near fifty people with them to join the rebellion including Nerimah and half her group. They had intercepted several caravans and defeated the main raiding parties putting the slaving operation in that area at a severe disadvantage and saving near a hundred people from the slave auctions.

On their march over the bridge Ivy felt the pulling of joy and immense relief as Knowledge rushed through the soldiers and collided with Ivy, purposely knocking her into the ground as the spirit weaved around her and opened their bond to ensure that she was uninjured aside from the ebbing pain from being knocked onto stone.

It was the first time they had been apart and Ivy had thought it was only going to be a month but as the weeks had stretched on she could feel the spirit growing restless without it’s human.

“You’re back!” Knowledge cried happily as Ivy stood and the spirit draped itself over her shoulders, unwilling to separate for the time being. “I learned so many things! I found paths in the mountains you would like and a way to optimise the elfroot salve you use. I kept your bunk tidy and made sure _no one_ touched it especially any other spirits.”

“Good to see you too, Knowledge.” Ivy laughed and caught up to the procession. The spirit clung to her and listed off everything it had learned during Ivy’s absence, the list continuing well into the night.

 

Knowledge was right about the mountain paths, Ivy _did_ enjoy them and were challenging enough that she jogged along them every day she could. The high and rocky trails often leading her to beautiful clearings and wonderful views.

High up on the eastern ridge Ivy pulled herself up a particularly difficult climb, rolling onto her back in exhaustion and taking a moment to recover before she rolled up and set off again at a jog, breaking out into a clearing she slowed to a stop, coming upon Solas as he took in the view. Ivy turned, trying to be discreet as she doubled back.

“Hello wildling.” Solas said and Ivy cringed, she didn’t intend to disturb him or gain his attention. She turned and looked over her shoulder, her heavy breaths slowing as she recovered from her run. “That is what my people call you, yes? Wildling?”

“It is.” Ivy said and he gestured to the ground beside him, urging her to step forward and look over the view of the valley below.

“You do not find it insulting?” He asked without looking at her.

“I know what I am.” Ivy said flatly and pushed up the sleeves of her tunic, her bracelet flashing in the sunlight and catching Solas’ attention. “I don’t take offense at a name given by those who do not. Besides, I have been called much worse.”

“As have I.” Solas said with a smirk. “You have been here for some time now, seen first-hand what we are trying to achieve. What do you make of it?”

“The resistance?” Ivy asked and crossed her arms beneath her breasts. “Does my opinion matter?”

“I would like it from someone who has seen the elvhen people from an outside perspective.” He said flatly. And Ivy took a deep breath and let it out slowly to calm herself before answering.

“You’re certainly well-hidden, safe, and a lot more people are beginning to join. Is it becoming what you wanted?” Solas looked to her curiously for a moment, his eyebrow raised before he turned away again.

“I don’t think anyone has asked me that before. If it is what I want.” He said quietly.

“Well?” Ivy asked and he seemed confused by her question. “Is it?”

“You do not live long, do you?” He asked and Ivy blinked and wondered about the sudden change of topic.

“Not compared to your kind.” Ivy said. “If we’re lucky we will reach something like eighty years.”

“That is… short.” Solas huffed and smiled, the possibility of it baffling him for a moment.

“We make the most of it.” Ivy said with a smile. “I think, in the end, if a life is well lived it doesn’t matter how long it was lived for.”

“And if that life is spent in slavery? Underneath cruel masters who pose as gods?”

“Even if the master were kind, slavery is not something to approve of.” Ivy said.

“There was one who I would have gladly followed. She was… kind, transcendent. But now she is gone only the foul ones remain.” He huffed and rolled his shoulder as if to release tension. 

“Imagine if that slavery lasted hundreds of years, of generations.” Solas said and shook his head. “I wish to be neither that master nor that slave. It is a terrible thing. And the Elvhenan are trapped by it, by the Evanuris who control them with poverty and the whip. I want us to be better than that.” He looked to her and smiled softly. “I think this is the beginning of what I want, of what we need.”

“Is it just the enslavement?” Ivy asked and he shook his head once.

“No, that is just the most visible symptom of a deeply corrupt nobility.” He said. “Their crimes are many over an eternity of time, it’s only now that they have truly begun to go unchecked.”

Ivy looked to her feet and back out at the valley, the hidden resistance, the handful of fighters against the greatest empire of this time. She saw it, perhaps for the first time, in the light that they did.

“What is it?” Solas asked as Ivy wrangled with her thoughts she glanced at him and smiled.

“No it’s-” She huffed a laugh and he smiled at her in amusement.

“Tell me.” He insisted.

“You’re so _young_.” Ivy said and she knew it sounded ridiculous. “I just couldn’t see it before.” He laughed and shook his head.

“I believe I am years beyond your own age, if your kind rarely lives beyond a century.” He half scolded her and she nodded, confirming it.

“I guess my perception of you was just different.” Ivy admitted before hesitantly asking her next thought. “It was Mythal, wasn’t it? The one you would have followed.”

“It was.” Solas said softly, as if remembering her.

“You loved her.” Ivy said in realisation and he was quiet, still.

“With every wretched part of me.” He said without looking at her and Ivy felt a pang of sympathy for him. A rumble of thunder echoed through the valley, the clouds were steadily growing darker and a hint of rain was in the air.

“Ah, I should continue before this becomes a storm.” Ivy spoke and Solas looked at her with a raised eyebrow and held his hand out.

“I can take us back to the castle within a heartbeat.” He said and Ivy smiled, shaking her head at the offer.

“Thank you, but I enjoy running the paths. More so in the rain.” Ivy left the edge of the valley and began to jog again, casually calling out over her shoulder. “Until next time Fen.” Before breaking into a sprint to make up for lost time.

 

The sky had opened up and released a deluge of rain on the valley long before Ivy returned to the castle and she was soaked to the bone yet warm from the exercise. She wandered into the barracks and wiped sweat and rain from her face, looking up to see a group of soldiers gathered towards the end of the barracks.

As Ivy approached Solas emerged from the group, smiling in amusement when he spied her. Hands behind his back he paused and looked over her dripping clothes and flushed face.

“Did you enjoy the rain?” he asked and Ivy gave him a half smile.

“Immensely.” Ivy replied. “You should try it sometime.” He smiled and grunted in reply before breezing past her, leaving the barracks so the soldiers could relax. Ivy took a couple of steps across the room to Athrand who was lazing on his bunk and tapped his bent knee to get this attention.

“Wilding.” Athrand said in greeting.

“What was Fen’Harel doing mingling with us lowlifes?” Ivy asked and Athrand shrugged as much as he could in his position.

“Just showed up fifteen minutes ago to chat to the soldiers.” The dark elf said with a yawn. “Bit weird, he’s never come this way that I’ve seen.”

“He’s been in a good mood since we returned to Sanctuary.” Ivy said and Athrand raised an eyebrow at her.

“Well, that can be only good for us.” He said before settling further, fully intending to sleep as much as he could before they had to return to their patrol in the forest.

 

The winter rains were falling softly, coating the sky and fields with grey and the soft breeze carried the fresh smell into the library but thankfully the rain stayed out of the building. Ivy sat at her desk, huddled in her wolf pelt which had seen better days, looking through an advanced book on focus crystals and means of concentrating magic for use in rituals.

She turned a page and sighed, it was nearing twenty two months of being in this place and she felt barely any closer to finding a way home. The thought made her still, was the Inquisition even her home now?

Pale green light decorated her page and she turned to smile at Knowledge who was approaching her slowly.

“Where have you been?” Ivy asked without irritation, it wasn’t uncommon for the spirit to wander away sometimes.

“I have been speaking to other spirits.” Knowledge said softly. “I thought they may have new information about travelling through time.” Ivy raised her eyebrow and put her book onto her desk.

“What did you find?” She asked, careful not to let too much hope show in her voice.

“Nothing.” The Spirit fidgeted with its corporeal form. “At least nothing I did not already suspect.”

“You do not sound happy about whatever it is.” Ivy pointed out and the spirit flitted away and back again in distress.

“I had a theory, about the veil interfering with travelling over time.” Knowledge began to pace, its wispy legs floating along the floor. “I questioned _why_ bringing us through to this time had affected us so, it did after all nearly kill us both. But it wasn’t entering the Fade itself that did it, or travelling a certain amount of time, it was when I tried to bring you further that the veil consumed us.”

“When Adaar travelled to the future it was simply an amulet and a spell.” Ivy pointed out and the spirit nodded.

“A basic interpretation, but yes. Adaar travelled _forward_ in time by a year, the difference is we are going to be travelling much, _much_ further and passing through the moment in which the Veil is created.”

“You think the Veil will stop us?” Ivy asked in confusion, they had made it through once, she didn’t understand why it wouldn’t work again.  
  
“Not the Veil itself but the moment of its creation, the wrath of its magic and energy. I also believe that the means in which we harness the energy needed to travel so far into the future will make the journey extremely unsafe at best and catastrophic at worst.” Knowledge flitted around Ivy and she had to turn in her seat to keep watching it. “A magical miscalculation while travelling through time could fracture each moment we pass through. In short, we could inadvertently destroy _everything_.”

Ivy stood and wandered to the archway to look over the plains, the grey mists hadn’t shifted nor had the rains stopped falling.

“And the spirits? What did they say?” Ivy asked.

“They said it could not be done. That no spirit could have the power or wisdom to make any similar ritual safe.” Knowledge made a low keening sound before floating closer inch by inch. “I am sorry-”

“What do we do then?” Ivy asked and cut the spirit short. “Simply wait out our lives here?”

“You are upset.” Knowledge said and Ivy squared her shoulders as she looked over the fields.

“I refuse to sit by idly. If there is no hope of getting home then-” Ivy shook her head. “I will stop it.”

“Stop what?” Knowledge asked curiously.

“The veil, I’ll stop it from being created.” Ivy said and looked to Knowledge who regarded her silently.

“Is that wise?” the spirit asked.

“The veil is the moment in which Solas falls into the long sleep.” Ivy spoke her thoughts slowly, moving away from the view. “From there he wakes to a different world and gives the orb to Corypheus.”

“You are hoping that the veil never being created leads to Corypheus never beginning the war.” Knowledge said flatly. “But you are not considering everything else that would be affected. Without the veil there would be no Circle of Magi, the war between the elves and humans could have a completely different outcome-”

“So no Mage and Templar war? Elves may not be reduced to slaves and nomads?” Ivy said incredulously. “You are not convincing me.”

“You would never meet Iron Bull.” Knowledge said suddenly and Ivy could feel her jaw tense. “The Inquisition would never exist, all those people, your friends-”

“Wouldn’t be at war.” Ivy sighed. “They wouldn’t know me. Because I will be here.”

“Assuming this ridiculous plan did work, stopping the creation is not going to be easy.”

“I know.” She said flatly. “I’m going to kill him.”

“You’re-” Knowledge stopped, stunned. Ivy raised her chin in determination, the Evanuris, the war between the humans and the Elvhenan, she couldn’t stop that. But there was one person who shaped the events of the future without heed, one person who raised Corypheus to power.

“I’m going to kill Solas.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for being with us so far! Let me know what you think! <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Let me go!” She snarled and kicked as they laughed, their grip bruising on her skin and her head and knees stinging as they threw her onto the edge with enough force to push the air from her lungs.

The air was fresh and sharp with the cold as Ivy looked over the fields from the library, the sun had set hours ago and the moon was well on its journey as the mists below it reflected the pale light. Ivy sighed as she leaned against the archway, her fingers massaging her temple lightly as she fought to push back a headache that had formed some time ago. The headache may as well have been permanent she felt them so often lately.

“Ivy?” Knowledge called from behind her, its voice soft in the deserted library. Ivy didn’t turn to see the spirit but it knew that Ivy was aware of it, the constant thrumming of their bond sharing much more than life force. It had grown to be strong enough that Ivy could feel the spirit’s intentions and emotions from across the valley – at least the ones it wanted her to feel. But at this moment she could only feel it’s presence, Knowledge was purposely blocking their connection but giving no thought to the way its own light flickered in anxiety.

“Are you well?” The spirit pressed gently and Ivy lowered her hand, noticing the slight trembling in her fingers. That hadn’t been there before.

“What is it Knowledge?” Ivy asked and her voice was rough in the silence of the room, Knowledge moved closer to be in the edge of her vision but far enough away to give Ivy space. The spirit’s hands were clasped together in front of it, the ethereal fingers fidgeting in a terribly human way.

“It has just gone three in the morning.” Knowledge informed her in almost a whisper. “Perhaps you should try to sleep.” Ivy closed her eyes and felt how tired her body was. Knowledge was right in it’s concern, she was exhausted. Had been for the past few days.

“I’m busy.” Ivy said and pushed away from the view and turned to her desk without looking at Knowledge, the spirit put at her back once more.

“No, you’re being stubborn.” Knowledge admonished, a bit of fire in its voice from frustration. “You have been this way since you decided to – to change things.” Ivy shook her head and picked up the old book that was open on her desk.

“I’ve been reading about Uthenera.” Ivy said changing the subject altogether. “If it would be possible for a mortal to survive it.”

“Perhaps we should delay this course of action until you are sure.” Knowledge continued to speak about Solas, unwilling to let its argument go unheeded.  “We don’t know what will happen if his life is cut short. Even I cannot guess at the future of Thedas.”

“The temple in the Arbour Wilds was one of the few known surviving locations that made it to the Dragon Age.” Ivy ignored Knowledge again. “If we travelled there perhaps we could convince them to let us stay. Or even get back to the Eternal Tree and get the full immortality treatment before the long sleep.”

“Can you hear yourself?” Knowledge asked. “Immortality and Uthenera? The chances of you surviving such a thing is minimal even if we _could_ get back through the network to the Eternal Tree without being captured or – more likely – killed. You need to think on your own safety in the present, not live your life in turmoil thinking of _what ifs.”_

“No.” Ivy said stubbornly, shaking her head and putting the book down to brace herself against the desk wearily. “I swore to protect the Inquisition.” Her breath was shaking and Knowledge stilled, the concern radiating through their bond grating against Ivy’s mind. “And I will do so regardless of where or _when_ I am.”

“You cannot protect them from everything.” Knowledge tried to calm the tension. “At least we know that they are on a good path now.”

“War?” Ivy asked incredulously. “Blights? Slavery and poverty? If there is even the slightest chance that we could improve it why not try?”

“I have heard this argument before.” Knowledge warned flatly before moving closer. “From Fen’Harel.”

“Do not compare me to him.” Ivy growled, her nerves seething.

“It is _not_ your job to save them every time.” The spirit’s voice quivered in anger. “This destructive path you are determined to travel will end with _you_ becoming the Dread Wolf. I _refuse_ to let you play at being a god!”

“If he cannot create the veil then they _will_ be safe.” Ivy snapped at Knowledge, turning to look at the spirit sharply. “That is not _speculation_ , we _know_ that he will betray them in time.”

“And _you_ know that what you are planning is wrong.” Knowledge hissed back. “ _This is not your world to interfere in._ ”

“Get out.” Ivy said flatly and it brought the spirit to silence.

“Ivy-” Knowledge began but cut itself short, considering it’s human for a moment before leaving her to the still night.

Ivy shook, her hands quivering as she brought them up to press at her forehead. A deep breath helped to quell her nerves and she wandered back to the view of the fields, the same damned view she had been looking over for two years. If she couldn’t get back to them, she was going to make damned sure that they could live a better life without her.

“It’s worth it.” Ivy rasped to herself, her unconvinced voice echoing doubts in the empty room. “Maker fucking damn it. It. Is. Worth. It.”

 

The next morning a plea for help came from one of the more remote villages to the north of Sanctuary, the Evanuris had suspicions that the people there were sympathetic to the resistance and ordered a detachment of soldiers to raid the village. The Evanuris was not wrong in their assumptions, but fortunately one of Fen’Harel’s agents in Arlathan came across the report and sent word in time.

“What are we talking about here?” Ivy asked Senrith and Athrand as they prepared to march out with the garrison, it would take four days to get there and with luck they would reach the village in time. “Standard soldiers?”

“Likely around thirty of them, this isn’t the first time the Evanuris have send a squad to ‘cleanse’ a village. They seem to have created a special role just for this purpose.” Athrand said as he shrugged on his leather greaves. Senrith joined in on the conversation, half paying attention to his own armour and half discreetly admiring Athrand in his.

“They hit the villages quickly, burn and kill everything before moving on.” Senrith said with disapproval. “They don’t investigate or wait for judgement, if the Evanuris says you’re a sympathiser then that is what you are.”

“We arrived too late for the last attack. It was-” Athrand shuddered before collecting himself and pulling on his jerkin. “Let’s just hope that we get there in time. Those people don’t deserve that kind of fate.”

“Fen’Harel is commanding us again.” Senrith said offhandedly as they finished strapping each piece of the deep green and brown leather to themselves, Ivy’s breastplate and wolf pelt newly repaired and ready for the encounter.

“After culling the slavers he’s reacquired the taste for it.” Athrand joked and they sheathed their weapons and left the barracks to join the platoon at the muster point.

 

They were minutes from moving out, Ivy could see Solas up the front giving some last minute orders to Threlavin who was going to oversee Sanctuary while he was absent and she felt a stab of uncertainty before pushing the doubt down. She couldn’t doubt herself, not in this.

Athrand elbowed her and she looked up at him with a frown before she noted his pointed look and followed it to see Knowledge approaching hesitantly, the other soldiers uncaring of the spirit’s presence as it weaved through them to her.

“Ivy-” Knowledge began but cut itself off, looking around at the soldiers curiously.

“We don’t have much time.” Ivy said to prompt the spirit, speaking in Common to keep their conversation private. “We’ll be gone for a week at least.”

“I know.” Knowledge said flatly. “I want to apologise.”

“You… do?” Ivy asked hesitantly, she had been feeling guilt after arguing with the spirit and now it was compounded by the apology. Her stance on the matter hadn’t changed but she shouldn’t have argued with her friend over it.

“I made this bond between us knowing that it would irreparably affect me.” Knowledge said and Ivy was acutely aware of the curious glances from nearby soldiers. “The reason for my existence is to collect and preserve knowledge, to share it freely. Not to use it to cause or prevent change. It is a violation of my purpose to do such a thing.”

“You’re not going to go demonic on me are you?” Ivy asked carefully and Knowledge smiled.

“No, I am able to complete my purpose freely so there is little chance of such a thing. But while I cannot bring about change I understand wholly that it is within human nature to do so. The influence of your nature, among other things, is why I acted callously last night.”

“You weren’t the only one.” Ivy said. “I could have been kinder.”

“When I made this bond I accepted a responsibility to guide you, to ensure your wellbeing and to give advice when needed. No matter your decisions I will support them.” Knowledge half bowed to her and Ivy smiled sadly. “Even if they are stupid ones.”

Ivy barked a laugh and the soldiers formed ranks, ready to begin their march north. Ivy raised an eyebrow at the spirit and looked about her, it was out of place among the elves.

“Well, are you coming along then?” Ivy asked as she lined up, the procession beginning. Knowledge smiled happily before twirling around her, sinking into Ivy’s chest to hitch a ride in the human for the march.

 

She wished she had slept. Her worn boots crushed the undergrowth of the forest while the elves walked along in the half-bare feet elegantly, even Athrand who was more muscle than mobility made walking through the tangled and dense trees look easy. Then there was Ivy who had tripped over more roots and branches than the rest of the squad combined.

“It’s what happens when you don’t get proper rest, Wildling.” Senrith scolded her and she pulled a face behind his back and tripped on another root. “Don’t think your lack of presence in the barracks has gone unnoticed.”

“Don’t be so harsh.” Athrand teased. “Perhaps she has taken on a lover and _that_ is why she has gotten no sleep.”

“More likely she’s been in that damned library.” Senrith said flatly in return. “Studying magic when you can’t wield it. A damned waste of time.”

The procession stopped short and much to her relief they set up camp for the night, Ivy making quick work of a campfire before finding somewhere comfortable to sit for the next few hours. Senrith was still giving his opinion on Ivy’s activities outside of the garrison much to her ire and Athrand’s amusement.

“Archery.” Senrith pointed out. “You are abysmal at it, why not spend your time training in that instead of magic.”

“Because we value the lives of bystanders.” Athrand jibed and Ivy barely had the energy to raise her middle finger at him.

“Or you could join us, you know, get out there and socialise for once.” Senrith pointed out.

“I have been here two years and the only people who have spoken to me are the two of you.” Ivy said disdainfully. “And that was a forced interaction.”

“But we know you now, if they got to know you as well-” Senrith stopped at Ivy’s incredulous look.

“I know they see me as little more than an animal.” Ivy said flatly. “I don’t expect their opinion of me to change anytime soon.”

“And it won’t.” Solas’ voice from behind her made her heart jump, she hadn’t heard him approach. They scrambled to their feet and bowed to Solas who waved off the gesture, he didn’t want to revel in the glory of command but the soldiers still insisted of showing their respect.

“Not without a catalyst for change.” Solas said and Ivy nodded to him. “Perhaps you should be your own catalyst, Wildling.”

“As you say, Fen.” Ivy said and swallowed thickly, she couldn’t meet his eyes, couldn’t bring herself to look at him properly.

“And as for how you spend your own time,” Solas continued, “I don’t consider gaining knowledge in any form a disadvantage, whether you use it or not. Considering your squad mates spend theirs rendezvousing in the forest, I’d say you’re fine.” Solas’ voice was amused and Ivy couldn’t help but smile as Senrith fought to hold back a blush and maintain composure. Athrand simply looked down to the ground and pressed his lips together to hold back a smile.

“Ser-” Senrith spoke but Solas held his hand up to stop him.

“Not my business.” He said firmly and grinned before turning to check on the next group, Senrith’s keening sound of embarrassment drowned out by Ivy’s laughter.

 

They reached the village earlier than expected and thankfully the people were still alive, albeit panicked. Some had even fled into the forest just to be sure, taking nothing but provisions for a couple of days as they made for the nearest mountains and hoped to find shelter in the winding crags.

Immediately the elder of the village – a woman who looked no older than any other elf Ivy had seen here – greeted Solas with a firm handshake and a wide, relieved smile. She bore the vallaslin of Mythal and Ivy wondered just how many of Mythal’s followers knew she was dead and if they joined the resistance because of it.

“Thank you, Fen’Harel.” The woman said, her confident voice only barely wavering as the garrison noted the layout and defences of the village – of which there wasn’t much.

“Do not thank me yet, Illena, we have yet to win.” Solas said before she gestured to a hut and led him inside.

They organised for the remaining villagers to either flee or fight, majority of the adults choosing to stay while a few escorted the younger ones into the forest. Their scouts had located the Evanuris soldiers a day’s march from the village, it would be a dawn attack.

The village itself was a simple farming settlement, wooden houses and thatch rooves. All terribly flammable despite the recent rains. There couldn’t have been more than five buildings in the centre of the town before the small fields of wheat and fruit orchards sprawled out. In the distance a couple of houses sat silently among the fields. It was beautifully picturesque.

“Do you cast a barrier over the town?” Ivy asked Senrith curiously. “To stop the buildings from being set on fire?” Senrith gave her a measured look before glancing to Athrand who just gave a half shrug and resumed setting a spike trap in the doorway of a house.

“Even if we win the battle we must burn the village.” Senrith said flatly, not meeting Ivy’s eyes as he spoke. “A successful report needs to reach the Evanuris, the easiest way to do that is to burn this place to the ground.”

“But,” Ivy protested, “these people have a _life_ here.”

“One that could be easily taken away with a second attack.” Athrand joined the conversation as he stood and dusted his hands. “We can’t be here to protect them all the time. By destroying their livelihood we are saving their lives, Illena and her people know this.”

“We will offer them a place in Sanctuary.” Senrith said roughly, looking at her apologetically. “I don’t like it either, but Fen’Harel is right in this. We don’t have the numbers to protect everyone but we do what we can.”

“Are you alright?” Athrand asked and Ivy nodded. She knew they were right, it made sense and she didn’t know why she hadn’t considered it before.

“Sun is setting.” Ivy said and they grunted in affirmation. “We had better get to our position until dawn.”

 

The dawn light had just begun to filter into the forest that bordered the village when the first screams echoed to them. The enemy had reached an outlying house and it was already burning, the smoke rising up in dark plumes as someone screamed.

Ivy looked to her squad mates who looked anxious and torn by the sounds, Senrith swallowing thickly as Athrand pulled him closer.

“I thought they evacuated the village.” Ivy whispered as she closed her eyes against the sound suddenly being cut off.

“Not everyone was willing to go.” Senrith replied flatly, straightening his shoulders and signalling to take up position on the tree-line.

Illena and her people opted to stay in the village and take the brunt of the attack so Fen’Harel’s soldiers could flank the Evanuris, it was a bold move, one that Ivy admired. But it also meant they lost a couple of people in the initial charge.

The resistance raced from the forest silently and took the soldiers by surprise, a handful of them falling in the crossfire as magic whipped around them and the clash of steel screeched. The Evanuris broke away quickly, scattering across the village to regain ground and the resistance followed, separating themselves to hunt down the attackers in the buildings and fields.

The jarring contact of her staff on a soldier’s helmet tore a grunt from her lips and she whirled the staff to trip the man before thrusting the bladed end into his throat. The elf gurgled and pawed listlessly at the mortal wound as a building on the far end of the village caught on fire, the smoke half blinding her as she spied a soldier sneaking into another building.

Ivy followed, similarly keeping quiet and low as she followed into another entrance, the tight confines of the house wouldn’t aid her in using her staff but if she could get the jump on the man she would have the advantage. The winding rooms put her on the east end of the main room, a half shut door looking out over the bloodied corpse of a resistance fighter and Solas who kneeled above him, hand clutching the dead man's.

Across the room the soldier paused in the opposite doorway, seemingly as unnoticed by Solas as Ivy was. He looked down at the man in the wolf mask, a flicker of hesitation before realisation flashed in his eyes and his hand tightened on the hilt of his sword. Ivy backed away, crossing the outer room to the opposite entrance that put her directly behind the guard who still lingered.

This was it, this was what she had been waiting for.

 _Walk away._ Ivy urged herself. _Simply to nothing._

The guard stepped forward carefully, silently, his pointed ears twitching in concentration as he approached Fen’Harel, sword gradually rising with the intent to descent into the back of the kneeling man.

Ivy’s stomach clenched, no one was approaching, no one to stop the man from killing Solas, in barely a moment he would be dead on the floor. No creation of the Veil, the terrible consequences of his actions avoided.

“Forgive me, my friend.” Solas said quietly as he placed the hand of the dead rebel on his chest and closed his eyes. “I will feel your loss for centuries to come.” Ivy’s heart clenched, guilt stabbing through her like a knife. Fen’Harel was mourning the loss of his soldier and it humanised him, in this private moment he was just an elf, not the _Dread_ _Wolf_ or the betrayer of the Inquisition. Simply a man.

Ivy felt as if she couldn’t breathe, the man she was going to let die was not yet responsible for the crimes she judged him for. _This_ man hasn’t created the veil, hasn’t conspired with Corypheus. What he _has_ done is fought for freedom, saved people in their time of need. _That_ is something Ivy has seen firsthand.

The guard was so close to him now, so damned close that his silver and black armour reflected small patches of light onto Solas’ back like a target. His sword drawn high into the air and poised to strike.

Something broke inside of her, some kind of stubborn resolve that snapped like a band and before she could fully comprehend it she was rushing the soldier, one hand curving around his helmet and yanking his head back, the movement throwing him off balance and baring his neck. Her other treacherous hand drawing her dagger from the small of her back and slitting his throat, the hot arterial blood gushing forth as Solas jumped to his feet, hand glowing with some unknown magic.

The soldier slumped between them, the front of his armour and the floor stained with blood that began to pool beneath him. Eyes wide and breath quick Solas looked to Ivy who felt nothing but a disappointed rage in herself.

“Thank yo-” He began but Ivy’s angry gesture cut him off.

“Keep your thanks.” Ivy said harshly, definitely too disrespectful to someone who was supposed to be her superior officer. “Watch your back instead.” She bit before turning on her heels and stalking from the house, the wooden floor making a soft echo under her boots.

She remained in the village long enough to ensure that they were victorious and as the resistance cheered their win and the villagers collected themselves Ivy turned and stalked to the trees in silence to seek the solitude she needed. Her hands were shaking and her armour too tight and constricting for her laboured breath, blood was rapidly drying and flaking on her right hand as she leaned against a thick tree trunk and threw her dagger into the ground in disgust.

Knowledge pulled from her then, curling from her shaking form to float effortlessly in front of her, it watched her silently but Ivy could still feel the judgement through their bond.

“I can’t do it.” Ivy gasped and clutched at her chest, her heart wrenching somewhere inside of her. “I can’t kill him.” Knowledge made a sound that would have been a frustrated sigh if the creature drew breath.

“He is the one who gives the orb to Corypheus, _he_ is the cause of the suffering that your friends endured.” Knowledge insisted. “If you want to prevent the wars, you _must_ stop him.”

“He is not that man.” Ivy rasped. “He is nothing like Solas.”

“He is the seed that becomes the Dread Wolf. He has _already_ taken the name.”

“But he is fighting for freedom-”

“And that freedom is won with the blood of _millions_ for ages to come.” Knowledge said in frustration. “If you choose this path, if you choose to let him live, then you must convince him to give up on his cause. You know, more than most, that an idea is not easy quashed. How can you justify saving his life over the lives of _everyone_ in Thedas?”

“ _I can’t_.” Ivy yelled, her voice cutting through the silence, she breathed deeply, trying to calm herself. “I can’t. But I can’t justify the murder of an innocent either.”

“He’s innocent now.” Knowledge said softly. “But for how much longer? Beyond his death what can we do to ensure he does not create the Veil?”

“Maker I don’t know.” Ivy rasped and felt herself crumble, a few tumultuous tears breaking free and she wiped them away angrily, uncaring if any blood was smeared in their place.

“If you do not kill him you must choose.” Knowledge floated closer, it’s hand coming up to rest on her shoulder in comfort. “This event will not be prevented easily. You must decide if you will torture yourself to change a future you will not return to or embrace the world you live in now.”

“Why can’t I do both?” Ivy asked petulantly and Knowledge smiled.

“Because if you do change it you will live unknowing if you did the right thing or not. If you don’t, well, it will be much the same outcome for you.” Knowledge shook its head and Ivy stilled, her hand over her mouth as she watched the quiet village though the trees, you wouldn’t even know from the outside that they had just ambushed the soldiers there. “The only way for you to find peace with yourself is to _embrace_ your situation now. Not regret each step you take in it.”

“It feels too much like giving up.” Ivy said quietly, her voice barely heard. “How can that be the right thing to do?”

“I can’t make the decision for you.” Knowledge moved closer, leaning against her arm as it looked up to her with wide bottomless eyes. “I can only show you the possibilities. But I know _you_ – you will not find peace in killing him.”

“Then what do I do?” Ivy held down the sob that threatened in her throat. “Please, just _tell_ me.”

Knowledge raised its hands and cupped her jaw to gain eye contact, the spirit was sad, its deep and usually empty eyes filling with sympathy.

“You do what you always have done.” Knowledge whispered. “You get up. Keep going.”

“But the Inquisition-”

“Will not exist for centuries to come. Keep looking for a way to get back if it soothes you, but please do not neglect yourself in pursuit of it. What would Bull say?” Knowledge prompted and Ivy huffed a bitter laugh. He would tell her to keep fighting, to keep safe and sane until she got back.

“He would tell me not to be an idiot.” Ivy said with a sad smile.

“He would tell you that they can look after themselves and that you need to do the same.” Knowledge said firmly before urging her to stand up straight. “More than protecting them, more than _anything_ your friends need you to keep being _you_. Captain Volkev of the Inquisition. If we ever do get back it will be knowing that we did things _right._ ”

Ivy nodded and took a deep breath, the spirit watching on proudly as she composed herself and made for the village. Knowledge hid within her again, sending positive and strong thoughts her way as she began to help the villagers claim whatever they could carry before leaving for Sanctuary.

Solas caught her eyes from across what was left of the smouldering markets, his measuring gaze making her jaw tense and stopping her in her tracks before she clenched her fists and went about her duties.

 

As expected the resistance was blamed for the destruction of the village and the murder of upstanding soldiers, that news putting a damper of their return to Sanctuary. Illena and her people settled in quickly, taking up roles in the garrison and other areas that desperately needed aid.

Ivy decided it was best to throw herself into her training for a few weeks to shake the lingering depression that had been dogging her. It was cathartic and she pushed herself harder than she had ever done before, focusing on being silent and stealthy she smiled at the thought that Leliana would be bugging her even harder to join her agents if she were around.

A month after returning, when the blow struck the back of her head she didn’t fall to her knees but merely stumbled, a grunt of pain breaching her lips before the strike of a staff to the back of her knees collapsed them beneath her and she dropped hard, reaching for her staff which was quickly wrenched away and thrown across the dust and dirt of the training yards.

Hands grabbed her arms, a pair each side and dragged her along the dirt, her boots scrabbling for purchase to resist as she growled and kicked out at the men who held her, she looked up to see soldiers she recognised and a woman too, three of them in total with wide grins as they dragged her towards the water troughs.

“ _Let me go!”_ She snarled and kicked as they laughed, their grip bruising on her skin and her head and knees stinging as they threw her onto the edge with enough force to push the air from her lungs.

“No Wildling!” A man laughed before his hand twisted in her hair savagely, wrenching her head back forcing her to look up at him. “We want to see if you can breathe underwater. Like a fish!” They laughed as she snarled at them, pushing her head down into the water.

She thrashed and tried to hold her breath, her arms wrenching against their hold as she tried to strike them, to shake them off, anything to get leverage from the water. The panic rose in her echoed by Knowledge as the spirit tried to rush from the other side of the castle to her. She could feel the air escaping her as the bubbles trailed up, her head feeling faint.

They wrenched her back up and she gasped for air, the laughter continuing as she coughed and blinked the water from her eyes.

“What do you want?!” Ivy gasped and the man beside her hummed in consideration before smiling with a wicked grin and shrugging.

“Nothing really.” He said and the woman bent down to look into Ivy’s face, her voice melodic.

“Sometimes we just like to play with the animals around here.” She had barely finished speaking when Ivy was pushed back down again, the water a shock against her skin. It felt like forever, thrashing against hands and water, the muffled laughter taunting her as the last of her oxygen peeled from her mouth and her vision started to blur.

Hands were wrenched from her and she had the barest of reasoning left to push up and slide from the trough to the ground, coughing and choking on the little water that had made it into her lungs. The elves who had attacked her were skittering away, one on the ground and the woman running, the man who had taunted her first was trying to defend himself from a barrage of punches from Athrand.

The man was taking a beating as Athrand crushed the front of his tunic in one fist and pummelled him with the other. Ivy choked his name, breaking him from the blind rage to throw the man onto the ground.

“You had better run Orenn.” Athrand snarled to the man who was scrabbling backwards with an already bruised and bloodied face. “ _Before_ I forget my manners.”

The man stood and stumbled away, Athrand watching him go before he turned with a frown to offer a hand to help Ivy up. She accepted, wincing at the pain in her head and legs before nodding to him in thanks to which he gave her a calculating glare.

“You alright Wilding?” He asked as Ivy bent and supported herself with her hands on knees, letting her hair drip as she took large, wonderful breaths of air.

“I think so.” Ivy said with a shaking breath, her heart was still racing. “But I don’t know what I did to offend Orenn.”

“You existed.” Athrand said unhappily and crossed his arms over his chest. “He’s been spouting hateful nonsense since you arrived, can’t stand the fact that a non-elf is in the garrison.”

“What an arsehole.” Ivy grumbled and he grunted in agreement.

 

When Senrith found out about what had happened to Ivy, his direct subordinate and responsibility, he was beyond livid. Ivy and Athrand tried to calm him, warn him against doing anything rash but he could not be talked down. Instead he stormed into the adjacent barracks and growled in a demanding voice that Orenn and his squad present themselves at once.

“They are currently unable to attend to you.” Came Solas’ calm voice a moment before the small gathering of soldiers parted and he stepped forward, hands clasped behind his back as he walked to them with loud, authoritive footsteps against the stone floor. Senrith’s eyes widened as he bowed suddenly, the motion echoed by Athrand and Ivy.

“Fen’Harel.” Senrith said calmly. “I apologise for interrupting your inspection.”

“Oh, no need to apologise.” Solas said lightly, his eyebrow raised in an expression Ivy couldn’t read. “But if you are looking for Orenn and his squad they have unfortunately been assigned to patrol the mountains for the next two months.” He said lightly and Ivy couldn’t help but glance at Athrand who looked a bit pale. Being sent on patrol for more than the usual two weeks was considered a punishment, let alone purely the snowy mountainous region for _two months_.

Solas stepped past Senrith and made to leave the barracks, stopping curiously by Ivy as he looked her over.

“How goes training Wildling? Are the soldiers meeting expectations?” He asked completely normally.

“Yes Ser,” Ivy replied, standing to attention, “Most are exceeding expectations, the few who aren’t are assigned to extra sessions.” Solas smiled, a knowing curl of his lips before nodding once.

“I am pleased to hear it.” He said flatly before reaching a pale, slender hand up and lifted a length of her wet hair, holding it delicately between two fingers a moment before he stepped in and spoke quiet enough so just she could hear.

“Keep your thanks, watch your back instead.” Ivy swore she could hear his grin through his words as he stepped past and left them to mill in the barracks.

“What the hell is going on?” Dismayed, Senrith left the barracks shaking his head followed by a very silent Athrand and Ivy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Have a chapter!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can’t believe my eyes.” Ivy teased with a breathless laugh. “The mighty Fen’Harel succumbing to something as mundane as alcohol?”

The days dragged. Despite the routine that had kept her well distracted until now. The training, patrolling, researching and duties. It seemed no matter what she tried to fill her time with it was an achingly slow march until it was time to sleep. The sleep usually filled with dreams and echoes of memories that haunted her, of sensations that only her own time would allow.

The smell of leather and embrium oil on a greatsword. The searing heat of large hands on the small of her back.

The faces that were once crystal clear in her dreams were now blurred, distorted. The day providing no reprieve as she struggled to recall the finer details that enraptured her years ago. The only thing she could still recall with clarity were their voices, and each time she thought of them it caused her heart to ache.

The distractions she once relied on were no longer working. The training grounds which were once her haven bringing up old memories. The soldiers who paired off and sparring would rarely notice over the jarring blows and the clanging of weapons but every now and then her façade would slip and they would. _What an odd creature_ the murmurs would come, too fearful to be anything louder. _I bet they’re all like that._

Tired and worn Ivy watched over the new recruits who were all decades older than her and wondered how they were nearly a hundred years old and unable to hold a shield properly.

“The shield is in your hand for a reason.” Ivy barked over the sounds of sparring. “ _Use it._ ” She ran her hand over her face slowly as she realised how much she sounded like Cullen, she could imagine his amusement if he ever knew. The quick flash of a smile before he went back to tormenting his troops only to be brought up again when it would have the most impact.

 

More training and more patrolling broken up by the odd call to aid for nearby villages or reports of slavers in the area. Ivy never gave up of the idea of finding a way back and Knowledge still helped her in researching for it but it soon became less and less important as the resistance grew and became a larger part of her life.

Ivy could barely see any of her old self within her now, and she wasn’t sure it was such a terrible thing.

They ordered her to join the battlemages in training which was laughable, evident by the fact that she burst into laughter when she received the orders, but she did as she was commanded. The most she could do was stand like an idiot while everyone around her cast barriers and slung spells at each other. She got injured more than anyone else in the group and when Solas found out she was a part of the training he came and watched with amusement for a while before setting it straight and placing her in a group that were training for espionage.

Before long Ivy received a message to go to Fen’Harel’s quarters, the message itself was snatched out of her hands by Athrand and he held it high out of her reach as he read it aloud in a high pitched voice to the barracks. The laughter from the soldiers continuing until Senrith walked in, boxed Athrand’s ear and gave the message back to Ivy, urging her to hurry before she got into trouble for tardiness.

Ivy entered the small corner room high up in the castle, no one stopped her, in fact there seemed to be few others in this part altogether. The sound of scraping drew her attention and she looked around a wall to see Fen scraping a substance into a bucket, bright red and thick like dough.

The wall before him was covered in a half finished mural, an elvhen woman who looked like the Mythal symbology the centre of it. He had been painting and Ivy all of a sudden felt that she was intruding on something personal.

“Do not linger, wildling.” He said and Ivy was startled, her cheeks flushing subtly from the embarrassment of being caught. “Come in, I summoned you here for a reason.” Ivy stepped forward, taking in the full beauty of the walls as he leaned against his desk, watching her reaction.

“What do you think?” he asked and Ivy glanced at him, giving a smile before her eye was dragged back to the colours and detail. It was a story about Mythal certainly, but Ivy couldn’t figure out which one.

“It’s beautiful.” Ivy said as she refrained from touching the artwork. “It must be painstaking to get the plaster even.”

“It is.” Fen admitted and reached to a leather bound book beside him, holding it out to her. “Here.” He offered it to her and Ivy had to almost drag herself away from the walls to take the book. She opened it, seeing blank pages.

“What is this?” Ivy asked, genuinely confused and Fen let out a huff of laughter before reaching up to card his fingers through his hair.

“Knowledge mentioned that you were an exceptional artist and in the same sentence informed me that you have had no opportunity to exercise this talent for the past two years.” Fen said and Ivy cringed at the spirit’s interference. “That spirit of yours is certainly dedicated, almost ferocious in ensuring your wellbeing.”

“Knowledge says a lot of things.” Ivy said sheepishly and felt his hand grip her own, pulling it from the book and turning it palm up in which he placed a wrapped bundle of charcoal. Ivy felt immediately awkward and shook her head. “I cannot accept-”

“Think of it as a thank you for the last two years of service.” Fen said flatly as he closed her fingers around the bundle. “I am certain that my soldiers would be less if it weren’t for the training you have given them, not to mention that I have enjoyed the few moments we have spoken.”

“I-” Ivy’s voice cracked and swallowed against it. “Thank you, Fen.” His smile grew wide and he let his hand drop from hers.

“You are welcome wildling. Even if you insist on using only half of my name.” He grinned and Ivy couldn’t help but smile back. “I wish to observe how the new recruits are progressing tomorrow morning if you’ll allow it?”

“Of course,” Ivy said, “You are welcome to anytime.” Clutching the book to her chest she bowed to him, feeling his gaze on her she straightened and left the room. The weight on her soul feeling that tiny bit lighter.

 

The day came unseasonably wet and Ivy had to contend with the recruits’ newfound suffering in the mud-logged training grounds. Rain was steadily falling to make a melodic sound on her armour as her hood tried in vain to protect her head from the worst of it. It was worth it to teach that extra lesson of how to get up out of the mud when you’re being attacked from above.

“Buy yourself time.” Ivy called to the group of twenty before her, already caked in mud and looking tired. “When you’re on your back your opponent will think they have the advantage. In the mud they have loose footing at that _is all_.”

Solas took this moment to approach the wooden fence with Threlavin in tow, each of them with their barriers shining to keep the rain at bay. Ivy nodded to him in recognition and continued.

“What can you do if you find yourself in this situation?” Ivy asked her recruits and they looked to each other, one put his hand up hesitantly, a younger blonde elf called Deyran.

“Master Taevin taught us to use an offensive spell to push them back.” The recruit said uncertainly, Ivy nodded once, twirling her staff absently as she paced in front of the group. Taevin was the woman training the battlemages and the name that was coming from her recruits more than often.

“It can certainly work.” Ivy agreed. “If you’re on sure ground and you _haven’t_ exhausted yourself on the battle. How many spells can you cast before you’re exhausted?” Deyran paused and seemed unsure. Ivy held her arms out to open the question to them all, no one answered her.

“Ten.” Solas called from the fence, he was leaning against it now and propping his chin up with his hand. “The average new recruit can cast ten spells before they are exhausted.”

“Thank you.” Ivy said with a nod and Deyran flushed in embarrassment. “Ten spells. Tell me, Deyran, is it likely you’re going to be near your maximum when you’re on your back?”

“It is.” He replied and Ivy walked to the rack of weapons and placed her staff on it, safe from the mud that nearly reached the top of her shins. Ivy picked up two shields, round and lined with metal and walked back to the group.

“Would I be safe in assuming you would all rely on magic in this situation?” She asked and as she did the rain petered out to be a fine mist. The group nodded, some shrugged. “Deyran, come up and join me.” She called and he stood, accepting the shield from her and placing it on his arm and holding it by his side instead of up in a guard position. Ivy glared at him and gripped the edge of his shield and raised it to put him into the stance.

“Have I taught you shield breaks yet?” She asked and a chorus of bored sounding _‘no’_ echoed back to her. “Then this part might not be fun for you all.” Ivy dug down into her stance in front of Deyran who hunkered down behind his shield like he was taught, releasing like a spring she smashed her shield against his, using the full force of her body weight to send him tumbling backwards onto his back and firmly into the deep mud. The group laughed at him as he came to his senses and he let out a groan.

“Sorry Deyran.” Ivy said offhandedly. “Now, you’re on your back, see my position.” Ivy flexed her legs on the spot showing just how close she was to him, her forward foot next to one of his feet. “Still committed to the idea of magic?” she asked.

“I think so.” He rasped and Ivy shrugged.

“Alright then, put your barriers up.” She ordered and the elves cast their barriers around them, standard practice when spells were about to be cast in an offensive manner. “Deyran, try to push me back with a non-lethal force spell.”

He nodded once, hesitating for a moment before holding a mud slicked hand up and casting at Ivy. It was perfect, the magic in a sphere as it hit Ivy’s shield, she twisted it, allowing the magic to roll over the shield and fly to the side where it hit against a fence post and rocked the wood from the ground. Deyran, grunted in frustration as the kickback from the spell dug him into the mud deeper.

The group was quiet as Ivy straightened up and discarded the shield to the ground, she hated the feeling of the magical residue that sung along the metal lining of the shield.

“Magic, for all it’s wonders, does not suit every situation.” Ivy said as she pushed her hood back and pulled the tie from her hair, taking the moment to retie it more securely as she spoke. “Spells have a kickback, as I’m sure you know, and when combined with the suction mud creates it just _does not work_. Can you get up Deyran?”

Deyran tried to curl up, grunting as the mud held him firm, face flushing as he let out a sigh and shook his head.

“Not easily.” He admitted.

“Not easily on the battlefield is dead.” Ivy said to him and turned back to the group who were much more alert now. “Don’t rely on magic.” She pointedly said to them, knowing that was the habit she needed to break. “When you’re exhausted and barely able to hold your shield you need to dig deep and find it within yourself to _hold that shield_ not spark a half arsed barrier for ten seconds. The wood and steel is what’s going to keep you alive.”

“Now, look at poor Deyran here. Barely a moment from death. What should he do?” She watched them consider it and rolled her eyes with a frustrated grunt. Bending down she gripped Deyran’s foot and lift his leg clear of the mud, showing it’s mobility. “ _What should he do?”_

“Kick out!” One shouted and Ivy let out a long winded _‘finally!’_

“I’m about to kill this guy.” Ivy said with a slow arc of an imaginary sword. “Deyran has his _shield up_.” She said to him pointedly and he lifted his shield to protect him from the descent of the invisible sword. “All my weight is on my front leg, take out that leg and that will buy you time. Kick out and aim for the kneecap, if you do it right and dislodge it the enemy is crippled, distracted and unlikely to recover. Any easy move to give you the advantage.”

Ivy helped pull Deyran from the mud and stand him up, patting him on the back he flashed her a smile in thanks.

“Pair up, I want you to try and bash each other into the mud. Check your footing as you do.” Ivy ordered and they scrambled to get the practice shields. Threlavin beckoned her over from the fence and she trudged to them, snagging her staff along the way.

“These recruits need a lot of work.” Threlavin said disdainfully as she approached, Ivy managed to hold back the smart ass remark and instead opted for something that slightly resembled diplomacy.

“They’re babies.” She pointed out to him. “Barely a fortnight into training. They don’t know their thumbs from their arses yet.”

“Are they mostly villagers?” Solas asked, no judgement in his voice.

“Yes, majority of the recruits who come through me are. I’d say two thirds of your garrison is made of villagers now.” Ivy said and glanced over her shoulder at the elves slipping in the mud. “For a guerrilla army they will suffice, but if you want to meet the Evanuris in a more _traditional_ battle I would not bet on emerging victorious.”

“That has been… enlightening.” Threlavin said before pushing away from the fence. “We will leave you to it Wildling.” Ivy bowed and Threlavin moved away, pausing when Solas did not move.

“You go ahead, I wish to observe a bit longer.” Solas said to him and received a bow from the other elf. Ivy had turned and was walking back to her troops when the squelching of mud told her that Solas had jumped the fence. She glanced over her shoulder and true enough he was catching up to her, jogging easily along the slick ground.

“Fen’Harel.” Ivy nodded to him a moment before she reached the first pair of recruits, stopping one to adjust their stance and move on to the next.

“I was impressed at the way you deflected the spell.” He said lightly as he watched her fuss over another recruit. “Where did you learn such a thing?”

“My old Commander.” Ivy said between giving instructions to the elf facing off with Deyran. “He was raised by a military faction that specialised in, uh, countering magical elements.” Ivy felt almost put on the spot trying to explain what a Templar was.

“Sounds formidable.” Solas said as he continued to follow and observe the interactions of the troops, even stopping to correct the recruits himself at times. “I would like to have met him.” Ivy laughed indelicately and flashed him a smile.

“I’m sure you would have found plenty of things to argue about.” She said before ordering the recruits to run laps of the training grounds, it amused her in a sadistic way to watch them slip through the mud.

“Or course.” He agreed as he stood beside her. “I’m not one to back down from a healthy debate.” He let the silence stretch between them for a moment, clearing his throat awkwardly before he spoke again.

“How goes your search to return home?” He asked casually and Ivy brought up a mud-caked hand to scratch at the drying mud on her cheek.

“It has stopped for the moment.” She admitted and he watched her from the edge of his vision, head tilting in his trademark way. “It is looking more and more impossible to achieve but I still work to gather information for Knowledge.”

“You spoil that spirit.” He said flatly. “The way you pander to it, allow it to be carried by you.”

“It is no burden to me.” Ivy said simply. “It makes me happy at times to have someone to spoil.” He smiled at that.

“Then I understand you will be remaining with us for the foreseeable future?” He asked lightly and Ivy nodded once, avoiding his heavy gaze and half smile.

“It is the best option.” She said and he hummed his acknowledgment, chuckling lightly when a recruit fell into the mud.

“I am glad.” He said simply before walking away, finishing the conversation.

 

That night Ivy couldn’t sleep. It happened frequently and usually she would just lie in the bunk and hope to slip into unconsciousness but it eluded her this night. With a sigh she sat up, put on her basic armour to stay warm and headed outside.

The moon was full and made it easy to see, coupled with the lightly glowing roads she wandered the grounds, exploring the gardens and streams before making her way to the training grounds. It was still thick with mud, the rain only having stopped a few hours ago when the clouds cleared.

Grabbing a practice staff she began to run through her drills, twisting and jabbing the same way she had done daily since the day she first time she picked one up out of the dust of Par Vollen.

The treacherous ground made her footing precarious, a thrill shooting up her calf each time she slipped, but she continued on for hours. Working up a sweat she exhausted herself until she dropped.

Ivy fell into the mud with a slap and felt approximately a third of herself squelch into it. A short burst of laughter from the wooden fence let her know that someone had indeed been watching.

“Is that how all you humans land? Face first?” Fen’s amused voice sung to her as Ivy struggled to stand and turned to see him perched lazily on the fence posts, leg dangling down and swinging freely as he saluted her with a bottle and drank deeply. With a sigh she trudged towards him, her foot slipping out from beneath her to force her into the mud again. With a curse Ivy reached for the fence and clung onto it, relying on it to keep her stable and upright.

Ivy laughed, Fen’s confused expression over her positivity after an embarrassing situation endearing as he watched her.

“I can’t believe my eyes.” Ivy teased with a breathless laugh. “The mighty Fen’Harel succumbing to something as mundane as alcohol?”

“They’ll never believe you.” He shook his head and offered her the bottle which she took with a smile. It was sweet, something between whiskey and mead and altogether odd to taste. When she handed it back he smiled broadly, the unfocused haze of alcohol settling over his features. Raising the bottle he saluted her.

“To us,” he said steadily, “the wildling and the wolf.” Ivy smiled and tried to climb up the fence, the mud sticking to her uncomfortably as she swore and slipped back down into the wet to the chorus of his lazy laughter.  
  
“Can’t you at least _pretend_ to do something, I don’t know, _gallant?_ ” Ivy said to him with a smile as she panted and slicked some mud from her armour. He smiled at her knowingly and Ivy had a moment of distraction as she realised she had heard the exact same thing from him before in the halls of Skyhold as she faced the daunting prospect of attending the Inquisitor’s celebrations.  
  
“I think we are both aware that you would not know how to react.” Fen teased as he took her hand, meeting her gaze and slowly raising it to press his lips against her knuckles despite the mud and dirt. She felt the blush creep along her skin and she looked down and away, Fen’s smug smile firm on his features.

“Perhaps you are far too used to direct and demanding interests, I would love to see each and every reaction I could coerce from you through a more subtle approach.” Ivy’s blush well and truly blazed to life as she took her hand back nervously and tucked her hair behind her ear. Fen smiled, the corner of his eyes wrinkling slightly as he did. “Like that, that’s perfect.”

“Maker.” Ivy said muttered to herself as she climbed the fence again, straddling it and unsure of what to say. “I think you should go to bed, Fen.” She said and his grin widened, some playful comeback on the tip of his tongue halted as Threlavin rounded the corner and gripped onto Solas’ arm tightly with a cross look on his face.

“Damn it all Solas.” Threlavin slurred and Solas laughed lazily. “I said _don’t_ leave your chambers. We can’t let the people see you pickled like a herring.”

“Urgh. I hate fish.” Solas complained with a scrunch of his nose.

“And tea.” Ivy added helpfully and he smiled widely, pointing at her and nodding in agreement. “Do you need help getting him back Ser?” Ivy asked and he rolled his eyes.

“And leave a clear mud trail right to his chambers? No, thank you.” Threlavin coaxed Solas off the fence and stole the bottle to drink, directing the elf back towards the castle while giving him an earful about decorum and upholding an image. Ivy snorted to herself and smiled, finally able to say she saw Solas without the stick up his arse.

Maybe today wasn’t going to be so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh? What's this? A chapter!  
> I must be spoiling you all. ;)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She didn’t realise she had been holding her breath, didn’t realise that her heart had been racing since the moment he stood beside her.

With a ragged grunt Ivy flung herself to the side, barely avoiding the inferno spell that the Evanuris soldier cast her way. The flames trailed along the ground growing in ferocity until it were like a wall between them and Ivy gripped her staff nervously, the heat of it was pressing and effectively blocked him from any physical attack on her part.

They were far to the south attempting the halt the slavers summer campaign but it seemed they learned from the year before and were accompanied by well-trained battlemages who bore the symbol of Falon’Din, an Evanuris associated with death and fortune. They had managed to ambush the slavers but their reinforcements worked quickly to split and isolate the rebel soldiers, Ivy being one of the unlucky ones to be pushed away from the others.

Another short burst of fire and she hit the wall of a natural ledge, soil and sticks cascading down around her as her armour saved her skin from being damaged. The elf was moving her, cornering her against the boulders and trees. A sweat broke out along her skin making her grip on her staff precarious, if she at least had her shield then she could try to deflect the flames, but that had been left behind this time and she deeply regretted the decision.

A third flash of fire and she was hard up against the rocks, not far enough from the flames as they skirted over her right side. The armour protecting her well but she wore no helmet and she caught the scent of burning skin and hair before she felt the pain on the side of her head.

The heat of the fire faded and she reluctantly opened her eyes to see a couple of resistance fighters cutting the soldier down. Blood arcing with each blow and shakily Ivy stepped forward, panting as the adrenalin ebbed from her slowly.

“That was close, Wildling.” The first one, a shorter woman called Fynrel said as she levered Ivy’s arm over her shoulder and supported the human’s weight. “Any later and you would have been a pile of ashes.”

“Bastard jumped me from the ledge.” Ivy gritted her teeth, now the adrenalin was wearing she could feel the pain on her head and hands. She shakily held her right hand up and her skin was red and blistered. It was also hurting much less than the side of her head.

“We need to get you healed.” The second resistance fighter said. Ivy couldn’t recall his name but remembered his face. He had joined them barely six months ago.

They propped her at the base of a tree and Fynrel stayed while the other one went to get assistance. Ivy felt exhausted, teeth still gritting against the pain and making it difficult for the woman to coax her to drink water. She felt like she was suffocating in her heated armour but too weak to do anything about it.

“Step aside.” The command was clear and Fynrel scooted away to allow Solas to kneel in the space Ivy’s splayed legs created. Throwing off a gauntlet he pushed his wolf mask high on his brow to show a slightly bloodied face and gently touched Ivy’s chin where it didn’t hurt to tilt her head to the side, examining the extent of the damage.

He frowned and picked up her hand gently, lips quirking oddly as he checked under the cuff of her armour for further damage.

“How do you feel?” He asked softly and Ivy managed to crack a smile despite the pain.

“Toasty.” Ivy tried for a flat joke and got a chuckle from the woman. “I will live, let the healers tend to me, your troops will begin to feel lost without your command.”

“Nonsense.” He said. “And you must be faring better than you look to order me around.”

“Someone has to.” Ivy rasped and a peal of laughter slipped from her lips. Solas arched an eyebrow at her but also let slip the faintest of smiles.

“Is she delirious?” Fynrel asked, surprise showing from Ivy’s banter with Fen’Harel. Solas raised his hand and a soft blue glow washed over Ivy’s face. The cool feeling so blissful she couldn’t help but let out a sigh.

“No, I believe that is just her personality.” He said but he was only half right. Ivy could recognise in herself the first stages of shock and coupled with the high of the healing spell she felt sedated. “Ensure the throat cutters are nearly done, Fynrel. I will be along shortly.”

“Yes, Ser.” Fynrel said before flashing Ivy a comforting smile and trudging off to do as ordered. Solas twisted his hands and frowned in concentration. Ivy could feel her skin shifting and healing itself and it felt odd, like lots of slugs slowly crawling over the wounds.

“Thought you couldn’t do this.” Ivy said and her voice was distant, her mouth running off before her brain caught up. “You said you were bad at it.”

“Healing?” Solas questioned. “I am an excellent healer, thank you.” Ivy blinked rapidly through the haze of blue. She could remember still, the snow of the Frostbacks after Haven had fallen, Solas being ordered back to the camp to help heal her. His abilities were limited then, was it because of the veil or because of something within him?

“Perhaps it is not me you are remembering, Wildling.” Solas’ voice was thick with the intent to comfort and Ivy hummed dumbly.

“Someone else.” She rasped and the light of the spell left her face and traced down to her hand. He picked it up gently, cradling it in his own, concentrating on the burn.

“Don’t waste your energy on a trivial injury.” Ivy insisted sitting up better now that the majority of the pain was gone.

“I want to.” Solas said flatly, his grey-green eyes flicking up to meet hers for the barest of seconds. The light between them fading out as the spell reached completion. Her hand stayed in his, lingering for the barest of heartbeats before he let it slide away.

Reaching up he slid the mask back into place, the ornate wolf snarl covering his features before he stood up and took the barest of steps back. Ivy followed suit, relying on the tree to help her remain steady as the magic of the spell gradually left her system.

“Thank you.” She said as her legs gained their strength again. He watched her passively, his expression hidden behind the dark mask. One nod and he trudged away, returning to the bulk of his troops.

 

That night they constructed the camp and she sat on her own on the edges of it, her own pitiful campfire - which was made _without_ magic, thank you very much – flickering away as she touched idly at the burnt patch of hair on the right side of her head.

Senrith and Athrand found her there picking at her ration of dried meat. Athrand sat beside her on the ground while Senrith crossed his arms and towered over the both of them.

“I can’t leave for a day without you nearly getting killed?” Senrith drawled and Athrand scowled at him.

“Don’t talk to her like that she’s had a rough day.” Athrand protested and wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her against his chest as he defiantly glared at the other elf.

“Can you stop coddling the human?” Senrith sighed and Athrand gasped scandalously, putting his hands over Ivy’s ears loosely.

“We agreed not to tell her she was adopted!” He hissed and Senrith rolled his eyes and rubbed a hand over his face.

“Fine, fine! I won’t yell at her about nearly _dying_.” Frustrated with the bigger elf Senrith threw his hands up in exasperation. “Is that what you want?”

“Yes.” Athrand said petulantly and began to stroke Ivy’s hair gently as if she were a pet. Ivy just popped another piece of meat into her mouth and watched the fire as her two squad mates played out their drama.

“Well, in any case we’re going to have to do something about this.” Senrith said as he stepped forward and rubbed the singed strands of hair between his thumb and forefinger.

“It’s going to have to be cut definitely.” The other elf watched Senrith inspect the clumps of missing hair. “A pity, I love it.”

“Just shave off the side.” Ivy said with a sigh and scooped the long, salvageable parts over her shoulder, holding onto it as if to protect it. She had been meaning to cut it for years and never did, that one last thing she tried to prevent from changing, from losing control over. It was probably time to make that leap.

Senrith pulled his dagger out with a singing hiss of metal and sat beside her, his fingers carefully separating her hair neatly. Given the extent of the burnt area Ivy was going to have almost all of her right side shaven but thankfully it didn’t go much further than that.

He was careful, much more than Ivy really ever expected from the surly elf, he even got creative and shaved a couple of horizontal lines into the auburn fuzz. To his credit her tender flesh didn’t suffer once under his attention. Athrand’s smile and nod told her it looked acceptable and she surprised herself in the realisation that she trusted him. She even hugged Senrith in thanks and he very reluctantly responded, two pats on her shoulder before urging her away with an awkward smile.

“I hear Fen’Harel healed you himself.” Athrand’s voice was pleased as Ivy brushed cut hair from her armour and tried to coerce her hair to fall to the left instead of its usual haphazard way.

“He did. What of it?” She tried to wipe away at the strands that were itching at the nape of her neck, not really caring for her friend’s amusement.

“The only person Fen’Harel has ever taken it upon himself to heal is Threlavin. Until now that is.” Ivy could hear the dig for information in her friend’s voice and rolled her eyes. “Makes me wonder just what kind of relationship they have.”

“I’m certain that is untrue.” Ivy drawled and Athrand looked to Senrith for confirmation.

“As far as I’m aware it is true.” Senrith huffed in aggravation, reluctantly confirming the information as he crossed his arms over his chest. “But I wouldn’t look too much into it. _Nor_ would I be spreading idle gossip around. Athrand.”

“I would never.” The bigger elf barely even put effort into sounding scandalised but it still got the desired eye-roll.

“One more week.” Senrith sighed to himself. “One more week and we’ll be able to go home where I can get some peace from the two of you.”

 

The leaves whirled around Ivy’s feet in a golden, cascading dance. The weather was turning again, autumn settling heavy over the valley and Ivy was revelling in the high mountain paths which proved to be more beautiful and challenging to run through at this time of year.

She had been on the search for the small clusters of Prophets Laurel that hid among the rocks and trees but so far it seemed that the sudden autumn chill had all but killed the plants until spring came around again. Not that they were in desperate need of the herbs, the elves tendency to rely on magic extended into the healing arts and over the past few years Ivy’s skills had become rusty even though she still insisted on carrying her kit around with her. She’d hate herself if she ever had the occasion to need it and was unprepared.

Ivy climbed over a rock and came upon a small alcove surrounded by young, golden trees and one lone wooden bench in the centre. She looked around curiously, the new area seemed too far away from the normal paths to be something used often. It did however have a magnificent view of the valley and was likely to be too difficult to be found by people passing by, it was a wonder Ivy managed to find it at all.

The sound of footsteps drew her attention behind her and she saw Fen approach, he seemed as surprised as she was to find someone else this high on the mountain and he stopped in his tracks, looking over her for a long breath before nodding to her in greeting.

“I did not think anyone else knew of this place.” He said quietly as he approached and Ivy gave him a half smile.

“I just stumbled upon it.” Ivy admitted. “The cold has killed most of the plants I was searching for, I strayed from the path hoping there would be some in the more difficult to reach places.”

“You climbed up an almost sheer rock face in search of a plant?” He asked with an amused shake of his head, the half-smile on his face betraying his disbelief. “What if you had fallen? Slipped? No one comes this far into the mountains.”

“I don’t _slip_.” Ivy said with a grin and he let out a huff of held back laughter. He reached up and tucked an errant lock of his hair back into place and glanced around, seemingly unsure of how to respond to her confidence.

“Well, you are welcome here, but please keep it a secret. It’s the only place I can find solitude most of the time.” He tiredly requested and Ivy nodded.

“Of course.” Ivy promised as the sound of dripping caught her attention. She looked down to see Fen’s hand dripping with blood, the drops spattering onto the ground steadily. “You’re injured.” Ivy said as she closed the distance between them, lifting his arm carefully and peeling back the sleeve of his tunic to see an angry red gash on his forearm.

Resting his arm against her own she fiddled with the sleeve until it was free and clear of the wound, his arm was tense against hers and it prompted her to look up at him questioningly.

“It’s only a scratch, I was careless along the rocks on the way here. It will heal.” He shrugged it off and Ivy shot him a sharp, incredulous look before ushering him to the bench and pushing with flat hands on his shoulders until he sat down ungracefully. Reaching into her pack she found a bandage and salve and pulled them out to place on the seat beside him.

“Did you not hear me?” he asked and Ivy huffed.

“I heard you, but decided to ignore your stubbornness.” Ivy replied as she held his arm over the ground and carefully poured water from her waterskin to wash away the blood.

“I do believe that between the both of us, you are the one demonstrating a stubborn nature.” He pointed out as she popped the lid off of the salve and scooped the sticky ointment out, carefully dabbing it onto the wound.

“It might not be enough to waste a spell on, but that doesn’t mean it should be ignored.” Her fingers were gentle as she smeared the ointment, the scent of Elfroot wafting between them. “I nearly died from infection once, it doesn’t hurt to tend to these things.”

Once done she placed the small jar back into her pack and sat beside him on the bench, the bandage in one hand and the reluctant patient’s arm in the other. Ivy glanced up to see him watching her through narrowed eyes.

“Glare all you want, but you’ll find that I’m one of the few people here who aren’t perturbed by your scowling.” Ivy teased and wrapped the bandage around him arm, her hands following the practiced movement easily.

“No,” Solas said, his voice low and quiet as the breeze sent a shiver along their skin. “You never have been.” His fingers reached up gently to brush at an auburn curl, twining it around his fingers and watching the sunlight glow along the strands. “You’re unlike anyone else.” He whispered, too low for Ivy to hear him.

Ivy watched him gather and twist her hair from the corner of her vision, instinctively leaning closer as she tied off the bandage, her hands still cradling his arm as his fingers reached further to caress heated skin. The touch, soft and curious, tilted her to look up at him where she was met with intense eyes.

“Fen-” He cut her sentence short as he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers, the sudden kiss stunning her as he pressed his hand to cup at her jaw gently. It was uncertain, hesitant for a moment before he grew bold and sighed, taking control as she melted into his hands, his lips.

It was in that moment, the second where her heart leapt to her throat and skipped a beat all at the same time, that her senses flooded with nothing but _him_. Of earth and paint, of feverish, heated fingertips tracing back towards her ear. The hitch of breath of when she began to respond in kind.

Reluctantly he pulled away, his hand remaining to trace the pad of his thumb along the edge of her lip, his eyes sparkling with wide pupils under the midday sun. Ivy could barely feel anything over the racing beat of her heart and the lingering heated sensation of his lips but when they both looked down to see the completed bandage on his arm it broke her from her reverie. She pulled away, grabbing her pack and standing quickly.

“I should go.” Ivy said breathlessly and Fen stood, his expression worried.

“Ivy-” He began but she shook her head, stepping backwards away from him.

“I’m sorry, Fen.” Turning on her heels her feet made fast work of the obstacle of rocks as she escaped into the wooded paths.

 

Slipping into the barracks Ivy checked that no one was present before sitting heavily on her cot and covering her face with her hands, letting out a frustrated squeak into her palms.

He _kissed_ her.

And she melted into it like some kind of animal in heat.

Frustration making her tense she stood and paced along her cot before growling in frustration and kicking the wooden frame.

 _Idiot._ She scolded herself. _Complete moron!_

“Hey Wildling.” Athrand’s jovial voice preceded him into the barracks and Ivy took a deep breath to gather herself. “The third patrol has a couple of their boys sick and asked if we could cover for them, I know we just got back but – are you alright?” He asked Ivy as she turned to face him, cheeks burning under his scrutiny.

“I’m fine.” She said flatly.

“You sure? You’re all pink.” He asked disbelievingly. “This isn’t one of those, you know, _female_ moments is it?” He looked her over uncomfortably and Ivy rolled her eyes.

“Athrand, for fuck sake.” Ivy sighed and Senrith entered the barracks, looking between the two of them suspiciously.

“I’m not going to ask.” The smaller elf shook his head and raised his hands. “Are you both willing to go on the early patrol?”

“ _Yes._ ” Ivy said suddenly, reaching under her cot to pull out and don her armour as quickly as possible. The two elves moved to their own cots and followed suit, having a conversation with their eyes and glancing to Ivy periodically.

It took barely half an hour and they were loaded up with provisions and making for the border of Sanctuary, Knowledge finding them along the way and jumping into Ivy without a word. With determination Ivy led the group into the wilderness, telling herself she wasn’t running away. Not at all.

 

Three days into the patrol and Ivy was still dwelling on the kiss.

It was _ridiculous_. The very idea of it, of kissing Solas of all people, the Dread Fucking Wolf.

The worse part of the whole thing, leaning into him as if nothing else existed in that moment, kept playing through her head over and over again. The sudden rush of desire and longing a clear memory as she threw a twig into the campfire.

She tried meditating to no avail, her mind still jumping from conclusion to conclusion, the prevailing one being that Solas _had_ to be playing with her. There was no chance in hell he would actually have feelings for her. Not _her_. A damned _human_.

That thought stung for a moment, and again when it returned.

“I’m going to the stream.” Ivy said suddenly as she stood, her squadmates grunting and nodding to her as she made her way down the rocky slope to the stream that wound itself through a thick patch of undergrowth. The stream itself was from the mountains so the water was safe to drink and freezing cold. Something Ivy was thankful for as she splashed the water on her face and wiped at the back of her neck.

A green light fell over the water and plants and Knowledge floated over to sit on a boulder beside Ivy, watching her passively as she continued to wash her face.

“I cannot abide this.” Knowledge spoke in flat frustration. “You are in denial, you are being completely _ignorant_.”

“What are you talking about?” Ivy asked in irritation, the spirit watched Ivy until she finished.

“I think you forget our bond, that what you see I can see, that what you feel I also can feel.” Knowledge said with an angry sweep of its hand. “There is nothing that you could hide from me.”

“But you feel that I have been trying to anyway?” Ivy asked with a sigh, for all its intellect and awareness, Knowledge simply couldn’t process emotions well and the advent of their bond meant the spirit had been soaking up human emotions much more than it ever should have naturally. “Tell me what it is I am hiding and I will do my best to reassure-”

“You cannot _love_ him.” Knowledge yelled at Ivy, stunning her into silence. “For all that we have been through I thought you would have been stronger – no, that is not right. Not a matter of strength but of simple basic intelligence. You cannot love the man who would bring your world to ruin.” Ivy held her hands up to calm the spirit, standing as she did.

“Knowledge, I don’t know who you are referring to.” Ivy said calmly and Knowledge flitted and shimmered in anger.

“Your heart beat so quickly, the rush of endorphins when he leant in to you-” Knowledge shook its head. “You are falling for the Dread Wolf.”

“ _Fen?_ ” Ivy asked incredulously and huffed a laugh, shaking her head. “Knowledge-”

“ _Solas._ ” The spirit hissed at her, standing to pace. “Call him by a different name all you want but he is _Solas._ The Dread Wolf. Creator of the Veil and traitor to the Inquisition. He might be different now but you know what he will become, you _know_.”

“Stop.” Ivy demanded and the spirit paused to be completely still, it’s back turned to her. “You have mistaken the emotions. I don’t love him.”

“Don’t you?” Knowledge asked, the words dripping with disbelief. “He has taken you into his home, allowed you to move freely among his people. We have seen this before-”

“ _Enough._ ” Ivy growled and felt a flicker of regret from the spirit, breathing through her nose in long draws Ivy willed herself to calm from the sudden surge of rage she felt. “I know you think I am that weak willed, that _human_ , you think I will fall into the same trap again and again. You are wrong.”

“You should have killed him.”

“No.” Ivy spoke through gritted teeth. “I _refuse_ to kill a man who is innocent of those crimes.”

“Would you wait until he _is_ guilty?” Knowledge countered. “Wait until he is well and truly Solas before passing judgement on him? I could not bear to see you at that moment, feel your regret as the world is sundered by the Veil.” Knowledge sighed and floated closer, its anger gone and replaced with gentleness. “Tell me the truth, why did you not kill him?”

“Because-” Ivy’s voice broke and she swallowed against it, crossing her arms over her chest and closing her eyes. “Because he’s the last link I have to home. He’s the last-” A long shaking breath was the only defence against the tears that were threatening and Ivy shook her head, feeling ridiculous at the sudden turn of emotions.

“He’s the last hope you have of returning.” Knowledge said in a whisper, its hand coming up to touch at Ivy gently. “Of getting back to Iron Bull.”

“I gave up so much already.” Ivy rasped and tried to laugh it off with no avail. “I can live with leaving Earth, my family, I can live with how the Arishok treated me. I can and _have_ prevailed against things I could never of fathomed before but I can’t-” Ivy’s breath was a sob and she turned from the unblinking gaze of the spirit, reaching to lean heavily against a nearby tree.

“I was wrong.” Knowledge said in its flat tone. “You can hide things from me.”

“What are you talking about now?” Ivy moaned in exhausted exasperation.

“It feels like my chest is being crushed, that my throat is constricted.” Knowledge considered. “You hid this feeling from me the whole time. Why?”

“I can’t simply wish myself to where I want to be, wallowing in self-pity won’t help.”

“It hurts no one to stop and _feel_. To allow yourself to be overwhelmed at times, Ivy, you should never choose to carry this burden alone. Not when I am here.”

“That isn’t fair to you.” Ivy shook her head, turning from the spirit. “You were never meant to feel things like that.”

“Even if I could not comprehend the emotions, I could still _listen_.” Knowledge said, moving over to drape itself on her shoulders. “And I will do so, even if you are not speaking to me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Three days you have been tearing yourself to pieces over a simple action.” Knowledge shook its head at her. “You are clawing at conclusions when you know you must go back and find the truth.”

“I ran away.” Ivy muttered to herself in disappointment, she regretted leaving him so suddenly. Returning to Sanctuary was one thing, but leaving the valley altogether was drastic.

“You ran away. Do you understand why?” Knowledge’s face was close to hers, peering and watching the subtle changes of her expression.

“Because I’m a coward.” Ivy crossed her arms over her chest and the spirit shook its head.

“Because even though you haven’t seen him for years you are unwilling to let yourself feel anything. You are _not_ betraying Iron Bull.” Knowledge said bluntly and Ivy closed her eyes with a sigh. “I have been watching you slowly punish yourself for the last few years, pining for a man who – in truth – does not yet exist.”

“I can’t think of it that way.”

“You don’t _want_ to,” The spirit countered, “and that is fine. I am not telling you to forget him altogether but there will times in your life where you will need to seek the comfort of others.”

“What would you have me do? Throw myself at the first person to show me attention?” Ivy hissed and shook her head, the frustration building in her again.

“Certainly not.” Knowledge said flatly. “But I would hope you endeavour to care for yourself. You need more in your life than just battles, whether that be companionship or something more it is up to you but I would ask that you consider your actions _very_ carefully.” The pause between them was long and Ivy couldn’t pull her gaze from the bubbling stream, the spirit hovering patiently beside her before it decided to break the silence.

“Do you truly feel for him?” It asked hesitantly. “Or is he simply a pawn in your quest to return home?”

“I don’t know how I feel about him.” Ivy said suddenly and Knowledge simply shrugged it’s shoulders at her. “And I think we both know our chances of ever getting back.”

“Then you must figure it out. Perhaps by facing the situation instead of running off into the woods.” The spirit edged closer, reaching out to touch her cheek and smile before disappearing into her chest again, leaving the surrounding forest slightly darker and Ivy simply tired.

 

Upon returning to Sanctuary she was restless, the exhausting procession of endless thoughts and doubts eventually waning after Knowledge spoke to her by the stream. The three of them made their way to the baths instantly, seeking out the hot water with fervour after the cold and fog of the mountain forests and simply stepping into the long room that housed the massive marble bath made the tension run out of their muscles.

The two men tiredly and unceremoniously stripped and sunk into the water, the steam thick in the air as one of them let out a relieved groan as they relaxed. With a smile Senrith pulled Athrand to rest on his chest, they would likely be there for the next hour or so just soaking and letting themselves be at peace for the first time in weeks.

A bit further down the long bath Ivy slipped in and instantly sunk down into the water, the warmth too much at first against her cold skin but as she let herself sink below the surface her muscles revelled in the sensation. Her hair, floating about her like a fog as she sunk further, tangled around her arm gently and she opened her eyes under the water to watch it separate and spread through the water.

Eventually she had to breathe, stepping onto a ledge she stood and broke the surface quietly, her lungs shuddering with air as her hair flattened and hung heavy on one side, water beading and streaming down to the water that sat at her waist.

“You came across no one?” Threlavin’s voice floated over to her and Ivy glanced over her shoulder to see him and Solas speaking to her friends. They looked as if they had just finished bathing themselves, simple heavy robes covering them as their damp hair left wet patches on their shoulders.

“Not at all, Ser.” Senrith said in a calm, quiet voice. Athrand looked as if he had fallen asleep and judging by the way Senrith refused to move him, even when talking to his superiors, Ivy would put money on the larger elf being unconscious already. As strict as Senrith was to conform to the protocols of the military, it was abundantly clear that Athrand was of higher importance to him. Thankfully their superiors knew this and never pushed the subject, as long as the job got done they just didn’t care about the personal lives of their soldiers.

“Contact on the patrols have been sporadic,” Threlavin continued, “The Evanuris are getting closer but our wards and, of course, the work you are doing with the patrols are keeping them at bay.”

“We won’t have to abandon Sanctuary will we?” Senrith asked hesitantly and Threlavin answered quietly, his words lost to Ivy. Solas glanced up to her, their eyes meeting briefly before he averted them to look up at the wooden ceiling. Ivy looked forward again, her back to them as she busied herself with bathing and running oils through her filthy hair, the blush on her cheeks could easily be blamed on the heat of the water but when she glanced back and saw his eyes on her again she knew it was because of something else.

 

Ivy left her friends to soak and wrapped her own simple robe around herself, the pleasant warmth of the baths barely lingering on her skin once she stepped out of the room. She paused in the corridor of the castle, disliking the idea of returning to the barracks so soon even though she was exhausted and it was the middle of the night.

Turning on her heels she walked left instead of right, to the higher levels of the castle instead of lower to the barracks. The rooms all closed and quiet as she walked slowly up the stairs and emerged onto a small balcony that was tucked away from the main paths.

The stone balustrade was cold against her fingers as she touched it lightly to anchor herself, looking up to the night sky the stars shone brilliantly down on her, the moon a bare sliver of silver crowning the peak of a far off mountain. Ivy let the chill of the cold settle over her, breathed deep of the clean air and closed her eyes.

Light footsteps behind her broke her meditation, the pause in them heavy as Ivy waited for the footsteps to retreat. Instead Solas’ calm, deep voice washed over her gently and helped put her to ease once again.

“If someone had told me two years ago that I would find peace in seeing the wild human haunting my castle I would have laughed at them.” Solas stepped forward, filling the empty space to her right and looking up at the stars. “If the same thing was said one year ago, I would have simply dismissed it.”

“And now?” Ivy was hesitant in her question, her voice barely louder than a whisper.

“I find myself at peace knowing that you are here to protect our people.” He said flatly before shaking his head and closing his eyes. “That sounds… too clinical.”

“Perhaps you should say what’s on your mind,” Ivy suggested tentatively, “instead of overthinking each word.” Solas smiled tightly and hummed in agreeance, the light from the doorway behind them shining on a single braid in his hair.

“Is it at this point I counter with advice on thinking on your own words before you speak?” He was almost teasing and Ivy couldn’t help the tug of a smile on the corners of her mouth.

“If you wish.” She allowed. “But I think, at this point, neither of us are capable of a long bout of banter.”

“Nevertheless we should certainly attempt it sometime.” He looked down to her, his smile unwavering as he took her in. “But just this once I will do as you propose; I feel I should apologise.” Fen said quietly as he looked back up to the stars and Ivy’s nerves returned quickly to roll her stomach.

“I tried to before but you had taken a patrol as soon as I arrived back. I considered leaving the valley to try and find you but… I believe it would not have been appropriate.” He added in almost a whisper, it wasn’t an excuse. Simply a fact. She _had_ run away and when it came down to it he _was_ her superior. He needed to be extremely careful with his own image, of how he was portrayed by his people, a fact that was not lost on Ivy.

“No, I should apologise.” Ivy shook her head, frowning as she looked down and felt shame crawl to settle hot in her cheeks. “It was cowardly of me to run, I should have done better.”

“Still, I should not have acted on such a base impulse, certainly not when I did not consider your reaction. I feel that I have forced myself upon you by doing such an unwelcome thing.”

“It was not unwelcome.” Ivy said quietly and felt Fen watch her out of the corner of her eye. The silence hung heavy between them, he was giving her the chance to continue talking but Ivy’s mind was struggling with trying to figure out her own emotions, of what she really _wanted_.

“Then why-” He began but cut himself short, his own emotions masked by a sudden blank expression, the slight frown of his brow the only indication of what he was feeling.

“I left someone behind.” Ivy said and felt him still beside her. “I thought that I had come to terms with it, that I had accepted that I won’t see him again. I guess I was wrong.”

“And my indiscretion brought that unresolved emotion to the surface again.” He nodded in understanding and stilled a moment before making the decision to shift closer so their arms were touching each other.

“Ivy, I think we both know that you do not simply stop loving someone because they are gone.” Fen said roughly, a sad smile lingering as he turned to face her, his hand reaching up to touch her cheek gently. “And it would never be asked of you.” He leaned down and kissed her cheek, his warm lips lingering for a moment and pulling away before Ivy had the chance to consider running again.

“I will not push this on you.” He smiled tiredly and stepped back, his hands clasping behind his back casually. “If you want this, me, simply come find me.”

He turned and left her standing on the balcony, her hands trembling as she looked up to the stars and let out a ragged sigh. She didn’t realise she had been holding her breath, didn’t realise that her heart had been racing since the moment he stood beside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *offers chapter to appease you all*  
> Thanks you all for sticking around! Ten chapters and it seems I am incapable of writing short things. Someone suggested a one shot with Ivy and Bull babies a while back, jeez why didn't I just do that instead? :P


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She wondered how she managed to fall so far, to be so far gone that she was willing to kneel and beg at the Dread Wolf’s feet.

The call went out to the garrison to form up ranks and prepare to head south east. At that news Ivy pulled the blanket she was lying under over her head while Athrand let out an unhappy groan of discontent.

“Didn’t we just get back?” He complained as Ivy tried to ignore the world and Senrith sat up in his cot with a scowl. “I swear we just got back.”

“Get your armour on, Vhenan.” Senrith said through a yawn. “Best if we just get to it.”

“I think the human is asleep still.” Athrand said and Ivy gripped her blanket tighter, it didn’t help at all as Senrith jerked the blanket away and Ivy let out a pious howl of regret. The air was cold in the barracks and Ivy tried to curl in on herself and preserve the little heat that was left.

“Not anymore.” Senrith drawled as he reached down and picked up Ivy’s armour, unceremoniously dropping it onto her.

 

The barracks were a rush of activity as everyone got dressed and ready for the mission. Tunics being tossed around and last minute armour fixes were normal as they prepped and buzzed with tension. Through the commotion a younger elf with bright blonde hair weaved his way over and stopped by Ivy’s cot, his voice a nervous peal of inaudible vowels as Ivy tightened her breast band and glowered over her shoulder at the interruption.

“Deyran.” Ivy looked him over and he was in his armour, sword at his side and shield strapped onto his back. He was looking at her with hopeful eyes and Ivy looked past him to Athrand. “Can you believe this shit?” Ivy asked her friend and Athrand let out a bark of laughter.

“I’m ready to go out on a mission.” Deyran’s confidence only slightly wavered when Senrith frowned at him and made a disapproving grunt. “I’ve completed the training just like you all have.”

“You have, have you?” Ivy asked him incredulously. “You’ve finished all your training and spent the last twelve years busting your ass in the guard?”

“One hundred and ninety eight years here.” Athrand said and leaned around Deyran to huff at him.

“Two-oh-five.” Senrith added without looking at them.

“The point is you need to do time on the patrols before you come out to do the heavy lifting.” Ivy said and shook her head. “Sorry Deyran, you’re just not ready yet.” Ivy pulled a tunic down over her head and reached for her chestpiece, the metal shiny and well cared for. Deyran eyed the Inquisition logo unhappily and refused to move.

“I’m the best recruit this year,” Deyran protested, “Threlavin even said so. I’m ready to go with the garrison.”

“Best _rookie_.” Athrand corrected him.

“The fiercest wolf pup can still only bite so hard.” Senrith said and clapped his hand on Deyran’s shoulder while nodding to Ivy. “In the end you still need your wolf mother to protect the pack.”

“And this mama can’t be watching out for the pup when she’s supposed to be killing elves.” Ivy said commandingly. “Report to the castle to receive your posting, Sanctuary will need to be well guarded while the garrison is absent.” Deyran almost visibly wilted as he was denied.

“Yes, Ser.” Deyran said in annoyance before trudging out of the barracks, bumping past a man on his way out.

“What a heartbreaker.” Athrand said as he sniffed at a tunic, throwing it down onto his cot with a scrunched up face. “He’ll be in the running for your job in a year or two Wilding.”

“He can have it.” Ivy said as she tightened the strap of her greaves. “And I can sleep in for once.”

 

They were in formation by the southern entrance to the valley, shields and swords secured tightly and armour fitted perfectly. The sun had just barely risen over the mountain ridge and the last of their soldiers had arrived. There were just over sixty of them, more than their usual party.

“Where’s your spirit?” Senrith asked Ivy as he adjusted his arm brace with a grimace.

“Knowledge is staying here, had some books to read or something.” Ivy said and got a hum in return followed by a nudge from Athrand’s elbow.

“Damn, look who’s tagging along this time.” Athrand said and Ivy had to rise onto her toes to see over the line of shoulders in front of her. Marching up the formation of soldiers was Solas, Threlavin and Taevin; the woman who was considered a master battlemage and causing quite a stir among the garrison.

“All three of them?” Ivy said quietly. “What the hell are we walking into?”

“They might just be coming out for fun.” Athrand shrugged and looked down at her with mock concern.

“Maybe she’s here for you Athrand,” Ivy teased, “I hear you’ve got quite a crush on her.”

“Shut up the both of you.” Senrith hissed and they stood to attention, the procession beginning their march south east under the morning sun.

 

It was a fucking disaster.

The village they were sent to protect was nothing but empty farm houses and dead cattle, the villagers themselves already taken prisoner and guarded by soldiers. A lot of them.

In order to get the villagers to safety they had to draw off the soldiers and Ivy knew her luck had run out when she was assigned to that task. Fifteen of them managed to draw off the bulk of the soldiers and fall back to the cover of the sparse woodlands, but five rebels still fell in the first blows and they were now separated and outnumbered.

The trees were strong enough to withstand a bolt of magic and Ivy used that to her advantage, weaving through them and avoiding the majority of magic cast her way. It was a gamble for the rebels to become so scattered in the woods and they couldn’t tell if it had paid off or not.

A pained cry was loud beside her and Ivy turned to see Athrand hit the ground hard, his armour split open and blood pouring from it as he looked down at himself in shock. An Evanuris battlemage was before him, snarled grin wide beneath the opening of his helmet and sword poised to deal the death blow as Athrand looked up at him with wide, defiant eyes.

Ivy’s feet were moving before she knew it, her shield up high before her as she jumped and slammed her entire weight into the tall soldier, the force shoving him aside and away from Athrand. They both fell to the ground in a heap, the man growling in anger as he forcefully pushed her off him and she used the momentum to roll away, her cumbersome shield refusing to follow her movement and slipping from her arm to lie in the dirt.

Ivy jumped to her feet, sword in hand as the much larger man squared off with her, he looked barely affected by the blow. His breath calm compared to hers as she fought to focus on the soldier in front of her and not her friend bleeding out on the ground. The man feinted towards her and she twitched, his grin wide again before he stepped in properly and swung his broadsword in an arc, her own sword deflecting it with a loud clash of steel and skin-crawling scrape of metal.

He lunged at her again, his strength clearly an advantage as she pushed to duck and weave away, to keep him from moving any closer to Athrand. The fight was taking longer than Ivy wanted, she knew he was wearing her down and damn it all he knew it too. He was toying with her while her friend bled out on the ground.

A war cry and movement behind the elf was the warning Ivy got before Senrith was upon the man’s back, his dagger sinking into the enemy’s neck with a snarl and the man jolted in surprise. Ivy skittered back to avoid their fall and Senrith jerked his dagger out maliciously, blood spurting out of the wound as the soldier gurgled and gasped into the cold ground.

“Athrand!” Senrith scrambled over to him, dagger lost to the ground in panic as he tried to make sense of the wound, one hand supporting Athrand’s head and the other hovering uncertainly. Ivy moved to be beside them, her stomach churning in panic as she saw Athrand’s opened wide and bleeding freely, the armour having done nothing to protect him.

“Gods no, no, no.” Senrith melted into a panic, tears welling as he instinctively tried to cradle his lover to him, Ivy jerked his arm free of the injured man, if Athrand had any chance in hell he couldn’t be bent or moved.

“Move your hand!” Ivy near shouted at Senrith as she pushed his hand away and reached behind her to her kit, glancing around them in case of any other soldiers, they were clear for the moment. Blue light crackled between them, Senrith was trying to heal Athrand magically but he was either exhausted or far too panicked as the spell fizzled and died inches from his shaking hand.

“Your shirt.” Ivy demanded and somehow Senrith heard her enough to begin working his chest armour from himself, the buckles and straps opening quickly from years of use. With a quick motion his shirt was lifted over his head and Ivy snatched it from him, bundling it quickly and pressing it to the wound.

Senrith was talking lowly to him, begging him to stay awake as Athrand watched him hazily, lips parting soundlessly as he tried to form words. The blood around them was thick and Ivy knew he was far too close to bleeding to death, his skin was already too pale and arms trembling from shock. She pressed heavily on the wound, a pained groan forcing itself from Athrand’s throat and with her left hand she rummaged through her satchel, pulling from it an elfroot potion, heavy and shimmering in the sunlight.

“Have him drink this.” Senrith took the thick bottle automatically and uncorked it, glancing at her only once before he supported Athrand’s head and urged him to drink. It was painfully slow and Ivy couldn’t do a damn thing but keep pressure on the wound as he struggled to swallow.

“What is it?” Senrith asked her and his voice was ragged, body hunched over Athrand.

“Elfroot potion.” Ivy said and glanced around again, still no one in the area but no resistance soldiers either, at this point she couldn’t even hear the fighting anymore. “A potent one too. It won’t heal him fully but it will stop the bleeding, if any of his organs are ruptured they’ll heal first.”

“You made this? When?” His voice was so distant Ivy doubted he was really listening, her heart wrenched watching him struggle with fear and panic.

“I have my hobbies.” Ivy offhandedly informed him as Athrand swallowed the last of the potion, his eyelids closing heavily as Senrith urged him to stay awake. The skittering of footsteps sounded and they looked up to see one of their own watching them with wide eyes.

“Healer!” Senrith yelled at the recruit. “Now!” The man sprinted away and Senrith pressed a kiss to Athrand’s forehead, his breath shaking.

“You can save him, right?” Senrith asked and Ivy refused to look up at him, she could hear the tears on his voice and avoided him by pulling out the needle and thread of her satchel, she needed to get the wound closed as soon as possible. “ _Ivy._ ”

“ _I’m trying_.” She bit back, roughly wiping the excess blood off of Athrand’s stomach so she could see the wound clearly. The blood was everywhere, on her armour, her hands, her forearms. The back of her mind was reminding her of all the times she saw a soldier bleed this much and survive, and how rarely those times occurred compared to the worse alternative.

The stitches were rough, she could barely keep a grip on the needle for all the blood but if she could get his stomach closed then the healing spell would be more effective, he would bleed less and _Maker damn it where was that healer?_

The last ragged stitch was in place and the healer finally arrived, panting and covered in sweat from the dash to them. The woman looked them over with wide green eyes, not willing to tell them what her assessment of Athrand’s condition was.

“Assistance is needed in the centre of the village.” The healer said in a soft, demure voice. “They are outnumbered.”

“I’ll go.” Ivy said, knowing that nothing would pry Senrith from his lover at this time. She stood and the blue light of the spell was bright as the healer began. Trudging over to her forgotten shield and sword she picked them up and held back the wave of exhaustion she felt. With a deep breath she began to run to the village.

 

Ivy’s arrival to the centre of the village was heralded by a sickening crack of wood against bone and flesh as she slammed her shield down hard into the neck of a soldier, the woman crumpling into a heap on the ground before Ivy’s sword finished the job.

“Nice of you to join us.” Threlavin scowled at her, he looked positively feral covered in streaks of blood and dirt. Sweat dripping heavily down his forehead. “Where is the rest of your squad?”

“Injured, the healers are tending to them.” Ivy said and shook out the tension from her shoulders before raising her sword and shield and stalking towards the next enemy.

“We need to get to Taevin, cover her while she casts.” Threlavin shouted as he gutted a man before him and ducked out of the way of another sword before sliding his own into the soldier’s side.

“I see her.” Ivy confirmed and knocked her opponent to the ground with a roar, her sword messily opening his gut but not killing the man outright. She moved forward and met the next one along with Threlavin.

 

They sliced their way to Taevin, clearing a path to her and creating an area for other rebels to reinforce, there were quite a few less of them and Ivy couldn’t see Solas among the fighting crowd.

Taevin was bloodied and snarling as she stumbled to the central point of the clearing, the village buildings surrounding them and a couple even engulfed in flames. Taevin spoke lowly to herself, her hands dripping with silver magic as she began to chant and weave, the magic in her hands growing in unstable power.

“ _Barriers!_ ” Threlavin shouted before cutting down a soldier with his sword, his hand thrusting out to bring up a magical barrier around him that shone with pale blue and greens in the evening sun. The rebels each soon followed, their own personal barriers rising around themselves with a crackle of energy.

Ivy’s eyes widened in apprehension, she couldn’t do that. Couldn’t manipulate magic at _all_. Taevin was yelling, screaming against the unbridled magic she was summoning between her outstretched hands as it whirred into a crescendo. Ivy watched on, unsure of the spell she was casting but knew it couldn’t have been good given the situation or the sudden need for the barriers.

“Knowledge?” Ivy spoke, hoping the spirit could hear her despite the distance between them. A flicker of acknowledgement touched her, the spirit’s presence and sight shifting to feel Ivy’s panic and mirror it with one of its own.

 _Get beyond the village!_ Knowledge’s urgent voice echoed through her mind as Taevin fell to her knees. Ivy was transfixed, the air crackling with sparks of electricity and the heavy scent of ozone.

 _Run!_ It screamed and Ivy dropped her sword and shield, turning and breaking out into a sprint as the audible crack of magic sounded and a corona of silver magic rushed behind her, overwhelming the soldiers as they tried to escape the avalanche of power. Her heart in her throat she pushed as hard as she could to get her legs to move faster, to outrun the wave of silver that roared behind her but it was faster than she was, moving metres in the blink of an eye, she wasn’t going to escape it.

Before her Solas stepped into her path, grabbing her quickly and pulling her in close to slam against his chest roughly, their armour clanging together as one arm held her to him tightly and the other rose as if it would stop the oncoming rush of magic with a gesture.

She looked up at him, his face free and clear of the wolf mask as it sat on top of his brow, his dark hair cascading down his shoulder wildly as he gritted his teeth and made a sharp gesture, a barrier rising around them. The sphere of protective magic joined at its peak a split second before the corona of magic hit them forcefully, freezing cold air rushing around them as he grunted from the force of the magic.

The bright silver dazzled her eyes and she squeezed them shut, unaware of her arms wrapping around Solas’ waist in in panic and his fingers weaving into her hair to comfort her. The magic passed by in a deafening rush and everything stilled, the only sounds were their ragged breath and a crystal-like tinkling.

“Stay by me, Wilding.” Solas said in a breathless whisper, he was breathing hard, his lips close to her ear as he held her to him. “I would hate to lose you to such magic.”

“What-” Ivy swallowed before she shakily and reluctantly stepped back, his fingers ghosting along her skin as he let her go. She turned to see the entire village covered in frost, soldiers frozen in place as if they had been caught in a blizzard beyond her imagination. The area sparkled, the crystalline frost glistening on skin, grass and walls broken up by only the brown and green armour of the rebels who were untouched and milling around awestruck.

“They are alive.” Solas said, stepping close so only she could hear. “But when the spell fades in a few minutes we must be gone and anyone caught in it left behind.” He gave her a tight smile, Ivy’s eyes widening as she realised how close she came to being one of the ones abandoned. Solas surged forward, demanding the houses be searched for their own people or villagers and to head back to the rendezvous point immediately.

Ivy followed orders as Solas kneeled by Taevin, his hand gently touching at her shoulder as she swayed on her knees, nodding in exhaustion as he spoke to her.

 

The camp was silent even as people worked to tend to wounds, make fires, set patrols and anything else that needed doing. It was silent as their dead were brought in on stretchers and placed alongside one another under the trees and Ivy took a moment to look over the people who died for the cause.

“Twenty dead.” Threlavin’s voice was monotone and rough as Ivy paused beside him, he was also taking the time to look over the bodies that were recovered. There were only fifteen of them meaning that the others had likely turned to ash, the terrible result of fire magic.

“Fynrel, Valtis, Heranash.” Threlavin began to list the dead but shook his head to stop himself.

“Athrand?” Her voice was hesitant and shaking, her heart pounding as she awaited his reply.

“Alive. Unconscious.” His words lifted a weight from her chest and she let out a relieved sigh. “Your villager protégé though, Deyran.” His hard eyes swung to her, dark circles beneath them indicating his exhaustion.

“I told him not to come.” Ivy closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, he wasn’t ready for battle. Bile rose in her throat, she should have made sure he reported to the castle, she was so disgusted with herself.

“The young are always impatient, it doesn’t matter what we say they’ll do what they believe is right. I would say he knew the risk, but I don’t think any of us did in this case.” Threlavin spoke bitterly.

“Ser?” Ivy pushed, and he grit his teeth and shook his head.

“We’ve been betrayed, Wildling.” His words heard by Ivy alone. “Without a doubt, those soldiers knew we were coming.” He left her then to tend to others and Ivy had no choice but to continue on with her duties.

 

The night was quieter than normal, the exhausted soldiers not even talking or acknowledging each other even after all the duties were done. It had been a hard day and they had the bodies of their dead to attest to it.

Senrith sat beside Athrand who had still not woken up but was breathing evenly, the healer had done all she could and it was simply up to Athrand’s own willpower now. He needed rest, more than anything, and while he laid on the makeshift stretcher the entire garrison was going to ensure that he got it.

There was still blood on her hands. Flecks and streaks of it on her forearm. There just had been no time to stop and wash it away and now she was so exhausted she couldn’t even imagine building a fire to sleep next to.

Another look to Senrith and Ivy couldn’t sit and wait any longer. Couldn’t keep watching as he pressed his lips to Athrand’s knuckles for the hundredth time. She stood, the need for solitude and air overwhelming as she headed for the trees, taking refuge in the illusion of privacy.

Sinking onto the ground she leaned against a large tree trunk, the bark smooth and stained from exposure to the elements. One deep breath followed another and soon her hands were shaking, her head bowed as she let herself finally be overwhelmed with what had happened that day.

A crack of a twig beside her and someone sat down with a painful huff, she didn’t look up, couldn’t muster the care to until she felt the line of their arm touching hers. Blinking back the tears that had already broken free she raised her head to see Solas beside her, looking up to the sky, worn and pale with the weight of responsibility resting heavily on his soul.

He didn’t speak. Didn’t move to look at her. And after a moment Ivy swallowed hard and let her head fall back onto the wood, watching the same stars and leaning ever so slightly closer to him.

 

It took too long to get back to Sanctuary and their arrival back was heralded with tears and grief from the dead’s family. Urging Senrith to continue to the infirmary with Athrand, Ivy had the task of finding Deyran’s family and telling them that he died in battle.

She didn’t tell his mother or father that he disobeyed orders, didn’t seem to be so important now. And when the father demanded to know why she had allowed him to go Ivy accepted the blame, claimed it was her own poor judgement to let him fight so soon.

With that weighing on her she managed to bathe away the blood and grime before finding clothing that was clean and headed to check on her friends, Senrith needed to sleep, to eat, to bathe. He had barely done anything but stay by Athrand’s side for the last two days.

“How is he?” Ivy tried to keep her voice low and footsteps light as she approached. The sunlight was bright in the infirmary, the soft morning sun warming the room to the perfect temperature, no doubt aided by magic.

Senrith looked up at her from where he rested his head. He was drawn and pale, dark circles under his eyes and his usually neat hair unruly as if he’d scrunched it in his fist numerous times.

“Still unconscious.” His voice was ragged, groggy as he reached out and took Athrand’s hand again.

“Go get some sleep.” Ivy suggested and placed her hand on his shoulder to comfort him but he shrugged it off and shook his head. “Senrith, punishing yourself is not going to help him wake up. Go rest and I will watch over him.”

“I’ve known Athrand since I was barely a century old.” He said, his hands trembling and eyes cast down. “I damn near ignored him for two hundred years. Shit, he’s only here because I fucked up.”

“It’s not your fault.” Ivy tried to reassure him. “That soldier jumped us, besides, we all know how dangerous this life is.”

“You don’t get it.” A huff of saddened laughter escaped him. “I was arrested, set for execution. Athrand was the only one who believed me when I said I was innocent and, damn his stubbornness to hell, he helped me escape the Evanuris. And still, even after that, I _refused_ to admit I loved him.”

“And yet he still loves you.” Ivy gave him a smile and he glanced at her, he looked emotionally wrecked and far beyond any healthy state of mind. “Even if you are emotionally stunted he knows you love him. Shit, anyone who looks at the two of you know that.”

“If it wasn’t for me he wouldn’t be here.” He sighed and closed his eyes.

“This isn’t the end. He’ll pull through.”

“You know that for certain, Wilding?” He asked bitterly and pressed Athrand’s hand to his forehead. “Gods take me for wasting so much time, being immortal, it means less than nothing.” His sob was barely restrained and Ivy couldn’t help but let a tear escape her. Turning away Ivy made for the entrance, her own hand quickly scrubbing at her eyes as she heard Senrith’s voice again, begging Athrand to wake up.

 

The moonlight was streaming into the barracks and Ivy more than wished she could blame it for the insomnia that plagued her. But it wasn’t that. It was the two empty cots near her own and the trepidation of her friend’s fate.

She twiddled her fingers on her chest and glanced around. Others were sleeping, but not many, and the soft echoes of breathing and snoring were grating on her mind. She closed her eyes and the memory of Solas’ fingers intertwining in her hair made her heart beat louder until she opened her eyes and sat upright in the cot.

“Fuck it.” She murmured to herself and slipped her boots on, striding out of the barracks and into the fresh outdoor air.

 

Her knuckles barely felt the wood of the door as she rapped lightly, the sound echoing in the deserted hallway. _This is stupid_. Ivy scolded herself. _It’s after midnight._

A muffled greeting surprised her and it took a moment before the courage had collected enough to allow her hand to press the handle and push open the heavy door. It creaked as she clung to the edge of it, the smell of plaster and paint strong as it escaped out of the room. Her fingers were trembling, her heart thrumming as she entered the chambers and glanced around.

The soft light of a glowing orb illuminated the wall and cast heavy shadows as Fen sat on a bench and meticulously applied the coloured plaster to the bare wall. His back was to her as he sat on a bench, his frame still strong without the armour and covered by paint-stained tunic and breeches. He glanced up and saw her, a smile playing over his lips as she approached silently.

Shifting aside on the bench he made room for her and she sunk down, facing his side as he placed his tools and paint on a table and out of harm’s way.

“I thought you would be asleep.” Ivy began, her voice wavering and quiet in the still night.

“No.” He said and leaned to rest his elbows on his knees, looking up at the wolf painting on the wall. “Not since the disaster in the village.”

“It wasn’t your doing.” Ivy said, reaching out to touch his arm in reassurance. “We had bad information, there shouldn’t have been that many soldiers there.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that we lost twenty of our own.” He said bitterly as if a bad taste was lingering in his mouth. “And another seven are barely alive in the infirmary.”

“We know what we are here for, Fen. That each time we step out onto the field we might not come back. _You_ are safe.” Ivy’s words made him pause and look to the ground. “That is what matters.”

“As are you.” He rasped and placed his hand over her own. “You fought well, Wildling, I’ve rarely seen someone as ferocious as you are with a shield.” She held his hand tight as she raised it up, her lips pressing against the back of his palm. Eyes closing on a long exhale as she held his cool skin to her feverish lips. It was almost like he wasn’t breathing, he was so still.

“Why did you come here?” He asked, not annoyed or angry, just simply curious and Ivy felt suddenly hyperaware of the warmth of his body, the hard bench she sat on. She felt out of place and awkward having come to this man’s chambers in the middle of the night.

“You said, before-” Her voice was quiet but if felt as if she were shouting, her nerves singing as she swallowed thickly. “To come find you if…” her voice trailed off and he pressed his forehead to hers, a hand reaching up to caress her neck and thumb delicately behind her ear.

“If?” He prompted and she cursed inwardly, he was going to make her say it, the vexing man.

“I _shouldn’t_ want you.” Ivy said with something akin to a hesitant whine, she had been warring with herself to too long, denying the blatant evidence in front of her.

“But?” he pushed, his lips so close to hers that the word rasped over her skin sharply, his eyes lidded and stormy as his ever-present half smile curled up.

“But I can’t find a moment where I’m not thinking about you.” Ivy admitted and it felt like a weight lifting from her chest, the gaping, bottomless feeling of longing shattering as he leaned forwards and kissed her without reservation.

It was a mess of lips and tongue and teeth as he pulled her closer, their emotions climbing rapidly as soft, hungry moans tumbled from their parted lips and sharp intakes of breath followed after each one. Their hands were everywhere, all over each other as they reached to touch and caress each part of bare skin, shifting and pulling on clothing to find more.

When her thumb dipped down the sharp line of his hipbone to slip beneath the waist of his breaches his ragged moan filled the room and his hand shot to grasp at her wrist. He smiled against her, raising her hand higher as he tasted and coaxed her lips to part, his smooth tongue sliding against hers to elicit a soft moan when she relented.

As if a dam were breaking they moved against each other, bodies pressing and rolling to find friction, her arms slung across shoulders as his ran down the length of her thighs to pull her closer despite the lack of distance between them. The sound of fabric accidentally tearing, the collar of her tunic, brought forth heavy moans from the both of them and he relinquished her mouth to explore the column of her neck, lips turning to the graze of teeth as she arched back.

“ _Vhenan_ ,” he rasped against skin, peeling off his shirt and discarding it onto the floor bedside them before pulling at Ivy’s, the brief moment of separation to remove the garment too long to bear as they return with frantic hands.

He pulled her up, standing and guiding her toward the far side of the room as if they were dancing. Somehow losing shoes and pants to scatter in a trail along the floor until she was pressed hard against a doorframe. They gasped in unison as they met the wood, his hand coming up to tangle in her hair as another gathered her leg to curl along his hip, the friction it created against his hardness drew an involuntary buck of hips followed by a soft curse.

She pressed closer to him, revelling in the way they were coming undone, the way his muscles shifted and tensed under her hands as he licked a long stripe along the line of her neck and ending it with a gentle bite. She felt almost mortified at how eagerly she had craved his touch once the initial barrier had fallen, once his lips had touched hers she knew there wasn’t much she was not willing to do, to give up, as long as she could keep doing this.

Almost like someone had flicked a switch he slowed, stilled against her as his hand slid to curl fingers in her hair, his nose buried against her neck as he lightly kissed her collarbone. He shuddered as he reined himself back to composure, his once sure hands hesitant as he pulled back, lips inches from her own as he looked her over with almost sad eyes.

“Are you sure of this?” he asked, voice ragged and heavy. “I do not-” he swallowed and cast his eyes down. “I do not take these things lightly.” Gently she rose her fingers to ghost along his jaw, silently begging to meet his eyes and see the wrecked and bare emotions that lay there.

“What would you have me say, Fen?” She asked softly, “That my intention is to bed you and leave? It would be a lie.”

“Our situation is not ideal.” He warned her as his fingers danced along the hollow of her throat reverently. “My love for you would have to remain secret, I could not risk the resistance-” He broke off his own sentence and lowered his head, something akin to shame flicking on his features.

Ivy knew, although she didn’t want to admit it, that she would never be accepted as anything more than a lower lifeform by the elves. That the loyalty of even the most steadfast rebel would be challenged if they discovered that Fen’Harel was consorting with anything _less_ than an elf.

“There will never be a time where this is _ideal_.” Ivy kissed his forehead before raising his chin so he could look at her directly, what she saw in his eyes wrenched her heart, the bare longing and hope threatened by despair. “But my feelings will not change. I hated you once, couldn’t stomach the thought of being trapped here.”

“You-” Solas began but Ivy shook her head.

“Please, let me talk.” She almost begged and he nodded once, letting her continue as he watched her with fragile eyes. “I grieved for what I had lost, so much so that I blamed you for it. Unfairly. But the longer I stayed, the more I grew to know you – I feel ashamed of myself.” Ivy shook her head and felt the stirring of tears sting her eyes, it did not go unnoticed and he pressed closer, his forehead pressing to hers as he tried to hush her in comfort but she had to tell him, her emotions overwhelming and insistent.

“I would have done anything to go home.” Ivy said shakily. “But now I cannot imagine my life without you in it, without fighting for your cause. I know I should not – I – _Maker damn it_.” She slipped back into the Kings Tongue as she cursed in frustration.

She wondered how she managed to fall so far, to be so far gone that she was willing to kneel and beg at the Dread Wolf’s feet. He smiled sweetly, somehow knowing she was cursing and waited patiently for her to continue. Delicately kissing away a tear that had broken free and cascaded down her cheek.

“I love you.” Ivy said, her eyes cast down for fear of his reaction. “I would willingly give up my home, keep my feelings a secret, to simply lay my eyes upon you.”

“Vhenan,” He rasped, pulling her to cradle her head against his chest, his mouth so close to her ear she could feel the wetness of his breath. “Will you stay with me?” He asked hesitantly. “Your years are so short, you would bless me in sharing such a precious thing?” His hands were shaking, body tense as the question lingered in the air. Ivy looked up to him, his wide eyes uncertain as she bridged the distance between them, her lips pressing to his in a gentle kiss.

His gasp echoed like a sob as they melted into each other, hands touching and searching without the frantic pace but more to memorise each stroke of skin, to bring even the faintest of pleasure.

“My Wildling, my human, my love.” He whispered against her lips before pushing the door behind her open, revealing his bedroom. With a knowing smile he reached down and scooped her up, her surprised squeak sounding girlish even to her and he laughed with a broad smile, carrying her into the room before kissing her again.

He placed her on the thick grey fur of his bed and leaned into her kiss, hands pulling him down with her as Ivy leaned back. Slender fingers easily unlaced her breastband and she let out a giggle as he flung it across the room behind him, a wicked grin flashing before he worked a trail of kisses down her neck and halting with a flick of tongue on nipple.

Her gasp was echoed by his own as she rolled her hips and ground against his hardness, teeth biting the flesh of her breast playfully as their hands pushed at the remaining fabric of clothing. In the twisting movement Ivy was rolled above him, straddling his hips as they kissed and gasped. Fingers skirted along her sex and a deep, guttural groan escaped Solas as he pressed one into her.

With a shuddering breath Ivy urged him on and a moment later he guided himself to press against her sex, letting her take control as she sunk down onto his cock slowly, her lower lip caught between her teeth as he pushed himself up with one hand and steadied her hips with the other.

“Are you alright?” He asked breathlessly as Ivy stilled and let her body adjust to him, smiling she placed the lightest of kisses on his lips as he stroked her thigh in comfort.

“It’s been a long time.” Ivy sighed and rolled her hips, moaning from the sparks of pleasure it created.

“Then I hope I live up to expectations.” He teased and slid his thumb to circle her clit, letting the rhythm of Ivy’s hips determine the pace as he met each downward motion with a thrust. It wasn’t long before Ivy was breathing heavily, pleasure pooling in her abdomen and on the brink of orgasm. He sensed the fault in her rhythm, that momentary pause and took the advantage, thrusting up harder to push her over the edge as he kissed her and swallowed her moans.

The afterglow left her feeling boneless as Solas carefully shifted them so she lay on her back, her legs held up by his arms as he gripped her hips and sunk deeply into her again, their moans nearly drowned out by the sounds of flesh on flesh as he drove into her relentlessly.

“Again.” He urged and Ivy arched from the pleasure raking through her, fingernails digging into his back as he cursed. The orgasm blindsided her, leaving her breathless and unable to do anything but hold onto him. A ragged breath and he pulled from her, his seed spilling along her inner thigh as he pressed his forehead to her sternum, hands gripping tight until the last waves of pleasure had faded.

It was under the grey fur and wrapped in the Dread Wolf’s arms that she finally felt at ease, his even breath cascading down her shoulder as he slept. Heavy limbs held her to him and her eyes began to close, once-elusive sleep finally greeting her like an old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You go girl!
> 
> Just so you know, I've changed the ending to this whole drama minimum four times.


	12. Chapter 12

In blissful silence they lay together on the wide bed, furs gathered at their hips as she slipped between dreams and the waking world, unwilling to miss even a moment of lying next to Fen as he ran his fingers down her back in reverence. His head resting in his propped up hand as he delicately traced each mark he found, sometimes frowning to himself in thought.

“I wish I had found you before the Evanuris did.” He said softly, his voice heavy with regret. “I will bring such wrath upon them for desecrating your skin.”

“It is forgotten.” Ivy said sleepily, a smile gracing her face at the concern and love in his voice. “If all they can do is a simple flogging then they are no match for us.” He chuckled at her arrogance, his fingers trailing up to where she knew they were going to go, to that damned brand on her back.

“And is this forgotten?” He asked cautiously, the sensation of his fingertips lessening as they travelled over the scarred flesh.

“Not as much as I would hope.” Ivy said honestly and he frowned, dipping his hand lower to prompt her to roll to her side, bringing her back to press against his chest as he kissed her neck gently.

“Tell me?” he asked, his offer to listen simply that, an offer. Ivy wrangled with the idea of it for a moment before letting out a long sigh. She should be able to tell him.

“I had a lover once.” She said quietly and he pressed his lips to her shoulder and let them linger, the contact reassuring and a sign that he was not going to interrupt. “He was powerful, a leader of his people. But he was also fanatical, easily swept into madness. I tried to help him, to ease the pain he felt but-” Ivy paused and shook her head, this wasn’t the important part of the brand, Fen didn’t need to know about those things. “I thought he died in battle, when I tried to escape the city I was found by rebels, branded with his insignia so I could not hide as anything else. My friend saved me.”

“What happened to your lover? Did he die in the battle?” Solas asked gently.

“No.” Ivy said, swallowing thickly. “He found me again but he-” Ivy sighed heavily and closed her eyes, Solas lying still beside her.

“You don’t have to tell me.” He reassured and she shook her head, she _wanted_ to tell him. Tell him of the life she once had. The life she couldn’t talk about for the last two years.

“He tried to kill me. One of the more merciful things.” Ivy said bitterly. “So I killed him.”

“We each do what we must to survive.” He pulled her close to place a kiss on her lips. His expression kind and sincere as he looked down upon her. “You are not to blame.”

“There are so many things I wish I could tell you.” Ivy whispered and immediately regretted it. It was already too much of a risk to be sharing a bed with him, let alone telling him of the future – _their_ future.

“We have time.” He said and smiled sweetly. “I hope that you will share your life with me – even the parts you cannot bare to speak of.”

A horn blew lowly over the valley, the official alarm for the residents to wake up and for the guard to change shifts. It meant that it was barely an hour past sunrise and time for her to make her way to the training grounds for drills.

Solas groaned and buried his face into the pillow and crook of her neck, his arms pulling her closer in defiance. Ivy automatically reached up and carded her fingers through his hair gently. Lying in bed, wrapped in furs as the morning light gently greeted them. She didn’t want to move either.

“Shall I crawl out the window, Ser?” Ivy teased and he raised his head with a grin, a couple of strands of hair kinking out to the side in disobedience.

“And miss out on our morning meeting?” He asked with a semi-firm tone to his voice. “Are you shirking your responsibilities Wildling?”

“I would never.” The mock shocked tone was complimented by her hand resting on her chest indignantly. It had the desired effect as he laughed lazily, shifting to lean over and smile down at her.

“Good, because we have important things to discuss.” He teased and lowered his lips to her neck, lightly sucking at the skin and making her shiver. “How to boost the morale of the troops for one.”

“I don’t know about the rest of them.” Ivy purred and his hand trailed down her stomach to trace lightly at her sex. “But I know how you could help with _my_ morale.”

“This is certainly a topic that needs thorough deliberation.” He grinned and pulled the fur up to cover them with no intention of leaving the bed anytime soon.

 

Flushed and overly content Ivy tucked her tunic into the waist of her leggings, adjusting it slightly to look normal instead of hurried. She had scooped her hair into a bun to sit high on her scalp and looked herself over – her flush and glowing skin doing nothing to hide the fact she just spent the night in Fen’s chambers.

The man himself was buttoning up the front of a deep blue and black brocade tunic, looking her over with lidded eyes and smiling to himself. Ivy caught him staring and she couldn’t help but let out a huff of laughter to which his grin grew wider.

“The secret will be out within the hour if you don’t stop smiling.” Ivy teased and he reached forward, pulling her closer by her waist to press close to him.

“It will be _out_ as soon as you walk out the door.” He purred and reached up, tugging at the torn collar of her tunic. “Unless you give me a black eye and we say we fought.”

“And get thrown into the dungeon?” Ivy asked incredulously. “Somehow I think between the two of us we can come up with a better plan. Or I _can_ just go out the window.”

“Falling to your death or getting locked away.” Solas hummed to himself. “You certainly bring an air of excitement to my life.”

“Says the man who won’t be in any danger at all.” Ivy leaned in and pressed a kiss to his jaw, his fingers still idly playing with the torn cloth.

“We could just go about this the smart way.” He smiled and his fingers traced the torn fabric, a pale orange light flickering from it as the threads re-joined and the tunic magically repaired itself. Ivy looked down and inspected it, she couldn’t see any evidence of the tear at all.

“I’m bringing you all my clothes from now on.” She said and looked up to him mischievously. “No more sewing.”

“Sewing? How terribly mundane.” He scoffed and she rolled her eyes at him, slapping him on the shoulder playfully before pulling back from him.

“Well, we humans like to keep busy.” Ivy teased, throwing him a sultry look over her shoulder. “Keeps our minds off of the whole mortality thing.”

“I did notice that.” Solas grinned. “And I intend to keep you quite occupied from now on.”

 

They walked out of his chambers together, immaculately dressed an already deep in the details of a new training regimen. There were a few advisors waiting patiently in the room before his, papers in hand and talking idly among themselves they paid little attention to Ivy’s presence at all.

“I expect our population to grow faster in the coming year.” Solas continued as he reached for a paper that an advisor presented to him, quickly skimming the page he nodded once and tapped a magic laden finger on its surface before handing it back and giving his full business-like attention to Ivy again.

“Depending on the resistance’s needs at the time I can ensure all basic training is covered for new recruits within two months of their arrival.” Ivy said, eyeing off another advisor who crept closer with a stack of papers. “I can have Senrith or Athrand assist me with this should our numbers exceed expectations. Given that Athrand is up to the task of course.”

“Do it.” Solas said with a blank face. “I think it’s time to move you all on from the border patrol in any case. You are working together so well and developed a strong friendship, I feel that the new recruits would benefit from witnessing this and being mentored by the three of you.”

“I would also like for the non-combatant residents to undergo similar training.” Ivy pushed. “I know it may not be conventional, but we have all seen first-hand what happens to civilians when a military post is attacked. Better to give them a fighting chance should the worst happen.” Solas gave her a measured look, a long one, before nodding once.

“Fen’Harel,” Threlavin stepped up and interjected himself into the conversation, “I don’t mean to question your judgement but should we really consider _forcing_ the residents into fighting? Should it go poorly it could reflect negatively on us."

“More negative than what is already been said about us?” Ivy retorted. “Besides, when you bring more and more under your protection you need to have the strength in arms to actually do the job. For every fifty villagers coming in barely five of them will join the garrison. Teaching them self-defence will go far to mitigate that.”

“It is also walking a fine line between being freedom fighters and dictators.” Threlavin warned as he shook his head. “It is a tactic the Evanuris have used in the past, we should make a point of being different to them.”

Solas looked between the two of them and considered, his long and slender fingers tapping against his chin rhythmically.

“Offer the training to anyone who will take it.” He said to Ivy who gave him a bow in return. “It is not compulsory but we will stress the importance of it, I’ll give you three days to prepare.”

“As you say, Fen.” Ivy said and bowed to Threlavin who nodded in return and gave her a measured look.

“Wildling, why are you out of uniform?” Threlavin raised his eyebrow suspiciously and Ivy’s mind went blank. She wasn’t wearing her armour. It hadn’t even been five minutes since leaving his chambers and they were about to get caught out.

“I summoned her here quite early.” Solas said without emotion or looking up from the paper in his hand. “You know how it is, I get an idea into my head…”

“Ah, of course.” Threlavin gave a half smile at his friend. “I pity anyone who is victim to his midnight ideas, just make sure others don’t see you out of uniform for too long.”

“I will change immediately, Ser.” Ivy bowed to him again before she walked away at a subtly hurried pace and left Solas to the throng of advisors and issues for the day.

 

Ivy’s good mood didn’t spare the recruits from the morning training, even if she had been late to arrive. The loss of the veteran soldiers in the last mission hung over her head, they needed stronger troops and quickly. Ivy had the thought that this is what Cullen must have felt in Haven, the troops too green to fight the unending streams of demons. She had a flash of doubt that she could do it before her resolve took over. She _had_ to make these recruits stronger, there was no other choice.

Her duties as a trainer began in earnest when she was assigned to that position permanently, no foreseeable missions outside of the valley and no more scouting or patrolling and true to Solas’ prediction their numbers swelled, a hundred refugees joining them in that week alone.

Senrith was all too happy to be pulled from the patrols to assist Ivy, it meant he could be closer to Athrand who was recovering slowly, having woken up after five days in a coma.

The influx of people and the new training regimen, that Ivy had to create from scratch by herself, took up all of her time. So much so that she fell asleep at her self-claimed desk in the library a couple of nights that week and soon enough over seven days passed since she had been with Solas for the first time and they hadn’t been able to isolate themselves away since.

Of course, the more time that passed the less sure she felt about everything, bouts of awkwardness and uncertainty managed to eke into her mind in those brief moments that she wasn’t completely occupied. She told herself time and again that she was being ridiculous, but of course it didn’t help.

 

It came to pass that Ivy decided to put away the years of research she had done and alone in the silent library she began to sort and pile her old work to one side, the soft afternoon sun comforting as she tried not to think about finding a way back to the Inquisition.

Light footsteps sounded behind her, likely a scribe looking for something in particular, until they stopped just short of where she stood. A hand reached to touch her desk silently as another touched the small of her back, she startled, looking up quickly to see Solas smiling at her.

“When I said I was going to keep you occupied,” He said in a quiet voice, still careful although no one else was in the room, “this is not what I intended.”

“I should hope not.” Ivy said as she split a pile of paper and slid it into her journal. She felt him still beside her, could imagine the confused frown he wore at her curt words.

“You’re angry with me.” He said and Ivy sighed heavily and closed her eyes.

“I’m not.” She insisted, but she still felt somewhat put out. His hand lifted from the desk and cupped her jaw, guiding her to look up at him, his worried expression surprising her.

“I missed you.” He pressed his forehead against hers and sighed, tension running from Ivy’s muscles as she relented and lifted a hand to rest on the curve of his neck.

“I’m sorry.” Ivy said, her thumb tracing his hair line. “I know we’ve both been busy.” He didn’t say anything more, simply moved to kiss her gently, his lips lingering as if he didn’t want to step away. But the sound of footfalls in the hallway forced the issue and he stepped beyond her reach, his hands behind his back and Ivy turned back to her paperwork just as someone strode into the library.

“These are your findings on the magic you were searching for?” Solas asked idly and picked up a piece of paper that had her notes scribbled on it. Ivy tensed for a moment before relaxing, she wasn’t searching for a way home anymore. It didn’t matter if he saw them.

“Yes, but I’m afraid I haven’t found what I was after.” She said and watched him as his frown deepened and he looked to another page of notes.

“It is a good mix of theories you have gathered.” He said. “But unfortunately the kinds of magic you would put together would be disastrous without many more safeguards. Are you using crystals to store or focus the energy?” He asked as he turned the paper in his hand to read more.

“Both.” Ivy said as she tidied the papers and books to put away. “The intention was to open a portal to another location to be able to travel through but, well, there is little point now.” She smiled and he flashed a smile in return, it remained unsaid why she was staying, they both knew.

“Your runes are mixed up.” He said curiously. “This has the potential to move in _time_ rather than _distance_.”

“Oh?” Ivy acted curious as she looked at the page over his shoulder. “Perhaps I translated it incorrectly.”

“That is unlikely.” He said flatly and Ivy felt her stomach twist nervously. “I would believe there needs to be a time component to the ritual, the same as a simple short teleporting spell would use it, but this is much more.” Although she didn’t hear accusations in his voice she still had to quash the nerves she felt. She didn’t know how he would react to finding out they were looking for a way to travel in time.

“Well, either way we discovered our approach would be too dangerous.” Ivy said dismissively and gathered together the rest of the papers and held them to her stomach. “Knowledge asked many other spirits – none were confident in this.”

“Let me have those.” He said and held his hand out for the papers, Ivy was reluctant and her pause made him regard her with a raised eyebrow. “You are hesitant?”

“No-” Ivy said perhaps too quickly before looking down and giving a wry smile. “It’s just that the last two years has been spent working on it, I’m loathe to part with it even if it doesn’t work.” Solas smiled and leaned in, his fingertips gripping the edge of the bundle before sliding it from under her hand.

“Then you should come to my chambers tonight to claim them back.” He said seductively before turning and walking further into the library, leaving Ivy to war with a blush on her skin and a bundle of nervous fear in her stomach.

 

That night after soaking in the baths for some time Ivy found herself knocking on the door to Fen’s quarters. The hollow sound echoing in the quiet hallway and she couldn’t help but glance around to see if anyone was witnessing her late night visit. As it was no one was present, the large area bereft of even guards since Fen preferred his privacy even through doors and walls.

His muffed voice gave permission to enter and Ivy opened the door and moved in quickly, tired eyes looking up from paperwork as she approached and a tight smile greeting her.

“I was wondering if I was going to have to send a runner to you.” He lazily drawled as he put his quill away.

“I wanted to be careful.” Ivy said apologetically, it _was_ quite late in the night.

“I know.” His smile showed his appreciation as he held his arm up to urge her closer, inviting her behind his desk as he relaxed into the chair. With a smirk Ivy slowly rounded the table and let his hand glide over her waist, her own hand cupping his jaw as she leaned down to kiss him properly for the first time in days.

A moan escaped her lips and he chuckled, eyes sparkling as he pulled back and looked her over. His gaze lingered at each scratch or bruise he could see on her bare forearms, a common side effect of weapon training, followed by a feather-light touch beside each one. It took a moment for Ivy to realise, but he was fussing over her.

“Would you like more skin to appraise?” Ivy asked in amusement and he smiled widely, unabashed by his behaviour.

“Should I not offer you a drink first?” He teased and stood, arm still securely around her waist.

 

There were perks to being in charge. Not only did you get the best rooms, servants and food but you get the best pick of the wine as well.

“Quite frankly,” Ivy said as she sipped the heady red wine that had been ‘liberated’ from some unlucky enemy soldier, “if you’re going to lead a resistance you deserve all the benefits that come with it.”

“And when I’m captured and tortured to death I can think back on all the wine I stole from them.” Fen quipped as he sat down on the lounge beside her, an elbow resting on the back so he could prop his head up with one hand and gracefully drink with the other.

“A marvellous ‘fuck you’ to the authorities if I ever heard of one.” Ivy grinned and he rolled his eyes at her language.

“Do you always use such language around your superiors?” His arched eyebrow complimented the sarcasm beautifully.

“Only the special ones.” Ivy hid her smile as she took another sip, his gaze making her feel self-conscious for a moment. A stray drop of red lingered on her lip and she darted her tongue out to collect it, not missing how he watched as she did so or the swallow that followed. Ivy leaned forward and placed the wine goblet on the floor carefully, out of the way of clumsy feet.

“There are other benefits of course.” Ivy continued and reached forward to take his goblet, his long fingers sliding away from the wine as he watched her curiously. “But they are of a more personal nature instead of political.”

“Oh?” He smiled lazily as her hands pushed him back to lean against the armrest, his arms opened wide as Ivy slid one knee between his legs, forcing one to the ground and the other on the furniture. “I’m certain I don’t know what you are talking about.” He teased.

“We will certainly have to rectify that.” Ivy whispered as she leaned to kiss him, the taste of wine heavy on his tongue as he moaned in contentedness. He placed his hand on her waist and Ivy was quick to press it back onto the lounge, a silent order given not to move. Breaking the kiss he bit his lip in a smile and Ivy turned her attention to the lightly tanned skin of his neck.

Taking her time she explored him, finding the perfect spots to pay attention to. Just behind his earlobe with a brush of fingers, the hollow of his collarbone with a flick of tongue, by the time she had worked his tunic open and was mouthing down the line of his stomach his breath was heavier and shuddering delicately. His fingers twitching against the fabric of the lounge in a restrained bid to grasp onto anything in lieu of her.

“You’re so controlled.” Ivy purred as she bit his skin lightly. “How long can you resist touching me I wonder.”

Her hands on either side of his hips she pressed her thumbs into the slight hollows his bones created, the fabric rough against the pads of her fingertips. Moving down the lounge further she lowered herself over him and bit the waist of his breeches, a languid chuckle escaping him as he flicked the fabric against his skin followed by a contented sigh as she placed a kiss over the tented material.

“I can apply my restraint to everything.” He said confidently. “But I will admit I have thought of this scenario often, and it involved my hand wrapped tight in your hair.”

Ivy reached up and pulled the tie from her hair, letting it fall down over her shoulder and along his thigh. It risked getting in the way later on, but it was worth it for the way his lips parted and gasped.

She could feel the tension in his body as she pulled the laces free of his breeches slowly, tormenting as he forced himself to sit still. A groan slipped from his clenched jaw as his erection was finally freed to the air to receive attention, delicate licks and strokes before he was freed from the torture of teasing and Ivy wrapped her lips around the head of his cock.

His hand lifted from the lounge before Ivy looked up at him and he forced it back down with a laugh, hips rolling upwards begging for her to take more of him into her mouth as she leisurely sucked him. She pushed down, feeling him twitch at the back of her throat before she pulled back slowly, glancing up to see him watching her with a darkened, heated gaze before sinking down onto him again. With an arch of his body his head fell back, a curse breaking forth before the ragged gasp of breath.

The pace was relaxed, each deep glide of flesh pushing him further towards the crescendo, complimented by the raking of fingernails on the upholstery or the breathy moans that threatened to be so much more with just a little push.

“I want you.” Fen beckoned, hand raised but not touching, his lidded eyes still shining with stubbornness. “Come up here.”

“No.” Ivy said simply, giving him a couple of purposeful strokes as she regarded him. As the pad of her thumb passed the sensitive underside his eyes nearly rolled back.

Mouth joining hand she worked him, the teasing foreplay more than enough to bring him close to the edge as his hips rolled with each glide of lips down his shaft. He was gasping, moaning loud enough that if there were guards posted outside his chambers they would have heard. Carefully she took all of him in, pushing past the point of her own comfort until her nose touched his abdomen. His body went rigid, hands gripping tightly as he pulsed in the wet heat.

“Ivy-” He rasped through a choked moan, “- _please._ ” She reached over to his hand, laying it gently on her and it immediately wove into her hair, a second resting on her shoulder blade as he moaned in relief and thrusted to meet her movements. Permission given he fell into the sensation of her, allowing himself to let out a cry as he released, body arched and rigid as he trembled and she held him tight, coaxing him into a blissful afterglow.

 

The rustling of paper woke Ivy and she groaned against the faint candlelight, a gentle hand stroking her hair as if to settle her back into sleep. They had gone to bed late, clothing strewn across his quarters again. She rolled and squinted through a haze of auburn curls to see Fen reading, his hair cascading down his shoulder as he rested an elbow on his bent knee and frowned at the writing.

“You need to sleep.” Ivy said with a sigh and snaked her arm around his waist, a warm smile gracing his features for a moment before he returned to the paper.

“I can’t.” He said simply and with a voice that was far too alert. “There’s something here but I just can’t grasp it.”

“What do you mean?” Ivy asked and picked up a loose page idly, seeing her own handwriting. He was reading her research notes. “These are useless Fen.”

“Nothing you do is useless, have more faith in yourself.” He said before leaning down to kiss her. “Go back to sleep, it is only a few hours until dawn.” Ivy sighed unhappily and buried her face between his body and the bed, blocking out the offending candlelight. It wasn’t long before sleep claimed her despite the way Fen mumbled to himself.

 

The armoury was quiet, exactly how Ivy liked it, as she took inventory of the weapons for the next round of basic training. Despite having blacksmiths available in the valley the weapons were in terribly poor condition, a result of the lack of resources that the resistance could find and something that was rapidly becoming a problem. They were certainly getting the numbers they needed but now they had to feed, clothe and arm each one. If they weren’t going to raid villages – which Fen outright refused to do – then they were going to really struggle come winter. And that was nearly upon them.

A slam of the armoury door broke Ivy’s train of thought and she looked up to see Fen with a smile on his face as he approached quickly.

“I figured it out!” his voice was loud as he cheered, picking Ivy up around her waist and spinning the both of them around. His grin was infectious and they were both smiling when he put her down, although Ivy didn’t know why.

“Figured what out?” She laughed and Fen held up a bunch of papers clasped tightly in his hand.

“The notes. _Your_ notes! You beautiful, brilliant thing.” He kissed her suddenly before turning and pulling her tight against him so he could unfold and show the papers to her while looking over her shoulder, his voice close to her ear. “We don’t need to move in distance, you were onto it all along. It’s _time_ we need to focus on.”  
  
“Okay.” Ivy barely got the word in before he was talking again.

“The way the energy coils here.” He pointed to a scribbled note Ivy wrote years ago. “Is too dangerous to even consider, but if we can find a way to focus it using this-” he flipped the page enthusiastically and pointed at another note written months later, “-we can, in theory, open a pathway to another time. It does have its dangers of course but I believe that we could send a small group of people to another point in time and retrieve them as long as their mission is short.”

“Their mission?” Ivy asked and Fen flipped through the papers, pulling out one that Ivy hadn’t seen before of a drawing. The object drawn on it was round with intricate carvings, runes and other sigils that Ivy didn’t understand were written around it in delicate handwriting. “What is this?”

“This,” fen finally slowed his words and began to calm down, “is how we’re going to trap the Evanuris in time. We found this artefact years ago and Taevin has been studying it since, she believes that this device can be tailored into a weapon of sorts – a way to create a bubble in which its contents are trapped in a moment of time.”

“That doesn’t seem possible.” Ivy said reluctantly and Fen made an excited sound.

“It wasn’t.” He said with a laugh. “Until now. Your notes were the last thing we needed. There are things we need to change of course, put more safeguards in place, gather some impossible-to-find materials and we will need to have the Evanuris in a position where we can activate the trap but I think, with careful planning, we could do this.”

“Alright.” Ivy nodded her head slowly, eyeing the notes with trepidation. “Alright. Tear a hole in time and somehow trap the Evanuris in it. Not exactly conventional.”

“The last six months you have been saying we cannot win by conventional means.” Fen wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her tightly to him. “And you are right. We will starve before we become more than an inconvenience to the Evanuris.”

“Don’t doubt what you have done here.” Ivy reprimanded him but it lacked the heat of a true scolding. “You have brought so much hope to the people here, _you._ ” She felt him smile against her neck.

“I want more than hope.” He said quietly. “I want to win. _Without_ our people dying. I want to end this so we can-” He sighed heavily and Ivy turned in his arms, her hands raking along either side of his hair as she pressed her forehead against his. “I want to live openly, free, as we deserve.”

“Think carefully on this course of action.” Ivy cautioned him. “I might not wield magic but I know what it can do. This decision needs to be made on what the resistance needs and can do, not on anything else.”

“I know.” He nodded, the movement restricted by their closeness. “I think this is worth the risk.”

“I love you, you crazy bastard.” Ivy teased him and the tension drained from his shoulders. “Anything you need, I will do for you.”

“You’ve already done more than I can thank you for.” He said sweetly and Ivy laughed and mockingly rolled her eyes, his response being a barrage of affectionate attention until Ivy was giggling into her hand so they wouldn’t be overheard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life has been making me do things that don't involve writing. :(


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wooden sound of the staves colliding echoed in the open air as she met him blow for blow, each strike she blocked and countered, only to be defended against.

One of the benefits of her new position was moving out of the barracks with the other soldiers and into a smaller building beside it that was reserved for higher ranking soldiers, officers and anyone else deemed worthy.

The building itself was the size of a farmhouse, the central room serving as a kitchen and gathering area with a fire pit in the middle of the room and a high, arched roof to guide the smoke up and out of a small gap. From there four rooms were designated sleeping quarters, each room with its own private bathroom – although Ivy preferred to use the long baths in the castle purely because they were heated – and enough beds in each room to accommodate four people.

It was terribly quiet compared to the barracks, even with sharing the quarters with three others. And fortunately two of those three were Senrith and Athrand so Ivy only had to get used to living with one stranger in close quarters, an older woman named Leaith.

It was back to this new home that Ivy bee-lined for just as the sun was rising. She more than enjoyed her time with Fen but couldn’t get into the habit of wading through the crowd of advisors in the morning, there were only a certain number of times they could use the excuse of ‘early meetings’ before it would become far too obvious what they were really doing.

Closing the door to the bedroom softly Ivy soundlessly toed her boots off and crawled into her bed, letting out a soft sigh and smiling to herself. Across the room from her Senrith and Athrand were curled up in their bed and along the wall near her feet Leaith was snoring softly.

“You can’t do it forever you know.” Athrand’s soft voice said and Ivy rolled to see him looking at her, Senrith still curled up and dozing in the curve of his arm. “Whoever it is, I hope they’re worth all this sneaking around.”

“They are.” She swallowed and paused, his waiting gaze still on her. “At least, I believe so.” Ivy said and he nodded once, looking back up at the ceiling before closing his eyes.

“I’m happy for you.” He murmured and pulled Senrith closer to him. “I hope we get to meet them soon.” Ivy couldn’t help but drop her gaze to the floor, a curl of guilt unfurling as she rolled onto her back. There was nothing more she wanted to be open about her feelings for Fen, to be able to show the happiness she felt. And while it wasn’t her choice to develop feelings for him, it was her choice to follow him. A long breath and she closed her eyes, it was a small sacrifice to keep their secret, one she would happily make again.

  
Months later and autumn was nearly upon them again, the cold creeping up faster than Ivy could recall from previous years. Huddled around the fire in the common room of her quarters a messenger let herself in before bowing to the elves in the room, pointedly ignoring Ivy until she turned to deliver her message.

“You are required at the training yard.” The young girl informed Ivy and Senrith scoffed.

“It’s the middle of the night and fucking freezing.” He pointed out. “Who is asking her to go there?”

“I can’t say, Ser.” The girl said Senrith shook his head.

“Ivy, I’ll go with you.” Athrand was cautious, and he had the right to be, no one had a reason to call Ivy out in the middle of the night, and if it was Fen he wouldn’t be secretive about it or send a messenger.

“It’s alright.” Ivy said and stood. “I can’t keep going around with backup.”

“Well, if it goes to shit start screaming and we’ll come running.” Senrith grumbled and Ivy couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

 

Ivy glanced around the deserted training yard, long shadows cast by the wooden fences and buildings in the light of the full moon. No one was in the area and it made her paranoia soar to new heights.

“Wildling.” The deep timber voice called from behind her and she spun to find Threlavin soundlessly approaching with a staff in each hand.

“Ser.” Ivy acknowledged him and bowed her head, keeping her eyes on him. She had few interactions with this man but it was enough to be wary of him. The fiercely loyal servant of Fen’Harel who disciplined the resistance with brutality. “I was summoned here.” Ivy said in explanation.

“I know.” He said flatly before tossing a staff in her direction, she caught it before it could hit her face and Knowledge gave a spark of apprehension from within her. “A request has been made of you. I am here to determine whether you are up to the task.”

“And what would that be?” Ivy asked but didn’t get a reply as Threlavin took on an offensive stance, launching himself at her without preamble and forcing Ivy to scramble to defend herself.

The wooden sound of the staves colliding echoed in the open air as she met him blow for blow, each strike she blocked and countered, only to be defended against. Dust raising around their feet and sweat breaking out on their skin he would flourish with grace and ease and Ivy would reply with practicality and speed.

Had he been human she would have thought him raised a noble, the way he held himself and near danced with the staff, a stark comparison to how Ivy was trained – efficiency and brutality to move through multiple enemies. He came prepared for a duel but she only knew the battle. She thought him the better for it, his skill more refined than her own until he stepped out of reach and pointed his staff to the ground, his other hand behind his back.

“Very well.” He said simply, as if they hadn’t just fought. “I will concede in this matter.”

“Ser,” Ivy panted but her words were hard, “I demand an explanation.” Threlavin blinked at her once, ignoring her tone of voice.

“Fen’Harel has requested you to be his escort, I took it upon myself to determine whether you were appropriate for the task.” He spoke with such blasé that Ivy’s mind whirled.

“Escort?” She panted and shook her head in confusion. “As in, his _bodyguard_? He doesn’t _need_ that kind of protection.” Threlavin rolled his eyes and huffed in exasperation, taking a few relaxed steps forward so he could speak lowly.

“For all your talent you are slow on the uptake.” He drawled and Ivy suppressed an insult. “I don’t know why he feels for you. Your kind seem to lack the grace and essence of the Elvhen, perhaps he finds your crude ways and mannerisms appealing.” Ivy tensed, ready to be angry and defend Fen. “To be honest I don’t care. My only concern is that _he_ is happy and if making you his escort will do that then he has my approval.” He huffed in laughter and shook his head. “Not that he was ever seeking it.”

Threlavin looked her over taking in all the small details, how she stood, the tight grip on her staff and eventually he came to an unannounced conclusion and turned on his feet and started to walk away.

“Report to Fen’Harel immediately.” He ordered over his shoulder and Ivy was left confused in the dust.

 

Ivy did as ordered and made her way to Fen’s chambers immediately, not even bothering to knock on his door as she stormed in covered in dust and sweat.

“Your _bodyguard_?” Ivy said incredulously as soon as the door closed behind her, Fen looked up from a heavy leather bound book, a smile playing on his face as he stood and walked over to the bookshelf as if Ivy hadn’t just barged in to protest. “Fen, I am in no way qualified to do that.”

“Nonsense.” He said as he casually put one book back on his shelf and picked another one up, flicking through the pages and pointedly not looking at her. “Your talents are wasted on the grounds and I am in need of someone perceptive enough to do the job.”

“Then get one of your ‘elite’ agents to do it, not me, I can’t!” Her protest was met with an amused expression on his part.

“And why not?” Solas placed the book back on the shelf and Ivy stormed over to him, she refused to play second fiddle to a book, he needed to be taking her seriously.

“You _know_ why.” She hissed and automatically looked to the closed door. “Because I can’t protect you _and_ be your lover.”

“Once again, nonsense.” He smirked before wandering over to a door on the far side of the room, opening it he pushed the door wide open to show a small bedroom. A simple bed was tucked to the left and empty rack for weapons and armour were on the right, at the far end a small wooden tub for bathing sat empty.

“What is this?” Ivy asked cautiously, glancing back to the main area of Solas’ chambers.

“Your new quarters.” He said simply as he leaned against the door frame. “My bodyguard will need to be with me at all times, you understand, you can’t defend me from across the castle.”

“Fen.” Ivy rubbed her temple tiredly, growing tired of being the subject of his amusement rapidly. “You have never required a bodyguard before now. I have even heard Threlavin openly complain about your _arrogant independence_.”

“This is true.” He agreed. “But I find myself questioning the need for it now.” His hands slipped around her waist, pulling her closer with a sly smile. Ivy gave him an exasperated look and he bent down to kiss her gently.

“Tell me the truth.” Ivy insisted, her fingers raising to trace the line of his tunic. “What are you playing at?” Solas flashed her a smile that may have been an indication of his judgement on her intelligence but she let it go.

“As my bodyguard they will never question your presence here.” He said simply. “I could spend every minute with you and no one would think it out of the ordinary. No more sneaking around, no more rush to escape my chambers before the advisors arrive.”

“And that is what you want?” Her question was careful, cautious. “To be in each other’s presence every moment of the day?”

“Were it not I wouldn’t have swallowed my pride and told Threlavin I needed the extra protection.” He said with a huff of laughter before pressing his forehead to hers and gently brushing fingers down her cheek.

“You do have an awful lot of pride.” Ivy teased him and he shot her a mock glare. Her sigh was heavy and she closed her eyes against his gaze. “Fine.” She relented and felt his lips press against hers.

“I don’t do this to control you.” He whispered his reassurance before pulling her against him, arms tight around her as she sighed into the crook of his neck. “I want us to be together, without the worry of appearance.”

“I just need to _appear_ as your bodyguard.” Ivy said flatly and he sighed. “You know Threlavin has suspicions, he made a note to mention your feelings.”

“Threlavin is loyal to me.” Fen was confident as he pulled back enough to meet her eyes and smile. “He has been with me since the beginning and I daresay we are friends, it’s something I don’t take lightly.”

“You told him?” Ivy asked and he nodded once.

“If there is anyone here we can trust it is him. Should rumours appear he would act fast to quash them.”

“You know him better than I do.” She said reluctantly. “But I wish you asked me first.” He frowned and looked apologetic.

“I am sorry. You are right, it is not just me that would be affected.” Ivy raised an eyebrow at the easy apology but accepted it by pressing her lips against his.

“So, when do I move in?” She asked and his smile grew wide.

“Right now.”

 

It was a simple matter of collecting her possessions under the unhappy scrutiny of Senrith and Athrand, although Athrand had a look in his eye that implied he knew the real reason behind her ‘promotion’. Senrith was simply unhappy that he would be taking on all of her training duties.

Even though they would still see each other often Ivy found that she had to force herself to step out of Athrand’s enthusiastic hug but once she did they were all smiles and even escorted her to the castle entrance.

“I fully expect you to report back weekly.” Senrith ordered her as he crossed his arms over his chest, glowering up at the castle walls.

“Come now,” Athrand said with a coy smile, “she’ll be far too busy protecting Fen’Harel to slum it with us.”

“It still doesn’t sit right with me.” Senrith shook his head. “Why take you from training so suddenly? And does he even need an escort?”

“He feels so.” Ivy shrugged. “It’s not my place to question him. You can do it if you want.” She joked and he huffed and shook his head.

“I can stand on ceremony all fucking day sure.” He grumbled and Ivy raised her eyebrows to Athrand who was biting back a laugh. With a smile Ivy stepped into Senrith’s space and wrapped her arms around his waist, avoiding his arms as they jerked back in surprise. She hugged him tightly as he stood still.

“I’ll miss you too buddy.” Ivy said and he reluctantly sighed and returned the hug, patting her on the back solidly in the most jovial display of affection he had ever dare show towards her.

“Just don’t get fucking stabbed. Or let him make you do menial tasks.” Senrith grumbled. “You’re a warrior, a part of _my_ squad, don’t let him forget that.”

“Yes Ser.” Ivy smiled and stepped back, giving them a grin as Athrand put his arm around Senrith’s shoulders.

“One week.” Athrand held his finger up. “That’s all I’m giving you before I come up there and drag you back down to the tavern.” Ivy saluted with a grin and spun on her heels, her few possessions in hand as she made her way past all the milling elves and into the castle.

 

It took every ounce of her willpower to keep her mouth shut whenever Fen met with his advisors. And she realised, perhaps too late, that neither of them considered if Ivy was political enough or had enough patience to listen to the bemoaning and complaints that came forth every day. Even if it wasn’t directed at her – she was, thankfully, ignored all of the time – it was still an endless stream of bullshit in her opinion.

“I don’t know how you put up with it.” Ivy said as the last advisor left for the day and she closed the door behind him. “It seems all they can do is complain.”

“It’s my job to listen to it.” Fen said as he slumped in his chair and let his head fall back with a sigh. “And unfortunately each one is a problem. We can barely feed our own people let alone get them ready for a fight.” Ivy circled his desk and stood behind him, she began to massage his shoulders and he let out a content groan.

“It’s nearly harvest outside the valley.” Ivy suggested. “We could waylay the grain shipment.”

“We’re not thieves.” He said unhappily.

“At least one would be earmarked for their army.”

“And when we take it they will simply feed their soldiers with the food meant for the people.” Fen shook his head, letting it slump forward as her thumbs pressed up his spine. “No, we need to focus on trapping the Evanuris.”

“We have the materials we need mostly.” Ivy said in thought, a couple of squads had been sent out in secret to procure the various materials that were necessary. “Taevin seems confident that she can do it.”

“Too confident.” Fen sighed. “She does not always see all the variables and that worries me, already there is one thing she has not realised.” He stood and wandered to his bookshelf, pulling a large scroll from it before spreading it on his desk. She leaned forward and held down one end while Fen held the other, his arm grazing against hers as she tried to understand the architectural drawing in front of her.

“Sanctuary is hidden by magic so complex that it will, without a doubt, interfere with our ritual. And given the nature of it I will not risk that. We need to do it somewhere else, somewhere hidden that the Evanuris cannot surprise us.”

“We have nowhere else.” Ivy shook her head. “And we can’t exactly move Sanctuary itself.”

“We don’t need to.” He tapped the paper. “In the mountains to the north west we scouted a location to begin building this. Should the worst happen and we must abandon Sanctuary we wanted to be prepared.”

“And this is where we are going to do the ritual?”

“It is isolated, far from any settlements. Not even the stone children are within view.”

“And how long have we had this?” Ivy asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Well, it’s not quite finished.” He admitted bashfully. “But for our purposes it’s suitable.”

Ivy examined the drawing closer, leaning down to make sense of the notes and measurements scrawled along the margin of the parchment. Fingers tracing the ink her eyes widened, it wasn’t quite right, missing a few towers and other sections, but she was certain. She was looking at the original plans for Skyhold.

“When do we go?” Ivy asked and her confidence made Fen smile. “It is nearing winter, travelling will be impossible if we wait too long.”

“When the snow clears the mountain passes we will begin preparations there. I will need to be present to ensure everything is in order.”

“Six months then.” Ivy hummed and let the paper loose, the parchment curling slowly until it met Fen’s long fingers. “How are we going to ensure the Evanuris are together?”

“Each spring they are in Arlathan to convene in the High Temple and bless the people for the coming year. It is the perfect moment.” He said with strength, the scroll forgotten on the desk. “Threlavin has people already serving there.”

“Then it’s just a matter of surviving the winter.” Ivy hummed to herself. “We can do this.”

“And we will succeed.” He smiled and kissed her on the cheek as a knock on the door echoed through the chamber. Ivy automatically stepped back to her post by the window as Fen called the visitor to enter.

Hesitantly Athrand stepped in, bowing in respect as Fen watched him waiting. When Athrand stood his eyes flicked to Ivy and he cleared his throat.

“Ser, I hope I am not intruding but-”

“Have her back by morning.” Fen said with a stern voice and Athrand’s eyes widened uncertainly, Fen let out a small laugh and looked back at Ivy who kept a blank expression. “I’m impressed that you managed to wait an entire week before coming here, I honestly thought you and Senrith would be kicking my door down within two days.” Fen turned and as soon as Athrand couldn’t see his face he flashed Ivy a grin.

“Wildling, do be quiet on your way back in.” Fen said in a firm voice which Ivy knew to ignore and she bowed to him before dragging Athrand out of the room and leaving a quietly-amused Fen’Harel to his own devices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short plot point filler chapter because I didn't want to make the next one huge and bombard you!  
> Again thank you for all the comments and love <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I cannot lose you.” He whispered, breath hot against her skin. “Not you.”

It was a hard winter.

Bitterly cold and harsh the valley filled with snow and either side of the freezing cold it did nothing but rain. The eastern slopes of the valley began to give way to landslides and the rebel elves with all their magic couldn’t do a damn thing about it. During the worst of it they lost ten families to the disaster and everyone in the valley felt the loss keenly.

Relief came when a few villages sent food their way, negotiated by the advisors and even Knowledge for past services. At least in the countryside the people could see the good the rebels were trying to do, the food meant that the deaths from starvation were kept to a minimum.

Their chambers were kept warm, but not enough to go without layers of fur over their armour and clothing. The fireplace limited to a calm smoulder so they wouldn’t waste too much firewood.

Ivy sighed and stood up, letting the water from her bath drip into the wooden tub for a moment before she stepped out and made an unpleasant sound from the cold air. Briskly she wiped herself dry, shivering and shifting on the spot in a terrible attempt to keep warm.

The sound of a dull banging emanated from the main chamber followed by profuse swearing. In a rush Ivy pulled her sword from her weapon rack and burst into the main chamber, sword held high as she scanned the room.

Fen stood behind his desk, thumb to his mouth and face crinkled in pain, as he glowered at what was once a high stack of books on his desk now scattered in a mess along the floor. Checking the corners of the room Ivy stalked over to him, seeing no immediate danger aside from clumsyness.

“What happened?” Ivy asked, lowering the sword.

“I was putting together what we’ll need for the journey tomorrow.” Fen griped and shook his hand to relieve the pain. “I underestimated how heavy the books were.”

“Are you seriously taking all of those?” Ivy asked and looked over the large pile of books. “You’re going to kill our mounts with all that weight. Just pull out what you need from the pages.” Fen looked at her as if she had told him to murder all the first-borns in the valley.

Ivy quirked a smile and placed her sword down on his desk, picking up his hand and inspecting it for injury, it was red and slightly swollen but nothing broken. She kissed it and gave him a smile.

“I’m freezing.” Ivy said and began to move, intending to go and get dressed. Fen’s eyebrow quirked and he pulled a grey and brown fur blanket from the back of his chair, draping it over her shoulders in a flourish.

“Is that better?” He asked, his voice low. Ivy hummed and pulled it around her as he stepped closer.

“Yes, but I don’t think anyone else would appreciate my being only in a blanket.” Ivy smiled as he leaned over her, guiding her until the backs of her thighs hit the desk.

“Then they’re fools.” He crooned. “It’s a sight to behold, nude, wrapped in my furs-” he quickly scooped Ivy up and sat her on his desk “-possibly only made better by spreading you on my desk.” His words sparked arousal in her before his lips descended onto hers, needy and messy as they moaned in unison. Breaking away he trailed down her neck, hands kneading skin where they fell and Ivy quickly forgot about the cold.

“Fen-” Ivy moaned and let out a ragged sigh, “it’s the middle of the day. Someone will walk in on us.” His reactive groan shuddered down her skin and made Ivy quirk a smile, apparently the idea appealed to him.

Her fingers traced lightly over the point of his ear and he sighed in content as his tongue flicked her nipple teasingly before taking it into his mouth, Ivy’s back arching as she keened at the sensation. Sucking and pulling he continued until her whimpers turned into moans before beginning on its twin, working the flesh until it was almost too sensitive to bare.

She pulled him back for another kiss and he took the moment to jerk her leg to the side, putting himself between them with a growl as his tongue slid over hers and fingertips ran down the length of her thighs.

He pulled back and she saw how blown his pupils were, gaze dark and driven with lust he smiled mischievously and lightly traced her sex with his fingertips, letting Ivy cling to him and gasp as he teased.

“You will have to behave yourself.” He purred as his fingers grew bolder, slipping to feel how wet she had grown. “There would already be people waiting by our door, wouldn’t want them to hear us.” He lifted his fingers and sucked them clean, pointedly looking at Ivy as he did.

Before Ivy could muster a retort he sunk down onto his knees, hooking her legs over his shoulders as he kissed and bit along her inner thigh, purposely avoiding exactly where she wanted him to go in favour of paying attention to her other thigh.

“Fen-” Ivy panted and could feel him smile against her skin.

“Yes, Vhenan?” He spoke as if he didn’t have his head between her legs. “Did you need something?” He was so close to her that she could feel the breath of his words against her sex, making her whimper and wriggle in anticipation.

“ _You_ dammit.” She said perhaps too loudly and he groaned as he gave in to her demands, licking solidly and Ivy couldn't help but arch and chase the sensation with her hips. The grip on her thighs anchored her to him and she instinctively wrapped one hand in his hair while she pressed the other to her mouth in an attempt to hold back the moans that were escaping her. She was shaking, shivering from the pleasure he was sparking with his tongue, each pass building the heated desire that was settling in her until she was a quivering mess under his attentions.

“Fen-” Her mouth was speaking before she realised, whispers that tumbled out as she used her hand to support herself leaning back. “Please… Fen –ah!”

“What do you need?” He asked lowly, his voice so deep and possessive it brought a whimper from her.

“Fuck me.” She gasped and his moan only added to the pleasure. Gently he pressed two fingers into her, curling up and stroking along the sweet spot and Ivy tensed, breath leaving her as her grip on him tightened. He fucked her with his fingers and a few erratic heartbeats later Ivy was bowing backwards, mouth open in soundless pleasure as she came, pulsing around his fingers.

She had barely enough time to remember where she was before he stood and pulled her off the desk, turning and bending her over the wood table. She could hear him moan and fuss with the ties on his breeches before he was pushing himself into her, a hard, desperate thrust that saw him completely sheathed in one move. She gasped and his hand snaked up to cover her mouth as he kissed her neck, his chest warm against her back as he fucked her in earnest.

Sounds of flesh against flesh and the occasional scrape of the table against the floor filled the room and Fen cursed softly in her ear, encouraging words to push her towards another orgasm as his free hand reached between her legs and traced her oversensitive clit.

She bucked underneath him, thankful for the hand covering her mouth as she tightened and he lost his rhythm, grunting as he spilled in her and the sensation pushed her over the edge, legs shaking relentlessly as he stroked her side and eased them both through the afterglow.

“I love you, Wildling.” He whispered before kissing her cheek and she couldn’t help but smile, the realisation that she was happy not shocking or bothering her. She loved him, and for the first time in years she wasn’t thinking about being anywhere else.

 

Throwing her pack onto the wagon Ivy double checked she had all the essentials on her; staff, sword and shield, armour, fur. She looked and felt like a pack horse.

It had finally come that they were going to head north-west into the mountains, the journey itself should only take a few days but they didn’t know how long they would be away from Sanctuary, they had until the second month of spring to get everything ready but after that they didn’t know what would happen, it all depended on the success of their mission.

Senrith and Athrand were hovering around the wagon, helping out where they could but ultimately just waiting for the moment that Ivy left, Senrith was his usual stoic self but Athrand could barely meet Ivy’s eyes without looking sad.

“I’m coming back.” Ivy said for what felt like the hundredth time. “You know you can’t get rid of me for long.” The silence she was met with tugged at her chest and she cursed them as she felt tears well in her eyes. A step forward and she brought the two of them into her arms, a head on each shoulder as they hugged her back.

“Can we keep Knowledge?” Athrand asked and Ivy laughed, the spirit flashing a feeling of happiness from within her.

“We’ll miss you Wildling.” Senrith said she felt his arm tighten around her. “Come back victorious.” Reluctantly she stepped back and gave them a salute, they returned the gesture and she quickly heaved herself into the saddle of her mount. A crowd had grown to bid farewell to Fen’Harel and the twenty strong company on their mission and they began to cheer as Fen rode through the crowd on his proud red Hart, it’s antlers wide and high as it carried it’s charge who was dressed in his full wolf armour.

Fen nodded to Ivy as he passed, the blue stone of his staff sparking as he did. Athrand stepped forward and gave Ivy’s hand a squeeze before he was urged back by Senrith and with a bow from her saddle Ivy urged her mount to fall in line behind Fen’Harel.

 

It was a difficult ride and they rarely stopped, eager to avoid any chance of patrols or civilians on the paths they took. By the time they were deep in the mountain paths Ivy was exhausted along with everyone else. But eventually they crested a mountain ridge and before them was the familiar river that cut through the snow and glimmering in the north were the stone towers of the fortress.

“There it is.” Fen said with a proud smile. “My castle. What do you think?” Ivy looked at the young Skyhold, its towers different but the same, its walls glistening and unweathered. Her heart rose in elation of seeing its familiar form but behind the elation was the tug of sorrow. Skyhold was young and filled with elves, not the people she once knew.

But even though old memories were hazed with sadness it was nothing compared to the joy of seeing Skyhold at its birth, the first rendition of it before dwarves or humans changed it for themselves.

“What is it called?” Ivy asked wistfully, Fen smiled and tilted his head in thought.

“I have not given it a name yet.” He said and smiled to her. “What do you suggest?”

“Skyhold.” Ivy said instantly and he raised his eyebrow at her, he considered it for a moment and hummed.

“It’s a bit short, simple. Perhaps _Tarasyl'an Te'las_ , the place where the sky is kept.” He said with a grin and Ivy rolled her eyes at him.

“If you want to be ostentatious.” She said and he laughed.

“You should take the chance to be ostentatious whenever possible. People rarely remember the simple ones.” He tried to chide her but she knew his subtle brand of sarcasm.

“You’ll slip and call it Skyhold one day.” Ivy teased as she urged her mount forward down the mountain towards the valley.

“Not in this lifetime.” Fen laughed as he urged his Hart to follow Ivy, trusting in her ability for them to find a safe path through the snow.

 

They were greeted by a company of fifty elves, mostly builders and a few soldiers who were overseeing the construction of the fortress. They watched on curiously as Fen dismounted and greeted an elder man who looked like he was born with a shield in one hand.

“Cinas.” Fen greeted him and Ivy dismounted and stood to attention behind Fen as was expected, the man looked her overcuriously and Fen turned to introduce her. “My bodyguard, Ivy Volkev.” He said simply. Ivy bowed and Cinas let out a huff.

“Wildling, Cinas is the chief engineer of this fortress. A genius of architecture and a variety of magical elements, he will be working closely with us throughout this mission.” Fen said and Ivy nodded in confirmation, standing to attention under the scrutiny of the tanned man.

“And what exactly is she?” Cinas cautiously asked Fen who gave him a patient smile.

“A Human.” Fen said dismissively. “She has been an integral part of Sanctuary for over four years, I trust her with my life.”

“High praise indeed.” Cinas seemed to relax more with Fen’s vote of confidence, rolling his shoulders before he greeted Threlavin with a handshake and Taevin with a kiss to her knuckles which she pulled from him quickly with an amused scowl. Cinas grinned at her, a flash of mischief before he schooled his expression and turned back to Fen.

“I have set up chambers for you in the northern tower, Ser. You all must be exhausted.” Cinas led the way up the slope where stairs would one day be built and towards the main hall. The ornate wooden doors were distinctively elvhen and beautiful, Ivy thought it a pity they wouldn’t survive until the Inquisition.

As the doors were pushed open by a soldier Ivy was momentarily stunned by the familiarity of the hall. The fireplaces were in the same locations, the dias where Adaar’s throne would be one day was exactly the same, the light streaming through the large open windows caught flecks of dust in the air and if it wasn’t for the silence, for the lack of chatter caused by the nobles who always milled in the area during the Inquisition, Ivy would have thought herself still in service to Adaar.

Absently her hand touched the Inquisition logo on her chestpiece, still well cared for after nearly five years. Skyhold had struck her harder than she anticipated.

“Wildling.” Fen’s curt voice cut through her thoughts and she brought herself back to the present to find herself lagging behind the group, Fen’s blank expression watching her with mock ire. “I would relish the opportunity to rest however if I am interrupting your reverence-”

“Apologies, Fen’Harel.” Ivy said quickly, perhaps cutting him off a bit. She marched up to him and he turned on his heels to lead the way, using a door on the left to make their way to their new chambers.

 

Ivy shut and bolted the door behind her. She didn’t recognise the room but knew its place in the castle – it must have been changed to be something else in the future. There was a wide bed in the centre of the room, the headboard pressed against the right wall and at the foot on the bed a cot was set up on the ground for her to sleep. On the left was a fireplace and the only other furniture was a chair and a bookshelf.

Checking the door that was near the fireplace Ivy discovered it led to a bathroom and once she was happy the room was secure enough she returned to find Fen looking at her unhappily.

“In our time together I have never seen you become so distracted.” He spoke with an edge of concern and annoyance. “And considering I just spoke highly of you to Cinas – who is far too perceptive for his own good – I want to know what exactly it was that took your attention from your duty.”

Ivy bristled in annoyance and took a deep breath to calm down before she said anything she would regret.

“It looked familiar. That’s all.” She said curtly and placed her pack down near the chair, out of the way so it wouldn’t cause any harm.

“It shouldn’t.” His words were suspicious but lacked the edge of his previous ones. “Cinas is terribly arrogant in that he needs to make everything he creates unique. _I_ have never seen a fortress built like this before.”

“We come from different places, Fen.” Ivy said tiredly and his eyes landed heavily on the Inquisition armour she still wore after so long.

“I am more than aware of that.” His voice was gravelly and he reached up to trace his fingers over the emblem on her chest. “I knew that being with you meant being with your past, even if you don’t talk to me about it. Just as you knew that being with me meant giving up what came before – is that still what you want?”

“I wouldn’t be here if that weren’t the case.”  She gripped his hand to keep it from trailing over the armour.

“Then the sadness I saw you feel during the hall? What of that?”

“A momentary lapse of control.” She said and he closed his eyes shaking his head.

“If a room can make you feel that then either you are hiding much more that I thought from me or I have not been giving you what you need to be happy here.” He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her, fingers rubbing at the nape of her neck as he sighed along her scalp. “Let’s go to bed, I feel like I haven’t held you for days.”

Silently they shed their armour and crawled under the fur of the bed, exhausted from the journey she curled up in his arms and fell asleep quickly to the feeling of his fingers tracing her spine.

 

A week after arriving to Skyhold Ivy followed Fen to the forge, still in the same room that opened out to view the waterfall. Two elves were strapped into harnesses as they worked on carving the natural rock into a wolf statue, they still had a lot of work to do but the form had been completed for the most part.

In the middle of the room Fen stood with Cinas, Threlavin and Teavin as they looked over an artefact they brought from Sanctuary, the same one Fen had showed her in a drawing months ago. It was large and round seated on a pedestal of metal, reminding her of the astrariums Adaar was so fond of finding throughout Thedas. Runes had been carved in a circle along the top and beneath that crystals were embedded along its equator, a recess for one crystal empty. Small handles were connected on the lower portion of it so it could move freely on the pedestal and be positioned as needed.

“You’ve made changes to it.” Taevin said with a hint of scorn, unhappy that Cinas had taken over her project.

“I had to create a way to calibrate the artefact to do what Fen’Harel needed. The runes will allow us to alter the energy it produces and create the cage for the Evanuris.” Cinas traced his hands over the artefact reverently. “Of course it requires the focus crystal which is on the workbench, but I would refrain from placing it until the artefact is used otherwise residual energy may build up over time and destroy it.”

“Then the only issue is where to store it for the coming years.” Threlavin said and looked up at the wall where a giant map of the fortress hung.

“When I received word of this plan I took the liberty of creating a recess in the ground by the dias in the main hall, marked by a small magical rune. The rune will conceal the recess once covered with stone – no chance of it accidentally being discovered.” Cinas patted a couple of metal poles that were resting by a table. “These will be in the recess with the artefact so whoever retrieves it will be able to raise it without trouble. The damned thing is all metal, too heavy for someone to get out alone. Additionally we have forged helmets to protect the travellers from any detrimental magic while travelling through the rift, I believe you’ll appreciate them Fen’Harel.”

Cinas gestured to an armour rack which held one of the helmets, it was shaped like a wolf’s head, its snout curled back in an open snarl for the wearer to see through and crystals set between the eyes.

Fen hummed appreciatively and walked to another table nearby that was covered in books and scrolls, nodding to Knowledge who was happily reading the information quietly but moved as the elves approached.

“It stands to reason that throughout the future this fortress would be occupied at times, even we are not eternal so we must hope to enter during a time that it is not.” Fen said confidently looking down at the scrolls and books as Knowledge floated around them.

“Choosing an exact time is proving to be difficult,” Threlavin added, “even with the new information provided by the Wildling and her spirit my equations may be somewhat lacking in precision. The good news is we just need to bypass a certain amount of time, any moment after the minimum will be effective.”

“If we had something that had travelled through time before it would be simpler.” Taevin added. “An object from another time theoretically could be stained with energies from its own, act like a beacon and guide. But such things would be in the possession of the Evanuris.”

Fen took a moment to think, his eyes flicking to Ivy before he shook his head.

“I would not risk this mission by entangling with them.” Fen said flatly. “If they learn about what we are doing it may give them the inspiration to rally against us.”

“If we are successful in activating the artefact,” Ivy spoke up and received only a few annoyed looks, “what happens if it is turned off or destroyed after we have left?”

“Time is unique.” Taevin explained, possibly dumbing her words for the human. “It is more than linear and reflective, we only need a split second to trap the Evanuris. After that if the artefact is destroyed it does not matter. It would likely result in a massive explosion but not one that would affect us as long as the rift is closed.”

“What of our agents in Arlathan?” Fen asked Threlavin.

“They are in place as is the focus crystals needed. The Evanuris will be together at their summit and poised perfectly to be trapped within the energy.” Threlavin swallowed and frowned. “I have given our people warning not to be in the room with them, but they understand no suspicion can be raised.”

“Hopefully they will make it out in time,” Fen said flatly, “but they know the risks.”

“I can hold the rift open for as long as needed.” Taevin spoke confidently but Fen shook his head.

“No, this ritual requires a connection to the life-force of the mage who conducts it.” He looked apologetically at Taevin. “You are a fierce warrior, but I have more experience in spirit magic. You will go through the rift with the others.”

“I can do th-” Taevin protested but Fen’s hand rose in a signal for her to stop. Taevin sighed and bit her lip, nodding once in acceptance of her Commander’s orders.

“Then it is settled.” Threlavin spoke with resignation. “Taevin, Cinas and myself will go through, activate the artefact and return.”

“I will go with you.” Ivy said and the elves gave her a curious look. “You don’t know what is going to be on the other side but either way three people is not enough.”

“Your job is to guard Fen’Harel.” Taevin spoke but sounded unconvinced, she wasn’t confident in the plan it seemed.

“Which I will be doing by making sure the three of you get the mission completed. Fen’Harel’s life-force is tied into this ritual, I’m not going to risk him.” Ivy said stubbornly, meeting Fen’s blank expression with a determined one of her own. “It will take two people to lift the artefact out of the recess, you need more than one to fend off potential enemies.” Knowledge floated to them and settled in beside Ivy.

“We know of the races who live beyond the Elvhen lands.” Knowledge said reluctantly. “I do not want Ivy to go, but we will be able to negotiate with any we come across far better than any elf here.”

Fen stared at Ivy for a long moment, brow furrowed and somewhere between consideration and outright refusal.

“It makes sense.” Threlavin said lowly to Fen. “What if we came across Humans in the future?” Fen sighed deeply and nodded once.

“Very well. Cinas, commission another helmet to go through, there should be enough crystals to complete it. Ensure it is complete by tomorrow afternoon we cannot delay in this ritual.” Fen said before turning and marching up to the door and opening it with a bang. Threlavin looked to Ivy with resignation and jerked his head in a gesture for her to follow Fen, with a bow to the others she did just that, jogging to catch up with the moody Dread Wolf.

She found him in the hall, he was looking at the stones covering the recess where the artefact would sit.

“Fen-” Ivy began but he cut her off.

“I need time alone.” He said briskly, clearly unhappy about Ivy’s addition to the mission. Ivy didn’t want to press the issue, didn’t want to upset him further or cause a scene in the middle of the hall so she simply nodded and bowed to him before striding away to find some silence in the castle.

 

Ivy found solace in the unfinished rooms of what would one day be Adaar’s chambers. She sat on a half-built wall and looked over the magnificent view of the mountains as she sharpened her sword, trying to decide if she would take it on the mission or use her staff instead, she had brought her pack with the thought she could draw the view in her journal but the inspiration didn’t come.

A soft flash of green light and Knowledge floated to her in a rush, bristling and glowing in what Ivy recognised as anger and concern. Ivy continued to clean and oil her sword, paying no heed to the spirit’s mood.

“Why are you doing this?” the spirit cried out to her, frustration evident. Ivy sighed and lowered the weapon to look at her friend, the soft green light emanating from the spirit was erratic and flickering, it was in distress.

“You are asking me why I am choosing to go on this mission?” Ivy asked and Knowledge flicked its arms up in a demand for answers.

“You said you were happy here, that you wanted to stay.” It protested.

“I’m coming back.” Ivy said with exasperation. “This mission, if it succeeds, means that the Inquisition would never be needed. If there is a chance in hell that Corypheus could be stopped before he even began then I’m going to go for it.”

“It is _dangerous_ and I cannot help you there. Visions are all I can do for you when I must fight against the veil.” Knowledge said and Ivy put the sword down, shifting on the stone to hold out her arm, an invitation for Knowledge to come closer. The spirit complied with fervour, curling around her waist and settling it’s head on her stomach as Ivy leaned back.

“I know you’re worried.” Ivy said and the spirit huffed.

“I shouldn’t be, it is your human influence that is making me feel these things.” Knowledge said somewhat bitterly and Ivy couldn’t help but chuckle. “If you get stranded there-”

“I won’t.”

“But _if_ you do, and you were successful, you’d be alone.” The spirit said fearfully. “Stay here and help Fen’Harel, let his soldiers do this.”

“Have you forgotten that I’m one of those soldiers?” Ivy said and the spirit looked up at her with wide eyes.

“You are more than that.” Knowledge said and Ivy gave a sad smile.

“Which is why it has to be me.” Ivy said and reassuringly ran her fingertips along ethereal hair. “I pushed him into this course of action, I gave him council, gained his trust. I have to be the one to make sure that it is done right.”

“You really love him don’t you?” Ivy paused at the question and looked out to the mountains. “You could never have loved him when he was Solas.”

“He isn’t Solas.” Ivy said flatly and the spirit wriggled nervously in her lap.

“He could still become that man.”

“No.” Ivy whispered and shook her head. “The mission will be a success and Fen will never _have_ to become that man.”

“And what about Iron Bull?” the spirit whispered carefully, knowing the pain the subject could cause. Ivy sighed and stared out at the view, a small twist of longing flickering through her chest, enough to cause the spirit concern.

“Iron Bull will watch me sail to Kirkwall and never see me again.” Her voice was distant as she tried to piece together the possibilities. “Without the Inquisition he would have no need to go to Haven, we would never meet. He would never fall in love with me – surely that is better than losing me at Adamant?”

“Leave him a message, just in case it forms and you are not there.” Knowledge demanded, perking up and looking to Ivy directly.

“Why?” Ivy asked and could feel the spirits annoyance and disbelief at her question.

“Because I like him, because you _loved_ him. And if you are going to choose Fen, Iron Bull deserves to know you lived happily instead of thinking you suffered in the Fade.”

“How would I do that?” Ivy huffed. “It’s not like I could leave him a note.”

“Why not?” The spirit demanded and whisked itself away from Ivy and to her pack, drawing out her sketchbook and charcoal. “You write the message, I’ll make sure it lasts.”

“Where would I even keep it?” Ivy shook her head.

“In your old room.” The spirit said softly and Ivy barely held back an uncomfortable wince. Knowledge shook its head and let out a sigh. “I knew you wouldn’t go see if it is there, so I looked for you. It’s exactly the same, just full of boxes.”

“I didn’t think it would be.” She said quietly.

“You didn’t _want_ it to be.” Knowledge corrected her. “You have a marvellous ability to bury your head in the snow when it comes to your own emotions. You didn’t want the room to be there so you didn’t have to remember the time you spent in it.”

“Knowledge, you have grown blunt over the years.” Ivy half scolded the spirit and it tilted its head at her.

“Honesty is necessary with you. You rarely listen otherwise.” It teased and floated away, leaving Ivy to stare at her worn journal.

 

The stairs that led to her old room were there, but the door wasn’t, instead it was and open space and Ivy had to push herself to walk up those stairs and look into the room she would theoretically occupy years into the future.

“Maker damn it.” Ivy whispered to herself. “It really is the same.”

Winding past some boxes Ivy spied a hammer and chisel resting conspicuously on a crate, likely left there by Knowledge for her, next to a small wooden box that was just large enough to fit her journal. Ivy hovered her hand over the box and felt the humming of magic on it, a spell had been cast over it recently.

Reluctantly Ivy opened her journal and fished out the note she had written for Bull, the fourth one attempted – the previous three being hurled over the walls in frustration - and placed it in the box. Ivy hesitated for a moment, looking over the journal she ran her hand down the worn leather cover reverently before placing it on top of the note in the box. The only record of her life over the last five years, full from front to back of drawings of the people she knew and memories she thought worth keeping, it hurt to put it away, but at least it proved she truly lived her life as her own.

Picking up the hammer and chisel she looked for a particularly well-spaced stone and began to hack away at the grout around it, being careful to avoid damaging the stone itself. By the time she could shift and pull the stone out she was covered in white dust from her efforts.

With precision she sheared the stone in half and begun carving the Inquisition logo into the face of it, hoping that it may catch the eye of someone if she weren’t there.

When finished she pulled a cloth from her pack and wiped her face of the dust, walking over to the box and staring at its contents. Her arm felt heavy and she looked down and stared at her bracelet, fingers tracing it before she removed it altogether.

She stared at it, committing it to memory before she raised it to her lips and kissed the warm metal.

“I’m sorry, Bull.” She whispered to it as if it were a conduit to speak to Iron Bull. “I know I promised to come back.” Her voice hitched in her throat before she could say anything else and with a tight throat she put the bracelet into the box, carefully closing the lid and securing the metal clasp on its side. She wrapped the cloth around it, not that the box needed the extra protection with the spell but she felt she had no none the less.

Her arm felt naked without the bracelet and she considered it a moment before shaking her head and pushing the box into the recess of the wall. This was it, her final goodbye to the Inquisition, to its people and to Bull. After tomorrow there would be no chance of ever getting back, and she wasn’t sure she wanted one now.

“What did you put in there?” She jumped as Fen’s voice echoed from the entrance, he was leaning against the wall near it, watching her contemplatively.

“My journal.” She said simply and placed the sheered stone over the hole to cover the box.

“And your bracelet.” He said flatly, coming over to her. Ivy sighed and nodded once, watching as he cast over the stone and the wall reformed and sealed the gaps. The crudely carved logo of the Inquisition burning into the stone to mark it permanently.

“I would ask why you felt the need to leave a message for someone long after we leave here but I don’t need to.” Ivy looked up to him and he smiled knowingly, albeit sadly. Her chest tightened for a moment before she let out a long sigh in resignation.

“How long have you known?” Ivy asked quietly.

“That you’re from long into the future?” Fen pulled her into his arms, resting her head on his shoulder comfortingly. “Ever since I read your notes in Sanctuary, then it just fell into place. Did you really think I wouldn’t notice?”

“I thought you wouldn’t have believed it.” Ivy huffed a laugh and he hummed in agreement before placing a kiss on her forehead.

“Ivy, going into the portal tomorrow, you know there is a risk that you will offset the destination.” He said warily. “Remember what Taevin said, something from a different time could be soaked in energies that will track back toward it.”

“We can’t risk this. The mission is too important for so few people and we both know I’m the only other one in this castle you can trust completely.” Ivy said ruefully. “Is there a way to negate the energy?” Fen frowned and nodded reluctantly.

“I believe so, and since you’ve been with us so long I don’t think there would be much prevailing energy to interfere. As long as Threlavin’s equations hold up you should arrive exactly where intended.” Fen sighed and reached up to thumb dust off of the stone that covered the box. “You are saying goodbye to them aren’t you?”

Ivy swallowed thickly and nodded, the movement followed by a gentle hand in her hair.

“But if this works,” Ivy said with stifled hope, “they – _my_ people - will never have to read it, their war will be avoided all together.”

“And ours finally over.” He said huskily. “We can build our future together, in a new world. The moment you return successful, I will be walking out of that hall with you in my arms regardless of who is watching.” He smiled and pressed a kiss against her lips, lingering for longer than normal before he took her hand in his and led them out of the room.

“I need to negate any energy you carry.” He said quietly to her as they descended the stairs. “It is something we should do in private.”

 

In their room Fen shut the door behind them and locked it before immediately unfastening the buckles of Ivy’s chestpiece and lifting the armour from her completely. Placing it on the chair he muttered to himself, hand glowing with a dark purple light as he traced every inch of the item with the flat of his palm.

“How far into the future will we be travelling?” Ivy asked and Fen tilted his head to listen while still concentrating on the armour.

“Two hundred years should be sufficient. I wouldn’t risk more considering the progress of magic and inventions. Who knows what people will be capable of in the future.”

“But that’s such a short time, what if you’re still in the fortress?”

“Then hopefully we will be on our own side.” He flashed her a smile before putting the armour down, gesturing towards the bed. “Strip.”

With a raised eyebrow Ivy complied, pulling off her clothes and settling on the bed. Fen knelt on the mattress by her feet and began to cast the spell again, sending a tingle along her skin.

“Do try to behave yourself.” He teased when Ivy made a keening sound, his smile mischievous as he worked on his magic.

The magic sent shivers along her skin and Ivy found herself sinking into the sensation of it, the heat of his hands mixed with the cold magic as he worked his way up one leg then the other, humming to himself as she relaxed more and more. Ivy didn’t realise she had fallen asleep until he gently woke her to roll her onto her stomach and continue along her back.

It wasn’t long before she fell asleep again, waking only as Fen pressed a kiss to her cheek and whispered his love in her ear. She mumbled a reply before the fur was place over her gently and he moved to let her rest.

 

Ivy awoke to the sounds of scraping and the flickering light of the fireplace and candles. She paused for a moment, determining if the sounds were indicative of oncoming danger, before rolling over to see Fen was not in the bed beside her.

Sitting up quickly she clutched the grey fur blanket to her chest and looked to the source of the noise and found Fen, gently and studiously scraping coloured plaster onto the stone wall.

“Fen.” Her voice croaked but he didn’t pause in his work. “It’s the middle of the night.”

“Two hours past midnight.” He informed her as he picked up a different thin piece of wood and edged it with dark orange plaster.

“What are you doing?” Her question went unheeded and so she gathered the fur around her naked form and walked to him, the fur dragging on the floor as she did. On the wall he was plastering was a mural, a woman who looked eerily similar to herself stood with one hand on the head of a wolf and a staff in the other, thick auburn curls splayed out behind her as if caught in the wind. It was beautiful, and worrying.

Fen had paused upon her approach, staring at the wet plaster of the hand on the wolf’s head. Reaching out carefully as to not disturb any of the paints on the ground Ivy touched his cheek to find his skin cold, another step and the fur was falling over his shoulders, her body pressed against the line of his back.

“No one has done this before.” The sentence sounded distant as if his thoughts were elsewhere. “This ritual – and I’m asking you to-” he stopped himself and reached for her hand that hung over his shoulder, bringing her knuckles to his lips in a long kiss.

“The Evanuris cannot be stopped by conventional means.” Ivy whispered, her lips close to his pointed ear. “We have known for a long time that we will need to take risks.”

“What if there was another way? Binding them within magic itself instead of trapping them in time-”

“Vhenan.” Ivy hushed him and he turned to embrace her properly, burying his face into the crook of her neck. Ivy held him to her, thumb tracing the border of his hairline. “This is not like you.”

“I cannot lose you.” He whispered, breath hot against her skin. “Not you.”

“And your people cannot stay rebels for the rest of their lives.” Ivy hushed him, fingers trailing through his hair as he clutched at her bare waist. “This is the best option we have and I’m not about to let you take all the glory.” Her joke was enough to pull a huff of laughter from him, breath hot against her collarbone.

“You’re not an inexperienced warrior.” He said, perhaps more to reassure himself than compliment her.

“I’ve managed to pack a bit of living in my terribly short mortal life.” Her sarcasm was light but she felt the curl of his lips as he smiled.

“I cant-” he began but his voice cracked, fingers flexing tighter as if she would slip away.

“Fen.” Ivy’s voice was hard, no longer coddling. “It’s my job to protect you. Let me do that.” He pulled back to meet her eyes and she traced his sharp cheekbone, smiling gently until he nodded in acceptance and leaned forward to kiss her.

Even though it began chaste the kiss soon grew desperate, his arms holding her close and trying to eliminate any space between them. Ivy’s breath left her in a gasp when he stood and carried her with him, the blanket dropping to the ground forgotten as she wrapped her legs around his waist and he walked them towards the bed.

She always forgot how strong he was, how fierce he was, the elements that made up who he was in her mind never touching on him as a warrior even though she _knew_ how formidable he could be. To her he was intelligent, caring, mischievous and a host of indescribable wonders that left her watching for him in every room and longing for him in every moment.

“Vhenan,” he uttered as he lowered her onto the bed, refusing to break from their kiss unless it was to whisper against her lips, “I love you.”

“I love you.” She gasped as gentle hands traced along her breasts, stomach and hips and his tongue breached her lips to glide along her own. Legs still curled around him she writhed and ground herself against the hardness still confined by his breeches, his responsive groan and buck making her gasp into his mouth.

Searching fingers pressed into her gently and she keened beneath him, her own hand rushing to unlace and push off the garment that kept him from her. With a deep chuckle he helped and kicked the fabric away, moaning when Ivy wrapped her hand around his length and gave a purposeful stroke.

Fingers leaving her he pushed her hand away and settled between her legs, never breaking the deep kiss he sunk into her, hips hitching to gain leverage as they both whimpered from the sensation. With a deep gasp of breath he broke from her and buried his face into her neck, one arm beneath her back and the other grasping at the meaty flesh of her behind he thrust harder, groaning into her skin as her nails raked his skin.

“Fen-” She gasped his name and he shifted the angle of his hips to hit the perfect spot, his mouth catching her moans as he moved desperately, passion pushing them higher towards completion. The force of her orgasm took her by surprise and he couldn’t help but be dragged down with it, her tightness pulsing and clenching around him as he came, body tensing and a ragged moan spilling from his throat.

Breathing heavily he resisted from collapsing heavily on Ivy, her hands making it hard as she stroked his spine. Gently he kissed her lips, a silent apology of making such a mess of her, before his brow furrowed in worry again.

“Trust in me to do this.” Ivy whispered to him and he nodded dumbly, hiding his face in the crook of her neck again. “I love you, Vhenan, and I will win this fight for us.”

 

The morning came silently and neither one of them left the bed, ignoring all callers and watching the sun traverse the sky from the window Ivy remained in his arms until the sun couldn’t be seen from their bed.

“We have to get ready.” He whispered and he pulled her closer.

“Just a while longer.” He insisted and she nodded, curling up against him as he traced the scars on her back.

Eventually they did emerge, armour on and staff strapped to her back Fen led the way without looking back at her but just before they entered the hall he stopped, turning to look at Ivy she could see he was clearly worried and Ivy took his outstretched hand.

“Are you sure of this?” He asked and she took a moment to think. Was she sure about taking away any chance of returning to the Inquisition? Not completely. Was she sure it was the right thing to do? Yes. Was she going to fight tooth and nail to make sure she gets back? Definitely.

If there was a chance in hell that she could stop Corypheus ever getting a hold of the orb she would take it. Even if it meant her old life will never happen, at least she would have the memories of it and she could truly begin her new life here with Fen.

“I need to do this.” Ivy said to him, her hand raising to cup his jaw and he closed his eyes at the comfort. “I cannot ask anyone else to take my place.”

“Vhenan,” he rasped, kissing her palm before reaching out to pull her to him by her waist. “I would go in your stead if I could.”

“You are the only one who can keep the rift open long enough for us to get back.” Ivy said and he pressed his forehead to hers, reluctantly listening to reason. “Without you we cannot do this.” He nodded and stepped away, straightening his spine and donning the air of confidence his people needed to see.

“Well then Wildling,” he said with a smile, “let’s create history.”

 

The ritual was already set up, chalk and paint outlined intricate symbols on the ground that were dotted with clusters of crystals. A circle on the ground surrounded with runes marked the place Fen would stand as the final focus point and the gap in the middle of the markings was where the rift would open.

As they crossed the hall Ivy saw soldiers lowering the metal artefact into the recess in the ground, ensuring it was secure before covering it with the stone slabs once more.

With a squeeze of her hand Fen let go of her before the others turned to greet them, Taevin gestured for Ivy to come over to her and handed the wolf helmet to the human while Cinas handed her the artefact’s focus crystal to hold securely in her pack. Threlavin was already pulling his own helmet on, sword and dagger at his belt. The armour he wore was the same as the rest of them, brown and deep green layered leather but Ivy still wore her chestplate, she thought it lucky by now and nothing was going to keep her from wearing it.

Knowledge floated over to her, quiet and wary. With a nod to the others the spirit delved into Ivy’s chest and she felt its apprehension. She sent calm thoughts the spirit’s way, this was going to work, it damn well had to.

“When you’re ready, Fen’Harel.” Threlavin said and Fen nodded, one quick glance at Ivy before he raised his arms and began to speak softly to himself, before he finished speaking the energy burst from the ground, shaking the foundations of the castle and letting loose dust from the rafters. Bright green energy connected at each point of the crystals before slamming into Fen.

The strain on Fen was immediately evident as he bowed and fought to control the flow of energy wracking his body, the white-green light of the rift lifting him from his feet and shooting from his outstretched hands to meet the centre of the magical field where the rift audibly cracked and began to grow.

Wind was whipping hair and clothing as they began to fasten their helmets, the intricate wolf heads encrusted with crystals were meant to negate any harmful energies as they passed through the rift. Ivy paused in putting her own mask on, looking to meet Fen’s eyes as the other three pushed against the wind towards the rift.

Fen watched her, fear and determination set in his eyes. His mouth moved but his voice came from close to her ear, a whisper hardly heard over the ambient sounds of magic.

_Come back to me safe Vhenan._

Ivy nodded, a flash of smile to reassure him and he relaxed slightly at her confidence, Threlavin and Taevin jumped though the rift one after the other, the swirling liquid light rippling as they did and Fen grunted from the shift in the magic he was trying to control. Ivy pulled the wolf mask over her head, ensuring it was secure before running to the rift behind Cinas, a leap up towards the light and she hit the rift squarely, the green surrounding her in a blinding, screaming pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shucks up sleeves and wriggles fingers to type*  
> Have the largest chapter so far, enjoy!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Damn it.” Threlavin cursed as his helmet was dropped to the ground, Ivy reached up and began to unclasp her own. “Wildling, this is a problem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, for the purposes of this chapter, when Elvhen is spoken it is in italics.

Streaks of green light surrounded her and she felt the odd sensation of weightlessness before the pressure of gravity returned and her boots hit the stone of the hall with a thud. Warily she stood, her helmet restricting her vision as Cinas’ broad back blocked her path.

“ _Damn it_.” Threlavin cursed as his helmet was dropped to the ground, Ivy reached up and began to unclasp her own. “ _Wildling, this is a problem_.”

“Who are you?” A loud, familiar voice echoed through the chamber and Ivy paused in caution before pulled her helmet off, hair spilling out down her shoulders. The hall was _warm_ , light, and most definitely occupied.

Threlavin had his sword drawn, looking around nervously at the people and soldiers surrounding them and Ivy placed a hand on his shoulder to still him, he glanced back at her unsure, relenting only when Ivy gave him a reassuring nod. She stepped forward, the light of the rift behind her bouncing off the walls and floors and half bowed to the people in front of her.

Inquisitor Adaar was armed, standing halfway down the steps of the dais in her Skyhold regalia, eyes wide as she took in the scene before her. It was her voice that insisted answers but it fell short before she could make another demand, recognition playing through her as Ivy took a step forward to casually eye the stone that covered the recess, brain already processing beyond the fact that they had missed their mark by hundreds of not thousands of years and landed right where it all began – in the middle of Skyhold during the Inquisition’s occupation. Her mind reeled for a moment in shock before she focused on her mission; if she could get to the artefact without having to fight the Inquisitor it would be ideal – difficult to achieve but ideal.

“Volkev?” Adaar stared at her in disbelief, her head tilting slightly to shift her long white hair as she glanced at the people gathering beside her, they were all armed, unsure if they were under attack or not. Ivy recognised some of them, recalled the names of others, a few new faces proved the passage of time and Ivy knew they had come far enough that they would have been past Adamant. The calculations that Threlavin had made were either widely incorrect or Ivy’s presence really had affected the ritual.

Beside the Inquisitor Leliana had stepped up, Cullen close behind, her whole body tense as she moved to protect her Inquisitor if needed, Ivy knew the movement, the caution. Leliana would be the main problem with getting through this peacefully, she wouldn’t agree without all the information and the upper hand and Ivy just didn’t know if she had the time to play that game. Not with Fen holding open the rift himself.

Glancing around she couldn’t see Solas and the back of her mind wondered if it was deliberate or just a coincidence, she hoped a coincidence, it would be too much to see him right now. It was too much simply seeing the Inquisition and Ivy fought hard to push down the surge of emotions. She was here to do a mission, she made her choice.

“Maker’s Breath, it can’t be.” The reverenced astonishment was clear as Cullen took one hesitant step forward, his lips agape as he tried to utter something else but all that came was a shaking breath. Ivy’s chest tightened seeing the bare emotions on his face, a face she never thought she would see again. This was a mistake, they weren’t supposed to be here, they were only supposed to travel a couple of hundred years.

 _Focus._ Came Knowledge’s voice in her mind, a faint breeze compared to what it used to be. Ivy did just that.

“ _Threlavin_ , _your calculations were wrong, we’ve come too far forward._ ” Ivy said in a clear voice, the words elvhen so he could understand but it made the soldiers uneasy, alienated Ivy from the situation even more. The distinctively elvhen armour, despite the Inquisition breastplate, wouldn’t be endearing her to them. Nor would the entire situation, but if they had all spoken the same language it would have calmed the soldiers, humanised Ivy and her squad to a potential threat.

“ _I ran the numbers again and again, it is difficult when dealing with time – we have never done it before.”_ Threlavin protested in his monotone, disapproving voice. “ _It shouldn’t affect the outcome, we just needed a minimum time between the two events.”_

“What have you done?” Leliana demanded to know, interrupting Threlavin. “Travelling through a rift- where have you been? Who are these elves?” Leliana was angry, unhappy with the lack of control. No, in order to let Ivy get access to the artefact she would have to convince the Spymaster, that couldn’t happen in a week let alone fifteen minutes.

“ _Wildling, we’re running out of time_.” Threlavin insisted and the people around them bustled, unable to understand his language but able to understand his urgent and angry tone. The rift behind them flickered and shifted, Fen’s soft and distorted voice echoing out.

“ _Are you unharmed_?” Fen called and Ivy stepped back to the edge of the rift, looking at it as if she could see Fen himself.

“ _We came through years later than expected, the fort is occupied_.” Ivy said without shouting, hoping he could hear her properly. Even with the foreign language Ivy knew they’d pick up on a report, now it was different, now they’d see her in a new light. She was a part of a new military, a new loyalty.

“ _Are you able to activate the device_?” His voice was strained, the effort to keep the rift open must have been exhausting him. Ivy gripped her staff and pulled it free from her harness, the leather of its grip creaking under the strength of her hands. She glanced around to see the guards tense and drawing their own weapons, a peaceful solution was getting further and further away.

“ _We’ll get it done_.” She said and turned, walking towards the dais.

“ _Hurry, Vhenan_.” Fen called and the three waiting elves looked to her for orders, their weapons in hand as they looked over the crowd of nobles and soldiers.

“Volkev, you have a lot to explain.” Adaar growled and Ivy stopped before her, glancing to the stonework by her feet where the artefact was hidden.

“Inquisitor,” Ivy spoke in Common, the change in language rolling smoothly from her. “I need you to step away.”

“And I need you to have a damned good reason for opening a rift in my hall. Who are these people? By the Maker where have you _been_ for the past four months?” Adaar almost yelled and the soldiers behind her parted. Iron Bull pushed through them to the fore of the group, staring at her with a cautious look.

It felt like someone had slipped a dagger into her heart and twisted it. Iron Bull’s perfectly blank expression betrayed by only the clenching of his fists and mirrored by Ivy’s own empty expression. She wanted to run to him. To damn the danger and throw herself into his arms, to feel the heat of his skin and her feet nearly left the stone floor at the thought. Ivy swallowed thickly as her reverence was interrupted by Fen’s harsh cry of pain from beyond the rift and her heart wrenched again in the knowledge that she would do anything to stop the pain he was enduring. Ivy shook her head. She didn’t have time for this now. She had made her decision.

“It’s not important, Inquisitor. But I’m asking for you to trust me.” Ivy barely managed to have a voice as empty as her expression, an action that did not go unnoticed by Leliana or Iron Bull.

“You know I can’t do that.” Adaar angrily said with a sharp gesture. “We thought you were dead. We heard you _screaming_ in the Fade.” She looked to the closest guard, barking out an order. “Get Solas here _now._ ”

“I went… somewhere else.” Ivy dodged the explanation. “I don’t have the time to explain.”

“Then _make_ the time.” Adaar threatened. “Or you will have an abundance of it in my dungeons.”

“ _Ivy_.” Fen’s voice echoed through the rift, the urgency of it sending chills down her spine. Ivy closed her eyes in resignation.

“Adaar,” Ivy’s voice was low, softer than before, “you know I would never bring harm to the Inquisition-”

“And yet the scene before me tells me otherwise.” Adaar nearly growled and Ivy opened her eyes to let them rest on Iron Bull who stayed silent, only his gaze telling her that he was desperately searching for answers in the way she held herself, her actions.

“Maker forgive me.” Ivy said and shone a determined expression to the people before her, head high and shoulders back. “I am sorry.” She said to them as they shared looks of confusion, worry and violent resignation between them. “But I cannot let this opportunity pass.” Ivy turned to Threlavin giving a sharp nod.

“ _Freeze them_.” She ordered and fell back her group, they closed in together as Taevin whispered, her fingers dancing before them as silver and blue mist blanketed into the room from her upturned hand.

“She’s casting!” Ivy heard Dorian shout before Threlavin clapped a hand on her shoulder, casting a barrier around her group just as the surrounding soldiers began to move to intercept them. It was chaotic, people shouting and lunging towards them with their weapons drawn to kill as Taevin finished casting her spell, the silver-blue mist rushing outwards in a spectacular corona of freezing cold magic.

Where the mist touched they froze instantly, the men and women around them paralysed in an instant, their skin shimmering with tiny crystals of ice. They were mid step, captured in a moment of time and unable to react when Threlavin lowered the barrier and ordered his people to move forward and uncover the artefact.

Ivy walked forward slowly, looking at all the people she once knew frozen before her, the air was thick with ozone, the tell-tale metallic taste of magic thick in the now cold air.

“ _We must hurry, they will return to normal in a few minutes_.” Taevin said while pushing past Ivy to help remove the heavy stone slabs. “ _You have the focus crystal Wildling_?”

“ _Yes_.” Ivy replied and it sounded hollow to even herself. She was staring at Iron Bull, frozen in place with his hand out as if to stop the attack, his weapon still holstered.

Knowledge pushed itself to the fore of her mind, demanding to be heard. Ivy relented and felt the spirit’s presence, her vision washing with white as if looking through fabric. She remained in the present, her eyes pale and a voice whispering along her mind like a foreign thought.

_I am sorry._

He had hardly changed from her memory of him, one or two somewhat fresh and pinking scars on his arms and chest but he still looked the same, still wearing those awful striped pants that she insisted he throw out. His grey skin was shimmering beautifully from the green light of the rift, the tiny ice crystals looking like diamonds on his skin. He was watching her, his eye following her movement as she gently reached one hand up and placed it over his heart that thudded raggedly beneath his chest. Ivy opened her mouth to say something but nothing came, just a surge of sadness that she quashed quickly as she pulled her hand away and turned back to see her squad lifting the artefact from the recess in the ground.

“You didn’t know this would happen.” Ivy said to the spirit, pausing to glance back at Iron Bull again, blinking back a tear that threatened. “You were right. I shouldn’t have come.”

_No, I was wrong. I think you needed this._

“Kadan-” Ivy said and her voice broke, the slide of metal on stone dragging her attention away from him.

“ _The calibrations remain the same, no one has altered it_.” Cinas said with a relieved smile. “ _We just need to place in the focus crystal and activate it now_.”

“ _I’ll do that, get back through the rift_.” Ivy ordered and the elves backed away, running to pick up their helmets and put them on. She knew if the rift failed for any reason the results of ancient elves being stranded in this time could be disastrous. That was why it was so important to go. That is why it had to be her.

“ _I’ll hold the rift open for you_.” Taevin said moments before taking a running leap into the rift, a splash of light washing over them as she crossed the threshold.

“ _Good luck Wildling_.” Cinas yelled as he follow suit, the rift buckling and shifting from his entrance.

Ivy pulled the focus crystal from her pack and carefully fit it into the recess of the artefact, it was long and jagged, like a crooked finger that pointed out to the sky. She shifted the artefact on its pedestal, aiming the crystal at the rift so that the beam of energy would fire into the rift directly and strengthen the spell Fen was trying to cast on the other side.

Ivy glanced up to see Threlavin waiting where his helmet had been on the floor, staring at the elaborate piece as he picked it up in his hands.

“ _Go through, I’ll be right behind you_.” Ivy yelled to him and stepped around the artefact, putting her back to the rift. She skirted her fingers over the carved runes which flared to life in washes of purple and red, she had to touch the runes in the correct sequence before it would activate and then she would have only seconds to dive through the rift before the beam made travelling back impossible.

She touched the first rune, the light flaring behind it, the second doing the same. Four of the seven runes were activated when she felt a hand clasp onto her shoulder. She looked over to see Threlavin behind her, his face cast down and brow furrowed.

“ _I’m sorry, Wildling_.” He said quietly and Ivy’s heart jumped to her throat as his dagger sunk into her lower back. The pain lanced through her as she arched away from it, her gasp loud in her own ears. Threlavin pushed her away from the artefact to let her crumple onto the dais steps near Adaar’s frozen feet. She whimpered on impact, reaching behind her to feel the hilt protruding from her flesh.

“ _What are you doing_?” She gasped and tried to move but the pain was taking over her senses, a sweat breaking out on her skin.

“ _Ensuring the Evanuris endure for centuries to come_.” He said flatly and she couldn’t believe what she heard, he had been with the resistance from the beginning, he _believed_ in Fen’s cause.

“ _Threlavin- you can’t-“_

“ _I cannot abide what we have become, not anymore.”_ He scrunched his nose in distaste as he looked at Ivy writhe on the ground. _“I love Fen’Harel. I truly do. But if our people have any hope of surviving then he cannot. We must beg forgiveness of our gods.”_

“ _Have you gone mad?_ ” She yelled as he pressed furiously at the controls of the artefact, the light inside of it changing from purple to a sickly yellow. He was overloading the energy, activating it now would mean both the elves with Fen and the people in Skyhold would be caught in the explosion. “ _You’re going to kill us all.”_

“ _A worthy sacrifice_.” He said bitterly, his hand hovering over the runes.

A shout echoed and a pulse of lightning arced in the air before her, striking Threlavin and flinging him from the artefact. Ivy looked to see Solas running in from an open door, staff in hand and a look of pure anger on his face. Threlavin recovered, only to be the victim of a fade punch, the dark energy crushing him to the floor as Solas stalked up, spinning his staff so that its bladed tip rested against Threlavin’s throat.

“ _Fen-”_ A look of shocked recognition played across Threlavin’s face for a moment, seeing the man he betrayed before him stunning him into inaction. Solas, however, was not hindered by this and acted quickly, slicing Threlavin’s throat open with the blade and stepping back, leaving him to claw at the blood rushing out and choke until he was nothing but a lifeless corpse.

Ivy had crawled to her feet, her staff supporting her weight, and leaned against the artefact. Her own blood smeared from her hand onto the metal as she began to reverse what Threlavin had done.

“ _Ivy,_ ” Fen called through the rift, “ _What is happening?_ ” Ivy shakily touched the runes, the energy of the artefact shifting and changing tone as the light within it changed back to purple. Solas turned from Threlavin and looked over Ivy who leaned heavily against the artefact, breathing laboured and a dagger still in her back.

“Step away.” Solas said flatly and Ivy ignored him, beginning to input the rune sequence. “ _Ivy_.” He near yelled and took two steps towards her when a cracking sound echoed through the room, the ice falling from the people around them in clouds of shimmering dust.

They were confused, shaking their heads as if to clear them, weapons dropping from numb fingers. Adaar groaned and stumbled down the step, her hand to her forehead in a sign of pain.

“Inquisitor!” Solas shouted and Adaar looked up to him, to Ivy clinging onto the glowing artefact and back to Solas again. “Close the rift!”

“ _No._ ” Ivy shouted and Solas lunged forwards, grabbing her arms and pulling her away from the artefact before she could press the last rune. She screamed, trying to twist out of his grip but the pain lanced through her. Adaar stepped forward and held her hand up, the anchor spewing forth its green light to connect with the rift that Fen was struggling to keep open. Fen was shouting through the rift, his voice drowned out by the thrumming noise of the anchor as Ivy screamed his name, knocking Solas off balance enough to escape his grip she stumbled towards the rift, slumping to her knees as it cracked and closed.

The silence was deafening, the clear air unnatural as her way back closed in on itself leaving her on her hands and knees on the stone.

“No.” Ivy whispered and the sound was foreign, hollow and detached from herself. Her stomach clenched as her heart thudded painfully, she couldn’t get back, she was stranded thousands of years in the future, her lover, her friends, gone.

There was a sound, low and keening as it echoed through the chamber and she realised it was coming from herself a moment before the wracking sob broke past her throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh please don't throw things at me *ducks*


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You bastard.” She screamed at him as the guards dragged her back.

Her heart pounding in her ears she barely registered the approach of the Inquisition soldiers, each laboured breath was agony as her flesh shifted around the dagger in her. Even being as still as possible on hands and knees she could feel the metal keenly. Reaching behind her steadily she gripped the handle and with a grunt slid it out of her, blood splattering onto the stone as it finally jerked free and she threw it onto the ground in anger.

Threlavin betrayed them. The one person Fen truly believed he could trust and he betrayed them without a pause.

“Captain,” The shaking voice of the closest soldier was loud in the abnormally quiet hall, Ivy looked to him and saw the length of his spear pointed at her threateningly. “Drop to the ground, put your hands behind your back.”

Ivy cast her gaze to Threlavin, his body sprawled on the ground metres away with his throat torn open and blood soaking the ground, his eyes were still wide with shock and his usually beautiful brown hair matted with blood and cooling sweat. Ivy felt rage settle in her, white-hot and without end.

“ _Captain_ ,” the soldier stressed, still inching forward, “drop and hands behind back.”

“What’s your name, recruit?” Ivy heard herself say, mind rapidly becoming detached from herself. The soldier paused and glanced around, upon receiving no orders he answered quietly.

“Maxton. You trained me in the fourth regiment before Adamant.” He answered and crept forward more, the grip on his spear tight.

“Then, for your sake Maxton, I hope I did a good job.” Ivy said and he paused at her answer, giving her the opportunity to lunge for the spear, gripping it by the haft and pulling him down towards her. Ivy used the momentum to haul herself up quickly and smash her fist into the soldier’s jaw at the same time, wrenching the spear from his grip as he collapsed onto the ground with a thud.

The uproar of the gathered nobles and soldiers only added to the chaos, as Ivy spun through the agony of her wound and tripped a nearby soldier with the spear, her foot kicking out behind her to snap back the head of a third before she began to edge towards the open doors of the hall.

Despite the blinding pain she was able to disable anyone who wandered too close, her anger fuelling and pushing her to find an escape route. Adaar shouted across the hall and suddenly soldiers were lining up and blocking the doors, weapons and shields ready.

Ivy panted and with a flourish rendered a woman unconscious, her armour loud against the stone as she slumped to the ground and Ivy spun again only to be blocked, her spear smashing against Solas’ staff. Her eyes were wide, her skin pale and clammy as he breathed heavily and looked her over. Behind him Adaar, Leliana and Cullen were approaching warily.

“Put your weapon down, Volkev.” Adaar called to her but she didn’t pay her any heed, her attention was on Solas’ wide eyes, pleading for her to stop. He whispered to her in elvhen, still bracing against her attack.

“ _Don’t do this.”_ He begged and Ivy shook her head, tears welling in her eyes.

“What did you do?” She felt a tear escape and he couldn’t keep meeting her eyes.

“I’m trying to save your life.” He insisted and Ivy felt herself go cold, head dizzy from the blood she was losing.

“You _betrayed_ us.” She spat and he was taken aback, a look of shock as he pushed and disengaged from her. The pressure gone Ivy stumbled and fell to the ground, the spear skittering out of reach as she curled up in an attempt to stand but her body had no strength left.

“I didn’t-” Solas said lowly and Ivy strained to look up at him through her tousled hair.

“It wasn’t Threlavin who stopped me.” She snarled and her ears were ringing as she tried to move but as she hit the ground again the boots of the soldiers came into view. It was too much, her blood was staining the ground and her mind swam. With a ragged breath she made the decision to stop fighting, to surrender and let the creeping darkness win.

 

“She’s coming to.” The voice was muffled, a high pitched ringing echoed in her ears and Ivy groaned, frowning as she reached for the source of tingling pain on her back. A hand clasped her wrist and brought her hand away from the pain, holding it down onto the scraping stone floor.

“Anyone got any ideas?” Ivy recognised Adaar and moaned into the ground, her mind lagging and swimming through a haze as she tried to gather her faculties, she tried to roll and face where the voice was coming from but again a hand held her in place.

“None.” Leliana replied, her usually melodic voice hard. “She disappears into the Fade at Adamant and shows up months later with a contingent and tries to activate an object we had no knowledge of? We need answers.”

“You won’t be getting them for a while.” Dorian said from directly beside her. “I’ve sedated her heavily, she shouldn’t be as active as she is.”

“We need to take her to the dungeon.” Leliana said firmly.

“She’s half dead.” Cullen snapped. “Putting her into the dungeons will just finish the job.”

“And keeping her anywhere else put us _all_ at risk.” Leliana snapped back. “ _Look_ at her, Cullen. She’s not the woman we lost at Adamant. If the soldiers and the spell didn’t tip you off just look at her clothes.”

“Still wearing the Inquisition chest plate though.” Adaar said almost to herself.

“She likes it.” Cole said quietly, from further away than the others. “It helped her remember.”

“Remember what?” Adaar asked and a moment of silence followed.

“Us.” He said simply and Ivy tried to push up from the floor, her arms barely worked but the pain in her back had lessened, where the wound was felt cool – someone had been healing her. She slumped back onto the floor with a huff.

“I suggest we place her in one of the isolated rooms of the south tower.” Josephine spoke up carefully. “Put a guard outside her door until we can figure out what exactly is going on.” Another long pause and Ivy rolled onto her back successfully, no one stopping her this time, but she couldn’t open her eyes for long, the sedatives dragging her eyelids back down as she tried to make out fuzzy shapes. The only thing she noticed was the hall was now empty of everyone but those close to Adaar.

“You’re awfully quiet Bull.” Adaar said softly and Iron Bull’s reply was angry. 

“What the fuck are you expecting me to say?” He growled in frustration.

“Alright, we all need time to figure this out.” Varric said sympathetically. “Let’s get her to the tower.”

Ivy had a moment of delirious vertigo as she was picked up, her hands grasping at the fabric of her carrier’s clothing to steady her. Her mind was swimming again, dragging itself down as her breathing was laboured. She breathed deep, trying to ground herself and scented the familiar tones of herbs and paint.

“Fen-” she rasped, mind trying to comprehend where he was carrying her, they must have gone back to Sanctuary, did she fall through the rift again? “I’m sorry.”

“What did she say?” Adaar asked and she heard Fen reply, but it wasn’t Fen, the voice was older, sadder.

“Incoherent. I doubt she even knows where she is right now.” Solas replied and Ivy wriggled in his arms, she couldn’t remember why he was carrying her, just knew that she didn’t want it. “She should be able to speak to us by the morning.”

Gently she was lowered onto a straw mattress and she exhaled deeply, her eyes watering from fighting to stay open as they rolled back into her skull.

 

Ivy awoke with a start, she had dreamed of running towards the rift, arm reaching out to grab onto Fen’s to be pulled through but as he gripped her she fell, continuously falling through the ground until she was surrounded by black. The sensation of his hand on her arm as she fell was fresh enough that she could feel it on her skin. Swinging her legs over the edge of the bed she hung her head and dragged her fingers through her hair, the shaved side fuzzy against her fingertips as her curls got caught in the opposite hand’s fingers.

She felt nothing. Not the cold morning air, not the pain of her injuries, the overwhelming loss eating away at whatever she had left – which in her mind was very little.

Barely paying attention to the room around her she stood and looked out the small slit of window and saw the courtyard of Skyhold below her. Soldiers in shining armour that bore the Inquisition sigil ran through morning drills as the merchants hovered by their stalls further away. It didn’t comfort or relieve her as she once thought it would, it simply tightened her chest with the evidence that Sanctuary was further away than she could possibly reach. Not without trying to tear a hole in the fabric of the universe again.

Hours passed and she resigned herself to sitting on the floor in the far corner of the room, knees up to support her elbows she slumped her head and waited for the inevitable interrogation.

A guard entered and left food which she didn’t touch and soon after the key rattled in the lock again, opening to let in Adaar who was followed by Leliana and Solas. Ivy didn’t move, didn’t even look up at them as Adaar dragged a seat to the middle of the room and the other two took to leaning against the walls. They stared at her in silence for a moment before Adaar began to speak.

“I think we both know what this is going to be about.” Adaar said flatly and with authority. “Let’s not waste each other’s time.” The door opened again and Iron Bull walked in, closing the door behind him he leaned against the farthest wall, his arms crossed over his chest as Adaar watched him through her peripheral vision.

“Iron Bull, I think that you should-” Leliana begun but was cut off as Bull raised one hand to silence her.

“I will stay.” He said and gave no illusion that he could be coerced otherwise. Adaar looked to Leliana and nodded once before shifting on her chair, crossing one leg over the other and regarding Ivy coolly.

“Volkev, you are aware that what you did was an act of aggression. I am well within my rights to have you executed.” Adaar said and Ivy let out a bitter, sharp huff of laughter that made the Inquisitor pause in her opening threats.

“I thought we weren’t wasting each other’s time.” Ivy spoke and her voice was ragged, low.

“I was merely stating the facts.” Adaar replied coldly. “But if you want to expedite this interrogation I am willing to listen to your explanation.”

“If you are going to execute me then do it.” Ivy said flatly, her nose scrunching up in distaste. “Asking questions for days on end, giving me to Nightingale for torture, it’s just a damned waste of time. Time that could be better spent. Put me down like an animal and be done with it.” Adaar looked to Leliana who wore a frown, her usual blank poker face failing her on this occasion.

“You are so eager to die despite the opportunity you have been given.” Leliana sounded frustrated already. “If you are so willing then I will do the honourable thing and comply, but if you are going to die anyway there is no harm in speaking to us first.”

“There is always harm in speaking to someone like you.” Ivy retorted and let her head fall back onto the wall behind her with a thud, her eyes closing as she did.

“You once told me that you would do anything to survive.” Leliana said carefully. “That in the past you willingly allowed yourself to be subjugated purely to see another day. That you would give up so easily now is out of your character.”

“That was a long time ago.” Ivy sighed heavily.

“It was barely six months.” Leliana replied and Solas cleared his throat.

“I fear it may not have been.” Solas said in his _I have a theory_ voice which never failed to pique Adaar’s curiosity. “Travelling in the fade through dreams is one thing, but it is another altogether to move through in _physical_ form.”

“What are you suggesting?” Adaar asked him and he looked to Iron Bull as if he was unsure if he should tell them in front of the man.

“I believe that while only a few months have passed for us, more than that has passed for the Captain.” Solas said and Adaar shook her head. Ivy held back a glare, keeping her face blank. He knew _exactly_ how long she had been away, what she had done, and he was acting like she were a stranger or an experiment to have theoretical discussions about, Ivy didn’t know which one stung more.

“She doesn’t look any different in age to me.” Adaar dismissed Solas’ theory.

“She does to me.” Bull spoke from the wall and the women looked to him while Solas regarded him with a curious tilt of his head. “Her eyes, you don’t get a look like that unless you’re old or seen some shit.”

“She looks like she’s in her mid-twenties.” Adaar said in frustration, gesturing to Ivy as if she were inconsequential.

“Don’t you find that odd since she was only a few years younger than Cullen when she disappeared?” Solas questioned and Adaar stilled, looking over Ivy with a new and calculating gaze. “Underneath all the scowling, she’s positively youthful.”

“And how is that possible?” Adaar asked Ivy slowly, as if she had sprouted a new limb.

“Clean living.” Ivy replied, her words dripping with sarcasm and Bull huffed a laugh despite himself. Adaar regarded her for a moment, looking over the intricate armour she wore, the beaten and worn chest plate, the circles under her eyes.

“What happened to you?” Adaar asked, her voice suddenly soft. “You were one of the most loyal people under my banner. Someone I have trusted with my life time and again without hesitation. I don’t understand, what made you turn?” Ivy glanced down to the stone floor, unable to hold the woman’s gaze.

“Ivy.” Leliana spoke in a similar tone to Adaar, only much colder. “You know what the situation is, how many witnesses there were to your actions. If you do not speak to us then we will have no choice but to put you on trial for treason. Surely you don’t wish to be executed?” Ivy looked up to them and knew the expression she wore was absent of anything that resembled who she once was. It was cold and waiting.

“Put me to trial.” Ivy said, her voice a hollow sound.

“It doesn’t need to be that way.” Solas said with a hint of concern. “What you’ve lost – it could be rebuilt.” Ivy looked at him, truly, for the first time and could barely see the difference in the old Solas, the one before Adamant. This man before her wasn’t the same one she fell in love with, this one was completely different. She wondered for a moment if she hadn’t fallen through the rift if he would be different, because it certainly didn’t seem that her presence changed him for the better – or even at all.

“I’m tired of rebuilding.” Ivy said flatly and felt anger steadily growing in her chest. It wasn’t enough that she had to piece her life back together in a strange world after falling off the boat years ago, or when she was ripped from Thedas into the past, but now she was displaced again. She was tired, exhausted. “All that loyalty, all that fighting – it is worth nothing each time I am ripped away.”

“And what of us left behind in your wake?” Leliana asked bitterly. “Do we not deserve an explanation?”

“If we all got what we _deserved_ the world would be a much different place.” Ivy scrunched her nose distastefully, her fingers intertwining painfully as her head began to hurt.

“You are angry.” Solas said softly, breaking from his usual distant character. “In pain. Let me help you-” He stood, leaning close to Ivy who rushed back and hit the wall hard, her vision flashed white as Knowledge tried to scream it’s warning, too weak to form words in her mind.

“Do _not_ touch me.” Ivy growled and he stepped back, his hands falling to his sides limply as he watched her with pained eyes. “I have done enough. I have endured enough _. Do not make me endure this too._ ” She whispered the last in elvish, her eyes closing tiredly and blissfully shielding from their judgement.

“I’ve never thought myself a cruel woman.” Adaar said slowly in a breathy whisper. “Until now.”

“Inquisitor?” Solas questioned carefully, unsure of the decision the Kossith woman had reached in her mind.

“Volkev, you _want_ to die. That much is certain to me. The way you speak, the way you hold yourself, you may be trying to mask it behind indifference but I can see you’re suffering as plain as day.” Adaar paused and looked to Leliana for a moment before uncrossing her legs and leaning forward, her elbows supporting herself on her knees. “Were it anyone else, I might consider granting you such a mercy, but I cannot. You will remain here until we get the information we need.” Adaar stood and spun on her heels walking towards the door.

“So much for loyalty.” Ivy said flatly and Adaar paused in her stride for a second before leaving the room followed by the rest one by one.

 

The day rolled on and she remained on the floor, she didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, simply stared at the floor and wracked her brain for any possible way to return. Sometime during the early morning Ivy stood and walked over to the window to stare at the empty courtyard, eventually it began to get busier as people went about their business and Ivy even recognised half the faces but she couldn’t be bothered trying to remember their names.

Mid-afternoon the door opened and heavy footsteps entered. The door clicking closed behind them. Silently they picked up the chair and placed it in the middle of the room, when Ivy glanced over her shoulder she saw Bull sitting and looking her over, his Ben-Hassrath eyes taking in every detail from the way her armour was made to how it fit and how she held herself.

“You look different.” Bull said from his chair, Ivy continued to stare out of the window, watching people mill in the courtyard below. “Wherever you went, it changed you.”

She didn’t move, didn’t look at him. Couldn’t. She was so tired now, tired of the past, the present, tired of the uncertainty of the future. The loss, it didn’t weigh down on her, it was as if someone carved her life from her flesh, tore it from her soul. She couldn’t explain it to herself, let alone anyone else who walked through the door of her comfortable prison and so it was easier to stare out of the window and hope they would just leave her to die.

“Solas mentioned that it is likely that you spent more time _wherever_ you were than we would have here without you, so that we understand I need to know; how long?” He asked carefully, as carefully as you would when trying to get information from a volatile prisoner.

“If Solas is so chatty why don’t you ask him?” Ivy said flatly, her voice so hollow she didn’t recognise it herself.

“It was just a theory.” Bull said offhandedly, before adding in a cautious manner; “and I don’t trust a damn word he says, but he’s the Fade expert and Adaar trusts him.”

“Ben-Hassrath to the end.” Ivy drawled and Bull stood, moving to lean against the wall on the far side of the window, looking Ivy over carefully.

“How long?” He asked again quietly, almost afraid to. Ivy closed her eyes and breathed deep of the mountain air, when she opened them again they held unshed tears but he had enough tact not to mention it.

“Years.” Ivy said quietly and Bull cast his eyes to the floor. “Four? Five?”

“Then… you’re Cullen’s age now?” He surmised and Ivy shrugged with one shoulder, not willing to commit more of herself to the task. “Why do you look younger than when you left? It’s only been a few months since Adamant.”

“That… was an accident.” He nodded and seemed to accept it, letting the silence stretch between them before asking the question that she dreaded him to ask.

“Who is Fen?”

She closed her eyes again, throat tight as she shook her head once. She couldn’t, not now. Maybe never. He waited patiently for her answer and when it was clear he wasn’t going to receive one he simply nodded his head once and pushed away from the wall, heading for the door.

“I’ll come back later and check on you, if you want to talk at all send for me.” He said gently before knocking on the door once and the guard opened the door to let him out. He paused, hand on the doorframe and looked back to her. “I don’t know what it is you’re hiding, but I promise that nothing you could have done would overshadow the relief I feel at having you back, Kadan.” Ivy brought her hand to her mouth to push back the sob that escaped her throat, it was too much.

 

The day passed and Ivy made her way back to the bed, sitting on it she propped herself against the wall and held her head in her shaking hands. The next time someone came in it was nearly midnight. Solas stepped in and closed the door behind him, walking through the dark to stop in the stream of moonlight that permeated the room. He looked over her, a soft smile on his face but his eyes were hard, cold.

“Seeing you dressed like that, it brings back memories. Sets my heart alight.” Solas spoke quietly, smiling tightly as he remembered something, the memory slipping behind his eyes before he collected himself and wandered over to the window.

“You must think I’m immeasurably cold.” He said and cast a glance over his shoulder at her. His blank emotionless mask perfectly in place. “I could not speak freely in front of the Inquisitor.”

“I would not expect you to.” Ivy said flatly as the stone wall bit into her shoulder blades. Solas wasted a tired half-smile on her, his thumb rubbing at the palm of his hand where it was clasped behind his back.

He wouldn’t have looked different from the man she knew before falling through the rift but he still looked strange to her. Ivy knew that there was a considerable time difference between where Fen was and the present but she still felt misplaced. The man in front of her was Fen, but wasn’t. Just as when she first met Fen it was Solas – and wasn’t. They were phantoms of each other, faint echoes deteriorated by time.

“I can’t help but be amused at the tangled mess we find ourselves in, you saw me merely days ago but it’s been… ages since I saw you – this you. At the same time it’s been only months since Iron Bull held you in his arms, but years for you.” Solas said softly as he looked up and out of the window, the moonlight soft of his skin.

“Hilarious.” Ivy rasped, barely containing her anger and the corner of his eyes winced at her tone.

“I cannot begin to imagine what you are feeling, so I will not insult you by trying to relate-”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Ivy interrupted him and he let out an audible sigh. “You must have known about it all – about us.”

“Of course.” He said. “The day you first met me in Haven I had already known you for years but I couldn’t – how could I put that on you? You were so young. So _different_.”

“ _Different?_ ” Ivy said incredulously. “Between the two of us, I think you are the one who has changed.”

“Out of necessity I assure you.”

“The whole time here I thought you disliked me, the way you acted, damn it Solas I _loved_ you-”

“ _No._ ” Solas cut her off with a sharp gesture before shaking his head and turning back to the window. “Seeing you again for the first time – it was- I had dreamt of somehow finding you again but never dared to hope. I had lost you in an unknown time, I didn’t know.” He faced her and shook his head, hands clasped firmly behind his back. A long, ragged sigh escaped him and he closed his eyes as if to focus, his face looking relaxed as he tilted his head up slightly.

“It was outside the walls of Haven, they were barely constructed at that time, you were eating fruit and slicing it with your dagger. I told you that the guard had turned me back to ask your permission to enter the camp but that was a lie. As soon as I saw you I nearly called your name out, nearly ran to embrace you but I had to stop myself, so I called you by your rank instead and then… you _sighed_. As if you had just been waiting for me to appear and give you grief.” He recalled the first time they had met with much more detail than Ivy could have. “I knew then that you didn’t remember what we had – that I was simply a stranger to you.”

“I was waiting for the grief.” Ivy drawled and he chuckled, a laugh that tugged at her heart. “You remember that so clearly?”

“I remember each moment I spent with you.” He said as if it were a fact. “And then for the following years I watched you from a distance, I watched you fall in love with Iron Bull knowing that I could do nothing.”

“I’ve never known you to side with inaction.” Ivy near mumbled and he huffed a laugh, his flash of a smile melting away quickly, the echo of his old self too fleeting to keep a hold of.

“From that moment in Haven I knew I couldn’t act on… my feelings.” It was as if he didn’t want to admit them. “I knew that one day you would be ripped from me, I couldn’t bear that pain _again_. I thought… I honestly thought that you died all those years ago. Not that you would return here. I tried to forget what we once had.”

“All that time you had the chance to tell me.” Ivy said in wonder that he managed to be quiet for so long. “You knew I was going to be stranded there, why didn’t you warn me?”

“The same reason you do not divulge the details of your visions, or rather, _Knowledge’s_ visions.” Solas shrugged. “I feared telling you anything would alter the outcome and that you would not fall through the rift at Adamant at all. It may be selfish but I wanted to ensure that we had that time together, even if what followed was painful.” He paused, cringing as he looked down to his feet in shame – something Ivy had never seen him show.

“I thought I had sent you to your death.” He said quietly. “And as we fell the most I could do was beg your forgiveness. I didn’t know you’d come _back_.”

“If you had warned me I could have stayed there. With you.” Ivy protested and he looked to the simple chess board that was on the table beside him, willing to look at anything but her. “We could have done things differently.”

“It could never be that way, as much as I wanted it to be.” His voice was gravelly, rough as he refused to look at her.

“Why?” Ivy demanded, there had to be a reason and a damned good one if Solas had so much time to shape events around him. They both knew that manipulating his environment and its inhabitants wasn’t beneath him.

“I need you to understand,” he said slowly, fingers idling over a chess piece as he tapped it on the board in a mixture of thoughts and possibly nerves, “that I was wrong. In so many things. I thought that by using the artefact I could end the war with the Evanuris long before I discovered the means to create the veil but I realised _years_ later, after Haven fell, that by doing so it would have eliminated the future in which you would fall through the rift.”

“The Inquisition would never have been created because without creating the veil I would not have given the Orb to Corypheus, you would never have been at Adamant and fallen through the rift created by the Inquisitor’s anchor. We would never have met.” He placed the chess piece down and leaned forward, looking at Ivy seriously. “And by never meeting when the Evanuris were in power, you would never have come through the rift to this time to _prevent_ me from creating the veil.”

“A paradox?” Ivy said questioningly, her mind feeling sluggish as he explained and Solas nodded once.

“The paradox itself would have destroyed us anyway, at least this way I have a chance to make things right.” He said quietly and looked to the ground.

“So you’ll destroy two worlds in the thin chance that the third will be up to your standards?” Ivy’s voice went from curious to incredulous in a breath, of _course_ he would still be stubborn enough to go ahead with his plans.

“You don’t understand.” He said in exasperation. “You didn’t know what it was _truly_ like to live without the veil, the miracles and wonders of it. The Evanuris were _monsters_ and had to be stopped, but that does not mean we should accept a lesser world as a substitute.”

“You would kill _everyone_.”

“A new life would be reborn in its stead, one free from the pains of this place.” He hissed and Ivy felt fresh tears running down her cheek silently, she shook her head and wiped at them. The difference between Fen and Solas was so painfully obvious to her but that knowledge didn’t stop the peal of heartbreak in her chest.

“The Solas I knew would not waste life so carelessly.”

“You did not know _me._ ” He said sadly. “You knew a much younger, much more naïve version of me. You didn’t even use my name I was so different to what I am now.”

“There is still time to make this right.” Ivy said and he gave her a pitying smile.

“Pretty words to comfort those who don’t know better, but I _do._ ” He tapped the chess piece twice and looked to the ground beside him, his jaw clenching as the thought over his next words.

“When I lost you I was inconsolable,” he almost whispered, “I searched for years for a way to bring you back through to me. I had the time equations, but without Threlavin I was unsure – I always relied on that bastard too much. I even tried to compartmentalise parts of time, to see if I could isolate _you_ specifically.” He shook his head in disappointment.

“What are you saying? You were experimenting?” Ivy couldn’t follow his train of thought or comprehend what his intentions had been. “What about the resistance?”

“Their help was invaluable. They wanted to get you and Threlavin back.” He ran his hand over his head, the pressure of his fingertips showing the depth of his emotions. “It was a mistake, a miscalculation.”

“What was?”

“The veil.” He said softly. “Once I realised what I had created, what it could do. Well, the next step was to trap the Evanuris with it.”

“You had so many other choices-”

“I cannot say I was thinking clearly.” He interrupted harshly. “I had lost you, I would have done anything.”

“Wait.” Ivy said slowly, her hand raised to pause him while her mind caught up. “You’re saying that in your search for me, you created the veil?” Solas’ forlorn expression flashed over him a moment before he turned back to the window.

“I waited as long as I could before doing it. I travelled through portals into times that I could not imagine, I even lost a few people in sustaining the portals – the sheer energy required draining them of their life.” Ivy’s mind reeled and she took a long, shaking breath. “In my grief I found madness, vengeance.”

“It’s my fault?” she asked him and he wouldn’t look at her. “You discovered how to make the veil because I had disappeared. If I had stayed, you would never have discovered it.”

She had tried to prevent the veil from being created, the Inquisition going to war, Corypheus marching his armies over Thedas. But it all started because of her.

Ivy gasped her breath, and pressed her palm to her rapidly pounding heart.

“No.” Ivy said and knelt as if the world had been swept away from underneath her, looking to Solas for a hint of a lie but nothing could be seen but regret. “Vhenan-” she pleaded and he winced at the word, walking to her without meeting her gaze, refusing to look at her entirely. Gently he rested his forehead of her shoulder, his hands clutching at her arm.

Ivy’s heart thudded in her chest, her breathing becoming laboured from the panic building in her core. She had to do something. She couldn’t be responsible for this. Not the veil, not all the suffering that came with it.

“Send me back.” Ivy sobbed and he shook his head.

“I can’t-”

“Don’t you tell me that. _Don’t fucking say that to me._ ” She screamed and vaguely heard the guard calling to make sure Solas was still safe.

“Sending you back will create the paradox, it will eat away at _everything_ , every possible past and future.”

“Fen-” Ivy begged and he physically jerked at the name, her face wet from her tears as she cupped his face and made him look at her, his eyes were broiling with emotion, barely able to meet hers. “I can’t do this. I can’t be responsible for so much pain. You _can’t_ put that on me, send me back and I’ll make it right.”

“I’m sorry, Ivy.” He choked and she didn’t know what else to do but scream as she lunged at him, pinning him to the floor as the door was thrown open. She punched him and he didn’t defend himself, his head snapping to the side with an arc of blood from his mouth as hands pulled her off of him.

“ _You bastard._ ” She screamed at him as the guards dragged her back. “ _You fucking bastard, send me back._ ” She wrenched her arm and threw off a guard who swore profusely.

“Ser you need to leave.” The guard hauled Solas up before pushing him out of the room, the other guards pinning Ivy to the ground and quickly securing the shackles around her wrists. Once on they backed out and locked the door, leaving Ivy curled up in a sobbing heap on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time travel. Never again.
> 
> Thank you for sticking with this so far, I appreciate all of you <3


	17. Chapter 17

Dawn had filtered through the small window when the door opened again. Ivy lay where she was left on the floor, hands shackled behind her back and staring at the stone. Footsteps approached her and she heard the movement of someone kneeling.

“Leave.” She rasped out, her throat dry.

“Kadan,” Bull’s voice was calm yet strained, “let’s get you off the floor.” He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and she jerked away suddenly, slumping forwards and curling in on herself further as she began to shake again. She didn’t want his care, his kindness, she only wanted to be left alone.

“ _Leave._ ” She stressed and he let out a sigh, standing and leaving without a word. She stared at the stone until she slipped into unconsciousness.

 

The low rumbling of voices woke her from her sleep, her arms numb from being restrained for so long, the voices grew clearer as if they were approaching.

“You’re exhausted.” She heard Cullen say from the other side of the closed door, his voice muffled. “Get some rest, I’ll check in on her.”

“Nah, I’ll hang around.” Bull replied in a rumbling voice. “After I left the other night Solas paid her a visit, the reports from the guards were unsettling.”

“Solas? What was he doing here?”

“Whatever it was she got violent, now she’s not moving or eating.” Bull sighed, short and sharp. “I’ve seen this before with soldiers fresh from duty but without knowing any details of where she’s been or what she was doing for the last five years it’s going to be slow progress.”

“I’m still having trouble with that part. She doesn’t look any older, certainly not my age.” There was a pause and a rattling of a key in the door before it was pushed open and footsteps sounded behind her again.

Instead of approaching they went around her, Cullen’s boots walking across her vision as he placed some food on the table. He turned and regarded her before walking over carefully, kneeling at her back.

“I’m going to take these off you, are you going to behave if I do?” He asked and she didn’t respond or move. After a moment of silence she felt his hands by her wrists as he unclasped the manacles and she curled her arms up in her chest, whimpering slightly at the pain of moving muscles that had been in one position for too long.

“I’m not going to ask you a million questions,” Cullen tried to reassure her, “Today I just want to make sure you’re comfortable, healthy. Travelling through the Fade like you did is dangerous.” His hand rested on her shoulder and she didn’t flinch away, when he was certain she wasn’t going to lash out at him he sat down, his hips by the curve of her back.

“This uniform can’t be comfortable.” He said and she glanced at the brown and green layered leather of her greaves. “Although I’m a bit happy to see you kept the Inquisition piece.” She heard the slight smile in his voice and it comforted her for a moment before her dark mood dragged her back down again.

“We’ve got clothes for you, clean and warm. But if you let me I’ll have a bath brought up, have someone detangle your hair then we can look at getting some food into you.” The thought of soaking in warmth appealed to her but knowing she’d have to move, have to see people, the people _she_ had damned, made her stomach curl in nausea.

Her hands were trembling again and Cullen reached over to hold one, his large, warm hand stilling her shaking one and Ivy slowly pulled it forward, holding it to her chest.

He allowed her to cradle his hand, leaning down in an awkward hug to rest his forehead on her shoulder. They stayed like this for some time until he sat back up, stretching his back.

“Alright Captain,” he said with authority, perhaps with the hope that she would still follow a direct order when given. “Time to get off the floor.”

 

It was more that she was pulled to her feet than she stood under her own volition, her body ached from her self-punishment on the floor and she struggled to stand under her own power – the will to do so having left her hours ago. Cullen called for the guard, giving orders as he guided her by her shoulders to sit on the bed, the guard’s curiosity taking over as he stared at his once-superior.

“Commander,” the guard said hesitantly, “The Inquisitor has given strict orders-”

“I don’t give a damn what the Inquisitor has ordered.” Cullen said icily, turning on the guard to glower at him as Ivy slumped onto the bed to watch with disinterest. “Follow _my_ orders or you will find yourself posted in the Hissing Wastes.” The guard saluted quickly, nerves radiating from him as he rushed to comply with the Commander’s demands. Shaking his head he turned to Ivy again, expression shifting from anger to concern as he looked her over.

“Maker’s Breath, Ivy.” He said quietly as he knelt by the bed, his hand reaching up to cover hers gently. “You’re ashen. I’m going to get a mage up here to make sure you’re recovering.” Ivy shook her head, refusing the help and he sighed again but this time in anger.

“Damn it all.” He said in exasperation. “Do you have any idea what you put us through? We thought you were dead for Maker’s sake.” Ivy’s hands shook where they rested on the bed, a violent trembling that racked up her arms and to her chest. He watched her for a moment before his expression softened, tiredness replacing the energy he had moments ago. Ivy closed her eyes as tears breached her defences, her torso convulsing with the effort to hold her sobs in.

“Oh Maker.” Cullen whispered before wrapping his arms around her, sitting on the bed to drag her into his embrace. “Please, just, tell me where you were.” Ivy shook her head and felt the fur of his mantle beneath her cheek. Everything she’d been holding in, all the emotions and fears and doubts were spilling onto his fur.

“It’s my fault.” She rasped and he shook his head, whispering his disbelief in whatever she was taking blame for. “Everything suffered for the past years, it’s because of me.”

“Nonsense.” He said firmly. “One person can’t be to blame for _everything_. Statistically impossible.” He joked but it fell flat as she slid down to curl her torso in his lap, his hands hovering uncertain for a moment before he lay them on her, comforting strokes against her hair and shoulder.

“I’m so sorry.” She gasped and his hands stilled, their warmth burning against her. “I never – hurting you-”

“Enough now.” He cooed at her quietly, hand resuming their comforting circles. The door opened and a guard walked in carrying a wooden tub, a mage close behind him to magically fill it with hot water. As the mage did her job and left the room her presence was replaced by Bull who stood on the far side of the room passively and gave them both a tight smile.

“Can Iron Bull stay?” Cullen asked her and she didn’t respond, he then mumbled under his breath; “Well I’m letting him stay.” A quick nod to the Kossith and Bull shut the door quietly as Cullen stood and half dragged Ivy with him into something that resembled a standing position.

Limbs aching and without looking at either of them she was shuffled and herded to the wooden tub, the steam rising from it helped to warm the cold room. Small movements at her side preceded her chestplate loosening and a small sigh of relief escaping her, the weight of it lifting off her torso carefully and passed to Bull who placed it out of harm’s way. Cullen focussed on finding the clasp to undo the leather layer of her armour, gloved fingers skirting over joins of strips of green and brown as he tried to figure out the intricate layers while still supporting Ivy to stand upright.

“I can do it myself.” She hissed and jerked forwards, falling hard onto one knee as her legs gave out beneath her. The wood of the tub thudding as she caught herself on the edge of it with her forearm.

“Looks like it.” Bull rumbled and guided her back up by her shoulders, letting her lean into him while Cullen figured out her armour.

“You’re still not fully healed.” The Commander reminded her with a chastising lilt to his voice. “Dorian brought you back from the brink of death but the wound is still open, since the Inquisitor demanded that no one assist you until you talk, I’d wager that your weakness is from your body trying to heal itself – Ah!” He found the hooks of her armour along the left side and began to undo them, the greaves reaching from above her waist to just below her knees where the accompanying boots began. He jerked them open and uttered an apology at her uncomfortable grunt, shimmying the greaves down and away with the boots leaving her in thin leggings and a plain linen tunic that had adhered to her skin from her dried blood.

“Deep breath.” Cullen spoke in warning from close behind her before ripping the tunic from her skin in a quick tug. Ivy whined at the pain and felt fresh blood oozing down her back – the wound had reopened again.

“You’re disobeying orders-” Ivy rasped and her voice hitched in her throat as Cullen dismissively stripped her of the rest of her clothing and gathered up the hem of her tunic.

“If Adaar wants to have an argument over it I am more than prepared.” He flatly said and tapped Bulls hand in a signal to let Ivy stand on her own. Bull gave her a small smile and stepped back, staying in reach of her and hands out ready to act if she lost her footing again.

Cullen helped her lift her tunic over her head and stilled, it was the briefest of moments, one in which he gave a pointed look to Iron Bull - if Bull’s expression was anything to go by - and Ivy knew what he had seen. Silently her breast band loosened and she pulled it away from herself to fall to the floor. Arms covering her breasts protectively she slowly walked across the room to a tall, old mirror and paused. She hadn’t looked, in five long years she never looked.

Dragging her tangled hair over her shoulder she turned and looked at the mirror, the reflection looking back at her foreign. Ashen skin, filthy matted hair and wide, dark eyes. Skin covered in garish scars and marks from the Evanuris years before. They looked as if they could have been done a month ago, pitted and gnarled skin leaving little flesh untouched and on her lower back the spread of bruising and a freely bleeding open wound where Threlavin left his mark.

Cullen’s voice was quiet, soft and pitying with a thread of anger.

“What happened?”

“Exactly what it looks like.” Ivy said and let her hair fall back as she turned from the image of her ruined skin.

“Was it the Red Templars?” Bull asked neutrally, his arms at his side as he flexed his hands into fists and relaxed again. “Demons?”

“It doesn’t matter.” She whispered and swayed on her feet as she rubbed her tired eyes with her fingertips. Cullen strode forward and gripped her shoulders, his fingers almost bruising as he held her in rage.

“Of course it matters.” He spat and Ivy tried to turn her head away from him, she didn’t want to see the fear and anger in his eyes. “I’m not losing you again, do you hear me?” Cullen closed his eyes and drew a deep breath to compose himself.

“Commander-” Iron bull began but Cullen didn’t hear him.

“I know you’ve been gone.” Cullen spoke with a hint of anger although his words were soft. “For so long. And I know that Leliana is right in that you’re not the same person anymore, but I’ll be damned if I let anyone take you away again. Corypheus, Adaar, even the Maker himself is going to have to fight me first. But I can’t help you if you don’t _talk_ to me.” Ivy had nothing to say in return, couldn’t even begin to think of what she possibly _could_ say. Just felt the guilt linger on in her.

“Ivy,” He whispered and looked to the ground between them, “I lost my best friend four months ago and it damn near killed me. I had to be stood down after Adamant because Cassandra found me half dead from how much lyrium I was taking.” His hands moved to hold her face in a strong grip and Ivy saw Bull behind Cullen trying to decide if he would intervene. Bull sighed and closed his eyes, hand running over his face.

“Now, I don’t know where you’ve been.” Cullen’s voice rasped as he moved to get eye contact with her. “And I don’t fucking care. All I know is that through some miracle you’re back and Maker fucking damn it Ivy, I _can’t_ lose you again.”

“ _Commander_.” Bull’s voice was firm as was his grip on Cullen’s shoulder. “We’re going to need some poultices for her wound.” The hint was heavy that Cullen needed to leave and he nodded once, letting his hand slide from Ivy who wavered without their presence. In barely a moment Iron Bull was beside her and lifting her into his arms, walking for the tub in silence as Cullen left the room in a sulk.

“He’s had a bad time of it since you left.” Bull said quietly and kneeled to lower her into the water, she hissed at the hot water on contact and tensed, forcing him to slow her descent and ease her into it. “Sent who knows how many patrols out to look for signs of you, demanded the mages to search the Fade in their dreams. When you came back he had only just begun to accept your death.”

“Knowing what happened won’t change the fact that it did.” Ivy said bitterly as he slid his arms out from beneath her, kneeling by the tub he rested on the wood and gave her an incredulous look.

“No, but the information will give Adaar pause in sending you to trial. He’s trying to protect you-”

“I don’t _need_ that. I don’t need to be protected or coddled like a child.” Ivy growled and winced as her wound stretched, rolling carefully onto her stomach she huffed angrily at her ineptitude and buried her face into the crook of her elbow. She hear him sigh, heavier than he would usually allow himself.

“Alright.” He said, letting the subject drop. “Whatever you need, Kadan. I will be standing with you.”

 

A few hours later and Cullen was pulling the poultices of her back and finally allowing Ivy to leave the bath. She felt clean and smelt strongly of Elfroot but it didn’t make her feel _better._

Once dressed the door opened with a bang and Leliana swept into the room almost flying on a cloud of rage.

“Adaar ordered that no-one assist the prisoner.” Leliana said icily and Cullen rounded on her with a glare.

“And I told her that regardless of her instructions I would ensure Ivy is healthy for the trial.” He shook his head at the spymaster. “I recruited her, I placed her in the path of danger and I _will_ do my best for her despite the situation that is upon us.”

“Upon us by the hand of your _recruit._ ” Leliana glowered at Ivy who refused to give the woman even a twitch of a finger. “Would you do this for _any_ of your soldiers Cullen?”

“Would _you_ do this for anybody at all?” He bit back and Iron Bull cursed under his breath, stepping forward with his hands up to broker peace between the two.

“I think this needs to be taken outside.” Bull said with surprising diplomacy. “Not only is this not _helping_ Ivy, but if she was a spy then you’re giving some lovely information over for free.” Leliana glanced at Iron Bull once before huffing and turned on her heels to march out of the room followed closely by a brooding Commander.

Barely an hour after that Ivy was curled up asleep on the bed as Iron Bull watched over her until a guard entered and startled the both of them. Cullen entered behind the guard who was visibly nervous at the Commander’s presence.

“Adaar has brought the trial forward.” Cullen said sullenly and Ivy stood on command from the guard.

“To when?” Bull asked as he got to his feet ready for action.

“Now.” Cullen ran his hand through his hair and swore, pacing and shaking his head.

“That makes no sense, she wants to get information out of Ivy-” Bull began.

“Not anymore.” Cullen growled before surging up to Ivy. “Is it so important what you’re hiding?” He hissed as the guard clamped manacles around her wrist and secured her hands in front. “Adaar is going to _execute_ you.”

“I’m not hiding, Cullen.” Ivy said with closed eyes, the guard’s rough hands grabbing her shoulders and marching her out of the room. “This is justice.”

“ _Ivy_.” Cullen stressed and Bull put his hand on the human’s chest, stopping him from following her.

“Go to the hall, Commander.” Bull said quietly as Ivy was led away. “We will appeal to Adaar.”

“Maker help us then.” Cullen lamented and watched Ivy be escorted to the trial. “Should it go wrong-”

“I have no intention of letting her be executed.” Iron Bull said to him in a low voice. “I hope you understand this.” Cullen looked the kossith over and nodded once.

“I understand, a pity the gates will be sparsely guarded today.” Cullen spoke almost to himself before marching for the main hall.

 

Ivy was looking out at the mountains, the metal of the manacles rubbing on her skin painfully as she loitered in the hallway that lead to the War Room. Behind her several guards stood watch, seemingly oblivious to the simple escape in front of her. It wouldn’t be a _nice_ escape, but considering no one had bothered to fix the gaping hole in the stonework yet it would have been simple to slip the guards and find a way to cut her bonds before climbing down the mountain.

Simple, but the idea of that kind of freedom left a bitter taste in her mouth.

The door to the hall opened and closed quietly, soft footsteps padding over to them. Ivy looked over her shoulder to see Solas waving off the guards, they complied but only to the extent of being out of earshot, apparently Ivy wasn’t going to escape as long as they had a view of her.

Solas stood next to her, closer than he had in days, the long line of his arm brushing against her own as he looked down at her and not out over the mountains. Long fingers pulling a strand of hair from her face.

“Let me speak to Adaar.” Solas said quietly, his voice deeper than normal. “This trial is ridiculous and I believe she knows it.” Silence followed his words, thickening the air between them as he watched her watch the mountains.

“Adaar will be easy enough to convince, she’s held you in high regards ever since-”

“What happened to them?” Ivy asked suddenly, Solas’ eyebrow raised in surprise at her heated question.

“To who?”

“Who do you think?” Ivy’s voice was bitter, tired. A perfect reflection of how she felt. “My squad, Senrith and Athrand.” The way Solas’ face changed from realisation to regret made Ivy’s stomach drop. He held her gaze, stoic and silent.

“Ivy, you should worry about yourself right now.” He warned her, a pointed look shot at her manacles.

“Maker fucking damn it all Solas.” She hissed and his eyes flicked to the guards who were doing their best impressions of disinterested statues. “Just tell me the truth for _once_.”

“I don’t know.” He said bluntly before reaching up to pinch at the bridge of his nose. “There was… a battle.”

“ _Elaborate._ ” Ivy drawled and he shook his head in resignation.

“Sanctuary was attacked, we lost a lot of people before abandoning it. Your friends stayed back to ensure the villagers got out safely.” He bit the inside of his cheek, glowering at the view before them. “The smaller one-”

“Senrith.” Ivy corrected him.

“ _Senrith_. He was cut down, from what I was told Athrand carried him out but from there…” Solas shrugged unhappily and shook his head. “I heard a rumour that they made it to one of the northern temples, that Athrand forced uthenera on his lover to try and save him.”

“How could you not know?” Ivy was dismayed and Solas gave her a pointed look.

“Because I was still mourning the loss of my own lover.” He said flatly and Ivy couldn’t hold his gaze any longer. “My _human_ that I couldn’t tell anyone about. I couldn’t grieve because nobody knew about us. My friend and my love lost to me in a matter of minutes. As awful as it sounds, I just couldn’t bring myself to speak to those two anymore.”

“You abandoned them?” Ivy whispered, she felt surprise but it didn’t reach the surface, hardly any emotion did.

“If you want to see it that way.” He sounded defeated, ready to accept any blame she cast over him. “Losing Sanctuary was… well, it almost ended the resistance. We lost so many I couldn’t keep track of them all.”

“Tell me you still _tried_.” Ivy whispered with eyes closed, tears breaching the corners. “Tell me we didn’t sacrifice _everything,_ all our people, for nothing.”

“I’m still fighting.” He whispered, his hand reaching out to weave his index finger through her pinky, even though her hands were constricted. “Nothing has changed.”

“Except we are in a new time, new place.” Ivy met his eyes and almost begged. “There is no more Evanuris, a whole world has been formed in its stead.”

“Wildling,” he gasped and shook his head, “do not test me on this, not now, not when you need to survive the coming day.”

“Survive?” Ivy asked incredulously. “I should suffer for what I have brought upon this world.”

“Ivy-” He began and her sharp look cut him off.

“If you tell the truth and I brought this state upon the world, the pain and suffering wrought by wars and misfortune, then who are we to say that I don’t deserve this fate?”

“ _Ivy,_ ” he stressed, “We all live to fight again. Don’t give up so easily, _my Wildling_ wouldn’t have-”

“Your _Wildling_ had no thought of ever returning to this time, this place.” Ivy spat and he tensed, dropping his fingers from hers. “Do you really think I could come back and accept my role again? I promised _you_ that I would return. I broke that promise. Just as I broke my promise to the Inquisition when I raised my weapon against them. I can’t _exist_ here anymore, Solas. I can’t forget everything I’ve done, everything I _was_.” She shook her head and felt a tear escape to roll down her cheek. “Nothing is as it was, Cullen is broken, Bull is distant, _you_ … I can’t begin to describe how you’ve changed-”

“And you haven’t changed at all; still as stubborn as the day I met you. As the day you left and as the day I first took you in my-”

“Stop.” She demanded and his spine straightened in reaction, her breath heaving in uncertainty and grief. “I will accept my place, the world my actions have created. Should you not do the same?” she asked him and he fell silent. His eyes narrowed in thought as a guard approached and excused himself past Solas to grab Ivy by the wrist, pulling towards the hall that was ready for her trial.

 

Josephine looked from her clipboard to Ivy who stood still with her hands in manacles before all of Skyhold. Adaar watched coldly from her throne, one leg over the other and her white hair cascading down her shoulder. The Hall was eerily quiet, Ivy had attended trials before and the nobles always chatted and whispered among themselves but not his time. She could hear the shifting of boots on the ground as a soldier adjusted his stance, the heavy sigh from Varric and the accompanying dissatisfied grunt from Blackwall as they distanced themselves to the side. Josephine glanced to Adaar who made a small gesture to begin, her voice hesitating for a moment as she begun.

“Ivy Volkev, former Captain of the Inquisition and advisor to the Inquisitor, you are accused of treason. Your actions took place a fortnight ago in this hall in which you opened a rift and attacked bystanders with an unknown mercenary group. After disabling those present with magic – including the Inquisitor – you proceeded to activate an artefact with unknown magical properties before being turned on by one of your own.” Josephine paused and the hall was silent, not even the ambient sounds of movement could be heard.

“Despite speaking in a foreign tongue, it has been agreed upon that you were indeed attempting to convince your co-conspirator to relent in his actions – an act which failed. You then tried to flee through the rift and when escape was made impossible you attacked and injured members of the Inquisition.” Josephine paused and looked towards Adaar as if expecting a protest, the Inquisitor merely waved her paired fingers in a signal to continue with the proceedings. “You have been given adequate opportunity to explain your actions and refused to comply. As you have not given us an explanation we have no choice but to assume your actions were hostile. As such-”

“ _Inquisitor_.” Iron Bull called from the crowd before stepping forward, pushing a nobleman out of the way so he could. “I wish to speak.”

“Iron Bull, this is not the time.” Adaar said and he shook his head, striding forward to stand beside Ivy. He glanced at her for a moment, nodding in reassurance to Ivy.

“It is the only time.” He retorted. “Without information there is no grounds of Treason. You don’t know why she did it, you cannot in good standing sentence her without more knowledge.”

“She attacked us _in_ _this_ _Hall_.”

“No, she _disabled_ us. A spell that was neither cast by Ivy nor damaging to anyone here. They could have killed us.” Bull argued and Ivy sighed, looking to the ground. “Even the soldiers she fought were simply knocked unconscious – she could have easily killed anyone here but she _didn’t_.”

“An act that has no excuse.” Adaar bit back. “Your judgement is being clouded by your feelings for her.”

“She has fought for us time and time again.” Bull growled. “The first among your Inquisition to be recruited, even before yourself. Are you willing to wager her _life_ that she wasn’t acting in our interests?”

“We have already established that she has been away from us for years. Information that _you_ , Iron Bull, shared with us willingly.” Adaar sharply gestured to dismiss his claims. “Since that time you have provided me with no evidence to suggest that Volkev remains loyal. Do you have any now?” Bull seethed and breathed heavily, inching closer to Ivy who remained still with eyes cast to the ground.

“No. Inquisitor.” Iron Bull said quietly with a hint of danger. “But I know the difference between a conscious wracked with guilt and someone _guilty_ of the crimes before them. And I will not stand by idly while you put my Kadan to the sword.” The threat was clear and Adaar tightened her grip on the armrests of the throne.

Adaar paused, staring down Iron Bull who stood tall and proud, now within reaching distance of both Ivy and the guard who watched over her. His greatsword was imposing along his spine where it remained sheathed and his fingers twitched in readiness.

“If I might interrupt?” Solas’ voice echoed over the growing tension and eyes flew to him. He was standing calmly to the left of the hall, staff in one hand and a wooden box tucked under his arm.

“What is it?” Adaar asked impatiently, her eyes not leaving Iron Bull’s.

“I believe I have found sufficient proof of the Captain’s innocence.” He said and walked over to Adaar, handing her the box before stepping back.

Adaar opened it carefully, the wood clearly aged and brittle. Looking into it she reached in and lifted out a letter along with Ivy’s bracelet

“What is this?” Adaar asked and Bull stepped forwards, taking the opportunity to lightly grip Ivy’s wrist as he gazed at the bracelet with a frown.

“Inquisitor.” Bull spoke quietly. “I gave that to Ivy the day before Adamant. It was newly forged.” Adaar casually tossed the bracelet to Bull who caught and held it reverently for a moment before walking back down to Ivy, holding it up to her questioningly as she looked at him with wide eyes.

Adaar opened the letter and began to read as Ivy raised her hands to clasp at Bull’s. Seeing the bracelet again was grounding and for the first time since arriving she truly felt present in Skyhold.

“A preservation spell had been cast over the box.” Solas said. “Who knows how long it has been in the walls.”

“The walls?” Josephine asked. “How did you find it?”

“I had a hunch to search the Captain’s old quarters, I found a stone that had the Inquisition symbol carved into it. The carving itself was old, almost unrecognisable, but behind it was the box.” Solas said.

“Volkev-” Adaar began to speak, uncertain and regarding Ivy in a new light.

“No.” Ivy snapped, her voice rough as she took one step forward and a guardsman’s hand clapped onto her shoulder quickly stopping her from moving forward any further. “I admit to the charges of treason.” The crowd around her gasped and murmured, all eyes on her as she clenched her hands and felt the weight of the manacles. Knowledge tried to push to the front of her mind, to speak to her but Ivy pressed the spirit back through willpower.

“Kadan?”

“Are you mad?” Solas and Bull whispered to her harshly and she refused to look at them.

“This letter is exonerating you – it is your writing, your bracelet. I have no doubt of its validity.” Adaar said carefully and Ivy shook her head hard enough that the curls sprang free around her.

“The letter is only one part of it.” Ivy gritted her teeth. “I couldn’t – what I have done – I can’t live with it.” Adaar sat up straight and tapped the stone armrest of her throne, looking to the floor in thought.

“Before Adamant, we talked in my tent.” Adaar said quietly. “Do you remember?” Ivy frowned and glanced around her, trying to recall something that happened years ago. She shook her head finally, one short and demure action.

“You told me that I had a choice coming, that people – beloved and vital people – would live or die on my decision. You begged for me to consider not only their deeds but the love that the people around them felt for that person.” Adaar spoke lowly, almost to herself but her words carried easily in the silent room. “I took that advice to heart.”

“Inquisitor-”

“You could not bear to see the pain on your friend’s face.” Adaar cut her off from protesting. “You wanted to prevent that so much that you offered to take the place of someone who was destined to die.” The air hung heavy with silence between them until Adaar took one long and heavy sigh.

“He lived, by the way.” Adaar added as an afterthought and Ivy’s head snapped up at that. “Hawke still lives because of you.” Ivy’s eyes closed, she hadn’t thought of Hawke in years, an image of his dumb grin flashed in her mind and Knowledge pushed a feeling of pleased relief. 

“Commander.” Adaar said and Cullen stepped up to her. “Release Volkev.”

“Inquisitor?” Leliana questioned as Cullen gestured to the guard beside Ivy who began to unlock the manacles. Adaar merely handed the letter to Leliana and stood.

“I hear your words, your admission.” Adaar said and stood. “And I weigh it against your deeds, the love that the people around you feel and the pain that your death would cause. If you cannot live for yourself I ask you to live for us, for the Inquisition. No one here will bring you an unworthy death.”

“Ivy Volkev, all charges of treason against you are dropped. You are free to go.” Adaar said before stepping down from the dias. “I will hold you to the promise you made me before Adamant. You _will_ go down fighting.”

The crowd broke out into a hum of chattering noise as Adaar rose from her throne and walked away without another word and Ivy looked to her now unchained wrists and rubbed at the red marks the manacles had left behind.

“Kadan.” Bull spoke softly and reached out to run the back of his fingers along her cheek, wiping away a tear that she didn’t even know she had shed. Her hands were shaking and a pale, slender one covered hers carefully.

“It will be alright.” Solas said in a low voice. “You will find your place again.” His hand tensed and pulled away quickly as Iron Bull gently put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her against his chest.

“My place-” she uttered bitterly and Bull hushed her, as usual he was right – this wasn’t the place for such conversations with the entirety of Skyhold watching curiously. A throat cleared and Ivy looked up to see Blackwall watching her with a scrutinising eye.

“She wants to see you in her chambers.” He jerked his thumb towards Adaar’s rooms and Bull nodded, almost guiding Ivy until Blackwall put his hand up to stop him. “Alone.”

 

Ivy managed to plod up the stairs to Adaar’s rooms and knocked on the heavy wooden door to which a loud and curt permission was granted. Opening the door quietly Ivy ascended the last set of stairs and stood awkwardly in the resplendent room of white, gold and deep red.

Adaar stood by the fireplace staring into the small fire, without acknowledgement or permission Ivy approached until she was close enough to talk to but just out of range of the larger woman’s reach. The pause was palpable and Ivy almost turned around and went back but the Inquisitor’s voice stopped her.

“You went back in time.” Adaar said lowly even though there was no one else in the room, spoken like a fact and Ivy had no energy or will to argue against what must be glaringly obvious to the woman now. “Just how far did you go?”

“Far enough.” Ivy warned against pressing the subject matter, Adaar pursed her lips leaned against the mantle.

“Solas said a preservation spell was cast over the box and I could feel it – barely there but still working. Do you know how long it takes for such a spell to fade?” She asked and Ivy bit her lip.

“I don’t-”

“Hundreds _. Thousands.”_ Adaar cut her off and pushed away from the mantle angrily before pacing before Ivy, refusing to look at the human. “And I know _you_ better than you may think. This die hard ‘make things right’ attitude that you wielded _regardless_ of who you used it against – the martyr that you were – I know that you would not have been idle, so tell me, what was it that you were trying to prevent?”

“War. Mostly.” Ivy said unapologetically which seemed to frustrate Adaar further.

“This one?”

“Of course.”

“Did you pause to think, even for a second, what effect you could have had on the world had you succeeded? The _arrogance_ of it.” Adaar yelled and Ivy clenched her fists by her side.

“I thought very hard on it, _Inquisitor._ ” Ivy growled in return. “I had _five_ _years_ to think.”

“You are not a _god_.” Adaar sneered and gestured sharply to the sky.

“If you did not wish to _unleash_ me upon the world then you should have executed me.” Ivy said and it stopped Adaar’s pacing.

“I didn’t want to kill you.” She said quietly, frown heavy as she shook her head. “If not for Solas I would have had no choice. You owe him your gratitude.”

“I owe him _nothing._ ” Ivy hissed.

“You owe him your life, and Bull’s, considering he was ready to slaughter his way out of the hall to keep you safe.” Adaar moved to a bench and poured herself some wine, sighing as she did. “Not to mention Cullen’s sanity – and my own. But that is not why I called you here.”

“Then explain.” Ivy said shortly, her patience beyond empty, Adaar took a long drink and glowered at Ivy.

“You’re to remain in Skyhold until I can determine that you are truly not a threat – but I’ll not have you be idle. You’ll return to service under the Commander’s – and Leliana’s - observation.” Adaar waved her hand at Ivy, clearly done and dismissing her from the room. Ivy left quickly, a slow rage burning under her skin.

 

The door slammed behind her heavily and Ivy strode into the rotunda, Solas’ head jerking up at the sound but he made no move to leave his seat.

“Where is it?” Ivy near growled and he let out a heavy sigh.

“Perhaps we should talk where we will not be spied upon?” he looked up and frowned, Ivy followed his gaze to see Dorian leaning on the upper balcony, watching as if excited for a fight.

“I don’t give a damn.” Ivy hissed and Solas resisted rolling his eyes at her. “I’ve been avoiding this ‘talk’ you wanted to have for more years than I can count. So let’s have it.”

“Fine.” He said bluntly, standing up and throwing his book down onto the table, his hands clasping behind his back automatically. “It’s far too late to do so, but I will relent to your stubbornness.”

“ _My_ stubbornness?” Ivy said and stepped around him, walking calmly to his desk and opening the small ornate draw. It had a few neatly placed quills and inkpots with blank parchment and for a moment Ivy thought she had miscalculated. Reaching in she felt up at the lining of the desk, at the loose and moveable panel that gave way with a good push until something heavy and familiar fell into the palm of her hand.

Her journal.

“How long have you had this?” Ivy asked, opening the aged and dog eared pages to see her own writing and drawings, the cover worn and parchment yellowed from time.

“I retrieved it the day we arrived.” He was unapologetic, even proud of himself. “Couldn’t let it fall into the wrong hands.”

“Like mine?”

“ _Especially_ yours.” He smiled, stepping forwards and plucking the book from her hands and flicking through the pages. “Just imagine if you did find it and you saw this.” He held the book up to her and showed a particularly risqué drawing of the both of them in Sanctuary. Ivy’s blush flared to life and she snatched it back, holding the book to her chest.

“Are you two looking at porn?” Dorian’s voice called down to them and Ivy’s blush deepened. Solas looked up at the other mage with a scowl before turning his attention back to Ivy.

“Imagine if _he_ got a hold of it. Or Varric. Adaar. Leliana.” He paused and sighed. “Iron Bull.” Imagine if the man she had loved found an old book of herself and another man? One that she couldn’t have explained?

Shakily, Ivy closed the book and pushed it back into Solas’ chest. She remembered when he had first given it to her, she remembered each thing she put into it. The last few years of her life.

“Burn it.” She said, her voice barely a whisper. He smiled at her sadly, stepping back to the brazier that barely kept the room warm and placed the book gently in it. A flick of his wrist and blue flames engulfed the journal, the dry paper burning quickly. Watching it Ivy had to blink back tears, it was like she was burning a part of herself.

“What the fuck am I going to do?” She asked herself, her voice barely loud enough for Solas to overhear.

“I don’t know, Wildling.” He rasped, the name sticking in his throat. “It’s been too long.”

“Not long enough.” Ivy pinched the bridge of her nose to quell her surging and overwhelming emotions. She was afraid, angry, tired, lonely and utterly lost. Solas took a step forward before stopping himself, his eyes meeting hers for a second. A second in which Ivy wanted nothing more than for him to pull her into his arms. If he had lingered for more than that second she would have taken it upon herself to bridge the gap, but instead he turned from her, his lowered gaze seeking out the chair instead. He sat down silently, picking up the book he had thrown down and it was signal enough that Ivy was unwanted.

With a sigh Ivy stormed from the rotunda, just as she had stormed in, eager to find somewhere to be lost and alone for a few hours more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I left you all on a cliffhanger last chapter, I went on holiday without internet and it was glorious. And really, I'll probably cliffhanger you all again before this story is done because I'm awful like that. :D


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The green light flickered against the wood of the stables as wind blew through the building, hand up to protect her eyes from the wind and light Ivy peered through her fingers to see the smallest form of a rift before her, barely the size of an apple before it hummed and grew bigger by a hand span.

The speed in which Ivy had been released and returned to her old life was disorienting.

Cullen had taken it upon himself to reinstate her in the ranks and put her in the guard rotation along with training and other old duties. She didn’t have the authority she used to and she didn’t carry any sensitive information and reports but she was still called ‘Captain’ even if it didn’t hold any true meaning anymore. The soldiers were a mix of welcoming and cautious and a lot of them were new but still listened to her orders when she had to give them – whether or not they were followed was another thing altogether.

“It’s better to get you back into the swing of things.” Cullen had said to her as she supervised a rookie training session, his voice was almost sad as he looked her over. “Unless you decide to leave I will ensure that you are treated no different than you were.”

“Unless I decide to leave?” Ivy asked him and he shrugged, his half smile pitying.

“Five years is a long time.” Was all he said before he went back to his own duties.

Dorian and Vivienne asked her a million questions about the fade and travelling through the rifts but did little else, taking it upon themselves to start up research into using rifts to travel across Thedas. They also took it upon themselves to restock her wardrobe.

Sera watched her with suspicion, unsure of the change Ivy went though and unwilling to spend more time in her presence than necessary. Ivy didn’t blame her and didn’t push the subject.

Cassandra was nearly openly hostile as well as Leliana despite repeated requests from Adaar to keep their glares to themselves, Ivy even found herself being trailed by Leliana’s agents more than once. Eventually Ivy double backed and cornered one of the agents, telling them to send a message to Leliana; if she was going to have Ivy trailed she needed to equip her agents in better gear and give better training. The next day a few of the agents were put into Ivy’s care for the suggested training.

Blackwall and Adaar were infatuated with each other and Ivy was strangely glad to see it. She didn’t resent them their happiness certainly and according to gossip the Inquisitor was in a good mood since the relationship began – which made everyone’s job easier. She did notice, however, Blackwall watching her quietly and yet distancing himself, becoming more distracted and aggravated over the smaller things. She had never been particularly close to the man and didn’t plan to start, not while he was battling his own demons.

Varric was his usual friendly self, joking about turning her adventure into a book and asking roundabout questions to get Ivy to accidentally divulge secrets. Only once he let the joker mask slip to give Ivy a heartfelt thank-you for putting out a good word for Hawke and it just about melted her heart to be on the receiving end. The thanks were followed by an inappropriate suggestion and a friendly punch to her shoulder but it was nice while it lasted.

Solas went back to being solitary although Ivy knew he was watching her when she wasn’t looking and even at times when she was looking. Every now and then she would see glimpses of Fen, a smile or a flash of brilliance and each time she saw it he knew. Each time he would glance her way and for a second be that man again before his reality swallowed it back up. Each time Ivy pulled away from it all, her insides curling up into a grieving ball as Knowledge tried to relieve her of the pain.

Cole took to ambushing her in hallways, clinging onto her arm or hugging her, unsure of what he could do to help. Ivy didn’t mind this – even gave in and hugged him back at times. He would just apologise for not being able to do more before she straightened up, smiled and walked away.

And Iron Bull was, well, he was there. An ever present shadow ensuring she didn’t get into trouble and giving out gentle touches when she felt low but nothing more. He never offered or asked to go back to what they had and Ivy didn’t know if it was out of fear of rejection or if he just knew that she needed time and space to figure out her role again. At times she would wake up and walk the battlements in the middle of the night and without warning he would join her in the snow, wrapping a blanket over her shoulders in silence.

 

Weeks after the trail she was summoned to the War Room. Sweaty from dawn training and light headed from demanding exercise without eating earlier she was admitted to the room and mildly surprised to see not only the council but the inner circle as well all waiting patiently, either propped up against the wall or siting on one of the few chairs. Adaar was looking over the map flanked by her immediate advisors, looking up expectantly at Ivy as she entered.  
  
“If I knew we were having a party I would have bought a cake.” Ivy said before she caught herself, despite Leliana’s scowl and Cassandra’s disapproving grunt Adaar smiled and waved her in closer.

“I have something to confess.” Adaar spoke and straightened up, picking up a marker and idly fiddling with it. “I asked everyone here to give me a report on your behaviour, on any information that they manage to gain about your whereabouts during your absence.”

“Of course.” Ivy almost drawled, it made sense to her and she had presumed it would have been the case.

“You are not upset by this?” Adaar asked with a hint of surprise.

“Why would I be?” Ivy asked and Adaar and Leliana exchanged glances before Leliana spoke.

“Because before you left you would have been pissed off if we kept tabs on you. You would have accepted it – but noisily.”

“A potential threat is released into your headquarters, I would do the same.” Ivy said with a shrug. “Besides, if you do manage to get any information out of me then you _deserve_ to keep it.” Iron Bull huffed a laugh and a queer smile played on his face, he attempted to hide it with a cough.

“That had become abundantly clear.” Adaar said while giving Iron Bull a glare. “Three weeks and the only information we have gathered is that you’re smarter, a better fighter and years older. So I’m going to be straightforward. I want to ask.”

“You know my policy about asking questions.” Ivy said with a raised hand as if to caution her. “Questions are dangerous, that hasn’t changed.”

“Then don’t answer them if you don’t want to. But I want to ask anyway.” Adaar negotiated. She always negotiated now, learned well from being around Josephine. It prompted Ivy to wonder how hard the months since Adamant had been on the Inquisitor.

Ivy sighed heavily and looked around the room, she didn’t know why there had to be an audience for this, it made her nervous and Knowledge had to calm her before she would reply.

“Fine.” Her agreement was curt and followed by a finger point to Adaar. “But don’t get pissed when I skip all your questions.” Adaar bowed her head in acknowledgement and offered her a seat which Ivy declined, she wanted to keep mobile if she decided to beat a hasty retreat.

The questions started off simple enough, just a rundown of the battle of Adamant which Ivy honestly only remembered half of the details. Knowledge offered help every now and then but Ivy refused, she didn’t need a vision for the little details right now.

“So you fell in the rift, but you didn’t come through with us.” Adaar said. “Do you remember the Fade at all?”

“I wasn’t in it so much as hurdling through it.” Ivy said and saw every mage in the room wriggle around in curiosity. Damn it, she needed to go easy on the elaborations.

“Where did you end up?” Josephine asked.

“Pass.” Ivy said, dismissing the question outright.

“We know it was with elves, well equipped and organised ones.” Leliana said carefully.

“Then you should have no trouble extrapolating my whereabouts from that Spymaster.” Ivy gave her a grin and it wasn’t appreciated.

“Enough.” Adaar warned. “I don’t want to be scraping bits of the both of you off of my floor.”

“You have servants for that.” Leliana muttered under her breath.

“What did you do? Your training now-” Adaar begun and Ivy rolled her head as if to stretch her neck out of boredom.

“Standard training. Guerrilla warfare, espionage, reconnaissance. All the nonsense Leliana wanted me to do.”

“You cornered the best agent I had in Skyhold and told him that I had to ‘step up my game’ if I wanted to get anything out of you.” Leliana growled. “I’d say that is more than _standard training_.” Ivy simply shrugged, vexing the redhead.

“Your _best agent_ breathes heavier than a dragon with hayfever.” Ivy said offhandedly and Adaar cleared her throat in warning. “I certainly hope the ones out in the field are more competent.” Cullen caught her gaze from across the room, his eyes both wide and incredulous in caution. Ivy sighed heavily and closed her eyes for a long moment, she would behave for him. She supposed.

“You were gone for longer than we missed you.” Adaar continued with the questions despite Leliana’s grumbling. “How long?”

“Five years.” Ivy replied and varying emotions filled the room, disbelief, astonishment and annoyingly pity was there as well. “But you already knew that. I don’t appreciate the fact checking.”

“Just hoping the story is consistent.” Adaar smiled and the smile turned to something resembling concern. “That’s a long time to be stranded somewhere. How are you coping with returning to us?”

“I’ll live.” Ivy said. “I’m the resilient sort.”

“And this Fen?” Adaar asked and Ivy knew her subtle twitch gave away her sore point to everyone in the room. “Is he the resilient sort?”

“Pass.”

“Do you think there is a risk of another rift opening up?”

“No.”

“You seem certain of that, were you not close to him?”

“Pass.”

“Why aren’t you willing to talk about him?”

“Pass.”

“You were lovers.” Leliana said quietly and Ivy felt her jaw clench involuntarily. With a sigh Ivy wandered over to the side of the room, the need to pace and fidget great.

“We’re not going to judge you for needing someone.” Dorian said from the back of the room and Varric chimed in to agree.

“Shit, five years is a hell of a wait to get home.” The dwarf said with a half smile. “Did you think you’d ever get back?” Ivy paused and looked at the dwarf, reminded of his ability to put her worries into perspective.

“No.” Ivy said flatly. “And after three years I didn’t intend to keep looking for a way. It was – as far as I could see – damn near impossible without almost destroying everything.”

“But how did you get back?” Cullen asked and Ivy gave him an apologetic look, feeling almost sheepish with hindsight.

“We… almost destroyed everything.” Ivy admitted and a huff of laughter emerged from the corner Solas was sitting in.

“But you gave up, why risk coming back?” Adaar asked in confusion.

“Pass.”

“Oh come on.” Adaar huffed. “Really?” Ivy shrugged, rules were rules, don’t give out information you don’t have to.

“Are we just going to do this all day?” Ivy asked, she was feeling defensive, claustrophobic in the room full of people. “I have some rookies that need sense beaten into them.”

“How is your health?” Dorian asked. “You have been through quite a bit, the emotional stress alone-”

“I passed the physical examination required to return to duty.” Ivy held her hand up to stop him, she saw no point to getting into this topic. “If you are further concerned for it then I’m sure the Commander will allow you to look at my personal file.”

“And will that file tell us why you were flogged?” Dorian quipped, annoyed at Ivy’s attitude. Ivy looked pointedly to Cullen who bashfully looked to the floor. “You’re asking us to take a massive leap of faith with you. To allow you to return after five years of absence – you’re scarred physically and emotionally, the least you can do is be honest with us.”

“No, Dorian.” Ivy spoke through almost gritted teeth before she schooled her face to be blank. “My file won’t tell you that. And neither will I.”

“This is ridiculous.” Leliana hissed and Adaar shot her a warning glare. “Why are we _allowing_ her to act like this? Were it anyone else we wouldn’t be so delicate in our methods.”

“I agree.” Cassandra was somewhat hesitant in her agreement, much more cold and logical that Leliana, she met Adaar’s eyes and squared her shoulders, hand on the hilt of her sword. “There is little point in keeping Volkev in limbo – either she gives the information willingly or she is our enemy.”

The room fell silent and Ivy remained still, watching Adaar who seemed to be thinking as she leaned on the table and stared at the large map it held. The Kossith shook her head, light glinting off the bronze cuffs on her horns before she looked up and met Ivy’s eyes with a closed off yet cautious look.

“Leliana and Cassandra believe that you are keeping secrets from us, much more than you let on.” Adaar spoke before she straightened up and crossed her arms under her bust. “They also believe that you outright lie at times-”

“They’re right.” Ivy said bluntly and Adaar closed her eyes in exasperation, behind her Ivy could hear Cullen sighing sharply as if he were defeated. “But what else would you have me do? Whisper in your ear all the possibilities and knowledge I hold? Tell me Inquisitor, if I did that then who would really be leading the Inquisition? Would you be able to listen and still make an independent judgement?”

“I already have three advisors who do that.” Adaar shrugged and Ivy gave her a pointed look.

“Then either their advice is enough and you don’t need mine, or you want a certainty that you _think_ I can provide but _know_ I can’t-” Her voice caught in her throat as her vision clouded, Knowledge’s voice pushing through her mind as her audience straightened to attention.

 _Stop and think,_ the spirit berated, _your position here is precarious – insulting them is not the best idea._

As the spirit’s words faded Ivy couldn’t help but let out a grunt of discomfort and press her fingers to her temple. Blinking through her clearing vision she saw the room watching her warily as if some profound act had happened, it worried Ivy. The last thing she wanted was to be relied upon for Knowledge’s information.

“Inquisitor,” Solas spoke up, “perhaps we should continue this another time.”

“I suppose you are right-” Adaar began but was cut off by Cole striding to the front of the group. He looked at Ivy from under his hat, barely having to look up. Ivy stepped back from the insistence and ferocity in his stance, her hand resting on her sword hilt in instinct.

“I want to talk to it.” He insisted, his voice rushed but strong, unwavering in its demand. Ivy stared at Cole, sending a feeling of questioning to Knowledge who replied with uncertainty.

 _He can see me?_ Knowledge flourished in anticipation before the uncertainty returned.

“What are you talking about Kid?” Varric asked.

“The spirit that is bound to her. I want to talk to it.” Cole insisted again and put a hand to Ivy’s chest, Knowledge almost shrunk from the touch though Ivy doubted Cole could merely reach out and poke the poor spirit.

“Spirit?” Varric said. “Ah hell, not this shit again.”

“Ivy?” Adaar was giving her the chance to explain but her tone suggested it was a chance that Ivy needed to take. With a sigh Ivy gently detached Cole’s hand.

“I have a spirit of knowledge bound to me.” Ivy said flatly and could see the sudden panic on Varric’s expression along with the concern everyone was emanating. “Before everyone starts losing their mind it has always been there. It is how I’ve been able to have visions.”

“It is closer now.” Cole said with wonder. “I couldn’t see it before, it’s closer to you now.”

“Knowledge kept me sane for years.” Ivy said quietly as she remembered the first moments she met the spirit. “Been my friend and companion since the moment I awoke in… in the fade. It’s probably fair to say that our bond has deepened. And before you begin, Varric, this isn’t Justice being distorted to Vengeance. Knowledge has saved my life more than once and asked for little in return.”

“What did it ask for?” Cullen spoke up, jaw tense as his Templar upbringing started to show.

“It likes to read.” Ivy admitted. “The information… gives it a purpose.”

“You’re _feeding_ it? Giving it what it demands.” Cullen scolded and Ivy met his stare directly, refusing to be intimidated. “You’ve been lying to us the whole time.”

“I didn’t even know until after Adamant.” Ivy replied and Cole’s hand reached for her insistently again.

“Please.” Cole said quietly and Ivy sighed, looking down and closing her eyes.

 _It can be done._ Knowledge’s voice whispered against her mind. _But I cannot sustain it._

“Fine.” She relented, it would probably be best to show them that Knowledge wasn’t a harmful spirit. “But not for long, it’s too much for me to give Knowledge control.”

“Control?” Adaar asked and Ivy gave her an incredulous look.

“Of me.” Ivy said and exhaled deeply, lowering her head and closing her eyes and simply letting go, letting her mind empty and lower her defences to allow Knowledge to fill her mind, take control.

Ivy could still see and hear but her movements weren’t her own, her vision was washed with white as her eyes clouded over and Knowledge flexed her fingers slowly, testing the human body’s motor control with curiosity. It was completely odd.

“Ivy?” Cullen asked, leaning forward.

“No.” Knowledge said with Ivy’s voice and it was distorted. As if the spirits own voice was layered on top of Ivy’s. “I am Knowledge.”

“Maker damn it.” Cullen muttered before turning away and pacing to the back of the room, his uneasiness clear. Ivy could see him through the white haze, could still comprehend despite giving control over to the spirit.

“Your concern is noted, Commander.” Knowledge said with a hint of Ivy’s sarcastic disdain. “However I am not what you consider an _abomination_. Given the cooperation we are demonstrating I would appreciate it if you did not exude such distrust, I cannot bear the emotions it creates within Ivy.” Cullen stopped in his tracks, just short of apologising or arguing before he nodded once and accepted the situation.

Cole crept closer, peering at Ivy curiously.

“Hello.” He said lightly.

“Hello, Compassion.” Knowledge said in return. “It is good to speak to you at last.”

“You are bound to her-” Cole said with worry before Knowledge cut him off.

“It was necessary to prevent both of our deaths. I assure you we are together peacefully.”

“You’re the one who has been giving her visions.” Leliana spoke curiously and Ivy felt her lips curl into a smug smile even though she had no intention to, she would have glared at the woman personally. “It’s _your_ influence.”

“It was unbelievably bright and burning too quick, the dark eating it as she fell, I wanted it enough to traverse that darkness and cradle her in my existence but there was a price. I gave of myself to ensure her knowledge wasn’t lost and in return Ivy has sheltered me in the physical world.” Knowledge shook Ivy’s head, eyes wide as if it wasn’t sure when or how to blink. “But she didn’t know what I was and without knowing I could not speak. I gave her what you call _visions_ instead, that knowledge has kept us from death and _you_ from failing.”

“What do you care if we win or lose?” Blackwall asked from the corner of the room.

“If Corypheus wins then Ivy _will_ die – and so will I.” Knowledge said simply. “I am not strong enough to break our bond and survive.”

“Self-preservation.” Iron Bull pointed out and Knowledge nodded once to him gracefully.

“Perhaps one day we will find a way to separate safely, but even if that day came I would still remain by Ivy’s side. We have a common goal and it has spurred us on throughout our time together.”

“Which is what?” Adaar spoke with caution and reserve, her spine rigid.

“The Iron Bull was correct, we both seek preservation. I seek it for the things that are lost – the histories that are ravaged in time and Ivy seeks it for _you_.” Knowledge took a step forwards and faltered, just catching Ivy’s borrowed body on the corner of the large wooden desk, with a shaking laugh the spirit looked up at the Inquisitor. “Did you never find it odd that this woman who was so argumentative – so stubborn and unruly – would risk her life under your banner?” A growl left Ivy’s lips and it was one of frustration and pain, Knowledge paused, moving Ivy’s hands to her stomach and touching gently at the armour. Curiosity flittering through its mind before a spark of smothered concern.

“What is wrong?” Adaar reached out and Knowledge stumbled back to put distance between them.

“I cannot continue this discussion.” Knowledge said suddenly, withdrawing quickly to give control of her body back to Ivy. She swore, falling to one knee as she came to terms with feeling the room around her and having motor control again. Her breath was laboured as she swallowed down bile and a moment later Iron Bull was besides her helping her stand back up as her hands shook.

“Are you alright?” Adaar asked and Ivy swallowed thickly and nodded, her grip tight on Bull’s arm.

“I’ve never done that before.” Ivy rasped and let out a shaky laugh. “It’s exhausting.”

“Anders would be exhausted after Justice took him for a ride as well.” Varric said bitterly and pushed away from the wall, angrily muttering to himself as he stormed out of the room.

“He’s just shocked,” Iron Bull tried to console her, “needs time to get used to the idea.”

“No,” Ivy gave him a tight smile, “he has every right to be angry. I don’t blame him.” She grunted in pain as she stretched, wobbling on her feet.

“Get some rest, Volkev.” Adaar was reserved as she looked Ivy over with a frown. “I need to think on all this.” Ivy nodded and made her way out of the door, heading for her room to rest.

 

Without intention Ivy slept away the day, Knowledge’s control of her body exhausting her more than she realised. Feeling guilty for wasting time and restless she wandered out to the stables where she found her mare in a stall, golden and proud as it greeted her with a whinny and a stomping hoof.

The stables were dark as she fed her mare a carrot and apologised for being away for so long, her voice a whisper out of courtesy for anyone who slept nearby. With a snort the mare nudged Ivy’s hand but it didn’t distract her from the faint sound of crackling in the air, almost like electricity sparking.  

Ivy spun and looked around the stables, nothing could be seen but the mounts beginning to become restless, her spine crawled in trepidation as if there were magic in the air that she couldn’t see. She turned to fetch someone, anyone, who could come investigate when she saw it; a tiny walnut sized ball of magical energy in the air barely a few metres from her with light bursting through it in rays of green. Ivy had a moment of recognition before a loud crack sounded through the stables and she was hit with a burst of wind that made her heart race with anticipation.

The green light flickered against the wood of the stables as wind blew through the building, hand up to protect her eyes from the wind and light Ivy peered through her fingers to see the smallest form of a rift before her, barely the size of an apple before it hummed and grew bigger by a hand span.

“What-” Ivy’s voice shuddered as the horses behind her shifted and tested the boundaries of their stalls in panic, spooked by the light and wind.

“ _More energy, this one is not stabilizing.”_ The deep and familiar voice of Fen echoed through and Ivy’s heart skipped a beat as Knowledge pushed to warn her of the dangers.

“ _Fen?_ ” Ivy called and she heard a shout, distant from the instability of the rift. The wind swirled harder around her, blinding as she stumbled back into the wood of the stalls.

“ _What’s happening? No- we need to continue!_ ” Fen’s voice shouted angrily before the rift closed with a silencing pop. Ivy stood against the wall of the stables in the deafening and sudden silence, her ears ringing and heart pounding.

Stumbling from the stables Ivy looked around to find no one nearby but Solas, standing with a staff in one hand and a scowl on his face.

“What the hell was that?” Ivy asked as she strode towards him. “That was a rift!”

“It never worked.” Solas said tiredly. “Not once.”

“But you tried-” She cut herself off and looked to the ground, unsure of what she was trying to say. Solas gave her a pitying look and stepped closer.

“I did try,” He whispered to her, “I even thought I heard your voice at times but I could never… I couldn’t save you.” Ivy looked to their feet, feeling tears threaten along her lashes.

“Does it give you closure?” She rasped, “Knowing I’m here?” He paused and lifted his hand to touch at her cheek, Ivy couldn’t help but lean into it.

“In honesty, it breaks my heart more.” He said bluntly. “I have spent too long trying to forget what you meant to me, but now it’s simply so much harder.” His hand fell away and he stepped back, looking around at the walls of Skyhold in the night. “Every piece of stone here reminds me of those times, but also of blood and loss. Forgive me, but the distance I put between us is to protect me as much as it is for you.” Ivy said nothing to this, merely looked past him as he clasped his hands behind his back and wandered away.

A shaking breath and she was left alone, the only sounds were from the revelry in the tavern and giving herself the opportunity to be lost in that revelry for a few hours seemed to be the best idea she had that day.

 

The tavern wasn’t particularly busy despite the noise it was generating and didn’t appear to be any different to when she was there last. Cabot was still behind the bar and the Chargers taking up a chunk of space and incidentally making the majority of the noise. The soft lute music still hung in the air and the old archery notice _still_ hadn’t been taken down.

Ivy meandered to the bar feeling a few pairs of eyes on her and one solitary one from Bull. Somewhat nervous from the attention she nodded to Cabot who simply poured her a drink, thumped it onto the bar in front of her and nodded once before going back to cleaning a tankard. He didn’t speak or demand money, just the way Ivy liked her interaction with Cabot.

“Good to see you back in action.” Ivy turned to see Krem who smiled at her brilliantly, she gave him a nod in return as he leaned against the bar and waved his hand at Cabot who rolled his eyes.

“Good to see you Krem.” Ivy said quietly and watched on as Cabot grumpily handed a tankard of ale to the mercenary, he put it down on the wooden top of the bar so hard the dark brown ale sloshed out one side and Krem had to quickly scoop up the drop with his thumb and lick it clean.

“I’d say so.” Krem teased her. “After being missing for months and then locked up for weeks, it must be nice to breathe the freezing fresh air again.”

“Can’t complain.” Ivy said offhandedly then huffed laugh. “Haven’t had a drink in months.”

“Well,” Krem said with a smirk, “We can certainly fix that.” He raised his glass to hers and they clinked them together before drinking, the overly sweet mead was thick going down and Ivy lowered the tankard after barely tasting it. Krem paused and raised an eyebrow at her, Ivy looked into the mug with a sour face.

“Are you okay?” Krem asked and Ivy shook her head slowly, trying to pull the thick, sweet taste away from her tongue when her stomach churned uneasily. A moment later Ivy was hurriedly walking out of the door, to the tiny back alleyway of the tavern and emptying her stomach onto the patchy grass. She spat the last of it out onto the ground distastefully and let out a quiet groan, thumbing at the corner of her mouth.

“The hell is wrong with me?” she asked herself and felt the press of a vision against her mind. Knowledge was wanting to tell her something. She sighed and opened her mind to the spirit, letting the image gently roll into her mind.

It was the night before she went through the rift, of Fen and herself being intimate, and it hurt to see. She visibly winced and turned away from the scene, looking at the shelving that had been laden with books in his quarters instead.

“Why are you showing me this?” she asked sadly, trying to hold back the waves of guilt she was feeling.

_You really don’t know?_

Hearing Knowledge again both reassured Ivy and made her long to see the spirit again, Ivy barely was able to shake her head past the rising sob in her chest.

“I get it, alright? You were right. I should have stayed. I fucked up.” Ivy rasped and the first tear rolled down her cheek, she turned back to see Fen’s reverent expression as the vision of her began to sleep. “I made the wrong choice.”

 _How long ago was this?_ The spirit asked casually and Ivy felt frustrated at its tone.

“Maker, I don’t know. Six weeks? Seven? Why?” The spirit was silent in response and Ivy took a step closer to the scene taking in the image of Fen, the broad shoulders and tight smile, the stripe of dark hair. Ivy sighed and shook her head when the reason behind the vision hit her. Six weeks. Six weeks of stress and emotions, six weeks of-

_You’re with child._

Ivy choked out a gasp and pulled herself out of the vision so abruptly she fell to her knees, breath ragged as her hand came to tentatively touch at her stomach.

“Ivy?” Bull’s concerned voice came from the small gap to the courtyard, he was standing back, giving her distance as she fought to gather herself and lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need inspiration! Help me out by telling me where you want to see this go, start waving those ship flags high!


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re not going to believe me."

Bull closed the door behind them, her old quarters cold and empty of her belongings, only the bed remained of what she had left behind before Adamant. Looking at her hands she brushed lingering water from the melted snow off her skin, she didn’t even have a chance to collect herself before Bull was pulling her from the ground and marching her into the barren quarters.  
  
“Tell me what’s going on.” Bull said as he pressed an open palm to the wood of the door, his voice calm but threaded with frustration enough to send a chill down her spine. Pushing away and turning to face her he pinned her with a cold and calculating glare. “In particular, between you and Solas. He’s not nearly as subtle as he thinks he is.”

“I…” Ivy sighed and shook her head, sitting heavily on her bed as Bull crossed his arms over his chest and waited patiently. “I don’t-”

“I could piece it together if I had to.” Bull’s warning reminded her of a harder time when they were in the Qun, it was a voice that meant he would come to the conclusion he sought regardless of interference. “But I think it’s high time for honesty between us. _Talan_.” He stressed in qunlat, _truth._

“I have no idea how to begin.”

“When you went through the rift. Start there.” He insisted and spied a crate that once made up a part of her desk, moving it closer to sit in front of her. His elbow resting on his knee he continued to pin her with his glare and she swallowed thickly.

“I… I fell through.” Ivy said, unsure of what she should tell him. She _wanted_ to tell him everything, every last detail, as if the last five years were a story that happened to someone else.

“You didn’t arrive in Nightmare’s Realm.” He said, prompting her by filling in his side of the event. “We could hear you. Whispers and screaming, I thought it was a trick at first.” He frowned and cast his gaze to the ground, jaw clenching as he remembered the moment.

“No I… probably was screaming.” Ivy admitted. “I don’t remember much but it hurt like hell, Knowledge had done something to pull me away from the rest of you.” Bull winced at the mention of the spirit’s name and tried to cover it by glancing down at his hands before rubbing them together to create warmth. Ivy had never known his hands to be cold and she wondered if she saw the first nervous twitch of their time together.

“Then what?”

“I woke up in the middle of the fucking desert. Adamant was nowhere to be seen.” Ivy pinched the bridge of her nose and exhaled sharply.

“Where were you?”

“The Western Approach.” Ivy scrunched her nose up and buried her head in her hands, one nervous gesture after another. “Just… in a different time.”

“Okay.” He simply accepted it with a nod. “What does that have to do with our resident wet blanket?”

“You’re not going to believe me.”

“Tell me anyway.” He insisted without a harsh voice or judgement, just a push to hear the story.

“I found Solas there. But he was young. I ended up, uh, joining a group of rebels that were trying to overthrow the Elvhen government.” Ivy looked up at Bull and saw no hint of opinion and suddenly she couldn’t stop trying to explain.

“For the first couple of years it was fine I just kept to myself you know, they didn’t really like me, I was more of a lower lifeform to them. The first _human_ they had come across. But after a while I think they just got used to me. I trained their soldiers; mostly villagers and such, and I thought to avoid Solas altogether but it was hard when he was their leader. I tried to kill him… but-” Ivy shrugged hopelessly and Bull huffed a laugh.

“You were friends.” He tried to help her with the reasoning behind letting Solas live but Ivy just shook her head.

“No we weren’t. Not then. He showed a glimmer of kindness and regret to a corpse and all of a sudden I couldn’t let go of the last tie I had to the Inquisition. I had nothing to lose, absolutely nothing. I remember feeling that I had one mission left in life and that was to stop him from creating this war and I couldn’t even do that. I was… I was weak.”

“Do you still regret it?” He asked simply and Ivy looked at him with wide eyes, thinking over all that happened after that moment.

“No, but it would have made things easier.” She answered eventually.

“Then it wasn’t weakness.” He said as if there was no more discussion to be had but gestured to continue her story.

“After a few years Solas and I grew closer together, we ended up, you know, _together_ ,” Bull let out a huff of something akin to annoyance, “but we couldn’t tell anyone. I served him under the guise of a bodyguard and he realised eventually that I was from the future and since I had been trying to find a way back here I had done enough research on travelling through time to give him an idea of using time magic to put a stop to the Evanuris. I supported him in this, not only because it would mean the end of the elvish rebellion, but it was a way to stop him from creating the veil and ultimately a way to prevent the Mage and Templar tensions.”

Bull’s mouth opened once and he raised a finger before he just shook his head once, closed his mouth and put his hand back on his thigh. Ivy simply continued her train of thought.

“I volunteered, of course, to go because well fuck I’m too much of a control freak to let elves run amok in a future timeline but I had planned to go back. It had been so long and I never thought the ritual would send me anywhere near this time. I tried, I really tried, to prevent Corypheus from getting the orb and starting the fucking war. But instead what do I get? A dagger in the kidneys and a baby from the guy who’ll – lets face it – will probably end up betraying all of us and causing more havoc than we really need. And the worst of it is that Solas knows now, he knows about me; that I know about _him_. Oh Maker’s fucking balls Bull, I’ve fucked up I’m so sorry.”

The silence between them was thick and Ivy refused to look out from behind her hands.

“Okay.” Bull said and Ivy peeked out at him.

“What?”

“Okay.” He said, just as accepting as the first time.

“That’s… all you have to say?”

“I already told you that nothing you could have done would overshadow the relief I would feel at you coming back.” He said steadily, Ivy’s hands were shaking in contrast. “You fucked up, but nothing has changed here – at least I don’t think it has. You’re sorry and for whatever _insane_ reason, I believe you.”

“You… do?”

“Yeah.” He smiled, warm and comforting. “Of course I do Kadan. But I’m curious; how did you become younger?”

“Uh, magic tree water.” Bull simply stared at her for a moment as if he was slowly processing her answer.

“Yeah, that would do it.” He said and let out a laugh, it was slow and languid, perfectly at ease. “So, you’re up the duff huh?” Ivy felt heat rush to her cheeks as he fought to control his mirthful smirk, she shifted and pushed hair away from her face. He was trying to make her feel better but she wasn’t sure if she should have or not.

“I’m not liking that term so much…” She muttered.

“Bun in the oven?”

“No…” Ivy cracked a smile and his own grew wider.

“Your Baby Daddy’s old as dirt, you’re probably going to go into labour in the middle of a battle, Cullen is going to have kittens at the thought of a mini-you running around-”

“ _Bull_.” Ivy tried to be frustrated but the word came out as a laugh. He smiled at her before shifting forward and sitting beside her on the bed, his arms stretched out behind him as he bent forward and placed a light kiss on her forehead. It was quick as if he were worried that she would push him away.

“Who was Fen then?”

“Fen’Harel.” Ivy said quietly. “It was a name given to Solas.”

“Wait, Fen’Harel the god? As in all those expletives that Adaar has gotten so fond of yelling out? That is Solas.” He frowned.

“The same.”

“Well fuck me.” He muttered. “Then if you think Solas is going to turn against us,” Bull began steadily, calmly as if he didn’t want to panic the human beside him, “Are you going to tell him about the child?”

Ivy stood and paced her small room, chewing on her lip in stress, hands touching at the flatness of her stomach. Iron Bull watched on patiently, as if he had all the time in the world.

“I don’t know.” Ivy said finally. “So much time has passed for him, it’s almost like the father is a completely different person. For all his words and reasoning I just don’t _trust_ Solas.”

“It’s _because_ of his words and reasoning that you don’t trust him.” Bull pointed out. “But is that cause enough to deny a man his child?”

“No.” Ivy said quickly. “It’s not. But I can’t risk the child either. The lengths that Solas has gone to – the lengths that he would _still_ go to – what happens if he decides that his child would be better off without my influence?”

“I think it would be fair to say that anyone who would try to get between you and yours wouldn’t be living for long.” Bull said with a half-smile. “And despite recent events there _are_ people here who would put themselves in danger to help you.”

Ivy sighed and raked her fingers through her hair, still pacing along the floor as a pause settled between them. Her mind was whirring, too much information colliding with her own emotions that made it hard to think.

“It’s not what I want – to put people in danger that is.” She shook her head. “I didn’t think. I was too reckless.”

“You have been known to make rash decisions from time to time.” He teased her with a flash of a smile that he covered up quickly. “I can’t even imagine what you saw in Solas that made you decide to jump in his bed, you never really got along with him here.”

“I can’t explain it,” she said weakly with a huff, “He was different. He cared for his people, was charismatic, bold.”

“And now he’s just stony and bald.” Bull quipped and chuckled at his own joke. “Either way, he will be watched closely from now on.” He nodded with determination. “I’ll get Leliana on board as well, there is always the chance that what you’re worried about won’t occur... But you know, Kadan, there are other options you could take.” He spoke carefully and Ivy met his look for the barest of moments.

“I know I’m not the first woman in Thedas to find herself pregnant and in a panic.” Ivy huffed a bitter laugh. “Hell, I even know how to make the potion.”

“Whatever you decide to do I’ll have your back, Kadan.” He stood and took the single step to close the distance between them, tentatively holding one arm up to invite her into an embrace. Ivy paused for the briefest of moments, only a small flicker of hesitation running through her mind before she stepped into his arms, resting her head against his chest and closing her eyes against the warmth that enveloped her.

The muscles of his arms tensed as he brought his head down to rest his cheek against her hair, a long sigh escaping him as Ivy slid her arms around his waist.

“Just promise me you’re not going to do this alone.” He said and Ivy nodded, the rollercoaster of emotions she felt causing tears to well in her eyes.

“I’m too fucking scared to do that.” She tried for a joke and choked on it halfway through but he still let out a single laugh before kissing the closest part of her.

“Well, let me take you to the healer and we can at least get a handle on where everything is at.” He said simply, logically, but Ivy started shaking her head with wide eyes.

“I can’t- no way.” She protested and his hands rested over her arms reassuringly. “If I go to a healer then it would be a matter of days before everyone knew.” Bull raised one eyebrow at her and she could tell he was doing his best to hold back a laugh.

“Kadan… they’re going to notice eventually.” His voice was even but Ivy still gave him a soft open-handed slap on his chest in warning.

“You _know_ what I mean.” Ivy sighed. “I want people to know on _my_ terms.”

“You want Solas to know on your terms.” Bull half corrected her and she pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. She felt like sitting in the corner of the room and crying, like it was too hard to push through and get a clear thought.

“Kadan.” Bull tried again, his voice soft and cajoling. “It’s a lot to take in, but we need to make sure both you and the child is healthy. Don’t forget you travelled through a rift with child. You were _stabbed_ with child. And I can see you’re taking longer to recover than usual from that.”

“Tomorrow.” She rasped and rested her forehead on his chest, his hand coming up to touch her hair gently.

“Tomorrow.” He agreed and sighed, kissing the top of her head.

 

The next morning Bull led her to the healers and although he didn’t wrap Ivy in a shawl and smuggle her across the training yards to where the healer resided in the lowest floor of the southern tower it certainly felt as if she should have been incognito.

“Relax.” Bull said casually to her and flashed a smile over his shoulder. “You’re going for a check-up not an execution.” A couple of soldiers nodded to them in greeting as they passed and surely Ivy imagined the way they stared at her.

“I feel like everyone is staring at me.” Ivy muttered and Bull let out a chuckle.

“For all the sneaking you’ve learned you’d make a terrible spy.” He teased as he opened the door that was too small for him to walk through without hunching over and let himself into the infirmary. “You can’t keep up a façade, simply walking across Skyhold you look suspicious.”

“I don’t even need to go – I _am_ a healer.” Ivy protested.

“You’re a field medic. This isn’t a stubbed toe we’re dealing with.” He reached across the threshold and grabbed Ivy’s forearm, dragging her into the room.

The healer was a cantankerous older elvhen woman who was busy looking over her potions and herbs while pointedly refusing to look at Ivy and Bull as they entered, instead she pointed to a bench and ordered that the patient strip and sit on it. Never mind that the room was damned cold. Ivy did as ordered and without prompting the healer set about examining her with a combination of magic and very cold hands.

“I take it you know you’re pregnant.” The woman said gruffly and Ivy hummed in confirmation. “Near two months. Give or take a week.” The healer muttered to herself and wrote on a parchment on her desk. Ivy glanced to Bull who winked at her from the wall he was propped up against.

“Normally we give any soldiers leave and a pension if they become with child, you have been in service to the Inquisition long enough to warrant that much.” The woman’s voice was snide, it was clear she didn’t think Ivy had deserved it.

“Normally?” Ivy questioned her.

“Well, you’re not a regular soldier are you?” The healer drawled. “You’re still technically a part of the Inner Circle, the Inquisitor hasn’t changed that. But you were also listed as deceased so we will have to get the bookkeepers to correct that – I hear it can take some time. And there is the small problem of your probation.”

“My what? Probation?” Ivy asked confused, looking to Bull who just shrugged.

“You’re not permitted to leave Skyhold until the Inquisitor expressly allows it. If I were to give you leave and your pension, I would be arrested.” The healer shrugged and handed the parchment to Ivy who could barely read the messy writing. “The most I can do is give you leave from your duties until a month after the child is born. I’m sure they’ll find another task for you.”

“It will do.” Bull said before coming over and putting his arm around Ivy. “As I’m sure you are aware this will need to remain confidential.” He said to the healer who gave him a frown.

“I need to report all cases of this kind to the Commander – can’t have his soldiers running around getting knocked up.” The Healer huffed and Bull rolled his eye, pulling out a couple of coins from his pocket and placing it on the table in front of the woman.

“I _expect_ this to remain between us.” He said with an edge of warning, the healer looked at the coin for a moment before nodding once, both accepting and dismissing the two of them from her infirmary.

“Captain,” The healer called out as she pocketed the coin and the two of them paused before the door, Bull’s hand resting protectively on the small of her back. “I shouldn’t have to tell you the dangers of this; the risk you’re undertaking.”

“What are you talking about?” Bull was being blunt, his voice low as if warning her against potential threats.

“You were injured, and not lightly.” The woman began and shook her head as she picked up a small jar of ointment. “I have no idea what the effect of the rift you travelled through would be on an unborn child but I can tell you’re still weak from the wound to your back. Having this information alone I would say it would be difficult to carry this child to term but given that you are a human – and not particularly tall at that – and that _he_ is Kossith.” She pointed at Bull who glanced at Ivy but gave no move to correct the woman. “There is a chance that this child will grow too big for you to carry to full term – and even before then, in your weakened state, I’m sorry but unless you completely forego your duties I can’t imagine that this child will survive.”

“And if that did happen,” Bull asked quietly, his eyes cast to the floor, “what would be Ivy’s chance of survival?”

“That entirely depends of the circumstances.” The elvhen woman shrugged and handed Ivy the jar of ointment. “You may be pained from time to time, this will help ease that at least.”

“Thank you.” Ivy said quietly and Bull opened the door before ushering her out of the room and into the crisp morning air. Her mind was whirring although she would have looked perfectly calm to anyone else, the crunching of her boots on stone and the heavy gait of Bull’s footsteps doing nothing to interrupt what was rapidly escalating to one thought; _talan_.

Halfway along the worn path of the battlements Ivy checked for eavesdroppers before speaking up and breaking the companionable silence they had gained.

“There’s more.” She said in a rushed breath and halted on the high walls, her hand automatically reaching out to rest on the stone. Bull turned to her curiously and gave a measuring look before leaning against the stone and crossing his arms over his chest, one ear directed towards her in a sign that he was listening.

“You already travelled back in time and got pregnant from an elf who is impossibly older than I first thought. What else could there be?” His joke fell flat but Ivy still quirked a smile.

“You know me, Bull, there’s always something else.” His own flash of a smile faded quickly. “Talan?” she asked and he nodded once, slow and cautious.

“Tell me.” At his assent Ivy took a long draw of breath and wondered where to start, this time she decided it was going to be the beginning.

“Do you remember when they first found me? I washed up on the beach and you interrogated me for weeks.” She spoke and his smile spread in a fond memory, shifting on the spot he hummed in confirmation. “I told you I fell off a boat.”

“If you tell me now that you really were a Vint’ spy I’m not sure my ego would recover.” He said semi seriously and Ivy couldn’t help but chuckle.

“No. I was telling the truth, I _did_ fall off a boat, but the thing I never told you was where I came from.” Bull subtly moved to show she had his full attention and watched her patiently. “From what I remember I fell into the water, the net was around my legs and I was dragged down. I know I lost consciousness and then awoke at Par Vollen but I wasn’t in _Thedas_ when I was swept overboard.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I’m from a place called Earth. Whatever Knowledge did it dragged me from my own world to this one.” Bull watched her for a moment before shaking his head with a laugh.

“Earth? As in ‘dirt’?” He quipped and Ivy faced him to show how serious she was, his smile dropped. “You’re telling me you’re from a completely different world?”

“Where I’m from, all of _this-”_ Ivy gestured around her. “-is just a story.”

“And this story involves me.” He assumed and Ivy nodded once. “It’s how you knew about my past, how you knew my name.”

“In part. Knowledge did the rest.” Bull shook his head.

“I find this hard to believe Kadan.”

“But you believe me when I say I travelled hundreds of years into the past?” Ivy asked incredulously and Bull shot her a hard look.

“Travelling in time has been proven by Adaar and Dorian. But not travelling to a different world. I’ll admit you had some weird things on you when we first met, your mannerisms, your accent, nothing fit quite right. But that doesn’t prove you’re-” He cut himself off and growled in frustration, pushing off the wall and walking towards the stairs. Ivy watched him leave and sighed, perhaps honesty wasn’t the best policy after all.

 

Book in hand and seat of her pants firmly on a bench Ivy sipped some tea as she read in the eerily quiet tavern. It was rare that she would ever be in the tavern during the early afternoon and it was far from the shift change of the watch so just about everyone was on duty or sleeping after working all night.

In her hands was a book with a beautifully embellished deep blue cover with the images of waves embossed into it; a history of piracy in Antiva. At first Ivy thought the book far too thick for its topic but as she read she realised that it was far too thin. If she ever decided to turn to a life of piracy, she would head straight for Rialto Bay.

Silently Bull slid onto the bench across from her, leaning heavily on the table with his hands clasped together. He looked restless and was frowning, refusing to meet Ivy’s eyes.

“Alright.” He said lowly, shifting on his seat. “I can handle that you’re bound to a spirit who has been giving you visions of the future. I can handle that this same spirit transported you back in time to the days of the ancient elves where you met Solas, of all the people, and you joined his rebellion. I can handle that you were intimate with him and are now carrying his child and that in an attempt to stop the creation of the veil you came back to this time and froze everyone to activate a device that was beneath our feet the whole time.” He took a shuddering breath and rolled his shoulders as Ivy watched him with her book still open.

“It makes sense, with certain aspects of what I have learned about you, that you would come from somewhere quite removed from anything that could be found on a map of Thedas.” He wringed his hands and shook his head. “And although your spirit did talk about carrying you or something when it had control of your body; I find it difficult to believe that our lives that we have fought and bled for are anything more than a story and I admit I grew angry before I let you finish, but, if you are telling me the truth I want to believe it is coming from a good place, I want to believe that what we have shared these last years was what you really felt and not a part of this _story_.”

Ivy reached across the table and rested a hand on his, squeezing it gently. She gave him a tight smile that he returned reluctantly.

“I couldn’t fake that Bull,” she said honestly, “you’re too good for me. In a lot of ways.” He cracked a smile and nodded in acknowledgement, sighing heavily he relaxed and waved at Cabot who rolled his eyes and grabbed a dark bottle off the shelf.

“I’m ready to listen.” He said quietly and waited for Cabot to plonk the bottle onto the table and leave before continuing. “And I want to know everything you’re willing to tell me, your home, your family, everything.”

 

They were walking the battlements again looking up at the millions of stars. Bull had listened, raptured by the descriptions of Ivy’s first home and at the end of a very long conversation he simply took her hand and they walked.

“You know,” he broke the silence, “there have been stories, legends, about people who would come here from a different world. As if falling through cracks.”

“You think I’m not the first?” Ivy asked curiously.

“I think if it could happen to you, why not to someone else?” He shrugged and Ivy thought on the possibilities.

“Back home there is a theory;” Ivy said softly, “that infinite worlds exist in parallel to our own. Different dimensions that are the same but a different choice was made at a crucial time that makes its own unique world.”

“No,” Bull said with a sigh, “I’ve just begun to consider that fact that there is _one_ other world in which you may have come from. I’m not ready for infinite possibilities yet.” Ivy laughed and he grinned, leading her through the storage room and to the door of her quarters, opening the door and giving her a charming expression.

Ivy stepped into the room and Bull took her hand as she walked past, pressing her knuckles to his lips quickly before he made to leave.

“Hey,” Ivy said quietly and Bull turned back to her. “Would you like – you don’t have to, but – do you want to stay the night?” Bull raised his eyebrow and damn near sauntered back to her door and leaned against the frame.

“In your condition? Those hormones kicking in already?” He teased and Ivy’s cheeks burned with a blush.

“Not for sex you- urgh-” Ivy rolled her eyes as he laughed at her awkwardness before stepping inside and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

“Yes, Kadan.” He said through a sly smile. “I’d love to.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something for the Ivy/Bull shippers out there, if the Ivy/Solas shippers behave themselves they might also get something fluffy. ;)
> 
> Legit stole "magic tree water" from @Beckily (But they let me steal it! Honest!)


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I can’t bear it.” Ivy said, her voice hard. “Seeing what you have become.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! *throws confetti*

Ivy learned quickly that she took the modern plumbing of Earth for granted, something she hadn’t thought about for a long time, this discovery dawning on her as she vomited in her wash bowl during the freezing dawn. Ah, morning sickness, pregnancy was so glamourous.

Fortunately for her Bull was still hanging around and after laughing at her helpless reaction for a minute he stepped in and offered to empty the bowl so she didn’t have to trudge out to the battlements half naked and barefoot.

It had only been one day since she discovered she was pregnant and she still hadn’t come to terms with it. No-one knew aside from Bull and the healer, but it wasn’t going to be long before they noticed that she wasn’t attending duties or training, plus it was likely Cullen would receive a report soon stating that she couldn’t attend and he would want an explanation.

That morning she accompanied Iron Bull to the training grounds and watched him practice his hand to hand combat with his Chargers, it was good to watch, the way he pushed them and taught them. Stopping frequently to adjust their stances or give them tips, Ivy realised much of her own strategies in training the troops had come from him, the way he had trained her on Par Vollen. She let a smile play on her face at the memory and it remained as he walked over to the well she leaned against to draw water.

“What is it?” he asked with a queer smile, pulling up the bucket of water to dump the contents over his head with a sigh.

“Just remembering how you trained me.” Ivy said lightly and he gave her a charming smile.

“Of how often you were on your ass in the dirt?” he teased her and swept drops of water from his brow. “I can barely remember it, fucking re-education. Looks like you’ve got a visitor.” Ivy turned to see Adaar approaching with Vivienne close behind looking around the training yards like it was a filthy buffet.

“Volkev,” Adaar nodded to her in greeting, her voice firm and back straight as she exuded authority, “Report to Solas in the library, you’re to assist him in researching a ritual.”

“A ritual?” Iron Bull asked curiously before crossing his arms over his broad chest. “Ivy’s not a mage, she won’t know what she’s looking for.”

“No, but she can read elvish.” Adaar said simply before turning and leaving the two of them by the well. Iron Bull hummed in uncertainty and scratched at the stubble on his chin.

“Want me to come keep you company? I could use the down time.” He asked as if Ivy was doing him a favour by saying yes, Ivy huffed a laugh at him and pushed away from the well.

“I’ll be fine, you’d best keep training your Chargers.”

“Nah, they’re fine.” He waved his hand at them dismissively. “I’ll come join you.”

“Bull,” Ivy said flatly and he gave her an innocent look, “stay.” She ordered and he gave her a queer smile before nodding and letting her make her way to the library.

 

Ivy walked past the large library bookshelves, nodding hello to Dorian who gave her an exuberant wave in return, past the first row and through to a small alcove that had a desk, chair and a small lounge. Usually, from memory, the desk would be clear and the spot quite peaceful but this time the desk had piles of books on it along with the floor. One chair had several tomes and hovering around it was Solas, frown in place as he paced and read from an open book.

Clearing her throat he looked up to her in confusion, as if ready to scold her for making such noise in the library.

“What are you doing here?” He asked bluntly and Ivy raised her eyebrows at the tone of his voice.

“I’ve been sent to help,” Ivy said and stepped further into the alcove, past a pile of precariously placed books.

“When I requested assistance I had someone who understood magic in mind.” He said hesitantly and Ivy shrugged in response.

“Apparently I’m the only other person in this fortress who can read elvhen.” They both knew it wasn’t true, but Solas shook his head in resignation anyway.

 

“If that’s the case start with those books by your feet, I’m looking for a passage on transmutation and specific anomalies exposure to the fade can create.” He said and continued to pace as Ivy stood with wide eyes, she wasn’t sure if she should tell him that she had no idea what he was talking about. Ivy picked up the closest book and opened it’s green cover, chewing on her lower lip as she stared at the elvhen words.

“Can you tell me more about what I’m looking for? Preferably in terms I can understand.”

“Just look.” He said in annoyance, just how long had he been stuck in this library anyway? With a sigh Ivy flicked through the book, talking to herself as she translated.

“The Dalish took into consideration many weather phenomenon, often using them to mark the-”

“That isn’t the passage I’m referring to.” Solas said with a hint of frustration.

“If you’re not going to give me at least a clue on what I’m supposed to be looking for then I’m going to read out everything I get my hands on.” Ivy huffed and dropped the green book loudly and picked up another with a mottled brown cover, clearing her throat she split open the book without breaking eye contact with Solas and cleared her throat before reciting the first words she saw loudly. “One can, without considering the marked principals of pyrokinetic based magics, use sudden but conditional prac-”

“No _._ ” Solas said and Ivy gave him an unimpressed look, dropping that book onto the table from much higher than it needed to be and picking up a slimmer one.

“Given the variety of abominations discovered and documented by loyal chanty brothers and sisters we can only assume that-”

“ _No_.” He said with a hint of annoyance, Ivy tossed that book onto the table and turned to the nearest bookshelf and dramatically pulled one from it in spite of Solas’ warning expression.

“Gravitational anomalies frequently occur in locations where a ritual was performed or locations which have been exposed to the Fade for a duration of time-”

“ _No_.” Solas bit and Ivy rolled her eyes, “wait.” He said and snatched the book from her as she was about to put it away, flicking through the pages he let out a sound of triumph and sat at the desk to read. Sighing Ivy threw her hands up in the air and moved for the closest seat, which happened to be the old and comfortable looking lounge.

 

She was dozing off, half listening to Solas prattle on about gravitational and telekinetic magic when she felt the edge of the couch dip. In her sleep addled mind she didn’t think much of it until slender, warm fingers traced the line of her jaw delicately. She didn’t move, didn’t lift her arm from her eyes but she sighed; sign enough that she was still awake.

“You’re tired.” Solas’ voice was soft, almost caring.

“Exhausted.” Ivy drawled although it didn’t have the intended edge of sarcasm to it.

“But you still came up to assist me, if you needed to rest you should have done so.”

“I don’t hate you enough to deny you assistance when you swallow your pride enough to ask for it.” Ivy said but it wasn’t as biting as she intended it to be.

“Here I thought your own pride would protest at the thought.” He quipped and Ivy could her the teasing tone to his voice. “Or at least Iron Bull would talk you out of it.”

“Next time I’ll send him in my stead.” Solas let out a huff of laughter at her suggestion, the room fell silent and Ivy lowered her arm from her face to rest on her stomach, blinking away blurred vision she sat up with a discontent huff but her movement didn’t prompt him to move away.

“I’ve never known you to be ill.” He said curiously as if he was trying to remember. “What has caused it, do you know?”

“Yes,” Ivy said with a sigh and couldn’t help but look away from him to the bookshelf. “I just… need to rest.” He nodded and looked to the bookshelves that surrounded them, swallowing thickly as he thought on her words.

“Was it because of me?” He asked quietly and Ivy felt her stomach flip with nerves. “Going through a rift like that – I overheard the Commander report to Adaar that your recovery was not as simple as it should have been. I know I certainly didn’t help things with the way we spoke after you came back.”

“Are you admitting that you were wrong?” Ivy half joked to deflect the serious mood that had befallen them, “I’m shocked.” He half smiled and shot her an amused glance that reminded her of when he had long, dark hair and wore a smile more often. It made her chest tighten and not in a good way.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, if I admit to being wrong once then I’d have to do it more often.” He joked and Ivy couldn’t help but crack a smile, one that held as he braced himself on the back of the lounge with his elbow and propped his head up, his torso leaning over her thighs as he regarded her. Ivy’s fingers twisted in the loose linen of her tunic as she fidgeted, it felt both completely natural and odd to be talking so casually with Solas; not fighting or scheming, just talking.

“I’ve missed this.” Ivy said quietly, afraid she would scare him away. “Talking without an agenda.”

“You know I’ve always been willing to listen, Wildling.” His words a low hum that wouldn’t have escaped the confines of the surrounding books even if someone were to be eavesdropping. “But you’ve never agreed with the advice I give.”

“Alright, O wise one,” She settled in against the armrest and he tilted his head with a self-satisfied smile. “Give me some advice, I’m listening and open to suggestions.” Solas barked a laugh and Ivy pretended to be indignant while he regarded her with mischief glimmering in his eyes.

“Of all the things I could _possibly_ say – and you know I have a lot to say majority of the time,” Ivy nodded her head exaggeratedly and he shot her a playful glare, “is that you need to do one thing; put yourself first for once.” He stressed the last part and Ivy watched him curiously, the brief playful mood disappearing under the seriousness of his words.

“My greatest fear for you is that leash you willingly wear,” he rested his hand on her leg as he spoke, his brow furrowing, “how long until it is used to choke you?”

“You would have me leave the Inquisition?” Ivy sighed and shook her head, feeling upset at the suggestion that she had no free will. “And what you have me do instead?”

“Whatever you wanted.” He said simply, as if it were enough. “No taking orders, no more fighting, of obeying the whims of command.” Ivy swallowed and tried not to just blurt out the question in her head; did he want her to leave so she wouldn’t interfere with his plans for the orb that Corypheus held?

“That sounds like something you would have said _before_. Not now.” She said disbelievingly, and he shrugged.

“Varric recounted your story after Adamant, of being a slave in the Qun before serving in Ferelden and then the Inquisition. He, of course, didn’t know about your time in the rebellion and it made me realise that despite your stubborn and free-spirited nature; you have never lived free of the shadow of command. Even now you are forbidden from leaving Skyhold, you are watched every moment and you _still_ willingly serve. Imagine if you took control of your own destiny instead.” Ivy listened to him and began to grow annoyed, her cheeks burning with it.

“Yes imagine,” she spoke lowly, “if the one person who knew who you truly were decided to leave.” Solas sighed and shook his head.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” He leaned back and rubbed his face with his hand in exasperation. “How long until you are asked to do something you cannot? I know your skills, the weapon you could be used for – the things _I_ have even asked you to do in the past… I don’t want to see you die for nothing.”

“Some people become farmers and want for nothing else in their lives,” Ivy huffed, “I was trained to be a soldier, I’m _good_ at it and I believe in the Inquisition’s cause.”

“As do I.” Solas agreed and put his hand over hers, squeezing it briefly. “But I fear-”

Footsteps sounded and Solas cut his own sentence off, straightening up and looking over his shoulder to see Adaar walking in with Vivienne in tow. He stood smoothly and Ivy put her feet on the floor, sitting upright as she nodded to the visitors.

“Solas, Volkev.”Adaar greeted. “How did you go with finding the information you needed?” Solas picked up two small books and handed them to Adaar who looked curiously at the various pieces of scrap paper marking different sections.

“I will continue to search for additional research but I believe the bulk of it is here. Ivy was certainly helpful in finding the information.” Solas praised her and gave a gentlemanly nod for her assistance. “However with your _permission_ I’ll send her back to her quarters to rest, she’ll be of no use if she remains exhausted.”

“Yes, I have been informed that you are unable to attend your duties for an undetermined amount of time,” Adaar said as she handed the books to Vivienne, “Can I ask why this is?”

“Personal reasons.” Ivy said flatly before standing, pointedly not looking at Solas who watched her with a curious look. “Should I be needed I’ll be overseeing the training grounds.” Ivy, perhaps rudely, stepped past Adaar and Vivienne and made her way to the training grounds.

 

There wasn’t much to see in the training grounds, Cullen had decided the troops needed exercise and dragged them all down to the valley camp to make them run along the river, the only people around were relaxing near the tavern and Varric shooting at a target made of hay bales.

Ivy wandered over to Varric and watched as he shot crossbow bolts into the centre of the target one after the other, he ran out and walked up to the target to pluck the bolts out before returning and starting all over again.

“I’ve got a question.” He said flatly without looking at her, the sound of Bianca’s mechanisms echoed between them.

“Shoot.” Ivy said and crossed her arms under her breasts.

“Why are you always so damned determined to sit your ass in one spot?” He lined up the next shot and fired, it was a perfect hit. “I thought I had a pretty good read on you in Kirkwall, you were trapped, stuck with that giant horned asshole. But then the Inquisition happened and you signed right up, tagging along with Curly. I thought it was great – if not a bit odd to see you in armour – and it worked out well since you went ahead and saved the Inquisitors life and all. And, wait, no. Let me say something else first. I appreciate what you did for Hawke, more than I can say, I don’t think I could have written those letters to the others if he never came back from Adamant; but that gratitude barely covers my anger over letting a spirit ride you piggyback.”

“I didn’t have a choice-” Ivy’s cut herself off when Varric’s hand raised in a gesture to stop. He looked agitated, tired.

“I’ve heard that before, and honestly, I don’t want to hear it again.” His voice was soft but threaded with anger. “You weren’t there, I know, but what Anders and Justice did to Kirkwall can’t be forgiven. I lost a lot of friends to his madness.”

“I’m sorry.” Ivy said, she didn’t know what else to say.

“What I’m getting at is that you’re always determined to hold on to what’s around you. If I put money on you staying with those elves you came through with for the last five years, Just how rich would I be?” He gave her a measured look and Ivy just looked to the ground. “Thought so.” He muttered.

“Ivy, your heart isn’t in this place.” He said it as if it were a fact and Ivy felt her jaw clench, his words had a stinging truth to it. “I’ve no doubt you’re here because you feel there is something you need to do, you’re fucking determined when you get a thought in your head, but before you had passion. I don’t know what happened – or is happening – but you’re not all here anymore. Are you sure staying is the best choice for you? For the Inquisition?”

Silence fell between them and Ivy swallowed thickly as another bolt flew into the target.

“I don’t know.” She said quietly and Varric lowered Bianca looking to the ground in front of him with a distant stare.

“Are you doing more harm than good by staying?” He asked roughly and Ivy didn’t respond, just turned and wandered away from the dwarf, the sound of Bianca firing slowly getting more distant.

 

The sun had sunk behind the mountains and coloured the sky in a brilliant orange hue, the eerie light quickly fading as the sun continued to set. Ravens were cawing from the tower and Ivy couldn’t help feel on edge, it didn’t help that Solas had walked out onto the battlements and was periodically watching her, she knew this because she was watching him in return.

“The staring contest the two of you are having is giving me the creeps.” Iron Bull said as he walked up to Ivy, his large hands raising to rest on her upper arms. “Why don’t you just go talk to the guy?”

“And say what? ‘Hi Solas, remember hundreds of years ago when we banged? Well, surprise!’” Ivy huffed and shook her head as Bull laughed.

“Perhaps not quite in that manner, but close enough.” He smiled at her and she felt her chest tighten, her own small smile slipping. Bull frowned, his fingers rubbing her arms absently. “What is it?”

“Do you think I my heart is still in this place?” She asked and the question threw Bull, his feet shuffling and an eyebrow raising in surprise.

“I think I have no right to make a judgment on your feelings, that’s something you need to decide for yourself. Why do you ask?”

“Just something Varric said, and Solas earlier.” She sighed and shook her head. “I don’t know, I feel _lost_.”

“Ivy,” Bull began and ducked to search for eye contact, Ivy gave it to him just so he didn’t have to stoop, “You’re a smart woman so I’ll say this once, you have every right to feel upset, cheated, angry or downright fucked off. You’ve been through shit, not for the first time, and each time you’ve approached the shit with a shovel and an attitude that won’t quit. No-one can do that forever and no-one should be expected to. If you were standing there with a big smile on your face, joking about all the things we used to, I would be very, _very_ concerned.”

Ivy smiled tightly and felt her eyes well, sniffing slightly she nodded and shuffled on her feet.

“Thanks, Bull.”

“Next time any of them dare to tell you your own business I expect you to kick them right between their legs.” He said with something between seriousness and semi-seriousness. “Now, Kadan, if you’re ready to talk to him Solas is isolated and alone on the battlement. Perfect time to have a confidential conversation. Or push him off the wall.” He said the last part with a growl and Ivy giggled, stepping away and squaring her shoulders. Looking back at bull he raised his hands up as if he was innocent.

“I won’t listen in.” He promised and she nodded to him once – the quick gesture made slightly threatening as she narrowed her eyes at him. Steeling herself she made for the stone stairs that led to the battlements.

 

The moment she stepped onto the isolated part of the wall Solas looked up and nodded to her in greeting. He flashed her a small smile, one that was both tired and comforting, and waited patiently as she approached.

“I’m pretty sure this wall wasn’t here to begin with.” Solas said quietly and it made Ivy pause to wonder. “It has at least been rebuilt, it’s hard to remember.”

“I think you’re right.” Ivy said lightly. “Then again most of Skyhold has been rebuilt or extended, it was much smaller in the beginning. Cinas would have a fit knowing how much his project has changed.” Solas let out a chuckle and ended it with a sigh.

“The stables are different certainly, most of the outer rooms.” He thought to himself. “The kitchens.”

“Solas,” Ivy tried to interrupt him but he didn’t hear her.

“Some parts are still the same, some of the old murals survived in part-”

“ _Solas_ ,” Ivy stressed and he paused in his sentence, looking her over with tired eyes. “I’m pregnant.”

He stared at her for a moment before his eyebrows rose slowly in recognition, turning away slowly he placed two hands on the stone wall and leaned against the battlements.

“You are certain?”

“Two months.” She confirmed and he let out a disbelieving laugh, a small smile playing on his face before he gathered himself together and held a blank expression again.

“And… it is mine?”

“You’re the only one I’ve been with for years.” She said quietly and he let out a somewhat satisfied hum before pushing away from the wall and brushing his hands together as if he had dirt on them.

“I need to think on this.” He said dismissively and Ivy felt anger coil up her spine.

“Is that all you have to say?” She said spitefully, ready to be angry when he turned and faced her with a scowl.

“What else do you want to hear?” He asked lowly with a hint of warning. “If you are wanting to gauge my reaction it is just this; I need to consider our situation before I ask you to consider one option or the other.”

“Our _situation_?” Ivy shook her head in confusion. “It is not that kind of decision, Solas. Surely you feel _something_ without having to weigh all possible outcomes?”

“Damn it Ivy, it may have been barely weeks for you but it hasn’t for me!” he hissed angrily slapping his palm against his chest. “ _I’ve_ taken the long path, living for _years_ believing I had killed you, watching you fall in love with a _Qunari,_ do not admonish me when I ask for a _moment_ of time.”

“You thought I was going to die when I fell through. Fine. I can accept that you had your reasons to let me fall through the rift.” Ivy bit back. “But you’re treating me as if I’m still dead. Maker fucking dammit Solas I’m _right here_.”

“ _I know._ ” He hissed and ran his hands over his face in exasperation, a long breath shuddering into his lungs. 

“I still love you.” Solas spoke quietly, his voice ragged in the cold air. “I thought it would change over time. That it would fade. But I can’t – it still rages in me, what we have, it’s _real_.” Ivy watched his back as he brought a hand up to press to his face, covering his eyes with slender fingers. “And now you’re here in front of me, unchanged from so long ago, telling me that you’re carrying _my_ child. You want to know how I feel? I’m angry. I’m angry that we could have had this before in Sanctuary but it’s happened now, that the wall I built around my feelings for you have crumbled, that I should have been fighting _for_ you instead of letting you fall for Iron Bull. I’m beyond happy that this child is mine, at the thought that we could truly have a family – something that I’ve denied myself for as long as I could remember – but knowing that my child would live in this faded, vulgar world makes me _sick.”_

“I need to think because now my priority isn’t the Inquisition or retrieving the orb from Corypheus, it is _you_. I need to keep you safe until the end of this war but I’m uncertain I could do that in Skyhold, there are other places, hidden and secluded but not necessarily safe.” He looked up and caught Ivy’s wide eyes.

“Solas, I don’t intend to hide.” Ivy said quietly, shocked from his ferocity.

“Do you intend to raise a child in a fortress? Among the influences of soldiers and spies? Think clearly, Ivy, this is no place for a child and I would not risk sending it away without your protection.”

“Right now I’m thinking of the situation at hand.” Ivy said pointing to the ground. “I told you because I thought it right you should know, not to plan out the foreseeable future.”

“You ask for my feelings on the matter and grow angry when I tell you.” He said in frustration. “I love you, but I cannot let this distract from the battle at hand. We will find somewhere safe for you to go.”

“I’m not going to be shut away like some kind of monster!” Ivy yelled before she caught herself, her voice echoing in the empty area, she caught herself and swore under her breath as Solas watched her as if she were being irrational.

“It was not my intention to suggest you were.” He said calmly and sighed, trying another approach. “Ivy, you would not have told me if you intended to keep the child from me, let me do what is best for you both.”

“I told you out of respect,” she said, “you were going to notice sooner rather than later, and if you were really that dense I’m sure you’d start to have a clue once I gave birth to a half-elf.” He let a smile slip, one that quickly disappeared.

“Half-elf,” he shook his head, “as if being born in the middle of a war wasn’t difficult enough, it would have to live with the stigma of being a half-breed.”

“I can’t bear it.” Ivy said, her voice hard. “Seeing what you have become.”

“It was necessary-”

“ _No_.” Ivy hissed, her hand cutting through the air in frustration. “There is _always_ another path and you have one right before you. Stop this madness, finish the fight with Corypheus and have the courage to face the world _you_ created.” Ivy’s breath was coming ragged, angry and upset that he wouldn’t turn to face her. Solas merely looked out at the quiet and empty Skyhold courtyard, aged and altered from the castle of his youth.

“Then stop me.” His voice cracked unevenly with a shuddering breath. “You have always known, long before you loved me. If it is the wrong thing to do then _stop me._ ”

“I’m _trying_ to.” Ivy half sobbed and watched him flinch from the sound. “But you would prefer that I kill you. Can you do nothing but try to make others suffer? I cannot have you arrested – even if they did exonerate me of treason they will _never_ trust me again. If I _could_ be so heartless to kill the father of my unborn child then what? Rot in the dungeons until death finally takes me with it? You have a _choice_ Solas.”

“I will _not_ allow my child to live in a _mistake_.” He said heatedly, finally turning to look at Ivy with wild eyes. “I will do what is best for you _and_ this child. Whether you see it as that or not.”

Ivy was stunned to silence, her mouth agape as Solas paced in frustration before reaching out to hold her hand. She jerked away quickly, the brush of his fingertips burning along her wrist. The threatening tears pooled as she forced herself to breathe steadily, refusing to let him see her become any more undone.

“The only way you will see your child is if you stop this.” Ivy said bitterly, hating herself as she spoke. “Solas, I’m begging you. Don’t make me do this alone.” She watched him war with himself, his face crumpling as he looked down a moment before he forced it to his blank mask, hard and devoid of emotion. Heart sinking Ivy knew his decision, her stomach churning as she swallowed down bile.

“You’re not the father.” Ivy said, her bitter words fashioned to hurt him as much as possible. “You’re not the man I loved.” She back away and stormed along the battlements, resolute in keeping her word as Solas watched her silently.

 

Iron Bull was already packing provisions in her room when she burst into it, a resigned and saddened look on his face as he secured a pack and picked up her armour, inspecting it before picking up an oiling cloth and tending to it.

“Bull?” Ivy asked and he didn’t stop or even look at her. Just continued on his task.

“I couldn’t help myself.” Bull said quietly. “I watched you talk to him.”

“Is that why you’re packing my things?” Ivy asked and he forced himself to stop, letting out a sighing growl before throwing the cloth onto the table.

“You were right, the position you’re in, Adaar won’t trust you enough to believe you over Solas.” He turned and walked towards her, hands touching her arms gently. “And what I saw in _him_ worried me more than when the Arishok was still alive.”

“You think I should go.” Ivy said flatly, she had been toying with the idea but seeing Iron Bull pack her belongings really drove it home. He paused and sighed, sinking to the edge of the bed and worriedly rubbing his hands over his face.

“I don’t know.” He whispered and Ivy sat by his feet, her arms encircling his massive thigh as she rested her cheek on it. “If you go you’ll be safe from him, from the rumours and scepticism but you’ll be on your own. If you stay then you’ll have healers to tend to you but the very real threat of our friend’s actions.”

“I don’t want another Beresaad.” Ivy said firmly and Bull hummed in agreement. “Damn it I shouldn’t have threatened what I did.”

“Too late now, we’ll have to work with the situation not against it.” He said dismissively and sighed before touching at her hair gently. “But if you left and anything happened to you… I couldn’t bear it.”

“I know you told me to kick anyone who told me what to do but… Tell me what to do.” Ivy demanded with a shaking voice, she needed orders, those she could deal with.

“For your own safety, I think you need to leave Skyhold.” He frowned and bowed his head, Ivy’s hand came up to touch at the stubble on his jaw and the touch prompted him to pull her into his arms. “I _just_ fucking got you back.”

“Then come with me.” Ivy said and she knew instantly what the answer would be. He couldn’t, not knowing the risk it would leave the Inquisition with.

“I need to stay.” Ivy could hear the regret in his voice as he held her tighter. “I made a promise and I’m going to see it through.”

“I’m sorry, Bull.”

“So am I, Kadan.”

 

Iron Bull sent for Cullen in the middle of the night knowing the Commander wouldn’t be asleep yet. Ivy had been resting on her bed at Bull’s insistence as he packed her bag efficiently, her armour and clothing needed for the night neatly waiting on the table beside her.

A light knock on wood and Iron Bull cautiously cracked the door open, checking who it was before stepping back and allowing a suspicious Commander into her room.

“What’s going on?” Cullen asked, looking between Ivy and Iron Bull and a frown on his brow.

“We need to get Ivy out of Skyhold.” Bull said and Cullen only looked mildly surprised. “Tonight. I can have Krem escort her away from the Frostbacks but from there-”

“Ferelden.” Cullen said, not questioning _why_ Iron Bull was so demanding in the middle of the night. “Our only other choice is Kirkwall with Hawke but I wouldn’t risk it. I’ll send Alistair a message to have someone meet you by the shore of Lake Calenhad.”

“No need to worry Krem.” Ivy said as she stood and picked up the warmer tunic and pulled it on, more layers to wear under her armour. “I can get there on my own.”

“Ivy, it’s been five years since you’ve ventured out-” Cullen began.

“These mountains were here long before we were, I know this land and I can get to Calenhad with my eyes closed.”

“But in your condition-” Bull began and the look Ivy shot him made him cut himself short.

“Again, What’s going on?” Cullen asked and neither of them spoke for a moment.

“I’ll fill you in once we know Ivy is safely on her way.” Bull said and Cullen reluctantly nodded once, trusting in Bull’s intentions to keep Ivy safe at least.

 

“Careful,” Bull urged as he helped her up into the saddle before holding onto her thigh as if she were likely to fall off, “are you alright? Comfortable?”

“I’m fine,” she urged and touched his cheek with her gloved hand, “I’ll be fine – I’m much better at riding than I used to be.”

“Make sure you take a lot of breaks, rest as often as you can.” He urged and Ivy gave him a smile. “No more than a couple of hours at a time, avoid the rougher terrain-”

“ _I know_ , Bull.” She chuckled quietly before swallowing thickly, she was going to miss him. “I’ll write to you as soon as I reach Denerim.” A throat clearing quietly dragged both of their attentions to Cullen who had approached to place a couple more provisions in her saddlebag and hand her a warm blanket to wrap around herself.

“The Imperial Highway is well patrolled as are the bannorns.” Cullen spoke as if he were giving orders. “If you need to leave the road stay to the north of Ferelden, the south is too dangerous still despite our presence there.”

“The King knows she is on her way?” Bull asked and Cullen nodded curtly.

“He’s sending a contingent to meet you by the northern point of Lake Calahad, from there they will escort you to Denerim.” Cullen gave a wry smile. “Alistair is excited to see you and sends his luck for your journey; specifically he said that you’re not allowed to die again until you visit him once more.”

“Thank you, Cullen.” Ivy said with genuine gratitude. “I’m so sorry that I dragged you into this mess.” Cullen just shrugged and flashed her a sad smile that creased the wrinkles near his eyes.

“I don’t even know what the mess it, but right now the less I know the better. I can only directly defy the Inquisitor so many times.” He stepped forward and gripped Ivy’s hand, pressing his lips against her skin briefly before stepping back. “Good luck, Captain, I hope you find some peace in this.”

Ivy swallowed thickly as she watched him turn away and walk out of earshot, her eyes were beginning to well with tears, unpleasant tingling in her throat heralding their imminent arrival. Bull stepped up and ran his eye over the horse and her packs once more, his large hand covering hers as he looked at her with the confidence she desperately needed.

“It’s still all yours, if you want it.” Bull said quietly and squeezed her hand, he was wearing a sly grin as he tried to look nonchalant. “Tavern in Antiva, swindling nobles for information, at least three Mabari.”

“I must be hearing things, _The_ Iron Bull talking about settling down in one spot?” Ivy teased him and he let out an exasperated laugh.

“The Inquisition isn’t going to last forever, neither are the Chargers, and if everything goes right you’ll have a family.” He checked over his shoulder to make sure Cullen was out of earshot. “I don’t give a damn who the father is, I’m willing to make this work with you Kadan.” Ivy smiled at him and she knew it looked sad.

“I know.” She said in a whisper before leaning down and kissing him gently, his hands risking entanglement in her hair. “I must have done something right to have you.”

“Well when you figure it out let me know, we’ll sell it and make a fortune.” He grinned and she gave him one last peck on the cheek before taking the reins of her horse and urging the mare into a trot. Just past the gates she glanced over her shoulder to see Cullen slapping Bull on the back in a friendly way but it did nothing to ease the worry from his face.

“Fuck,” Ivy whispered to herself as she left the safety of Skyhold’s walls, “fuck, fuck, fuck.”

 _We can do this,_ Knowledge echoed in her mind, pushing a feeling of comfort and support to the human, _We can._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, the new year was hectic for little ol' me. I wish to offer you this bucket of drama in exchange for your forgiveness.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hesitant, uncertain doubt began to creep up Ivy’s spine.

Without hesitation or worry Ivy descended the Frostback mountains and broke out onto the flat plains of the Ferelden Hinterlands. She hadn’t seen a soul on her journey over, no signs of encampments or activity in the night and so she moved quickly, reaching Lake Calenhad barely twenty four hours after leaving Skyhold.

She was the first to arrive at the rendezvous point and took the opportunity to eat and rest, thankful that Bull and Cullen over-packed and set her off with plenty of food, because she was damned hungry.

Tearing into a thick chunk of dried meat with her teeth she sat on a moss-covered boulder that was sheltered from the road and overlooked the still waters of the lake. The moon was high and full, shining down on the dark mirrored surface of the water and Ivy finally took a moment to breathe deeply and take stock of herself.

She thought of the people she had just left behind, of her friends still safe behind the thick stone walls of Skyhold, and of the dangers she left with them. Worry trickled down her spine to settle heavy in her stomach. The very real threat that Solas posed was left unguarded, despite having Iron Bull watch him closely, Ivy couldn’t comprehend what he would have felt upon learning that she had left the fortress but she knew he wouldn’t have said or done anything to jeopardise his goals. Cullen and Iron Bull would be questioned, but Ivy had faith that they would make the right decisions to keep both themselves and her safe.

 _Do not fear for them_ , Knowledge’s voice breezed through her comfortingly, _they are capable of looking after themselves and it’s time for you to do the same._

“I feel like I’m abandoning them.” Ivy whispered in return, almost afraid to disturb the night silence.

_They do not see it like that. They will each understand your actions in their own way – even Solas._

“Solas was always going to react like he did,” Ivy said mostly to herself, a way to justify his actions. “I was an idiot to think otherwise.”

_You were honest, nothing more could be asked of you._

“And yet I feel that I could have done more.” Ivy sighed and looked over the lake, wishing its peacefulness would soak into her bones.

 _The escort will arrive in the morning,_ Knowledge reassured her, _Denerim will be a new chapter for you._

Ivy wasn’t certain if she wanted a new chapter, or just the ones before Adamant. If she wanted to feel what she had once felt with Iron Bull, that short time of happiness between battles where she felt grounded in his arms, felt valued and respected. Or if she wanted Fen back, the surety, the passion. Regardless of the wars, the battles they faced, Ivy had felt totally and completely loved by each of them, but now, in a time where she was afforded both their presences, her world had become so chaotic that she felt that she could be with neither of them. Being beside one while the other watched on, it wasn’t right in her mind.

Being with Bull was so easy, it was simply right, despite their dramatic history and tendency to complicate matters around them. But Fen – Solas - he lit a fire beneath her that she couldn’t explain, his passion and ferocity swept her up easily, no matter how long had passed.

Ivy pressed a hand to her stomach, to the child she carried that was so young, the child that complicated things. Iron Bull would, without a doubt in her mind, make the child feel as loved and safe as he did Ivy, he would fight and die for the both of them regardless of who the biological father was. But it was the true father that worried Ivy, that fire and passion he brings to every part of himself he would certainly put to ensuring the safety of his child, a mission that Ivy feared she would become inconsequential to if she were to come between Solas and his child. Solas has already lived without her, lived through her ‘death’ twice, and would likely feel nothing at cutting down the people who stood beside her.

No, a child only complicates things.

A hesitant, uncertain doubt began to creep up Ivy’s spine. Not on the decision to leave, but on the decision to raise the child.

 _Ivy,_ Knowledge spoke carefully, _you need to rest._

“Knowledge,” Ivy said quietly, a bare whisper as she stared at the lake, “I want you to tell me honestly, the chances of this plan backfiring.”

The spirit was silent for a moment, Ivy could feel its hesitation.

_There is too much to consider-_

“ _Knowledge_ ,” Ivy insisted, “I asked for your honesty, please, I need your advice.” A sigh of resignation breathed through her.

_Were you to stay and have the child, the likelihood of Solas and Iron Bull attempting to harm the other was great, regardless of who you chose._

“And by leaving _?”_

 _If you have the child the same outcome is likely, but you will not be there to mitigate the damage. Iron Bull and Cullen cannot keep your whereabouts hidden forever especially given the political advantage of your presence. King Alistair will also be unable to conceal your presence in Denerim as you are far too well known. Solas will eventually learn where his child is and given his previous reaction; would be likely to attempt to retrieve you both or even just the child. As Iron Bull is watching him closely he would almost certainly try to prevent Solas before he reached you, resulting in one if not both of them being mortally wounded. The Inquisition would suffer greatly without their assistance._ The spirit spoke bluntly, and Ivy struggled to keep calm with the information.

“And if- if I choose not to have the child.” Ivy asked though a choked whisper.

 _The danger to your health aside, I am unsure of what their reactions would be. But I believe_ you _would struggle with that decision._

Ivy was silent as she chewed her lip in nervous thoughts, could she really do it? Could she do any of it?

 _Please, Ivy, you must rest._ The spirit’s voice was panicked, uncertain.

With a nod Ivy complied and ducked behind a tree, the soft grass providing some comfort at least as she wrapped herself in her cloak and curled in on herself. The sleep came quickly with Knowledge’s assistance, but was fitful and restless until dawn.

The sound of approaching hooves jerked her awake and Ivy stood to attention quickly, hiding behind the tree and drawing her staff as she waited for the travellers to either stop or pass by. The travellers, five of them – three men and two women – stopped and dismounted, their worn cloaks flapping in the breeze as they did. Their apparent leader, an older woman with silver and black hair tied back in a tight ponytail, stepped forward and surveyed the area, taking note of Ivy’s horse grazing by the lake.

“Captain Volkev.” The woman called with a firm voice, she was on edge, unsure about the area as she waited for Ivy. The woman reached up to stretch her shoulder, the movement shifting her cloak to reveal the Ferelden symbol that adorned her armour. With that confirmation Ivy stepped out from behind the tree warily, looking the group over.

“Identify yourself.” Ivy demanded, she needed more than just a uniform before she would go with these people. The woman shifted and reached to her side where her sword was sheathed and Ivy lifted her staff out of habit, the woman didn’t draw her sword however, simply reached into a pouch at her belt and retrieved a small object, throwing it to Ivy who caught it.

It was a chess piece, the King.

“His majesty sends his regards,” the woman said as Ivy placed the piece in her satchel, “he has asked that we do not waste time given your tendency to get into trouble.”

Ivy returned her staff to her back, nodding once before approaching the woman.

“What do I call you?” Ivy asked, she wanted to know who she was riding with, it was only polite.

“Captain Firth, ma’am.” The woman said before giving the signal for her squad to mount up again. “I’ve heard about you, good things.” She added when Ivy looked at her skeptically. “It’s an honour to bring you home to Ferelden.”

“Home?” Ivy questioned.

“Sorry ma’am, Ferelden has claimed you’re one of their own. I guess the people were needing another person to look to, given the Hero of Ferelden hasn’t been seen for years.” This stunned Ivy into silence, her shocked feeling evident on her face as Firth let out a chuckle. “I take it you were not aware of this.”

“No, I wasn’t.” Ivy said and Firth beamed proudly.

“The Seer who killed the Qunari who burned Kirkwall, went to war and died only to emerge from a rift months later? This war’s producing a lot of heroes, but we claimed _you_ first.” Firth said with a grin and turned to mount her horse.

“There is a lot omitted from that,” Ivy said as she wandered over to her own horse and hauled herself into the saddle.

“No doubt,” Firth agreed, “but I’m not going to damper anyone’s spirits, are you?”

 

Ivy rode with her escort along the Imperial Highway which was much quieter than she expected. The tinge of smoke was in the air, faint but ever present, likely the result of a skirmish a few mile away. Despite the efforts both Ferelden and the Inquisition put into the area, the country was still weakened by the blight and now by the war between Mages and Templars. Ivy wasn’t surprised no one was braving the roads.

They left Lake Calenhad behind, the mountains slowly shrinking behind them on the horizon before Captain Firth slowed the troupe down with a gesture of her hand, Ivy rode up to the woman, noting her cautious demeanour.

“What is it?” Ivy asked quietly, scanning the area around them. Firth looked up at the tall trees that lined the road and examined the thick ferns that spread away from the road.

“There were bodies here yesterday,” the Captain said quietly, “already looted, picked clean.”

“A nearby village moved them perhaps?” Ivy asked doubtfully and Firth shook her head.

“Not nearby,” Firth whispered, “besides, the villagers are afraid of disease, no one is touching the bodies.”

A whir in the air and behind them one of their soldiers let out a strangled cry, two arrows protruding from his chest as he slumped and fell to the ground.

“ _Ambush._ ” Ivy yelled as Firth shouted at the group to ride, the horses whinnying as their riders kicked them into a sprint.

Before them the path narrowed, funnelling them towards a small valley where the road ran between two smaller cliffs, before Ivy could give the order Firth yelled for them to go to the left and led them away from the valley, giving them open space to manoeuver instead of being trapped by the valley.

From behind a tree a tall man stepped out, his massive maul already in motion before Firth could dodge, and with a sickening thud the Captain was dismounted and she hit the ground hard, unmoving.

“ _Firth!_ ” Ivy yelled and rounded her horse as the three remaining soldiers followed suit, charging the group of Templars that were rushing from the trees and boulders. One Templar swung her sword at Ivy’s horse, scoring the creature down its flank and sending it into a panic, Ivy moved away and dismounted, her staff ready.

A Ferelden soldier killed a Templar in a splatter or blood only to be cut down from behind in a shout of surprise and agony, Ivy’s staff meeting that Templar’s neck with the bladed end. The woman who wounded Ivy’s horse rushed her with a frightening yell, her sword blocked by Ivy’s staff as the Templar attacked relentlessly. The red lyrium had encrusted the woman’s armour, her eyes red as she raged and swung at Ivy who was put on the defensive. The sword got too close on a downwards swing, its point slicing Ivy’s face from her cheekbone to her jaw and she stumbled back out of reach and forced the stinging of the wound to the back of her mind.

Beside her another Ferelden fell to a creature with arms of the red crystal, it’s jagged point making the death blow as the human lay prone.

Ivy yelled in anger and pushed back on the Templar who stumbled and Ivy hit at her knees, sending her backwards onto the ground before Ivy had to block an attack from the creature behind her. A quick succession of blows and the creature was impaled on her staff’s blade, Ivy’s foot kicking into the creature’s chest to dislodge it from her weapon.

“ _Go Captain!_ ” The last Ferelden shouted and Ivy turned to the soldier to see his throat slash open and his shocked face as he slumped to the ground. Ivy yelled, striking at the last Templar beside her and hitting home with her blade in his stomach, angry, unthinking, and leaving herself open to the Templar woman who was raising from the ground.  

The pain she felt was sharp, but dimmed by her confusion as her mind tried to understand where the blade came from. The turbulent rattling of her heartbeat seemed to start a visceral reaction as she felt the sudden rush of burning liquid and heaved the thick crimson blood from her lips to splatter on the deformed woman who still gripped the blade before her and run down Ivy’s chin.

There was a humming, a screaming, vibrating thrill of panic that wasn’t her own, echoing louder as the Templar yanked her blade back and Ivy jerked with it. More pain as she lost her grip on her staff, her fingers no longer working, vision blurring, legs folding beneath her. The pain was acute between her lower ribs, each breath shorter, wetter as the screaming in her head formed panicked and pushing words. Words that urged to continue, to get up and fight. Two struggling heartbeats and the words were the only thing that was still clear.

Heavy eyelids struggled to open and look up at the Templar who looked down on Ivy with an animalistic rage, the humanity in the woman now completely gone. With a snarl the sword is swung again, arcing down in a perfect descent towards Ivy’s neck. Ivy’s head inches back, part of her is trying to move away and part of her is hoping for a clean death. But another part, one that is no longer herself, pushes against the creeping darkness. Ivy’s arm raises, pale green light dancing along the leather armour as it reaches out for the Templar’s arm. As she grabs the woman the light shoots along the Templar, green light dancing and shattering the red crystals growing from her limbs, she screams but Ivy doesn’t hear, instead she slumps onto her side in the grass.

 _No,_ Knowledge insists, _not yet._

Ivy is face to face with the dead woman, beyond her Ivy can barely see the bodies of the Ferelden soldiers and other Templars. Everything is ungodly quiet after the clash and noise of battle. Just her own thick breathing but even that doesn’t last.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put my characters through so much pain. :(
> 
> Ive decided to use Ivy in an original writing, here's hoping I actually finish it!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blood dripped listlessly from her mouth, she could barely taste it, a fly landed on her lip only to be scared away as she jerked and lazily retched again.

It was silent, but there was screaming.

Ivy jerked, her eyes unwilling to open, heavy lids as she jerked again. She didn’t understand, couldn’t comprehend what was happening. She jerked, her whole body reacting to her throat retching up blood to clear her airway.

 _Stay with me!_ The scream again.

Blood dripped listlessly from her mouth, she could barely taste it, a fly landed on her lip only to be scared away as she jerked and lazily retched again.

                                                                                                                 

This time her eyes opened, blurry patches of sunlight mixing with green and blue, a figure shuffling among the dark, blurry bodies that lay in the bright sun.

She closed her eyes.

“God damn Templars.” A gruff voice spoke, and Ivy remembered to open her eyes again. She made a noise, a whimper, a groan, she wasn’t sure. The figure turned and wandered over to her, first rolling over the dead Templar woman with a sound of disgust then crouching down in front of Ivy. The figure blocked the sun and Ivy missed the blue and green.

“Girl,” a man’s voice said sadly, “you haven’t got long.” He hovered a moment, waiting for Ivy to speak, but she couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. The man stood and turned as if to walk away.

 _Try harder!_ The scream demanded.

“Wait,” Ivy’s voice croaked and the man turned to look at her wearily, trepidation clear on his features. Cautiously he made his way back to where she lay and squat down to look over her with a mixture of pity and indifference.

“What, girl?” He gruffed and seemed to be wanting to leave, as if he had pressing matters elsewhere. Ivy weakly pulled her bracelet off her wrist, her fingers fumbling and dropping it to the grass, the metal chiming as it hit a pebble. The man picked it up and looked it over curiously before looking to her questioningly.

“You’re going up the mountain?” Ivy managed to rasp before blood flooded her mouth and she chocked, spitting crimson onto the ground in thick drops.

“Aye,” he said quietly as if he knew where the conversation was heading. “You Inquisition, girl?” Ivy couldn’t help but smile and let out a breathless laugh, her head beginning to spin.

“Not anymore.” She said quietly, dragging her hand to press weakly against the wound in her stomach, not enough pressure to staunch the bleeding, but perhaps enough to buy her a few more seconds. “Give that to them, tell him I’m sorry.” Her own voice was distant as the man reached out to shake her.

“Who? The hell are you talking about?” He was shaking her roughly but Ivy didn’t notice, just felt herself slipping away and the rough sensation of her hand being forced through what felt like the bracelet. “Fucking hell, tell him yourself.”

 

The next time she awoke it was to wide and panicked eyes. Long dusty blonde hair and a rough beard as the stranger upended a potion bottle into her mouth that she near choked on before swallowing reflexively.

“Where did you find her?” The stranger asked, his voice familiar underneath the rush of panic and perhaps fear.

“Few miles away, a squad of soldiers dead and a few of those Templar bastards, she was the only one still alive.” The man who found her said and Ivy mumbled as if to reply, something incoherent.

“And you don’t know who she is?” Ivy felt the coolness of a healing spell against her naked skin.

“She’s wearing an Inquisition plate, but she said she wasn’t one of them. Why? You know her?” The man asked curiously and Ivy tried to reach up to whoever was casting on her, but she could barely keep her eyes open or move her arm. She felt sedated, completely vulnerable. The stranger sighed, his hands moving along her flesh in a clinical way.

“I did,” he said quietly, “before she was Inquisition.”

“Then can you look after her from here? I have to get to the base of the Frostbacks before nightfall.”

“Yeah,” the stranger said reluctantly, “I can do that. Thank you for bringing her to me.” The man grunted in annoyance.

“Couldn’t leave her, got a daughter her age.” Silence followed after that, and Ivy managed to put her hand to her stomach where it was gently moved away.

“You need to rest, Seer, you’re close to death.” The stranger said quietly and Ivy let out a long, shuddering breath as a tear escaped. Her mouth moved to speak, the words barely making it past her throat.

“My baby-” She rasped and felt a finger press to her forehead gently, a mumbled apology before she was falling asleep again.

 

She felt dizzy even though her eyes were closed, as if the cot she lay on was spinning slowly. With a groan she tried to sit up, not thinking of her stomach where the sword ran her through or how the dizziness would imbalance her. As it was she lurched up to felt the sharp sting of pain and bile rushed up her throat, giving her precious little time to heave herself to the side and vomit onto the floor.

A loud curse and an empty clay bowl was placed on the ground to catch the crimson vomit, Ivy’s mouth was tingling with the acidic bile and a heavy taste of copper and vaguely Ivy knew from her own experience as a healer that throwing up blood, let alone the large volume she was, was a very bad sign.

“Try to relax.” The familiar voice came trying to calm her with gentle hands pushing away her hair and cradling her head. “I know it’s hard, but you can’t rip those stitches.” The man hushed her and draped a cool cloth over her neck, waiting patiently for her to stop heaving so he could press a cup of water to her lips to wash away the awful taste.

Placed gently on her back again Ivy blinked tiredly at the walls of the small, run down hut she found herself in. Herbs hanging from the roof in bundles as the man crouched by a large wooden tub that held water. His back was to her, but the colour of his dusty blonde hair and his thin frame reminded Ivy of someone from years ago.

“I know you.” Ivy rasped.

“Do you?” He responded but didn’t turn to face her, didn’t move.

“Anders?” she whispered and the mage turned, giving her a tight smile, a sad smile, “you’re alive.”

“Barely,” he said and pulled a small stool to sit beside her cot. His thick beard covered the usually sharp jawline and he was unkempt compared to how well-groomed he used to be, his clothes ragged and simple, nothing like the feathered robe he once wore. But more than anything else was how tired he looked – eyes no longer bright but faded with dark circles beneath them.

“How-?” Ivy began but her voice broke, he smiled at her sadly and pulled the thin blanket up to cover her chest.

“It doesn’t matter,” he whispered as if he would be overheard, “you need to rest, Seer.”

“No,” She protested weakly, trying to shake her head but barely moving, “why am I here?”

“A merchant found you on the roads, brought you to me on his wagon.” Anders explained calmly. “He left a couple of days ago, I’ve been trying to keep you alive since.”

“Merchant?” Ivy repeated, her mind working too hard to try to make sense of the conversation and stay awake. “Anders what are you talking about? What are you doing in Ferelden?”

“Well, I couldn’t exactly stay in Kirkwall could I?” He gave her a queer smile, one of shame and regret. “You know what it’s like, being a fugitive in half of Thedas.”

“The chantry-” Ivy remembered, her mind feeling foggy, “you-”

“Me,” Anders confirmed, “I allowed myself to be led astray and now I roam the hinterlands hoping that no-one recognises me. But that doesn’t matter, you need to rest still, you’ve stopped breathing twice since you arrived.” Ivy shook her head, exhaustion rolling over her, but she couldn’t keep her eyes open.

 

When she woke up Anders was gone, instead the King of Ferelden was sitting on the small stool and looking pensive.

“Alistair?” Ivy’s voice croaked and Alistair scooped up a cup of water, bringing it to her mouth and supporting her head to drink, the liquid was soothing against her parched throat.

“Now, I could be mistaken, but I’m certain that I requested that you _didn’t_ die before I saw you again.” His voice was light as he frowned at her with an air of nobility, a façade of royalty that he couldn’t summon the last time she saw him. “And yet you tried your best to do so, you’re always so wilful.” He smiled at her to show he was teasing, although it did little to hide the concern in his expression.

She noticed for the first time the way the corners of his eyes wrinkled, his unusually pale skin and the slight showing of grey in his hair. Ivy reached out blindly and gripped his hand weakly, attempting to sit up but unable to gather the strength to do so.

“Alistair-” Ivy began weakly but halted herself when she saw the Kings Guard, two soldiers in the small hut watching her keenly and likely more outside. Alistair glanced to the side, aware of their stares, but held on to her hand as she tried to pull it away. “My King,” Ivy corrected herself.

“It’s alright, Ivy.” He said quietly, that same tired and reassuring smile flashing across his features. “You’re safe, although I don’t want to risk moving you just yet.”

“How did you find me?” She asked, feeling at her bandage-wrapped torso.

“A mage flagged down my escort and pointed us in your direction,” he said softly, whispering as if her ears were sensitive. “As soon as we arrived here he had somehow fled.”

“Your people – I’m sorry.” She rasped and he absently frowned before nodding once.

“It’s a pity, we had thought these roads more secure. Damned Red Templars giving us all a headache.” He hummed shifted on the stool, elbows resting on his knees heavily. He was wearing full plate armour and it couldn’t have been comfortable to sit on the small stool without being able to bend easily. “You’ve been asleep for a couple of days, I came looking for you when I didn’t hear back from my men. Do you remember what happened?”

“Ambush.” She remembered, eyes closing as she did. “They came out of nowhere, we couldn’t-” Alistair hushed her before she got worked up, fingers pushing her hair back from her face.

“I’ve sent my men to borrow a carriage from the local Bann, it should be here shortly and then we’ll head for Denerim where you can recover at your own pace.” Alistair bit his lip in thought, pausing before speaking softly. “He told me, the mage that is, that you were with child when you were attacked.” Ivy felt her heart sink as she stared at the straw roof and listened to Alistair fumble over his words.

“He said he did everything he could,” Alistair continued, hand squeezing hers tightly, “but he couldn’t save the – the child. I’m sorry.” She simply closed her eyes, felt the tear run down to drop into her hair and nodded once.

“Did you,” Alistair sighed heavily, “did you want me to take you back to Skyhold? It might be better to be around your friends right now, help you recover.”

“No,” She barely said, “I’m not going back.”

The King looked her over as if he was going to protest or ask more questions but he held himself back, simply nodded and remained quiet until one of his guards approached and announced the carriage had arrived.

 

Ivy was extremely carefully helped into the carriage, which was amazingly spacious and comfortable with large, cushioned seats. The brown and blue exterior was gilded with bronze and was certainly not inconspicuous, the large contingent of Kings Guard was no help either. Ivy settled on one of the seats, still too tall to lie on it comfortably so she leaned into the back corner for support, it did nothing to relieve the aching of her wound but certainly it was more pleasant than riding a horse would have been – truthfully riding a horse would have been impossible in her state.

Alistair took the seat opposite hers and smiled, giving his horse up to a soldier to care for. After much fussing with putting a blanket over Ivy and a few worried glances he thudded the side of the carriage twice and it jerked into motion.

Ivy was slipping between sleep and watching the countryside pass lazily. Conversation between the two of them was sporadic at most and considering how war-torn their scenery was – the topics they had were depressing. The majority of the skirmishes between the mages and templars had passed, the real threat obvious to everyone now, but it still left the villages in ruin and farms burned.

Alistair let out a grunt of discomfort and reached beneath a panel of armour and pulled out a flat mage stone, glowering at the glowing surface as a familiar voice echoed from it.

“Don’t give me that look.” Cullen’s stern voice made Ivy focus and pay attention and Alistair raised his eyebrow in an incredulous expression.

“Such an insubordinate tone, Commander. I _am_ a King you know.” Alistair said sullenly and Cullen scoffed.

“A King of being a pain in my side.” Cullen retorted, he must be having a good day to be in a joking mood. “You’ve been ignoring my calls.”

“I never.” Alistair said flatly and Ivy was certain the Commander was rolling his eyes.

“You know why I’m calling, did Ivy arrive safely?”

“You never call to chat with me anymore, it’s always about your protégé now.” Alistair whined and Cullen sighed heavily.  “First time in months I hear from you and it was a two sentence letter to say Ivy had died, then months after that it was a call to say ‘sorry, she actually is alive, but she needs a place to hide for a while’. I’m doing fine, by the way, no stress in ruling over an ailing, war torn kingdom. None.”

There was silence for a moment and a faint curse under muttered breath.

“How are you, Alistair?” Came the deadpan question.

“Same old, Same old. What were you calling about?” Alistair winked at Ivy, clearly amused with himself.

“Alistair, I’ve got a lot of people asking a lot of questions about her,” Cullen sounded suddenly tired, “but the only one I need answered is if she got to you safely? A merchant arrived not too long ago saying he came upon dead Ferelden soldiers and a dying Inquisition woman-”

“Everything is fine, Cullen.” Alistair cut him off and gave Ivy a measured look. “She’s safe, unharmed. That merchant must be telling stories.”

“Stories that were eerily accurate in its descriptions.” Cullen didn’t sound convinced.

“You’re going to get yourself worked up over nothing,” Alistair chided, “She’s fine, I’ll keep her amused for a while.”

“Thank you,” Came the mumbled gratitude, “I know it wasn’t a clean break the last time she left Ferelden.”

“Rumours are the most potent when based in truth,” Alistair said with a hint of dismissive annoyance, “we’ll behave ourselves this time. Cullen, I’ve got to go, Ivy and I have a torrid love affair to plan.” Alistair shook the stone as Cullen began to protest, his voice garbling and cutting off as the light from the stone faded.

“You lied to him.” Ivy said quietly and Alistair hummed in affirmation.

“If I had told him that you nearly died he’d be on his horse and at my gates before we even arrived to Denerim.” He huffed and shook his head. “Neither of us want to put him through that kind of stress again, besides, he’s got a war to win. He can’t have distractions.” Ivy nodded in agreeance, looking out the window as they fell into companionable silence.

 

Hours later and Alistair leaned forward, wringing his hands together and looking Ivy over in concern.

“You’re pale,” he said quietly, “we can stop for the night if you feel you need a proper rest. We’re still hours away from the capital.”

“S’not safe.” Ivy mumbled and he frowned, looking to the floor and then out the window, hands still wringing together.

“If you need to talk,” he began uncertainly, “I’m always ready to listen.” Ivy nodded, feeling her throat tighten and her eyes well with unshed tears. Just those simple words of comfort were enough to upset her, to make her go from feeling absolutely nothing to too much at once.

She let her hand drop towards him, a silent plea for him to take it. He did so without question, her thin, cold hand encased in his large ones as he gently traced the ridges of her bones and knuckles. He held her hand for what felt like an hour as she stared out the window, comforting her with the simple gesture without complaint.

 

As soon as they arrived at the palace Alistair led Ivy through the winding corridors and up the stairs, he took their pace slowly, assisting her up the stairs and only attempting to pick her up once – Ivy’s distress preventing him from trying it again.

He showed her to a guest room and busied himself with fussing with the furnishings and ensuring it was suitable for her, ordering the servants waiting by the door to ready a bath and bring up food. The room itself was spacious, bookshelves lined a wall and a fireplace on another, thick purple curtains were embroidered with silver and framed a window that looked out over the city. The four post bed’s purple quilt matched the theme of the room and with silvery gossamer curtains tied to each bed post, the fabric swept up to form the bed’s canopy. 

“Is this alright?” he asked and Ivy smiled at him, touching at his arm in reassurance as she walked past him to look out the window.

“It is more than that, honestly Alistair I would have been happy in the barracks.” Ivy said and he smiled.

“You’re my guest here,” he said with a smile and joined her to look out the window at the view of Denerim’s temple quarter. “While you’re under my roof you’ll want for nothing. I’m going to spoil you so much you’ll never want to return to stuffy Rutherford.” He teased and Ivy let out a tired laugh.

“Really though, I can’t thank you enough for this. I don’t know how I could possibly repay you.” Ivy said and his face fell, gently his arm raised to wrap around her shoulders and he pulled her into his side.

“You can rest and heal, then I’ll consider it even.” He said quietly and Ivy nodded, feeling the sting of tears beginning. “You’re thanking me now, but I’m not sure you realise just how much I’m going to annoy you.” Ivy let out a sudden laugh that broke through a sob, his smile shining from the satisfaction that he got her to smile.

 

A week after arriving to the Palace in Denerim Ivy was feeling better, if not out of place.  Her room was further away from the bustle of the main palace with that wing of the castle seeming to be older and in disuse which suited her perfectly; Ivy didn’t want to deal with the stares of the servants or visiting nobles. She was content lounging in her tunic and leggings as her wounds slowly healed.

Alistair would visit her every day, usually to play chess and talk about how dull the palace was and how he missed his adventures during the blight. Ivy loved listening to his stories about the Hero of Ferelden, especially how animated and excited he became when recounting the fights. It was obvious that he was doing his best to keep her mind off darker things and for the most part it worked. There were moments, usually at night, where Ivy would catch herself on the verge of tears and force them back, taking deep gulps of breath to calm herself down before settling back under the covers.

Knowledge tried it’s best to speak and help calm her, but the spirit was weakened and close to death itself. It’s focus now on itself and helping Ivy continue to heal physically. Ivy missed her friend but understood, she wasn’t going to demand it speak to her.

There were days where her stomach ached and hands shook, the smallest of reminders of the recent trauma. Other times she was blindsided by panic, plagued by nightmares and most of all guilt. Guilt that she had not only lost the Ferelden soldiers but that she had lost the child as well. Alistair would try to speak to her every now and then about it, seeing that she was not coping with the recent events, but she would gently push him away or steer the conversation elsewhere. Not that he wouldn’t have been able to understand, but she simply didn’t want to acknowledge that part of her life anymore. She wanted, for once, to feel free from pain and doubt.

A month later Ivy was healed enough to begin training again, taking Alistair’s offer of joining him in his own private training sessions rather than join the Kings Guard and relive harder times of her life. She found that although her recovery had made her slower, it made her no less determined to push forward, to push past the barriers that had been holding her back.

 

Ivy was walking through the castle’s stone halls quietly, making her way to Alistair’s office to suggest he escape from his paperwork for a while and come train with her. The guards she passed acknowledged her with a salute, only a few she recognised from when she was stationed with them, every now and then they would greet her with a quiet ‘ _Captain’_ despite the fact Ivy hadn’t used that title for some time.

At the King’s offices she was allowed to pass without question, much to the ire of the advisors and diplomats who waited in the hallway and small receiving room. One advisor wearing a large hat with a feather jutting from it tried to follow in protest but was halted when the guard stepped in from of him. Ivy could hear the advisor ask why she got to pass without pause while he had to wait for hours on end. The guard replied that the advisor could have unhindered access when he fought and died for Ferelden.

Ivy walked into the main office, surprised that Alistair wasn’t behind the large, ornate desk that was covered in papers. Almost every time she had entered this room he would be sitting at that desk, head in his hand as he yawned and complained about the bannorns making unreasonable demands.

Voices came from the adjoining meeting room and Ivy recognised Alistair’s, he sounded frustrated as he argued with Anora, the queen.

“I’m not interested in this, Anora,” Alistair spoke firmly, “I’m tired of having this conversation.”

“Like it or not,” Anora countered stubbornly, “having her here is an advantage politically, just her presence has the foreign diplomats scrambling to appease us – we’re getting support we couldn’t hope for previously.”

“Ivy is here to _recover_.” He said bitterly and Ivy’s attention perked up at the mention of her name, they were arguing about her. She tried to concentrate on their voices without moving from Alistair’s desk, she didn’t want to be caught doing anything but waiting patiently for him.

“I admire your loyalty to your friends, Alistair, but _think_ about this,” Anora continued. “The guards already know she’s here and rumours have begun among the town-folk as well. Reports from the city have been positive since the rumours of her arrival began, more people are volunteering for our armies-”

“ _No,_ ” Alistair nearly shouted, “she has been through enough.”

“You don’t even know the circumstances of her arrival, why did she need to leave the Inquisition?”

“I don’t know.” He said flatly, his tone implying he wasn’t inclined to ask.

“Then why can’t we use her influence to aid our country?” Anora asked heatedly, “Maker knows we need every possible advantage right now.”

“ _I will not allow you to use her_ ,” Alistair shouted and Anora fell silent. “I don’t know _why_ she is here, but Rutherford asked me to take her in, to keep her hidden and safe and that is _all_ I need to know. I’ve already failed in hiding her but I’ll be damned if I allow you or anyone else to put her in harm’s way.”

“Our people are dying,” Anora said softly, “They need someone to look to now that the Hero of Ferelden has disappeared. They need hope.”

“They should be looking to us,” Alistair said bitterly, “and we should be striving to be worthy of that.” Anora scoffed and Ivy barely heard her scathing words.

“Who would look to a king who only looks to a bottle?” There was silence and Ivy’s chest wrenched at Anora’s words. She wanted to break the tension, to pull Alistair out and put herself between him and his wife and berate the queen for her callous actions. Instead Ivy knocked loudly on the desk, as if she had just entered the room.

Anora emerged from the meeting room and was mildly surprised to see Ivy standing patiently by the desk, she gave a tight smile and nodded at Ivy before walking over with grace.

“The King is in the meeting room, Captain.” Anora said lightly, her voice almost musical, Ivy recognised it as how she spoke to the ambassadors and nobles, polite and diplomatic. Ivy bowed to her slightly and the queen walked past to leave the office.

Ivy watched her leave before moving to the second room, pausing at the door to see Alistair leaning against the mantle of a large fireplace and watching the low fire. He glanced at her and gave a tight smile, but it had nothing of his usual cheer.

“What did you hear?” He asked lightly and Ivy stepped into the room.

“Nothing I would comment on without speaking to you first, I would rather hear these things from you than anyone else.” Ivy said as she stood next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, he smiled and moved to cover her hand with his, thankful for the comfort. “Tell me what’s going on?” She asked and he hummed, uncommitted.

A few moments passed and he said nothing, his gaze staring past the fire as if lost in thought. Ivy had the urge to take him out of the castle, to let him have a moment of his old life back.

“Get your gear, Warden.” Ivy said suddenly and Alistair looked to her with a mixture of confusion and amusement.

“Warden?” He asked with a hint of a smile. “No one’s called me that for a long time.”

“Doesn’t change the fact you are one though, does it?” Ivy asked and he huffed and shook his head, his posture straightening as he crossed his arms over his chest. “So, get your gear.”

“Yes ma’am.”

 

Instead of taking Alistair to the training yards Ivy decided to go to the stables where they both waited patiently for the servants in the stables to get their horses ready and the Kings Guard rushed to prepare themselves for escorting the King out of the palace.

“You’re up to this?” Alistair asked cautiously, his gaze flickering to the new leather bodice Ivy wore beneath the Inquisition plate – the old one unsalvageable after the sword ran her through.

“The healers have been tending to me daily,” Ivy said, “I can stand a short ride.”

“They cleared you for that?” He asked and Ivy was silent because, no, they certainly hadn’t cleared her medically.

Before long they were making their way through the streets surrounding the palace which was quiet given it was mostly nobles who lived in the immediate surrounds, but once they reached the markets people began to come out of the building to watch and cheer as they rode past, Alistair smiling and waving at his people as Ivy scanned the crowds for any hint of danger.

“Relax,” Alistair said to her with a grin, “or at least smile, they’re here to see you mostly.”

Ivy smiled, although it was awkward, and it surprised her to find out that these complete strangers knew her name and was calling it out among the cheers for Alistair.

“It’s because you served here,” Alistair said as if knowing her confusion, “they all think you’re Ferelden.”

“But I’m not.” Ivy said and Alistair shook his head.

“Doesn’t matter,” he said simply, “Doesn’t matter about that, or that you served the Qun. Ferelden’s are protective of their heroes, and they decided you’re one of them.” He smiled at her, broad and happy, and Ivy felt a flicker of comfort at the thought of being welcomed. It still confused her _why_ they chose her exactly, but it made her feel as if she belonged, something she hadn’t felt for a long time.

Sanctuary had never made her feel welcome, despite the blood she had spilled for the elves she was always going to be an outsider if she had remained. Even the Inquisition’s close knit people came with a price. Ferelden had nearly broken her years before, but now as she passed through the narrow streets she felt it demand nothing and it brought her peace – even if it was fleeting.

They passed the Alienage, which was still in the middle of rebuilding after the blight and some skirmishes between the mages and templars. Ivy could see the elves working at repairing a wall which had crumbled and her curiosity got the better of her, coaxing her horse to a halt she watched them for a moment, the elves singing as they worked together in the streams of sunlight that broke through the overcast day and shone upon them as if they were blessed.

Ferelden demanded nothing of her, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t give to it. Looking to the King she smiled and he gave her a queer contented look in return, with a gesture she bade him to follow and he did, entering the alienage with the Kings Guard in tow.

They spent their afternoon in the Alienage assisting the elves, much to the surprise of the residents who requested that they not trouble themselves but relented once Ivy insisted they help out. Alistair and the guards got to work on the crumbling wall while Ivy sat nearby and taught the local children ancient elvish words – she didn’t want to risk hurting herself again by lifting the heavy stone with the others and Alistair looked relieved at her decision to stay away from the labour.

Quite a few had gathered around Ivy as she gave her lesson, mothers and children while the older sons and fathers helped with the wall. At one point Alistair shed his armour – the heat in the alienage much more prominent than other parts of the city – and was working up a sweat as he hauled the large stone blocks and cleared out rubble.

Halfway through the afternoon Ivy had to stop for a moment, her breath hitching in her lungs as a spike of pain lanced through her where the sword had been. She doubted the decision to leave the castle for a moment as she closed her eyes and took a long, steadying breath.

“Captain?” An older elvhen woman called lightly and Ivy opened her eyes to find a clay cup of tea being offered to her, she took it with a questioning look. “For the pain.” The woman said simply and Ivy thanked her. Alistair had stopped beside the wall across the courtyard, watching Ivy carefully, she gave him a reassuring smile and he nodded once before returning to work.

When the sun was setting they had finished repairing the wall and remained as the families who lived in the alienage brought out food and drink in celebration, others from the nearby buildings also came in to the alienage to contribute and celebrate the completion of the wall. Some brought out musical instruments and were playing as younger people danced, not only elves but humans and a couple of dwarves too.

Ivy sat on a small stone wall that encircled a large tree that had been decorated in bright elvish paint as she sipped warm mead from a mug. Two young girls were weaving flowers of white and blue into her hair and trying their best to tame her thick curls into something more presentable. Beside her Alistair was regaling the locals with a story of the blight; where the Hero of Ferelden fought werewolves in the forests. She watched him as he acted out some scenes, over the top and with a big grin on his face, the onlookers completely enraptured with the story, and that sense of calm came over her again. She needed this, to feel like she was helping, to stay busy and not to dwell on what haunted her thoughts.

Alistair needed it too, he needed to see his people first hand. He grew up among them and fought among them, as a king Ivy doubted he knew any other approach. She watched as the crowd laughed and he began to finish his story, the wide smile making him seem years younger. It was good to see him like this.

A messenger arrived from the palace looking around curiously at the festival that had begun in the usually quiet alienage, the young man looked somewhat out of place in the tight palace uniform as he made his way past the dancers and the enamoured crowd to bow to the King as curious people watched on.

“The Queen has sent a carriage for you, you majesty,” the messenger said and the people made a disappointed sound at the news, “it is waiting at the gate of the alienage.”

“Now we’re in trouble.” Alistair said in jest with a smile to Ivy and a few men in the crowd chortled.

“Do you have to go?” a child who couldn’t be older than three years asked innocently before the mother could hush her. Alistair smiled and reached down to the child, bringing her up to sit on his lap.

“I’m afraid so,” he said which made the child pout, “but if it’s okay with you, I’d like to come back and visit someday.” The child beamed and nodded enthusiastically, making Alistair chuckle before placing the child back on the ground who ran to her parents with the good news.

Alistair stood and picked up half his armour, the other half collected by a guard, and held out a hand to help Ivy stand. She took it thankfully, the events of the day and a lingering ache in her stomach tiring her more than normal.

They left to cheers of goodwill, Alistair taking the stairs and shaking hands as he approached the carriage, Ivy was a few paces behind him when an elvhen woman with long golden hair stepped out and palmed a note into Ivy’s hand in the guise of shaking it.

“From a friend.” The woman said before stepping back into the crowd, Ivy clutched the note and continued to the carriage where Alistair exercised his charm and helped Ivy step into it before following close behind. The door shut they both smiled and waved at the crowd as a Guard tapped on the side of the carriage and it jerked into motion.

“That was fun,” Alistair said with a sigh and leaned back on the cushioned seat with a tried smile, “I need to do that more often.” Ivy looked at the note in her hand, it was a small envelope, no bigger than the palm of her hand, sealed closed with red wax but no symbol stamped into it.

“What is it?” Alistair asked curiously and Ivy explained the woman who gave it to her as she cracked the seal. The note was just as small, the ink applied with a steady hand, but it was the ancient elvish words that made her breath hitch.

_Come home, vhenan._

Her hands began to shake and the note dropped from her hand to the carriage floor, her chest tightening as she struggled to get enough air into her lungs.

The next moment she was wrapped tight in Alistair’s arms as he held her to him, her face was wet and throat raw as if she had been sobbing, her hand fisted tightly in Alistair’s shirt.

“I’m here, it’s alright, I’m here.” Alistair was speaking as if it were a mantra, rocking her slightly as his thumb rubbed comforting circles on her shoulder, his cheek was pressed to her hair as he continued to whisper to her.

Ivy took long shuddering breaths as she slowly came back to herself, her stomach burning with pain as the carriage lurched to a stop. Alistair made no move, simply cradled her as she swallowed and tried to calm her heart.

“Your Majesty,” A voice came from beyond the closed carriage door, uncertain and wavering, it was unusual for them to wait, to not simply open the door. “We have arrived at the stables, I thought it better than the usual entrance.”

“Thank you,” Alistair called calmly, “leave us, and ensure there is no one loitering to the Captain’s chambers.”

“Of course, your majesty.” Came the sympathetic reply and then a quick shuffle of footsteps before silence fell over them.

“There’s no one around Ivy,” Alistair said in a low and comforting voice, “you’re safe.” Ivy just nodded dumbly into the crook of his neck.

“I’m sorry-” she began but he hushed her, the flat of his palm stroking along her back.

“Take your time, when you’re ready I’ll take you to your rooms, then when you’re feeling better we can talk about it if you want to.” He said and Ivy nodded, pulling away and breathing in sharply from a jab of pain. Alistair climbed out of the carriage before reaching in and helping her, his arm around her waist tightly as she held on to his forearm as if it was the only thing keeping her upright.

The stairs to the room was agonising, more so than the first time she climbed them, each step nearly took her breath and if not for the steady arm around her, her own shaking limbs would have failed her and sent her crumbling to the floor.

“I should have been more firm,” Alistair said sadly as they came to the hallway that led to her rooms, “you nearly died, of course you haven’t recovered fully.” 

“It’s not your fault,” Ivy whispered and it echoed lightly along the hallway, “it’s just- I just-” he hushed her gently and opened the heavy wooden door to her chambers, the deep purple hue of the curtains and quilt were glowing warmly from the candlelight and the fire that was burning in the fireplace. Someone had come in to prepare the room not long before they arrived, and considering Ivy insisted that the servants don’t enter save from bringing water to bathe she felt almost unsafe from the intrusion.

A feeling if dread washed over her again and Alistair was forced to support most of her weight before he directed her to sit on the edge of the bed, her breath came shallow and rapid, her fingers pulling at the collar of her shirt and the edge of her armour. Alistair pushed her hand away gently and expertly unburdened her of the plate and leather before silently sitting next to her and pulling her into his arms.

“It’s hard to stop,” he said quietly to her, “all the fighting and running becomes normal and when your mind catches up with every awful thing you’ve endured it becomes too much. The smallest thought can make you afraid.”

Ivy’s hand curled on the fabric of his tunic, his familiar form an anchor as she felt her soul reel in doubt.

“It was the fires at first,” he continued as Ivy fell silent and listened, the rumbling of his voice as she leaned into him comforting. “The way the firelight flickered onto the stone walls on my chambers, the colour of it, the heat, reminded me of the Deep Roads. I couldn’t sleep because I was certain I was going to be ambushed by Darkspawn, thought I could hear them around the corner and see them in the shadows. Then it got worse, I couldn’t stand to be in my chambers at all, convinced I needed room to manoeuvre for when the Darkspawn came. It didn’t matter I was in the middle of the palace and surrounded by guards, I couldn’t help it.”

“I started to sleep outside,” he continued, “it made sense to me and we had been camping in the wilderness almost every night before… before that final battle. It comforted me, but it wasn’t right, my friends had all gone their separate ways.” He let out a bitter laugh. “I would have even welcomed Morrigan’s company at that point.”

“What did you do?” Ivy asked quietly, her voice hoarse.

“I picked up bottle of whiskey and drank it until I couldn’t keep my eyes open. And I did it the night after that and just kept going,” he sighed and squeezed Ivy lightly, “the worst damn thing I ever did. I _should_ have talked to someone, instead of deciding to slowly kill myself, and it took a damn long time to realise that.”

“I never knew,” Ivy said solemnly, “that you went through that.” She felt guilty for having been his friend for so long and being ignorant of this part of his life.

“You’re one of the few who do, can’t have a weak king, especially now.” He said tiredly and Ivy yawned, her exhaustion catching up with her. “You should rest.”

Gently he pulled away and moved to the side of the bed and peeled back the blanket, ushering Ivy into the bed and only pausing to relieve her of her boots.

“I’m going to post a guard outside of your door, should you need me for any reason at all, you’ll order them to come get me. Understand?” He spoke and Ivy hummed, already falling asleep. Warm and comfortable in the bed Alistair left her to extinguish the candles, leaving only the firelight to dim the room. Silently he left her chambers, but Ivy was already asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate making these story decisions, but there were two ways this story could have gone and I feel I have (hopefully) chosen the better path to a more dramatic story and conclusion. Don't hate me! :(


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It couldn’t be, not here, not after all that time.

Ivy awoke to a cold, dim room and a clap of thunder.

The fire had burned out hours ago, leaving the grey light as the only illumination in the stone chambers. Gingerly Ivy sat up, reluctant to leave her warm bed, but she mustered enough bravery to put one foot onto the freezing floor at least.

With a tug the quilt untucked from the last corner it held onto and Ivy draped it around her shoulders. She felt exhausted, pained and as if her eyes were full of grit. She also felt mildly embarrassed about how she acted the night before, but the more she thought of it the more the embarrassment turned into overwhelming guilt and sadness.

Quilt draped around her and still dragging on the floor, Ivy walked over to the window and pulled back the curtains to reveal Denerim shrouded in mist. She sat on the chair beside the window and simply looked out over the view, unsure if she was even willing to leave the room today.

With a brisk three rap knock the door opened, flooding the room with a warm light as Alistair stepped in with a smile, seemingly determined to bring the warmth with him into Ivy’s subdued atmosphere.

“Maker, Ivy, its cold in here.” He grumbled and motioned behind him, a servant scurrying into the room and doing their best to remain unobtrusive as they set about laying wood in the fire. Ivy had no doubt Alistair had purposely brought that servant with him and wondered who else was lurking in the hallway waiting for their King’s command.  

Alistair walked over to her and plucked something out of her hair, a wilted white flower, followed by another. He looked her over closely, trying to be subtle, before resting his hands on her shoulders and smiling.

“I’m hungry,” he announced and sure enough another servant walked into the room and began to set dishes on the small table in front of the fireplace.

“How many more are out there?” Ivy asked, her voice unintentionally quiet. Alistair looked as if she had accused him of something terrible.

“Do you think I simply glide through the palace with servants following me at my every whim?” He asked incredulously.

“Alistair.” Ivy said flatly and he grinned with a bit of embarrassment.

“Two,” he admitted “one for if you needed a bath and a healer.” The two servants who were already in the room finished their tasks and left quickly, the door closing quietly behind them. With a coy smile he held his hand out to assist Ivy in standing up, she allowed it, but only because she couldn’t stand the sadden expression on his face whenever she rejected him.

He escorted her to the table and pulled out the chair for her to sit on before retrieving the one at the window for himself. The fire was steadily warming the room but Ivy still kept the quilt around her, more for comfort than necessity.

“I wanted to make sure you were alright after what happened yesterday but thought it best to give you some space,” he said softly, “but when it passed mid-morning and I received word you hadn’t left your rooms yet I decided I would interfere anyway.”

“You have people reporting my movements?” Ivy asked suspiciously and Alistair screwed up his nose in distaste.

“Of course not, but I did post a guard out of your door last night,” he reminded her. “The guard reported it out of concern for you and then all of a sudden I had five of them in my office asking after your welfare.” He huffed and shook his head before leaning forward and plucking a handful of nuts from the table and popping one into his mouth with a crunch.

“Oh,” Ivy said quietly, feeling guilty again. “I didn’t mean to alarm anyone.”

“No harm done,” he said sympathetically, “but I still thought it best for you to be checked out this morning.” As if on cue a healer walked into the room, an older woman dressed in a thick robe with her wiry light brown hair pulled back tight in a bun. The woman rounded the table and nodded once to Alistair who casually leaned back in his chair before she gestured at Ivy with a sharp movement, a silent demand for access to her midsection.

Reluctantly and with a sharp glare to Alistair Ivy let the quilt drop from her shoulder and leaned back in the chair. The woman wasted no time in pulling Ivy’s tunic up to reveal the long line of scarred flesh just above her navel, it had mostly healed but was red and irritated, some parts of it wider than the rest. The exit wound on her back was the same, just a third smaller.

The healer held her hand above both wounds and let her magic stream from it to Ivy’s skin before dropping the tunic and thumbing at the still healing scar on Ivy’s cheek. She clicked her tongue in dissatisfaction and shook her head, apparently unhappy with what she saw.

“Nothing I can do about this scar,” she said clinically, referring to the once that graced her from cheekbone to chin. “You’re still healing physically, one more month. What stress have you been experiencing?” She asked directly and Ivy tensed at the questions.

“Miriam.” Alistair said sternly and the woman stepped back, seemingly unperturbed by the King’s interruption and bowed once before striding out of the door.

Hitching the quit back over her shoulders Ivy sat in silence as Alistair chewed on a grape and watched her curiously.

“You should eat,” he said and gestured to the spread of various bread, meat, cheeses, fruit and other things Ivy would have trouble identifying. “You won’t heal properly unless you look after yourself.”

“You’re coddling me-” Ivy began and he let out a huff.

“I’m coddling myself,” he said sternly, “If you return to Rutherford even slightly ill he would ride all the way here just to scold me. Besides, if I _am_ coddling you, it’s because you need it.”

Ivy picked up a red grape, large and slightly chilled. Rolling it between her thumb and forefinger idly she sighed before biting it in half, the sweet taste pleasant even if she wasn’t hungry. Alistair smiled to himself as Ivy relaxed against the chair and reached for another. Silence fell between them as they picked at the food until Alistair awkwardly cleared his throat.

“Leliana contacted me this morning,” he began, the casual tone of his voice not fooling Ivy. “One of her ravens flew right into the palace, scared a poor servant girl.”

“Did she?” Ivy replied just as unconcerned, but Alistair’s sharp gaze told her that he wasn’t fooled either.

“The letter was asking if I had any idea where you were,” he shrugged, “it’s all games of course, I have no doubt that Leliana’s network extends to Denerim. The whole country knows you’re here.”

“Then why would she ask?” Ivy flicked at a sliver of meat before eating it as if it were a chore.

“The question was just to be polite, a way to say that she knew exactly where you were,” Alistair picked up a tiny wheel of cheese and looked at it with disinterest. “A prelude to informing me that you escaped their custody.”

Ivy paused and was met with Alistair’s full gaze, it was both concerned and amused, as if she were a child that needed to be scolded for something he had found humorous.

“I’ll always accept you into my home Ivy, regardless of what trouble you find yourself in,” he said softly, “but I would prefer to know these things in advance.”

“I’m sorry, Alistair.” Ivy said and he hummed at her in mock distrust. “I wasn’t in their custody so much as-”

“If you’re not allowed to leave the fortress you’re in their custody.” He said flatly and pointed at her with a torn chunk of bread. “I’m amazed Rutherford removed that stick up his arse for long enough to defy the Inquisitor like that. But all that aside I think you and I need to have a proper chat, about why you had to leave _and_ about what happened last night.”

“Is that why you had enough food for the whole day brought in?” She asked jokingly to lighten the mood and Alistair sniffed indignantly.

“I get hungry.”

 

Explaining why Ivy had been confined to Skyhold until Adaar deemed otherwise was easy enough to explain to Alistair, Ivy was an unknown variable, freshly back from the ‘ _dead’_ and the Inquisitor just needed to be cautious.

But with the rest of it Ivy found herself at a loss.

“Tell me about the note.” Alistair said softly after watching Ivy struggle with her words for some time.

“The note,” Ivy began, “was from the – the father. It seems he is aware of my presence here.” Alistair hummed in acknowledgement.

“Is he a good man?” he asked curiously.

“Depends who you ask.” Ivy dismissed the question.

“I’m asking _you_ ,” he said flatly, brow furrowed in frustration. “Was he good to you?”

“It’s… complicated to say it in those terms. He was, but after some time he was… he changed.” Ivy shook her head, frustrated at herself and her failure to explain clearly.

“How?”

“He became distant at first, then once he found out about the child he was… overbearing.” Ivy tried to explain as her hands wringed in the blanket, Alistair hummed and narrowed his eyes in thought.

“I take it we’re not talking about Iron Bull.” Alistair said and Ivy shook her head in confirmation.

“No, we’ve been apart for some time. It’s hard to explain.”

“I’ve cancelled my duties for today, I’d like to listen.” He said with a shrug and Ivy sighed heavily.

“I fell through the rift and come out somewhere different, I was on the other side for five years.” She said outright and Alistair paused, blinking a couple of time before nodding once.

“And the father is someone you had met beyond the rift.” He surmised.

“That is the short version, but yes.” Ivy pulled the quilt over her shoulders and hugged herself, she just wanted to curl up and forget.

“Did you leave Skyhold to find him, or to get away from him?” Alistair asked and Ivy shook her head mutely, slowly. “To get away, and now he’s found you again. Which says to me that he didn’t treat you well if a note is causing such distress.”

“It’s not that.” Ivy whispered and he waited on her words, the food forgotten between them. “It… reminded me- I couldn’t - that I failed. He wanted to take me away from Skyhold, if I had agreed then our child would still be alive. But I didn’t, I made a bad call and just… failed.” Alistair stood with a scrape of the chair and with a couple of steps knelt at Ivy’s feet. Searching through the folds of the quilt he grasped her hands, his wide eyes searching for her gaze as she stared at the floor.

“There was no failure,” he said firmly but quietly, his hands hot compared to hers. “You _died_ , Ivy, you were run through with a blade. You stopped breathing multiple times, you didn’t _lose_ your child – it was _taken_ from you.”

“It was my decision to run.” She said with a gasp, tear escaping and falling down her cheek and onto the quilt. “I could have stayed. I could have stood my ground and faced the problem but I didn’t.”

“You ran from him with good reason, remember that.” Alistair said and Ivy nodded dumbly, not truly taking in the King’s words. “You didn’t fail. You _survived_.”

“It doesn’t make me feel any less guilty.” Ivy said petulantly and met his gaze, he squeezed her hands and gave her a sad smile.

“I know.” He rubbed her palm with his thumb, small circles that drew her attention. “It will linger, that guilt, but you need to keep going and not let it stop you from living.”

“I don’t know how to do that,” she let out a shaking breath that was too similar to a sob and Alistair gave her a knowing smile.

“Yes you do,” he reassured her, “you always do, always keep fighting.” Ivy bit her lip and nodded, giving him a quick smile.

“Can we just… I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Ivy rasped and Alistair nodded once, standing and touching under her chin comfortingly.

“How about a game of chess then?” He asked and Ivy nodded, eager for the distraction.

 

A month after that she found herself staring out of her widow, the view of the streets below them glistening with dew in the dawn light. Her few belongings were strewn along her bed, the intention being to air them out properly before putting them away – the servants here washed clothes with something Ivy couldn’t quite place at it made them smell odd – but instead she had them laid out as if they were to be packed, the same way she used to before heading out on a mission.

The strangest thing was worrying at her mind, plaguing her sleep for the last week. Her bed was too comfortable. Something so ridiculous it left Ivy frustrated at herself when she first realised it. She had been sleeping in it for weeks and only now her brain was making her feel as if the comfort was a sign of being too idle. The frustration would ebb into memories and dreams of battle, her muscles would feel useless and weak, her movements languid and slow from disuse.

In the middle of the night she wanted nothing more than to head out of the city and into the wilderness. Or visit the alienage again and help with the rebuilding efforts. Her wounds were healed – why was she still so idle?  

A light knock and Alistair let himself in, he was King and used that excuse to enter her room whenever he needed companionship although he at least kept his visits to appropriate times of the day. He made his way over to look out of the same window, chatting quietly and cheerfully about an idea of going on a patrol through the hinterlands. He got halfway through his idea, naming a specific route he would take and goals for the journey before Ivy quietly interrupted him.

“Alistair,” She whispered and he stopped in his sentence, not looking at her, “I don’t think I can stay here.” He sighed heavily and nodded.

“I wondered how long until you’d say that to me.” He admitted and smiled tightly. “When Cullen asked me to keep you safe, well, just thought I would have had a bit more time to live up to that promise. But you’re too much like the rest of us, can’t stay still.”

“Will you be alright?” Ivy asked and he huffed a laugh.

“Me? I’m surrounded by guards at all times, living in luxury, _I_ should be concerned about _you._ ” He scoffed and turned abruptly to sprawl onto the chair, slumped and resting his head in his hand. “It’s still a war out there, the Templars are raiding throughout the bannorns and you expect me to let you go?”

“Yes,” Ivy said simply with a smile, “you don’t have it in you to deny me.” Alistair let out an unhappy grunt.

“Maker, you’ll be the end of me.” He sighed and Ivy closed the distance between them and cupped his jaw, gently directing his sour expression towards her.

“Ask me to stay and I will,” Ivy said quietly, she didn’t want to upset him and truthfully owed him more than she could repay. Even if her mind screamed at her every night and her skin itched with wanderlust she would remain in Denerim if her friend asked her.

It wouldn’t be the worst outcome, donning the Ferelden colours and fighting by Alistair’s side. Not the worst, but her soul would still ache to be elsewhere.

His hand reached up to cup hers and he sighed in defeat.

“I have conditions,” he said roughly, his serious expression unnatural on his features. “Stay in Ferelden, stay in contact. I won’t tell Rutherford you’ve absconded as long as you do that.”

“Half of Thedas wants my head,” Ivy said lightly and Alistair couldn’t hold back a small smile, “I won’t leave Ferelden without telling you.”

“Maker,” he sighed unhappily, “that’s not what I asked at all.”

“It’s the best I can do,” Ivy smiled and he nodded, holding her hand as it dropped from his stubbled jawline.

“Andraste damn it, if Cullen finds out he’ll kill me.”

“Cullen wouldn’t hurt a hair on your head,” Ivy chided him teasingly as she gently tapped his nose, “he adores you.”

“No, he adores _you_ ,” Alistair corrected her and stood up, “he tolerates me.” With a sigh he leaned in close to her, his arm bumping hers before he relented and put a gentle arm around her waist. “Will you wait until the tour? I would like to escort you for a while, for my own piece of mind.”

“Of course,” Ivy said with a smile, bumping her forehead against his shoulder, “someone has to protect my king from his adoring constituents.”

 

The early morning in the Hinterlands was cold and the progression of soldiers looked miserable if not resplendent in their armour. The freezing mud didn’t seem to bother the horses who were hitched up to trees as they took a break to overlook the far reaching grasslands, Denerim now out of sight and far to the east.

Ivy stood with a smile on her face, the view was gorgeous, green and brown of the land meeting a brilliant golden dawn as the blanketing mist slowly dissipated with the sunlight.

Alistair approached behind her, catching her smile and returning it with one of his own, his golden armour matching the land before her. A swathe of fabric was draped over his arm and he unfurled it as she looked at him curiously. A Ferelden cape, not unlike the one she wore years ago, was draped around her shoulders and fastened to her armour. The underside was lined with fur to stave off the chill and it was hooded unlike the one she lost long ago.

“I can’t have you going off into the wilderness without proper representation.” Alistair joked but it fell flat, his voice too sullen for his usual cheerful self.

“You sure you want me out there ruining your good name?” Ivy teased and brought his smile back to life.

“You’re the only person who’s allowed to.” He said and looked her over with masked concern. “Remember our deal?”

“I’ll keep in contact.” Ivy nodded and he sighed sharply.

“You can come back anytime-” He began but cut himself off when Ivy reached out and picked up his gauntleted hand.

“I know, My King.” She pressed her lips to the cool of the gauntlet, lingering for a second to feel his own press against her hair lightly.

“Go on,” he said with a smile, “get away while I still allow it.”

Ivy bowed deeply, the cape draping over her. A guard brought her horse and she mounted it with ease despite the full saddlebags of provisions. With a smirk she winked at the King who grinned and she kicked her mare into a gallop, heading straight for the southern reaches of the Hinterlands.

 

Months passed and Ivy continued through Ferelden, occasionally sending a report to Alistair to inform him that she was still alive and in his kingdom as he suggested. He’d likely be telling Cullen that he’s watching her closely even though he wouldn’t have an idea of her precise whereabouts at any given time, but considering the reaction Cullen would likely have if he heard that Ivy was freely wandering wherever she wished without protection it was probably a better idea to straight out lie to the commander.

Ivy kept herself busy with tracking and hindering the Templars. The Hinterlands were rife with them, the larger groups raiding and taking people and Ivy would track them, giving their location to Alistair who would lean on the Banns and local nobles until they dealt with the problem – with assistance from Denerim of course. The smaller groups Ivy would kill outright, if they were four or more she’d separate them first with tricks she learned from her time with the elves, pick them off one by one until they were more manageable.

She’d emerge with wounds at first, nothing life threatening but sometimes enough to warrant finding a secure settlement and staying in one place a few days. But as she learned it wasn’t uncommon for her to emerge with only bruises or strained muscles. One thing she was thankful to Solas for was his insistence to train her for espionage, it was almost too easy to sneak up on the Templars, the red lyrium effecting their vision and hearing negatively once they were infected enough. Her dagger gave them a merciful death most of the time, but if she wasn’t careful enough her sword sufficed.

 

One Templar camp had been terrorising a cluster of farming villages enough that Alistair actually sent out scouts to find and inform Ivy about them, a nicely worded request that she ‘ _look into the issue but not engage unless absolutely necessary’_. By the time Ivy found the first camp the Templars had kidnapped a few locals and moved on, but she was lucky enough to discover that they hadn’t moved on from their second camp – however the civilians were nowhere to be seen.

 _There are too many,_ Knowledge warned her as she watched the camp from behind a thick tree. The Templars had stopped in a small clearing and were surrounded by sparse woodlands, it helped them hide from any nearby travellers but it also gave Ivy an advantage to move unseen – which she used to full potential.

Ivy ignored the spirit and instead skirted around the tree and kept low enough to creep up on a Templar, her shadow behind her she picked her way along the soft ground, avoiding any dry looking leaves or twigs before reaching out to the Templar and clamping one hand over his mouth and scoring a dagger along his throat with the other.

The man jerked, hot blood gushing over his armour as Ivy pulled him backwards with little resistance, lowering him onto the ground behind a large shrub as he bled out silently.

“Well,” Ivy whispered to Knowledge, “now there are only five.”

 

Another two fell to the same dagger before the rest were alerted, and Ivy was forced to draw her sword to engage two while a mage hurtled bolts of ice at her. She managed to get close enough to drive her sword through the mage as he turned to flee and what felt like an eternity later she gutted the last Templar who fell to the ground with a cry.

Ivy let out a shaking breath, placing her hands on her knees and looking around disbelievingly as she panted and fought to regain a steady breath.

 _You did well_ , Knowledge spoke proudly, _I believe few people could boast about killing an entire camp of Red Templars._

“We should leave before more arrive then.” Ivy rasped and searched the remains of the Templars and their camp quickly, finding nothing more than a few coins and messages from another camp nearby.

“This message mentions a river.” Ivy hummed to herself, reading the message further as it described a cave and a farm below it. “I think I know where this is.”

_Are you determined to clear the entire Hinterlands of the Templar presence?_

“Well, it’s not like we’re doing anything else.” Ivy said and used the parchment to wipe her sword of most of the blood before dropping it back onto the Templar. “It can’t hurt to look in any case, farms are valuable now, we can’t afford to lose any more.”

 _We?_ Knowledge asked with amusement. _You’ve finally accepted Ferelden adopting you?_

“You’d rather try our luck in Orlais?” Ivy asked and the spirit laughed.

_I’d rather you not jeopardize our lives every day, but at least you are making an impact._

“Then let’s follow this trail, if it takes us close to Denerim we can visit Alistair.”

_Wherever it take us, please let there be a bath._

 

The trail didn’t lead to Denerim, but it did lead to another encampment and captives destined for a work camp.

It was a bit easier this time, Ivy had arrived in the cover of darkness and used it to kill each of the Templars with little fuss. Releasing the hostages who fled into the woods without a word Ivy then searched the camp for more information, stumbling upon a missive that detailed a location to bring the captives to. Ivy wiped her dagger clean on the parchment before deciding to head for high ground and get at least a couple of hours sleep.

It was Knowledge who woke her up at dawn, urging her to wake when it heard someone come close.

 _The encampment is below us, someone has arrived._ It took Ivy a moment to realise what the spirit was talking about, then she remembered the hour long trail to reach a hill that looked out over the encampment.

“Templars?” Ivy asked and moved low to the rocks that lined the drop to the encampment, the tall, dry grass keeping her well hidden from view.

 _If so we need to stop them from alerting the next location,_ the spirit sighed through her. Ivy carefully watched as four people wandered into the camp, well-armed and cautious.

“Well I’ll be damned,” Ivy whispered as she watched Adaar look around the camp curiously. The Kossith woman twirled her staff and nudged at a corpse, pushing it over to face the sky. With a disgusted expression she looked back and gestured with her head for someone to move forward.

 _Adaar must be following your trail of carnage._ Knowledge said as they watched on from above.

“Do you think she knows it’s me?” Ivy whispered and ducked lower as Adaar called out to the others, Blackwall, Varric and Iron Bull wandered around the camp looking through the same crates that Ivy had already ransacked.

 _Doubtful._ Knowledge replied, _we have left nothing to suggest so. But if she were smart she’d know only one person was involved in the fight._

The only thing giving them away was the tracks Ivy left behind, one person approaching and one person leaving. The same tracks that Iron Bull was squatting beside and examining, seeing Ivy’s trail.

Ivy’s heat skipped a beat as she watched him, she had always loved watching him fight and use his Ben-Hassrath training, loved seeing the intelligence he tried to hide so often. She couldn’t help but smile at the striped pants that he wore, clearly he still refused to throw them away. Within moments she found herself only caring about watching him, trying to determine through his actions if he was well and unharmed.

 _You miss him,_ the spirit said in contentedness, _I miss him too. He was good for you._

“He’s safer without me.” Ivy said sadly and sighed as Bull reached out and touched a footprint.

_That I do not believe._

Adaar called out to Iron Bull, her voice ringing and clear in the camp.

“Bull, what do you have for me?” She demanded and Bull looked up at the small cliff above them, tempting Ivy to duck behind the boulder and shrubs even though she knew he wouldn’t be able to spot her.

“Still just the one visitor,” he said with a little amusement in his voice, “the same as the last camp.”

“The same one you think?” Adaar asked and Bull shrugged, Blackwall piping up before Bull could reply.

“I doubt that Ferelden is crawling with warriors who can take on an entire camp of Templars and walk away.” Blackwall set his shield onto his back and pulled a gauntlet off to run his hand through his short hair, watching Adaar as she watched Bull.

“Whoever this was they didn’t charge in,” Bull said with a smile, tracking the mess of footsteps from one corpse to another. “They were calculated, precise. The poor bastards didn’t even know they were under attack.” Ivy smiled, enamoured with watching Bull work through the scene of the fight.

“Someone who would benefit the Inquisition then,” Adaar said with a firm nod, “they can’t be too far ahead of us, these bodies are less than a day dead.”

“Let’s hope they’re friendly then.” Varric piped up from the edges of the camp holding the bloodied parchment Ivy used to wipe her dagger. “Because I think I know where they’re headed.”

Adaar looked to Blackwall and then Bull with determination on her face.

“I want this person as an agent, when we find them no one is to attack unless provoked. Understand?” She ordered and the others nodded.

Ivy slunk away from the boulder and made her way to the treeline where her mare was hitched to a branch.

 _Are you still heading for the next camp?_ Knowledge asked curiously.

“We’ll be able to hit it and move on before Adaar gets there,” Ivy muttered and hoisted herself into the saddle. “I don’t want to leave the job unfinished.”

 _Why not simply return to the Inquisition? I can feel you miss them._ Ivy hesitated in answering, her fingers gripping the reigns tightly. _Imagine Adaar’s expression when she discovers that she’s just been chasing you this whole time._

“I can’t,” she said with a shake of her head as she urged the mare forwards, “I’m not ready.”

_What are you afraid of?_

“I need to make sure I’m worthy of the people around me,” Ivy said firmly, “that I am able to protect them if I do return.”

 _And hunting down templars is how you’re going to prove that._ Knowledge sounded like it didn’t believe Ivy’s reasoning.

“It’s the best way,” she said bitterly, “for everyone.” 

 

Ivy was covered in blood, filthy with it as it slowly dried to her clothes, armour and skin. The sight frightening as she opened a cage of captives and stepped back for them to flee, only one or two stopping to thank her before sprinting away into the distance.

 _Beyond this point the Templars are headed to a fortress,_ Knowledge said teasingly, _are you going to lay siege to it yourself?_

 _“_ I think Adaar and Alistair can take it from here,” Ivy tiredly wandered to a marquee close to the cage, leaning against a crate as her muscles ached from the exertion of the fight.

_Adaar will not be far behind, will you wait for her?_

“No,” Ivy sighed and looked over the corpse of a mage, his eyes wide and unseeing.

 _You must face them eventually,_ Knowledge spoke carefully, _Iron Bull and Solas need to know-_

“No,” Ivy said firmly, a wash of nerves and guilt spreading through her. “I can’t, not yet.”

Conveniently the desk the mage was slumped over held an inkwell and quill, casually pulling the corpse off the desk Ivy looked over the heavy book opened on the desk and stained with blood. It was an inventory log of resources – including slaves.

_Then we must hurry, I have no doubt Adaar will have caught up._

“She is stubborn.” Ivy agreed and picked up the quill, writing in broad strokes on the book. “Better. Luck. Next. Time.” She muttered as she wrote.

 _Yes I’m certain that won’t incense her at all._ Knowledge said sarcastically and Ivy rolled her eyes before making her way over to her mare. As if on cue the distant sounds of horses approaching spurred Ivy to make a quick escape.

 

Ivy learned years ago that the best way to cover your tracks was not to leave any - which was why she was carefully guiding her mare through a small river that would eventually lead to Lake Calenhad, no tracks, no trackers.

She had been in the river for most of the day, travelled more than far enough to ensure safety and was considering setting up camp when she saw flashes of silver and red heading towards an old farmhouse ahead of her. Templars.

With a curse she drew her sword and kicked her mare into a sprint, weaving around trees to emerge close to the Templars and strike one, startling the other two as she dismounted quickly and parried a blade to counter with a scream of metal and deeply slice the Templar from collarbone to eye. The last one charged her but let out a surprised cry and fell forward, an arrow lodged in his back. Ivy finished the Templar off, pulling her sword from his back with a sickly slide before looking up to find an elder elf holding a bow with shaking hands.

“Are you alright?” Ivy asked, a little out of breath, “Are there more around?” She stepped towards the man and halted, he was smiling at her warmly, dark skin aged and puckered around his eyes. The man was old even by elvhen standards, he looked as if he didn’t have the strength to stand let alone draw a bow. But there was something about him, something too familiar but out of place.

“Do I know you?” She asked and he chuffed, lowering the bow and leaning on it slightly.

“It hasn’t been that long has it?” he pursed his lips and hummed, making sounds as if he was speaking to himself. “Only about eighty years? Ninety?”

Ivy’s heart knew him before her mind caught up and Knowledge flickered and writhed within her, the spirit’s elation escaping Ivy in a huffed breath of disbelieving laughter.

It couldn’t be, not here, not after all that time. The man grinned and Ivy knew, she’d know that smile anywhere.

“Athrand?”

“Wildling, I was wondering when you’d show up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not happy with this chapter but I also can't keep staring at it. I'm just going to go over there and be dramatic now.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “They might surprise you,” he said with a queer smile, “family are like that.”

 “Makers fucking- _Athrand?_ ” Ivy said in disbelief and he smiled at her in amusement, watching her step towards him slowly as if he would disappear at any moment.

“If you don’t hurry up I’m going to die of old age before I get that hug I’m waiting for.” He gruffed and held out one arm, the other still clutching the bow tightly which quivered. Ivy took the last step and wrapped her arms around his waist, disbelief and shock settling over her as Knowledge whirred within her and tried to extrapolate how he ended up here and now.

“How are you here?” Ivy asked breathlessly, “ _why_ are you here? Why are you old? I thought you couldn’t age, I thought you died. Where’s Senrith?” He chuckled and it made his chest crackle, either a sign of age or sickness, but it didn’t stop his wide smile which was unchanged from his youth.

“It’s good to see you too Wildling,” he pushed her back a step and looked her over, “how long has it been for you?”

“Months? Six or seven? Shit I don’t know,” Ivy smiled at him brightly, tears threatening as he hummed in mock dissatisfaction.

“You’ve aged terribly,” he said without remorse and Ivy couldn’t help but laugh, “come on, let’s get inside and worry about the corpses you’ve left at my door later.”

He guided her into the farmhouse, a simple large room with the fireplace smouldering on one side and a small room with a bathtub on the other. The cold from the outside didn’t seem to permeate into the house, animal skins keeping the floor warm and thick log walls insulating the room nicely. On the far side near a bed a set of armour was set up on a rack, green and brown woven leather still cared for and in good condition but clearly aged. Ivy walked over to it, amazed at how well the armour had kept since the rebellion.

“Still wearing that old plate I see,” Athrand said and eased himself onto a chair, Ivy’s hand touched at the Inquisition logo on her chest absently, her curiosity and the echo of Knowledge’s was set to drive her mad.

“How did you-” She began and his chuckle cut her question off.

“Uthenera,” he said and gestured for Ivy to sit in the other chair across from his at the old table, “woke up a while back to a _very_ different place, lots of your kind running about for one.” Ivy slid onto the chair and leaned forward on the table intently.

“You went to sleep? I always thought you’d refuse to do it,” he hummed at her comment nodding once.

“I was reluctant,” he explained, “we were resting at Sanctuary when it was attacked, someone had betrayed us and given our location away. It was a damned hard fight and without Fen’Harel there we scattered easily.”

“He wasn’t there?” Ivy asked, interrupting him, “where was he?”

“The mountains, his new fortress had become his home but we were still sending civilians to Sanctuary. It was a damned mess, so we fled. Senrith, the stubborn bastard, took a blade to his chest trying to buy the civilians time. I couldn’t get him into the mountains, but there was a temple a day or so away. I took him there and the priests put him under, told them to do the same to me.”

Ivy looked to the armour and a knot in her stomach formed.

One set of armour, there was only one.

“Where is he?” Ivy asked carefully and Athrand glanced to the armour.

“Senrith?” Athrand hummed with a smile. “He’s out back, do you want to see him?”

“He’s – wha- _of course_ I do.” Ivy said in astonishment. With a chuckle Athrand bade her to follow with a gesture and she followed him happily, going out a small back door and into the well-tended garden.

Athrand neared a pair of trees and stopped, kneeling by one and pushing the wandering vines of a plant away, Ivy looked around in confusion, stepping up to him before feeling her heart drop. The vines he pushed away revealed a headstone, weathered with time and moss growing in the shallow grooves of the letters that spelled Senrith’s name.

“Oh, Athrand.” Ivy whispered and kneeled beside him, tears in her eyes and Athrand gave her a comforting smile. Her hand moved to cover her mouth as if it would help in any sense and Athrand put his hand on her shoulder to steady himself.

“Probably not the best way to tell you.” He admitted and Ivy dumbly shook her head in agreement.

“How?” Her voice was steady despite the tightness in her throat.

“In his sleep.”

“Maker I’m so sorry-” Ivy began and he huffed a laugh.

“Why?” He asked softly. “We always thought we would die in battle, thought we barely had a couple of years before we would be cut down or executed. But instead Senrith and I had years together in peace. We fought for Ferelden, earned new scars fighting beside humans, dwarves. Sure we aged, his heart failed in the end, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

“If the veil hadn’t been formed-”

“The veil,” he scoffed and shook his head, sitting on a large, hollow trunk of a felled tree as Ivy remained on the ground kneeling.

“I’m not sure the veil is the evil it’s made out to be.” He shook his head. “I couldn’t face an eternity without him, but mortality… I am thankful for it. I appreciate every moment I have knowing it will be ending soon.”

“You were happy,” Ivy said, almost a comfort to herself and Knowledge who ebbed with sorrow.

“More than we ever hoped,” he smiled and reached out to place an aged hand on the tombstone, it trembled for a moment before his thumb traced the edge lovingly. “I love him, the stubborn bastard.”

 

Athrand gave Ivy exactly enough time to accept that Senrith was gone and not a moment more before he urged them inside and out of the cold. Dinner needed to be prepared and he was more than vocal about hinting that Ivy had skipped out on decades of chores while he slaved away. She made them soup, determined to inject health into the old man, and he ate it with cheer, tying his long silver hair back after it got in the way one too many times.

“Fen’Harel woke after we did, quite a few years later.” Athrand shuffled and sat on his bed with a groan, pulling his blanket around his shoulders tighter. “By the time he found us we were beyond any use to him, our natural magic stripped by the veil meant we lost our immortality. But we refused to follow him just out of principal.”

“He spoke to you? When?” Ivy asked and stoked the fire.

“Oh, couple of years ago now.” Athrand said offhandedly.

“I asked him about you six months ago.” Ivy said with an angry sigh. “After I came back through the rift. He said he had no idea what happened to you.”

“Of course he did.” Athrand said and Ivy shot him a confused look. “If he was going to go on with his plan he needed someone like you, someone with the _knowledge_ of various elvhen things stored away. If he told you where we were, would you have sought us out?”

“Of course.” Ivy said without hesitation.

“And I would be having this exact conversation with you. Warning you not to let Fen’Harel misguide you. What is he even fighting for now anyway?” Athrand said with a grumble. “His ego? The death that will follow him is immeasurable.” Ivy nodded with agreement and stood to collect their bowls, taking them over to the small wooden tub to wash. Athrand watched her for a moment before pulling a tobacco pipe out of his pocket and preparing it.

“You’re smoking?” Ivy asked incredulously and Athrand smiled at her defiantly. “It’s not good for you.”

“I’m old, Wildling,” he said petulantly, “I’ve earned the right to do what I want when I want. We’re not in the Sanctuary barracks anymore.”

“ _That_ I am aware of.” Ivy huffed and scowled at a splash of water that soaked her sleeve.

“You know,” Athrand said with an amused smile, “We had bets on who your lover was back then.” He broached the subject with a hint of mischief, taking his time to light the pipe.

“My money was on our leader.” Ivy concentrated on the bowls in her hand stacking them neatly on a wooden bench to dry. “The way he was when he came back, after we lost you – I was right wasn’t I?”

“Yes.” Ivy said faintly and he hummed as he lit his pipe, settling against the wall.

“I knew it,” he said almost boasting before he called up to the sky, “you hear that Senrith? You owe me money.” Ivy chuckled at his behaviour before silence stretched between them, she could feel his calculating gaze on her back.

“Why are you here and not back with your own people?” he hummed to himself as if trying to figure out a riddle before falling silent for a moment. “He’s there isn’t he?”

“Yes,” she confirmed.

“You don’t want to be with him? Hasn’t it only been months for you?”

“He’s not the same man,” Ivy wiped her wet hands on the hem of her tunic and busied herself with tidying up the room, Athrand didn’t protest, just simply watched her.

“Of course not. Just as you weren’t the same woman when you returned here I bet,” Ivy’s chest tightened and she hummed in acknowledgement. “Time is funny like that, you can travel through it but regardless of whether you do so quickly or slowly it changes you.”

“It’s different,” she said quietly, glancing at him to see his patient countenance, “I think if I were to stay close to him, he’d be more dangerous. As it is it’s just a matter of time before he betrays us, the Inquisition I mean, – but maybe that reason doesn’t stand anymore.” She muttered the last part to herself and Athrand’s eyebrow arched in question.

“You wouldn’t leave your people without just cause.” He said softly, pushing for an explanation. “You would regret it too much.”

“I…” Ivy opened her mouth and shut it again, picking up a cloth and wiping the surfaces of the room so she didn’t have to sit and look Athrand in the eye, not that she thought he would judge her, but because she still felt uncomfortable thinking about it. She had definitely been trying to run from herself for the last few months and she hadn’t stopped to think, not once.

“I didn’t know when I took the mission, it would have been too early to know.” Ivy said and he watched her fuss patiently. “I was… with child.”

“Did you tell him?”

“Not back then, I had no clue.” Ivy sighed and swept a piece of hair away from her face, “after I returned here though, I told him once I was certain.”

“How did he react?” He asked gently, his voice croaking.

“It seemed to only harden his resolve.” Ivy shook her head and finally slumped into the chair by the fireplace, head resting in her hand. “He was talking about taking me from the Inquisition and hiding me, of keeping the child secluded. I said he wouldn’t be a part of the child’s life, I was so angry. I shouldn’t have said those things.” Athrand nodded in understanding.

“His reaction, unfortunately, doesn’t surprise me. What happened?” his question was quiet, gentle.

“Red Templars ambushed me as I left Skyhold, ran me through with a blade.” Ivy sighed and closed her eyes for a moment.

“I’m sorry, Wilding.” Athrand said quietly. “I can’t imagine your pain.”

“I don’t know if I’m angrier at the Templars for ambushing me – or myself for leaving the safety of Skyhold in the middle of a war.” Ivy huffed bitterly and shook her head. “I was livid that Fen tried to force me away, but in the end I did that myself. Of all the paths I could have taken, the decisions I could have made, I just didn’t think it through.”

“I’m not trying to sound insensitive,” Athrand stared at his pipe as he spoke, “but if you are no longer with child, why haven’t you returned?”

“I… don’t know. I almost feel ashamed to.”

“Because you left them without warning?”

“Yes. The Inquisitor and I, well, we weren’t on the best of terms. She spared my life and I threw it in her face by running away. But now if I go back I will have to explain myself – explain to them that I couldn’t protect what was the most important to me. How could I fight for them when I can’t even-” Her voice broke off as she shook her head.

“They might surprise you,” he said with a queer smile, “family are like that.”

“We’re not family-” Ivy made to correct him but he gave an indignant snort.

“Family is more than blood, you should know that by now,” He shifted and grumbled at the effort, placing his spent pipe on a small stool by his bed. “I have always considered you my child, even when I was practically one myself.” He yawned and kicked off his boots, lying on his side and settling down. Ivy smiled and stood, it was early into the night – there were still things she could do before resting.

She pulled the blanket off Athrand gently before tucking him back in, ensuring his feet were covered and that the blanket wouldn’t fall off during his sleep.

“I’m not falling asleep,” he said dazedly and Ivy couldn’t help but smile.

“Of course not,” she said, “but you should relax while I remove the bodies I so rudely left at your door.” He hummed in agreement and barely a few moments later he was snoring softly, Ivy watched him for a moment before she looked to the front door. Bodies, bath then rest.

 

Ivy awoke on a pile of furs before the fireplace and it took a moment to remember where she was.

“Good morning,” Athrand croaked at her before coughing, it took him time to clear his lungs, enough time for Ivy to get up and fetch him water. He nodded at her in thanks before she set to picking up and setting aside the furs she slept on, she hadn’t slept on furs since she was a part of the Qun, it felt homely somehow.

“Are you going to stay a while?” Athrand asked cheerfully, his keen eyes watching her movements.

“Until you get tired of me,” Ivy said and though she heard a sarcastic remark.

“Well don’t think it’s a holiday,” he warned her, “it’s past dawn and you’re not training – don’t think you’ll get away with it here.”

“Yes ser,” Ivy teased before she was ushered out, eventually followed by the old elf who delighted in yelling both encouragement and insults to the human as he sat nearby.

It continued this way for a week, Athrand was filling her in on everything she missed including his wedding, their part in the Blight and the earlier battles. How they came to Ferelden – by accident apparently – and their brief foray into distilling moonshine and selling it to both locals for recreational purposes and to mercenary groups for flammable purposes.

“I’m glad to have seen you again Wildling,” Athrand wheezed one night as Ivy helped him lay down on his bed, pulling the blanket up high to cover his chest as he reached out to hold her hand. “I always regretted not pressing Fen’Harel for more information, or trying to find you, I know Senrith felt the same.”

“You need to rest,” Ivy said with a smile, “it’s been a long day.”

“A long century,” He corrected her with a weak smile, “long years that grew darker with each step. Rebellions, wars, blights. And now this nonsense with the Templars-” he coughed suddenly and struggled to clear his throat, frowning at the effort when he finally calmed.

“Each battle was supposed to be the last,” he said quietly and Ivy pulled a stool close to sit without having to let go of his hand. “I don’t know how we survived them all.”

“You survived because you were the best,” Ivy said quietly, “and you were with the best.” He hummed and smiled.

“I survived because I was lucky. And that luck just kept going, even in my darkest moments.” He squeezed her hand weakly and sighed, he looked exhausted but refused to sleep. “But I _did_ have the best with me, it was them that made my life worthwhile, my friends, my husband.”

“Wouldn’t trade it for anything else,” Ivy agreed and he smiled at her, shaking her hand as if to get her attention.

“You know, Wilding, you’re the strongest woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting,” he said with sincerity and she smiled at him, “if only you saw yourself that way, then Fen wouldn’t be haunting you as much as he is.” Ivy huffed and nodded once.

“Is it that simple?” She murmured to herself.

“It’s not about simple,” he scolded her, “it’s about knowing yourself, and apparently I know you better than you do. Don’t hide here Ivy, your family needs you. Now more than ever – and I know what that feels like.”

“I wish I could have been there for you,” she said, “I’m sorry I took so long.” He smiled.

“You got here in the end, I just took the longer path.” He reached up and pulled a necklace free from his neck and on it two simple rings were strung, clinking together as they slid down the leather cord. He struggled at the knot of the necklace, his shaking fingers unable to untie it. “Help me take this off?” He asked and Ivy did so, sliding the necklace free and placing it into his hands.

“Weddings rings are peculiar, a human thing,” he smiled at them in memory, “Senrith didn’t want to follow the human tradition but I insisted, I’m glad I did.”

“He always was stubborn.” Ivy said with a smile.

“You both were.” Athrand jibed and pushed the rings and cord into the palm of Ivy’s hand. “Look after them for me.”

“Athrand, no-” Ivy protested, trying to give them back to him.

“Humour me,” he insisted firmly, his eyes drooping shut. “Just until I wake up.”

“You’ll get them back first thing tomorrow,” Ivy said firmly, tucking his blanket around him, “you need to rest, you’ve earned it.”

“I have.” He smiled and slipped into sleep.

 

The dawn came and Ivy awoke with it, stretching and feeling the fresh air wash along her skin. Athrand was still asleep and Ivy stood quietly as not to wake him.

 _Ivy,_ Knowledge spoke uncertainly through her and Ivy paused in her step, a feeling of unease washing over her as she looked over Athrand.

She took one forced step, then another, refusing to look at his prone form until she had made her way next to him. He was still, so still, and when she reached a hand out to him he was cold to the touch.

 _In his sleep,_ Knowledge tried to comfort her, _we should all be so lucky._

“I got here in time,” Ivy said to herself as silent tears streamed down her cheeks.

_You did, and now he’s reunited with his husband._

 

She buried Athrand in full armour, beside Senrith in their garden. There was nowhere more perfect for him to rest.

Ivy sat before them both, the long leaves of a willow tree swaying in the cold breeze as early spring blossoms broke loose and drifted down. Knowledge waited patiently, pushing it’s love thorough her as she thought.

She was alone, but she was content.

 _Whatever you decide, you have my support._ The spirit broke through the hour long silence and Ivy nodded slowly.

“Let’s go home,” Ivy said quietly and stood. Gathering her few belongings and tying the pair of wedding rings around her neck. One last visit to the graves and she gave them a salute, letting out a shaking breath as she broke it.

“I won’t let you down,” she said, “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My heart is broken my poor boys ; ;


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ivy’s heart skipped a beat before she took a deep breath and nodded once, the grip on the hilt of her sword tightening absently. Adaar’s cold eyes met Ivy’s defiant ones, challenging the human to disobey again.

Her horse seemed to have endless stamina as it’s hooves thundered up the well maintained paths of the Frostback mountains and towards Skyhold. Ivy arrived at the gates in record time and as the nervousness washed over her she almost wished she had slowed the pace.

It was evening when she arrived, urging her horse to a halt in the courtyard as a couple of guards approached silently, she knew them and they knew her – probably the only thing that allowed her to get this far into the fortress unchecked.

One guard took the reins and another stepped forwards, an older man who had been in the Inquisition for years.

“Captain Volkev,” the man gruffed as Ivy dismounted, her cape bouncing as she landed her foot on the ground, she looked up at the towers, the hall, all so familiar to her as they glowed from the candlelight within. “We’ve got orders to apprehend you on sight.”

“Walsh,” Ivy greeted him with a tight smile and a clap of her hand on his shoulder, he let slip a faint smile in return, “then today is your lucky day, take me to Adaar.”

“Are you out of your mind?” Walsh hissed as Ivy faced him with determination. “Adaar’s been cursin’ your name up an down these halls, girl. I take you to her, I might as well just take you to the dungeon.”

“I’ll take my chances,” she said, “and I’ll be seeing Adaar – either with you escorting me or without.”

“Maker’s balls,” Walsh cursed and glared at her, letting out a long sigh before jerking his head towards the hall, storming off and forcing Ivy to keep up with his quick pace.

 

The soldier led Ivy through the lower halls to a long room which was commonly used for holding dinners and rapped on the door with his fist twice before opening it and stepping inside with military ease. Ivy slowly followed behind, her first step almost faltering before she recovered, one hand on the hilt of her sword to comfort herself and was greeted with the smell of delicious food. The room was quiet but not because it was unoccupied, it was in fact full with the Inquisitor and her companions who all turned to stare at her approach.

No words, not one sound dared to break the sudden tension as Ivy took the first step of what seemed like a hundred towards the Inquisitor.

Adaar watched her patiently with a stony expression as Ivy walked across the room to where she sat at the end of the table. Ivy was more than wary, given her unannounced departure from Skyhold and the mistrust that Adaar felt towards her before she left but the Inquisitor gave no hint of anger or dissatisfaction, in fact she gave no clues to her thoughts at all. She bowed to the Inquisitor, one hand on her sword still and the Kossith simply watched her, a goblet of wine in one hand. Ivy had never known any of them to be silent and the way they watched with a mix of emotions unnerved her to her core.

She could feel a trickle of nervous sweat run down her spine and she hoped that hidden sign was the only one apparent of her anxiety.

“You’ve returned.” Adaar’s calm voice held an air of authority as it carved through the thick silence, the heavy tone of her slight accent almost revelling in the way it echoed through the room. Ivy straightened herself and met the woman’s eyes, both of them with stubborn and hard gazes, their wills clashing. “Bull informed me that you may be absent from us for some time.”

“That was the intention, but the situation changed.” Ivy said curtly, almost as if she were reporting on a mission, and cast a glance to Bull who watched her with a wary expression, one hand covering his mouth casually as he leaned on his elbow. Adaar did not miss the gesture.

“Did you find what you were searching for?” Adaar asked with a mix of curiosity, disappointment and coldness. Ivy knew the tone well, experienced it each time she stood on trial before the imposing woman. She felt all eyes on her, waiting for her response.

“No.” Ivy said, unsure of what she was referring to or what Bull had told her. “But I did run into some old friends,” She glanced at Solas who remained silent and still, not looking at her. She couldn’t help it, a giving tell that she knew Bull and Leliana picked up on if their own glances were anything to go by. “They… he - helped put some things into perspective.”

“Then perhaps you can share that perspective.” Adaar demanded lightly, spinning the goblet in her clawed fingers. Ivy hesitated, the words sticking in her throat. The hesitation was not welcome. “I have been lenient and forgiving, Volkev, and despite the strained history between us I considered you a friend. Simply the way you returned to us after your ‘death’ should have warranted your execution and yet I welcomed you back. But, once again, you disappointed me. In this I demand an explanation. I refuse to be treated as a fool any longer.”

Ivy’s heart skipped a beat before she took a deep breath and nodded once, the grip on the hilt of her sword tightening absently. Adaar’s cold eyes met Ivy’s defiant ones, challenging the human to disobey again.

“I was with child.” She said simply and she thought it impossible the room could become any more silent before a clatter of a fork hitting a plate broke the tension sharply. Adaar stopped twirling her wine and placed it on the table before giving Ivy her full attention.

“You are not here with a newborn.” Adaar barely whispered, worry flashing over her face.

“No. Red Templars ambushed me barely two days after I departed Skyhold, I was lucky to make it with my own life.” Ivy said and glanced at the occupants of the room who were either rapt with curiosity or trying to be as small of a presence as possible. Solas was staring past her with his hand covering his mouth. “My child could not be saved.”

“You could have stayed,” Adaar said in surprising softness, “I would never have cast you out.”

“This was not your doing, Adaar.” Ivy said before the blame began. “I chose to leave my old life, I chose to flee from this one. But I want to be clear now; I am here to serve the Inquisition. No more lies, no more secrets.”

“That’s quite a claim given your previous reluctance.” Adaar said cautiously before biting her lip. “A reluctance that I now feel keenly, but… I will admit we need your experience. Now more than ever,” the kossith let out a long breath, her eyes closing for a moment in thought, almost if she were already regretting her words, “and I’m not about to turn away help when we need it the most.”

“Thank you, Inquisitor.” Ivy’s words were heartfelt, perhaps for the first time when talking to Adaar.

“Leliana received a few reports from Ferelden,” Adaar said with a queer smile, “I’m surprised you chose to come back given your status there.”

“Status isn’t important to me,” Ivy said flatly and shifted on her feet, her hand finally letting go of the hilt of her sword as she put her hands behind her back, her spine still rigid, terribly military. Adaar looked Ivy over with a considering look.

“And yet you have it,” Adaar mused, “Ferelden’s own, protecting the King as he rebuilds the city with his own hands. I’m surprised you left him to his own devices.”

“Alistair has never needed me to guide him,” Ivy said with a frown, immediately defending her friend. “He’s a hero in his own right and a damned good king.”

“Of course,” Adaar agreed with a side glance to Leliana, Ivy wondered if the Inquisitor sometimes forgot about the Blight and the people forged from it. “Ferelden has a lot of talent, Alistair is blessed with it, hopefully we can bring some over to us.”

“Instead of chasing them about the Hinterlands,” Blackwall added and Adaar hummed in disappointed agreeance, Knowledge let out a thrill of amusement and Ivy’s skin prickled from it.

“Well,” Ivy half shrugged and fought back a smile, “Better luck next time.”

Adaar’s look was so sharp it could cut glass but it was countered by Varric’s amused chuckle, the tension in the room slowly ebbing away. Adaar just shook her head and let out a long sigh.

“We’ll talk about that later,” Adaar promised before shifting uncomfortably in her chair, “it might not be the best time to ask-” her eyes flickered to Iron Bull who seemed to understand her meaning and straightened up, hand falling away from his face as he met Ivy’s eyes with trepidation.

“You want to know if Bull was the father.” Ivy finished for her and she nodded somewhat bashfully.

“I just know how rare it is for humans and kossith to have children-” Adaar cut herself off with a wave of her hand “I’m curious.”

Ivy couldn’t help but let a small smile slip past her lips, things must have been going well between Adaar and Blackwall if she was wondering about half-breed children. Ivy paused for a moment, wondering if it was worth keeping the charade, she had after all just promised to refrain from lying. With a long draw of breath she opened her mouth to speak when she was interrupted.

“Iron Bull was not the father.” A deep, reserved voice sounded from the end of the table and every head in the room turned to look at Solas who was staring at the food on his plate. Without another word he stood up quickly, his heavy wooden chair falling to the ground with a clatter but he didn’t stop to pick it up, simply kept walking until he had left the room, slamming the door behind him.

Ivy closed her eyes and let out a long, shallow sigh, opening them to see all eyes on her again she gave Adaar a tight smile.

“Well,” Adaar began awkwardly, “that’s... Will you join us? I take it you haven’t eaten.”

“Thank you, Inquisitor, but with your permission I’d rather return to my quarters and rest. If my quarters even still exist.” Adaar huffed a tired sound.

“Of course they do. _Your Commander_ wouldn’t allow me to repurpose the room,” Adaar shot Cullen a condescending look before nodding once at Ivy who bowed and retreated, holding on to that resolve which saw her return to Skyhold.

 

Ivy stepped out of the dining room paused in the grand hallway, her heart was pounding and breath coming raggedly as she swallowed thickly and tried to calm herself. It went better than she expected, but that did nothing to calm her heartbeat. Gently the door was opened behind her and as she turned she came face to face with a doe-eyed Commander who halted upon seeing her so close by. Only a couple of heartbeats thudded in her chest before he stepped into her space and placed a gloved hand on her shoulder, his smile tight and sad as he glanced to the nearby guard pointedly and gestured his head to the adjacent empty room.

The room was cold, no fire had been lit in the small fireplace but that wasn’t the reason her hands were shaking. Behind her Cullen closed the door softly and his boots made a steady sound against the stone floor as he approached and gently rested his hands high on her shoulders, the pads of his thumbs barely grazing her neck.

“I am sorry, Ivy.” He said softly and she faced him with a tight smile, the same smile she had worn for the last six months. “I should have sent an escort with you, I wasn’t thinking.”

“I was with the Ferelden escort when we were ambushed.” She shrugged and absently traced at the scar that she earned from that skirmish, Cullen’s eyes tracing over the line that ran from her cheekbone to jaw. “All five of them – it was a fucking bloodbath. I thought for certain I was dead.” She shook her head and let out a trembling breath. “It wouldn’t have helped.”

“But you survived, you’re back and safe.” He said calmly while flashing her a reassuring smile. “At least as safe as any of us can be.”

“Cullen, I-” her voice broke and his expression flashed with worry, Ivy reached out to touch at his cheek, his neck, to wrap her fingers in his mantle. Her throat was tight as unshed tears threatened. “I am so sorry, I should have told you, should have stayed. Maker I- forgive me.” He pulled her into him, arms wrapping tightly around her as she let out a sob and buried her face into the fur.

“You never have, nor ever will, need to ask for my forgiveness.” He said calmly as he gently stroked behind her ear with his thumb, hushing her as she let go of the pain and guilt that had been riding her for months. “I knew you’d be back,” he said confidently, “one thing I’ve learned about you.”

He pulled back enough to smile at her, his thumb wiping away at wet trail left by her tear, he gave her one sharp nod, a reassurance that she reciprocated. Yes, she would be fine, she was telling him silently, just as he was telling her that he’d be there for her.

He let out a long sigh and a half amused but mostly exhausted smile settled on his face, his scar tugging upwards lazily.

“So,” he began, the amusement trickling into his voice, “Solas. I honestly didn’t think he held your interest in that way.” Ivy let out a long sigh and stepped back, seeking the refuge of the cold and empty fireplace to stare at.

“Did Bull tell you?” She asked quietly.

“He offered,” Cullen said and stepped up beside her, “but I didn’t want to hear why you fled from anyone else. I figured you would tell me if you wanted to.”

“I didn’t know how,” she said lamely, “Bull demanded an explanation, and it was better that it came from me than risk his Ben-Hassrath process.”

“He would demand it, given you had only just returned to us.” Cullen said, the implication was there but left unsaid for a few precious moments before the curiosity got the better of him. “Were you and Solas… _involved_ before Adamant?”

Silence hovered between them in which Cullen shifted uncomfortably.

“Ivy, you don’t have to answer, it’s not my business.”

“Yes,” Ivy said and cut off his nervous words, “and no.”

“It was complicated?” he questioned.

“Complicated,” Ivy huffed, “is one way to put it. Thousands of years of complications.”

“I don’t understand-”

“The Adamant rift,” Ivy said almost breathlessly, “I never told you-”

“That it took you back in time?” Cullen finished for her with a small smile, “Adaar told me just after your trial, but what does Solas have to do with it?” Ivy turned to face him, arms crossed over her chest and lower lip between her teeth. She was nervous to tell him and not completely sure why.

“He was there,” she said with an uneven voice, “that’s how he’s the father.”

“Maker,” Cullen whispered in astonishment before his brow furrowed in thought, “does that mean that Solas knew who you were before he joined us in Haven?”

“Yes,” Ivy said and Cullen shifted anxiously, unhappy with the idea of the elf having so much knowledge of her, “and he never said anything.”

“Not even when we were frightened about you dying at Adamant,” Cullen growled, “I’m going to kill him.”

“Don’t force his hand,” Ivy said with less emotion than intended, it sounded cold and calculating which made Cullen look at her warily. “He’s more dangerous than you know.”

“Tell me,” he demanded and Ivy shook her head once.

“You have a war to win,” she stressed and stepped to him, her hands gripping his forearm and her head resting on the uncomfortable metal of his pauldron. “Let Bull and I handle this, we have time,” she added as he was about to protest. He gave one curt nod and reluctantly dropped the topic before his hand came to rest on her hair delicately.

“There is one thing I _do_ have to do,” Cullen said with determination and Ivy looked at him curiously to see him pull a flat mage stone from the cuff of his armour.

“Oh, no Cullen-” Ivy began but he held one finger up to her for silence, his eyes squeezing shut in concentration as he held the stone up to his forehead in a clenched fist. The sound of shuffling and blatant swearing was the sign Cullen needed to pull the stone back and gaze into it, a dangerously pleasant look on his face.

“Fucking hell, Rutherford,” Alistair’s groggy voice emanated from the stone along with the shuffling of sheets, “one more midnight call and I’m going to think that our relationship is much more than friendly banter.”

“Pretend all you want,” Cullen said as Ivy hid her face behind her hands in trepidation, “but I know you love it when I call.”

“Oh, he’s got _attitude_ tonight,” the King retorted, “I could get used to you being feisty.”

“Speaking of attitude,” Cullen seemed to completely ignore the feisty comment, “How is Ivy? Is she well?” Ivy shook her head mortified, cringing as he set the trap up.

“Exceptionally,” Alistair lied smoothly without hesitation, “Ferelden is smitten with her and I believe she enjoys it here too. I’m afraid she may not be returning to you for some time.”

“Still in the palace then?” Cullen pressed and Alistair hummed in affirmation. “May I speak with her?”

“Cullen… it’s late,” Alistair hesitated, “I can’t go to her rooms now it would be a scandal.”

“That wouldn’t stop you,” Cullen countered, “it _is_ urgent.”

“Well,” Alistair cleared his throat, “I guess I could get her to call you, if she’s available, I mean- she was complaining of feeling ill earlier so I don’t know how soon she would be able to. Maybe if you just let me know what it’s about I can get a message to her-” Cullen let out a long sigh and stepped behind Ivy, pulling her into his chest so her head was close to his.

“ _Alistair-_ ” Cullen stressed and Alistair looked at Cullen then Ivy, and closed his eyes in defeat.

“ _Shit,”_ the King’s curse was heartfelt and Ivy apologised with wide eyes.

“I’m sorry Alistair,” Ivy began and he shook his head, further messing his pillow-tousled hair.

“You were going to tell me if you left Ferelden,” he reminded her of her promise and Ivy felt guilty.

“I know,” she said, “I wasn’t sure if I was coming back until I was here – there was no way I could get word to you.”

“My heart is broken,” Alistair deadpanned, “in pieces. I feel used and abandoned.” Cullen cleared his throat and Alistair sat up straighter as if he were a scolded schoolboy.

“I think we will discuss how easily you can lie to your friend in the morning,” Cullen said with a stern voice and Alistair wilted. “Sleep well, your majesty.”

“As if I’m going to sleep now,” Alistair said petulantly, “just going to be thinking about _you_ all night now aren’t I?”

“Careful,” Cullen warned, “keep talking like that and I’m going to think our relationship is more than friendly banter.” Even through the mage stone and the low candlelight in Alistair’s room they could see Alistair’s cheeks redden.

“ _That’s not what I mea-”_ Cullen shook the stone to clear it and cut the connection to the King, smiling to himself before looking down at Ivy.

“Did you have to do that?” Ivy asked and he huffed a laugh.

“Let him stew overnight,” Cullen mused, “he’ll call me out of worry mid-morning.”

“You’re evil,” Ivy whispered with wide eyes and he flashed her a toothy smile.

 

Ivy stepped out of the room and into the hallway, Cullen had already stepped out before her and left quickly, just in case anyone felt inclined to begin any rumours of them being alone in a disused room together.

Ivy sighed and wandered past the open door of the dining room, pausing when she heard Adaar arguing with Blackwall. Ivy made to leave quickly, not wanting to eavesdrop on the two, but when she heard her name she ducked into the shadow of a wall instinctively, curiosity getting the better of her.

“ _Again_ , Adaar?” Blackwall grumbled, he was pacing as Adaar leaned on the mantle of the fireplace, the orange glow reflecting beautifully off her while hair. “How many times will Volkev have to betray you before you stop letting her get away with it?”

“She’s difficult to deal with certainly,” Adaar said flatly, as if she was bored of the argument, “but for all the times she’s betrayed or played me like a fool she’s made up for it otherwise.”

“But when will that balance tip against us?” Blackwall threw his hand out as if he was showcasing the future. “You don’t know enough about her to-”

“Bull knows her, trusts her,” Adaar interrupted as Blackwall made a frustrated sound that was close to a growl, “Cullen, Alistair, _Maker_ I think even Solas does to a point. Especially if he was the father.”

“It doesn’t take trust to make a baby,” Blackwall said bitterly.

“We need her,” Adaar said simply, “even if we never use her visions to our advantage, it’s better she’s safe in our hands than manipulated in others. Her friendships here will at least ensure she stays for the moment.”

“More trouble than she’s worth,” Blackwall sighed and stepped to Adaar, putting his arms around her waist, “a fortune teller that talks in circles, but true enough to hold faith of those who listen.”

“Are Wardens always so suspicious?” Adaar asked playfully and was spun to face him, a chaste kiss planted on her lips.

“Yes,” Blackwall said flatly, “someone needs to be.”

Ivy felt the barest flutter of air on her hands, a movement of usually still wind and her hand was drawing her dagger from her belt before her mind caught up, giving her a second to bring up her arms up and stop the fist that held an ornate dagger at her throat. Ivy’s own dagger pressing just above her assailant’s collarbone with her wrist gripped tight.

Leliana glowered at her, half covered in the shadows that Ivy was hiding in, pressing against her enough that Ivy had to put in effort to stop the dagger from piercing her flesh. Ivy hadn’t noticed Leliana approach at all, suitably impressed Ivy cracked a smile.

“Care to explain why you’re hiding in the shadows, Seer?” Leliana spoke lowly in a melodic voice, her eyes piercing as she scrutinised Ivy.

“A girl can’t help but become curious when she hears her name,” Ivy replied casually, “especially given the source of it.” Leliana glanced into the room and spied the couple as they embraced by the fire, looking content in their moment of peace.

“The words Adaar speak shouldn’t be of concern until they’re directed at you,” Leliana warned and Ivy let out a huff of silent laughter.

“Oh, Spymaster,” Ivy chided and Leliana’s glare would have sent even Corypheus scurrying away. “Of all the people who surround your Herald, I am the one you should worry about the least.”

“The hell are you talking about-” soft footsteps sounded and the two glanced their daggers still threatening, a frustrated curse and both of them relented, sheathing their weapons and pressing back into the shadows as Blackwall entered the hallway and walked away from them, the two women seemingly unnoticed.  

 

Ivy stepped forward and to the door, looking over her shoulder to find Leliana awfully close and looking furious. With a gesture of her head Ivy bade the woman to follow as she entered the dining room where Adaar still lingered by the fireplace.

“Leliana, Volkev,” Adaar greeted them as they approached, “you both look tense.” Leliana and Ivy exchanged glances until Leliana relaxed and crossed her arms over her chest, putting her weight on her left leg. Apparently she wasn’t going to mention Ivy’s eavesdropping.

“I think we both struggle to relax on a good day,” Ivy said in response and Adaar let out a tiny laugh as she turned back to the fire.

“I have discovered that,” Adaar agreed and let the silence stretch between them until Ivy broke it.

“I assume you’ve visited the Winter Palace in the last few months,” Ivy wasn’t completely certain having little communication while in the Hinterlands. Adaar gave her a measured stare before wandering over to the table and pouring herself wine.

“I don’t want to talk about that place,” Adaar said sullenly, her mood suddenly soured.

“It was chaotic,” Leliana explained and Ivy nodded in understanding.

“Celene?” She asked.

“Alive,” Leliana answered for the Inquisitor, “she has promised us support.”

“Morrigan?” Ivy sighed and Leliana raised her eyebrow at the question.

“En route to Skyhold, do you know her?”

“No,” Ivy shook her head, “I know _of_ her and don’t have a particular interest to get to know her better. When are you moving on the Well of Sorrows?”

“You shouldn’t know about that,” Adaar said cautiously and Ivy held out her hands in exasperation and Adaar simply sighed. “I can’t tell you that, not until I know I can trust you.”

“Well, when we get sent to the Arbor Wilds I’ll know, but that’s neither here nor there,” Ivy shrugged. “I’ll assist the Commander with preparing the troops for the different environment, try to teach them to recognise an enemy they can’t see. Maker, what else?” Ivy scrunched up her nose and rubbed at her forehead as she tried to remember.

There was something else, but Ivy wasn’t sure if she should mention it. She rolled the thought around in her mind and chewed on her lower lip as the two women watched on curiously. Finally, quietly and uncertainly, Ivy let out the simple sentence.

“I said no more secrets and I intend to keep to that.” Ivy said as Adaar watched her carefully, Leliana moved to have a better view of Ivy as she watched curiously. “But what I tell you can’t go any further, it doesn’t leave this room.” Adaar nodded and bit her lip in thought.

“Last time you were this serious about something was the night before Adamant – you’re not going to disappear again are you? You’ve been here barely an hour.” Adaar half joked but the seriousness still shone through, Ivy smiled and huffed a laugh.

“Not unless Leliana throws me over the walls.”

“It’s a possibility,” Leliana deadpanned but the threat in her words was very real.

“Alright, you have my word, I’ll tell no one.” Adaar nodded and took a step closer to Ivy who looked around the room and let out a sigh. Meddling, she was meddling and she promised not to do that.

“You’re going to meet a man in Val Royeux,” Ivy grimaced as she said it, “Thom Rainier”

“And what about him?” Adaar asked without a hint of concern, the name had meant nothing to her.

“It’s going to break your heart,” Ivy said, her voice not completely clear, “but you just need to remember that he _is_ a good man despite what he claims.”

“That’s it? Nothing more?” Adaar frowned,

“When you meet him, don’t hate me.” Ivy added with a scrunch of her nose and Adaar put one hand on her hip and judged the human.

“I should have gotten a vow that you’d be less cryptic.” The Inquisitor complained and shook her head. “Thank you, for telling me.”

“Don’t thank me,” Ivy shook her head, hands on her hips. “Maker, I’m exhausted. I’m going to try and get to my quarters without interruption.”

“You and me both.” Adaar said and flashed her a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had to cut the chapter in half it was getting too long, Solas AND Bull next chapter I promise!  
> I live for Alistair and Cullen banter, really trying to resist just making this whole series about those two snarking at each other.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You can’t see it, what you do to me.” Solas said raggedly, breath coming from his lips in clouds of white.

Ivy wandered out to the gardens after leaving Adaar, intending to find some much needed sleep in her quarters. The stresses of not only the hard ride through the mountains but the way in which she returned to the Inquisition’s service left her bone tired and feeling exhausted.

Intending to avoid the gathering of nobles and servants in the main hall Ivy stuck to the shadows and escaped out into the gardens unnoticed, she felt a muted sense of success at having avoided the political social trap but as she walked through the cold night air she stilled, noticing the lack of guards moments before she noticed the light footsteps quietly following her.

Resisting the urge to flee she continued into the garden, her hand resting casually on the hilt of her sword, her boots crunched the pebbled path she followed and sure enough the light footsteps behind her echoed the same sound.

A quick glance in the peripheral vision revealed no-one, no movement or signs of her stalker so she ducked down a set of stairs and made her way to a lower, more secluded part of the garden – Adaar’s private sanctuary if Ivy remembered correctly.

Just beyond the stairs Ivy slipped to press her back to the stone wall, the vines that grew along it softly tickling at her as Ivy used the shadow to her advantage. She could hear the footsteps on the gravelled path above the stairs, hesitant before descending slowly step by step. Ivy counted the soft footsteps, her breath long and shallow in the silence, waiting for the tenth light padded sound before reaching from the shadows and grabbing at her assailant’s clothes with her left hand and drawing her sword with her right. A man grunted in surprise as he was shoved against the opposite wall, the plants crushing beneath him, Ivy’s sword gleaming with its edge pressed firm to his pale throat.

Solas breathed heavily beneath the blade, his eyes wide and fiery as he watched Ivy warily yet retained his usual arrogant countenance. The fingers of one hand curled to resist the blade automatically but otherwise he did not move.

“Gods above, Solas, you are eager to die,” Ivy said in a low hiss though it wasn’t likely that anyone could hear or see her. Adaar had certainly built this alcove for privacy given the cover the plants and walls provided.

“Vhenan,” he rasped, voice just as low, “it was not my intention to make you feel threatened.”

“Then why follow me?” Ivy adjusted her blade to angle higher and he frowned uncomfortably.

“Because,” he let out a sharp sigh and looked to the ground as best he could, “I had to speak with you.”

Ivy gave him a glare before lowering her blade from his throat, sliding it home in its scabbard as she stepped back towards a decorative gazebo to give him space.

“Then talk,” she said with a thread of anger. Solas stepped forward and rubbed at his throat absently, Ivy hadn’t cut him, but he still tried to chase away the lingering feeling of the metal, an almost vulnerable motion from such a stoic man.

“Are you-” he began before cutting himself off and looking down, he was uncertain, hesitant. “You were telling the truth earlier? About the child?”

“You think I would lie?” Ivy asked him bitterly, the question sat heavy on her conscience. She couldn’t imagine why she would lie about it.

“I think that if you had reason enough you are capable of anything,” he spoke warily, taking a small step towards her. “I thought perhaps you had hidden the child from me somehow.”

“No,” Ivy said curtly, sitting on a bench inside the open gazebo before spreading her arms wide to show nothing around her “there are no schemes here.”

Solas walked to her slowly, his eyes averted and hand covering his mouth. If Ivy didn’t have a view of the way his brow frowned in a pained expression she would have thought him simply thinking deeply on any given matter, but as it was he was showing her more of himself than she had seen since returning through the rift. It made her heart ache.

“Nothing could have been done,” Ivy’s voice was almost rough, breathy in the night’s silence, “I had the best healer I’ve known next to me, he saved my life. Kept bringing me back from the dead.”

“You left because of me,” his voice was deeper than normal, sullen. “I never intended for something like this to happen, you must believe me.”

“What your intentions were means little after the fact,” Ivy said sharply as Solas looked down on her sorrowfully, Ivy shook her head.  “I keep thinking of our argument, how if it didn’t happen maybe – maybe I wouldn’t have left. But then I think that without the power you gave Corypheus, that red templar would never have been created.”

“If I hadn’t of done so, we’d have never met. You know this.” He whispered and Ivy nodded once and waved her hand to let that particular point go.

“But then I keep going, what if I had never of never fallen in love with you, or joined the Inquisition knowing what I would face here, or any single event leading up to that fucking Templar in the field.” She let out a heavy sigh and rubbed her eye tiredly, chasing away the tears that had threatened. “All those choices I made willingly that resulted in the most important choice in my life being stolen from me. So as much as I want to blame you, how easy it would be, I know it’s on my own head.”

“No, it’s not-”

“Yes,” Ivy insisted, interrupting him, “I was responsible for protecting my child. I didn’t do that.”

“I should never have let you go,” Solas shook his head and sunk to his knees before her, hidden by the shadows of the wooden gazebo. His head bent as if begging forgiveness he delicately, cautiously reached up and placed his hand on her knee, his fingers brushing her own. “I should have protected you, but I pushed you away. I knew what I was saying, and that you’d never agree to- to be _confined_ in any way. I just wanted to get you away from this war.”

“I couldn’t trust you, Solas,” Ivy admitted and she wasn’t sure she should have, his breath hitched for a moment. “Who you are now, I couldn’t trust you to tell me the truth let alone protect me.”

“Vhenan _please,_ ” he stressed, “I don’t know what I can say to make you see what I see, to believe in me again. You ask for the truth when you know you’ll hate me for it, I just wanted to protect you, protect _our_ baby.”

“Were you protecting me when you lied to me about Senrith and Athrand?” Ivy asked cooly and Solas went still.

“Ivy-”

“Think carefully, Fen’Harel.” Ivy said lowly, a thread of warning to her voice. “I just buried my friend next to his husband, perhaps now would be the time for truth.”

“You were on trial,” He said without moving, without looking up at her, “you weren’t in the right frame of mind.”

“To learn that my friends were still alive?” She asked with a huff of exasperation.

“To learn that what you fought and bled for with them had been lost.” He raised his head quickly, his eyes hard and wide. “I could not stand there and compound loss after loss upon you. Not while you were so fragile.”

“I cared for _them_ , I cared for the _people_ not your damned cause.” Ivy said in hushed exasperation, wary of eavesdroppers. “Just like you used to.”

“I still do,” he rasped, “more than you realise.”

Silence stretched between them for a moment, a silence that bred worry and doubt in Ivy’s gut about the man before her and not for the first time. There was almost nothing left of the man she loved and Ivy began to believe that even with their child it would be almost impossible to bring him back.

A pang of guilt ebbed through her, guilt that she wanted Solas to be Fen again. But had he really changed? He still charged towards his narrow worldview which had barely shifted, he wanted the Elvhen Empire – _his_ empire, free and restored to glory. Was she wanting something entirely unfair? Or even possible?

“I fought for _you_ ,” Ivy said, her hand reaching out to touch his cheek gently, his eyes softening closing as he leaned into the touch. “I loved you, my Fen’Harel, more than you’ll know.”

Ivy looked him over with wide eyes and felt her stomach sink.

“You can’t see it, what you do to me.” Solas said raggedly, breath coming from his lips in clouds of white. “I defeated those who would be gods, instilled fear into the armies we fought. But the moment you look at me with doubt in your eyes I am on my knees.” He reached up and placed his hand on top of hers gently, as if afraid she would pull away or the touch of her skin would burn him.

“I never wanted to hurt you,” he rasped, “I wanted to protect you, to end the rebellion so we could live freely, to save you from fighting yet another war – I wanted to shroud you and our child in peace and happiness. But you… never needed me.”

“I _did_ need you, Solas.” Ivy’s voice was level, hard as her thumb traced his cheekbone. His skin was still smooth, still faintly cool against her warmth. Solas leaned into her touch further, chasing it as she dropped her hand away. “And in that moment, when I was at my lowest, you weren’t there.”

“ _Ivy-_ ” he choked but her expression made him pause.

“I will always love you, Vhenan,” she whispered and he looked at her with saddened eyes, “but you’re not good for me and I don’t think I’m good for you.”

“You don’t mean that,” he said flatly, the barest thread of emotion wavering in his voice.

“You told me before I should put myself first,” Ivy said quietly and he opened his mouth to protest but no words came out. “I think it’s best for the both of us that I take your advice.”

“You will go back to _him_ ,” Solas’ voice was hard, it would be angry if it were louder. “You’ll run back to Iron Bull as if I had never entered your life.”

Ivy paused at that, she would be lying if she said the thought never crossed her mind. She missed Iron Bull dearly, when she wasn’t with him it felt as if a piece of her soul was missing, but looking at the elf kneeling before her a different part of her soul twisted in agony. They were like night and day, two completely different men that managed to help rebuild her shattered worlds.

Ivy felt… tired. Tired of the demands in her life, tired of justifying herself to the people around her. She almost longed to be sent to the battlefront so all she had to worry about was the next swing of her sword and block of her shield. Inwardly she cringed, she had only been back at Skyhold for a few hours.

She wanted to yell at Solas, to scream and rant, to force him to understand that it could never go back to the way it was before she had loved him. Solas was woven into her mind and heart just as the kossith was, he was almost an addiction she couldn’t resist.

But she had to resist.

When all she wanted to do was lean into his arms and kiss him, to forget how twisted he could make her feel, to turn a blind eye to the threat he posed for everyone in Thedas, the threat he posed to her.

Ivy would never have a choice, not in this. Not one she could live with.

“Do you know what we called him in the Qun?” Ivy asked and Solas closed his eyes as if he knew where the conversation headed.

“Hissrad,” he said, “his name was Hissrad.”

“It means ‘ _liar’,_ and in the time I’ve known him he has only lied to me once. One big lie, which we both suffered from.”

“The Arishok,” Solas supplied the answer and Ivy nodded silently.

“How many times have _you_ lied to me?” Ivy asked calmly and his silence was her answer. “How much have we suffered for it? Iron Bull, for all his flaws, has been a constant light in my life – would you truly blame me if I did?”

“No,” Solas whispered, head bowed.

“You have changed my life irrevocably, Solas, whether for good or bad remains to be seen.”

Ivy stood and his hands slid out of hers, falling softly to land on his thighs as he sat back on his heels. Without another word Ivy walked away, leaving Solas wide eyed and kneeling in the dirt.

 

 

Ivy waited in the middle of the training yard, looking up at the starry black sky and memorising the constellations as milky white breath languidly escaped her lungs. There was little point in trying to get to her quarters this time, she knew there was one more person she needed to see before she rested but she was hesitant. What if, after all these months, all this time and scheming and running she wasn’t wanted? What if he had finally realised he was better off without a human that was stalked by trouble wherever she went, mistrusted by the people around her and a fugitive in half the known world.

 _Maker,_ she silently prayed as she looked up at the stars, _please let there be one more._

Beneath her feet the mountain dirt shifted and she heard the soft fall of footsteps, cautious and light.

Turning she saw Bull watching her with trepidation, looking her over with worry clear on his face and his hands clenching into fists as he flexed his fingers. White was billowing from his heavy breath as Ivy looked him over and gave him a soft smile, knowing the expression on her face was one of tired relief.

“Kadan,” She said to him and he took the smallest step forward, “I have missed you.”

Without word or sign he strode forward, covering the short distance in a couple of rushed steps before wrapping his arms around her and lifting her into his chest, her own arms slid around his neck as she held on tight to him and wrapped her legs around his waist. Without reservation they kissed, the months spent apart finally ending in this embrace.

It was reverent and manic almost at once, his strong arms supporting her as she revelled in the feel of his heat, the scratch of his stubble compared to the softness of his lips. Her fingers dug into his shoulder, thumb traced his jaw and he held her as if he was afraid she would escape and disappear.

Someone on the walls let out a whistle at them and reluctantly Iron Bull lowered Ivy so her feet touched the ground, his arms still tightly around her as they continued to kiss until Ivy let out a plaintive, mewling sound and Bull couldn’t help but smile, letting out a small huff of laughter before pulling back just enough to look at her face and run his thumb along her cheekbone.

“I missed you too, Kadan,” he said quietly and Ivy relaxed to the rumbling of his voice, the cadence sending a shiver along her skin. She lay her head on his chest and his hand slid to rub circles just behind her ear, she was willing to stay there all night, lost in his scent and warmth.

“Never again,” he rumbled, his lips lowering to kiss lightly on her scalp and sending shivers along her skin as he breathed his words into her hair. “I never want to be parted from you, damn the war, the Inquisition, damn it all. I can’t bear to see you leave again-”

Ivy hushed him and looked up with a smile, her hands cupping his stubbled jaw as she pulled him down and stood on her toes to place a chaste kiss on his lips.

“I’m here, now.” Ivy reassured him and he nodded once, swallowing thickly and running his hands down her back as if he was resisting pulling her even tighter against him. “Not even the gods will coax me away.”

“They’ll have a hell of a fight if they try,” Bull rumbled and grinned before bringing his lips to hers with passion. Wrapping his arm around her and tucking her into his side they walked back towards the walls where Ivy’s quarters beckoned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update?!!
> 
> Gremlins have been eating at my inspiration to write, where did I put my muse again?  
> Solas is definitely slipping OOC now, but not so much it would be Solas/Ivy/Bull - sorry!


End file.
